I need some advice

[bhabydoll 0]

I am getting banded in 18 days. I have been researching this for over a year and have met with multiple doctors before going ahead with this.

My best friend is not supportive at all. She is staying with my husband and I so I am dealt with her negativism every day. Some people say because she used to always be bigger then me and then i gained and she lost so now shes smaller, that she is jealous. I hope that is not the case but her attitude about it is borderline mean in my opinion.

She works at my (primary) doctor's office and is his assistant. When i needed paperwork from him she took her time and blamed the doctor. She makes a point of pointing out every patient they have with the lapband that has had complications. and some bypass patients who have died. I find it hard to believe that there isn't one of their patients with a success story. She makes sure to tell me every time i get excited. I was telling my mother in law the risks of dying during surgery, which were primary related to having surgery itself not the lapband. Those complications could happen with any surgery. But she made a point of telling me I could easily die.

Tonight she really upset me. I am in my last supper stage and eating my faves I know I wont be able to have again since I don't have to start liquids for another week. I had tacos tonight and i had 2 leftover and said I would eat them for breakfest. She looked at me and said she didn't think I would have the will power to do this and that I don't understand what to eat. That if I eat 2oz it has to be a healthy 2oz not 2oz of crap. I know this! I have done the research, she hasn't! I just looked at her and said I wish you would be more supportive and not so negative and she replied its hard to be supporitve when I disagree. And she made a point of telling me how a client came in with the band and has gained weight and has had complications. and the woman's mother came with her and lost 50lbs in a month from Portion Control and excercise (i think 50lbs in a month is a stretch...)

She says that she doesnt agree with it. That it is an easy way out and I just am lazy and don't want to work. (Shes a little bigger too). Does anyone else think this is mean? Have you guys had similar experiances? And if so how do you handle them? Amd I just overreacting? I would really appreciate some advice or personal experiances because beside my husband, and sister she is one of the most important people to me. So I would appreciate her support, besides this issue she is the best bestfriend ever.

:help:

[Alexandra 55]

You have every right in the world to just tell her not to discuss it with you. This is YOUR health issue, not hers, and she has absolutely no business trying to sabotage or discourage you. I understand that you want her support but if she's not going to give it freely don't waste your time agonizing over it.

This is YOUR life. Not hers. Don't listen to another word she says.

[musicalmomma 1]

I have to agree with Alexandra. I know she's your friend and you love her and she's important to you, but right now, she's toxic. I would explain to her (as I have to some of my friends/family) that this is MY decision and MY health. I told them that I don't take this decision lightly and if they can't support it, to keep quiet about it and we'll talk about other things. I even warned my mom that if she couldn't support or at least keep quite, that I'd stop talking to her until it was over. What's more important to you right now? Keeping her friendship or getting the band? If she's a true friend, she'll be there for you when it's all said and done, even if she needs to stay away for a while as you prepare for surgery. Just my .02.

[bhabydoll 0]

Thankyou for the advice. Unfortunatly she is living with me for awhile so I have to see her everyday.

A co worker pointed out to me that she may be jealous of more then just the weight loss, shes jealous because her lifes in turmoil shes living with me because of a bad breakup. and shes jealous i have a wonderful husband, a big house, a successful career. The weight loss would be the icing on the cake and all of that combined makes her envious.

I dont know if this is true but it sounds logical. I hope for things to get better and if anyone else reads this i would still like to hear your stories of how you handled unsupportive people.

Thanks!

[bhabydoll 0]

Thankyou for the advice. Unfortunatly she is living with me for awhile so I have to see her everyday.

A co worker pointed out to me that she may be jealous of more then just the weight loss, shes jealous because her lifes in turmoil shes living with me because of a bad breakup. and shes jealous i have a wonderful husband, a big house, a successful career. The weight loss would be the icing on the cake and all of that combined makes her envious.

I dont know if this is true but it sounds logical. I hope for things to get better and if anyone else reads this i would still like to hear your stories of how you handled unsupportive people.

Thanks!

[mylapspirit 2]

If it is at all possible I would send her packing. It sounds like this "friend" could also put a strain on your marriage. You need supportive and caring people around you right now as you take on this new challenge.

Best Wishes to you!

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

I'd tell her to shut the heck up and go away. But that's me.

[Marimaru 7]

Honestly, the first thing that struck me was the idea that she's breaking rules by pointing out patients to you that have had certain procedures. Telling you about "someone" who has an issue is way different than "And that person over there...". I may be misunderstanding that part though.

Living with you, I would say to her "look, this is a tough time for you and I am trying to be helpful. If you can't be helpful regarding this tough decision I've made, please just don't talk about it. And if you can't not talk about and continue to be mean spirited about this, I'm going to have to ask you to find another place to crash."

As for messing around with your paperwork when you needed it, I would make an appointment with the doctor, and discuss it with him if it happens again. It's his job to make her do her job, not yours, even though she's your friend.

[susaninnkc 0]

I could never image one of my friends doing what she is doing to you. I would get her out of the house and seperate yourself from her for a little while. Have you told her how you feel what she is doing to do also? She may not even know what she is doing, but if she does realize how she is treating you. It might be time to re-evulate your friendship on how good of friend she is. You don't need to be around people that are negative right now. You are going to be going through something that is going to change the rest of your life.

[FatBoySlim 0]

No offense but this woman sounds like a queen B. Email me her phone number or if you want I'll give you mine. I'd love to have a little chat with her, and set her straight! :angry

All kidding aside though, whenever someone would give me crap about the band I would always say "yes, I'm waving the white flag, and announcing to the world I CAN'T DIET!! SUE ME!! I SUCK AT DIETING! I've made peace with that, but I still want to fit in a chair at the theater without having those stupid handles diggin into me!! So, I'm doing something extreme that will be the 'easy way out' but I'll be slim!"

Once people hear that, there's nothing they can really respond. If you're admiting to their face that you know you're taking the easy way out, you take the wind out of their sails, trust me, it works every time!

[Lucy 0]

This woman is not your friend. A true friend will support you when you make a positive decision to change your life. I think you need to separate yourself from her (and any other negative people in your life) and surround yourself with real friends who support you.

[musicalmomma 1]

Thankyou for the advice. Unfortunatly she is living with me for awhile so I have to see her everyday.

A co worker pointed out to me that she may be jealous of more then just the weight loss, shes jealous because her lifes in turmoil shes living with me because of a bad breakup. and shes jealous i have a wonderful husband, a big house, a successful career. The weight loss would be the icing on the cake and all of that combined makes her envious.

I dont know if this is true but it sounds logical. I hope for things to get better and if anyone else reads this i would still like to hear your stories of how you handled unsupportive people.

Thanks!

I just can't get past that this woman is living under YOUR roof and is treating you so poorly! There is no one in this world that I would tolerate that treatment from...much less from a so-called friend who only has a roof over her head because I put one there!!!!

Sorry to be so blunt/harsh, but honestly, how can she be a friend? Is it more of a co-dependent relationship? I don't know, it just sounds so abusive. I mean, I have several friends who I disagree with and they disagree with me, but never EVER do we try to make the other person feel guilt or feel small or feel like an idiot because we "don't agree" with each other. This goes WAY beyond her not agreeing with your decision...this is abusive and controling. She will only treat you the way you allow her to treat you. A real friend will stick by you when you say "if you don't agree fine, but keep it to yourself thank you very much".

I think you got some great advice from the responders. I really think you should follow it.

[Josette 2]

So I am absolutely stunned that you have a best friend that would say these things. That is NOT a friend. Everyone in my life has been very supportive except for one person. My mom passed away 10 months before my surgery and when I told her best friend (who I had looked at as a mother figure) that I was having it she told me "Why are you doing this? Your mother would not approve" which really upset me. Since then I limit any contact with her. I do however send her update emails when I send them to others with pictures of how well I'm doing. She'll respond with "YOu look great" and it's satisfying to me that I'm proving her wrong.

I'd kick your friends ass OUT! She's apparently not very appreciative of what you're doing for her. If she was she wouldn't be mean to you, and YES she is being mean. What you're doing is GREAT and I am proud of you for taking the steps to a better happier life.

Ditch the Witch...I'll be your friend!

[k2k07 0]

your "friend" is someone i would refer to as a "hater". haters are people who can't stand to see others take control of their situation to better themselves. instead of hating on you, she needs to try to improve her situation and find a spot of her own where she can be just as negative as she pleases. also, one more thing that disturbs me is not only her attitude, but also how close she is to ruining your marriage. i watch a lot of divorce court and maury (lol), and please believe that it's not above her to try to ruin the relationship you have with your husband. misery LOVES company... kick her to the curb now before things get worse! that's just my opinion.

[Marimaru 7]

Hey, any update on the situation? Did you say something to her, or has she done anything else? How are you doing??