"You'd be much prettier if you lost weight"

[Swampdoggie 477]

Today a dear friend and colleague of many years returned to work after a little vacation. He said wow, I didnt even recognize you, you look so much better than you used to. I laughed and he had the grace to flush red to the roots of his hair. I don't think I meant to say that, he said.

[Jerr_Bear 241]

That is just a shitty thing to say. I've had a complete stranger in the past come up to me and say something like, "Have you ever thought about going on a diet." Usually my sarcasm is enough to deflect, but it stings so much more when it comes from someone close to you. Sorry that happened to you. Keep you chin up.

Edited April 30, 2015 by Jerr_Bear

[LousPeachy 100]

Next time tell the person who says something like that: "if you don't like the way I look, that's why God gave you eyelids".

Even at 67 years of age, I still can't believe how ignorant people can be. And believe me, I am soooo aware of how much it hurts.

Louise

[LousPeachy 100]

Next time tell the person who says something like that: "if you don't like the way I look, that's why God gave you eyelids".

Even at 67 years of age, I still can't believe how ignorant people can be. And believe me, I am soooo aware of how much it hurts.

Louise

[B_Darkly 18]

Yes, being told that I'm "pretty for a big girl" has been all throughout my life, which is a backhanded compliment but I'm used to this from STRANGERS. It's just not often that my "friends" make statements like this. I think that everyone should have consideration for other people's feelings. Having a filter is necessary. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but if you just say whatever the hell you feel to someone about their appearance, then obviously you don't care if they are hurt by your words or not. I think that is rude and absolutely unnecessary.

I know how you feel, I've been told the exact same thing... "She has a pretty face, it's such a shame." and all of the other comments you've heard. People are superficial and sometimes when they believe they are saying something uplifting or helping you to see but really it's not what you need to hear. It's rare to get a genuine compliment, and the ones you do get always have a "but" or a "for a big girl" attached to them. I can't tell you how many men told me that everything about me was what they wanted but they couldn't get past my weight. People are just like that sometimes, they shouldn't be but they are... it has a lot to do with what they've been taught to believe is beauty.

[The Candidate 3,215]

Or tell them that the view gets better the further away you get, so how about we keep as much distance between us as possible.

[Nikasio 59]

When comments like that come from a guy we take him to be a jerk. But I've found that when I don't keep my mouth shut and try to be supportive by saying something like, "you are beautiful person and should be comfortable with who your are," it is like biting the hook for an even more painful conversation. Follow up lines like, "if do something about your weight, do it for your health and not vanity," gets me hauled in even more until I somehow manage to get the emotional mallet on the head. So I am sorry to hear that my gender, clumsily trying to be supportive, fails so badly at it.

Edited May 23, 2015 by Nikasio