Mom of 5, unsupportive family re my decision

[Daisydawn34 41]

Hi new here in 36 mom if 5 kids 215 pounds a nurse and married. I have thought long and hard about this journey and know I am staying the course for me and my future health. How do I deal with my mom and husband saying this is selfish and i may die on the table leaving my kids motherless. This has been a very hard discussion for me but in my heart I feel it is for the best. I plan on having the sleeve in July

[lmaher718 38]

You need to do what you think is good for you.. Healthy and be there for your kids.. I'm a single mom of 2 and had it done October 2014 and lost 88 lbs:: was 230.. I feel great

My cholesterol is normal my BMI is 22 now.. Was 37.2.. No hypoglycemic attacks.. No knee pain..

Did you consult a doctor yet?? How tall are you

[Bonawanabfree 280]

@@Daisydawn34

I would just tell them "I can die driving but you let me out of the house to do that every day". Anyone can die doing anything. When its your time its your time. Tell them to stop being selfish and start making this journey about you and not them.

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

First, I'm very proud of you. Your life IS still your own. I would suggest having the "fam" go with to your introductory sessions, and also meet with the surgeon who can tell them the REAL facts. Meeting with the dietician is also a good idea. Make sure you tell your surgical team the difficulties you have had over this, I'm sure it's not the first time they have heard it. They may know how to better deal with it, as well.

I wish you all the best, and keep us informed!

[ShellMilliner 233]

Everything that @@CanyonBaby said. You need to remind them that obesity is a disease and it is not a matter of willpower. Tell them the path you are on WILL lead you to an early grave and your biggest desire is to be there for your children (that was my motivation).

Let them explore this site. I believe there is even a section for friends and family. Is surgery risky? Yes, but the risks A. are very low most are rare and B. the benefits of a LONG healthy life far out weigh the any risks.

Good luck to you.

Edited April 28, 2015 by ShellMilliner

[nerkerle 18]

I'm going thru a very similar situation. Mom of 3 and married for 10 years. He claims that he will not be attracted to me if my skin starts to sag. I think it's just a BS of an excuse. I've gone back and forth for years and decided that I'm gonna do it for me. You could not be attracted to me next week and leave for all I know. So yes, be selfish and think about you for once. As a fulltime corporate worker, grad student, wife, and mother, I've put everything ahead of my own needs and wants. If you are not happy and complete then everything else crumbles. I'm scheduled 5/6/15 and if he leaves me then goodbye!

[Daisydawn34 41]

I am 5 3, 215 pounds when I started seeing the bariatric dr I was 225. Everyday is a struggle at this weight as a nurse in long term care I see what happens when you are obese. I have tried so many times on my own and I just can't get to a healthy weight. I want to do this for me and my family. I want my daughters to have amom they are proud of and can keep up with them. It's hard doing this alone I just would like some emotional support and for them to believe in me, it's hard second guessing myself and wondering if I'm making a mistake. My mom makes me feel guilty or like I'm just not trying hard enough. I'm 36, Just taking the step of talking to the doctor was a lot for me.

[Daisydawn34 41]

Thank you for your kind words

[Miss Mac 6,262]

Pre-op, I had a 53" sagging belly, sagging boobs, sagging rear, sagging chins, sagging thighs and sagging arms How is that any more attractive than a post-op sagging belly? Tell him he is less attractive when he is an a**.

To the original poster DaisyDawn34. If they are not blocking the door, chaining you to the washing machine, or taking the tires off of your car so that you can't leave the house, then I think you should go ahead and do what you feel is healthy and beneficial for you Don't wait until after you had a stroke like I did, or die too young of a heart attack like my brother did (age 47), or die too young of an abdominal aortic aneurysm like my mother did (age 67 - her mother lived to be 98).

My sleeve was my twelfth surgery under anesthetic, and I was not concerned at all about dying on the table or of horrendous complications. They gave me a nice nap and I woke up with a new lease on life. Your family is being selfish by trying to prevent you from making your own decisions about your personal healthcare. You do you. I wish you good luck and good health Come back often for encouragement.

[ShellMilliner 233]

I'm going thru a very similar situation. Mom of 3 and married for 10 years. He claims that he will not be attracted to me if my skin starts to sag. I think it's just a BS of an excuse. I've gone back and forth for years and decided that I'm gonna do it for me. You could not be attracted to me next week and leave for all I know. So yes, be selfish and think about you for once. As a fulltime corporate worker, grad student, wife, and mother, I've put everything ahead of my own needs and wants. If you are not happy and complete then everything else crumbles. I'm scheduled 5/6/15 and if he leaves me then goodbye!

I hope that is fear talking, because I can't see that as love. I was fit and slightly overweight when I met my husband and we were dating. I was about 244 lbs when we married I remember crying one day and he told me he loves me and will love me if I weighed 300 lbs. If he is more worried about skin than your health, I think there is an issue. I don't really mean to come across harsh I know that messages do but to me that was a shallow remark and meant to sting.

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

@@Daisydawn34

Just a thought. Whenever you start second guessing yourself, you allow doubt to play an important role. If you have LEGITIMATE reason to doubt (ie surgeon, hospital, procedure.....), that is one thing. Research it thoroughly before going through with it. If you have doubts because OTHERS have put them there, you let the doubts rule, and eventually they win. Put doubt in it's proper place - out the window. Have faith in your decision. Have faith in you. Take the reins and run with it.

[nerkerle 18]

I'm going thru a very similar situation. Mom of 3 and married for 10 years. He claims that he will not be attracted to me if my skin starts to sag. I think it's just a BS of an excuse. I've gone back and forth for years and decided that I'm gonna do it for me. You could not be attracted to me next week and leave for all I know. So yes, be selfish and think about you for once. As a fulltime corporate worker, grad student, wife, and mother, I've put everything ahead of my own needs and wants. If you are not happy and complete then everything else crumbles. I'm scheduled 5/6/15 and if he leaves me then goodbye!

I hope that is fear talking, because I can't see that as love. I was fit and slightly overweight when I met my husband and we were dating. I was about 244 lbs when we married I remember crying one day and he told me he loves me and will love me if I weighed 300 lbs. If he is more worried about skin than your health, I think there is an issue. I don't really mean to come across harsh I know that messages do but to me that was a shallow remark and meant to sting.

His lack of support motives me more to get it done. I certainly think it's fear but now I'm angry about it so I'm getting it done and if whether he leaves or stays, I'll be happy. I'm tired of thinking about everyone else but me.

[D'Sleeved 62]

@@Daisydawn34

You are not alone. I had faced a similar situation without me telling my mother ... To make a long story short; I have been dealing with been overweight for the past 10 years... I am a mother to five children. After my first appointment with the surgeon. I had called my sister to have coffee conversation. I lives in NV and all my family lives in CA... She and I alway talk about the newest weight loss pill or weight-loss diet. I had mentioned to her that I was thinking about a drastic way to lose weight and keep it off... I never indicated VGS.

A few days later my mom. Called me; talking about people passing away durning or after weight lost surgery. She is very much so, against weight-loss surgery. Due to how she felt about the topic at hand I didn't tell her, I still have yet told my mother, sister, or even my oldest daughter.

I just don't want any negative feedback. I have giving my body to have five children, I have became unhealthy, I am tired of walking around like I am not happy with my weight, I am unable to walk upstairs without getting out of breath, I have difficulty tying my shoes.

Sometime we just have to put ourself first... My affirmation is in order to be a better me I have to work on the things that I can change... I can't change negativity but, I am not letting them talk me out of this... Once I have the surgery I will then tell them.

My husband is on bored and my daughter that's sixteen... I am very longly with this decision. Because the people I normally tells all my business to, I have yet to tell them; it's sad that I used to value their opinion that much... to the fact that I am longly without them knowing .

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[Cinthya 1]

They are just selfish. I’m 38 a medical assistant and going to school to become a RN, I have 5 kids and I told everybody I have to do this if you guys want me to be around for a long time, but because we care for everybody else first than our selves we feel guilty. Don’t feel guilty do it. For once put your self first. I did it. You can do it!!