In need of encouragement & support :-( depressed while waiting for wls

[Butterfly512 115]

I just went for my first appointment to get the process started for lapband surgery

A couple things weren't required because I had went for a consultation and started the process in 2012 then changed my mind at the time, anyways the Dr & office manager are saying with my insurance and everything required I should be able to get the procedure done within 1 month...so maybe I shouldn't complain but in the meantime I am very depressed and crabby, emotional, etc.. (pms currently isnt helping of course) but I just want to get this surgery asap, I have been struggling with the depression and insecurity my weight has caused me for over 12 years now, and after deciding to move forward and get this done now I am so anxious to be happy about how I look and feel finally again.

In the meantime, I feel like I have let myself go for awhile now...a year and half ago I lost some weight before my wedding, but quickly gained it back, then got pregnant (planned) quit smoking..etc. :-/ now again I rarely wear makeup, my hair is getting gray and needs colored bad, I only wear sweats & bummy clothes, and I don't want to do any social activities, it's been like this off & on for awhile..and I am anxious to change that but right this minute and until the surgery and starting the journey to lose the weight I don't know how to live my life without these feelings. It has consumed me...my weight, my hating my appearance and this void in my life when everything else in my life is finally good.

Any advice on how to get past this and live my life during the wait? ...I know there is now a light at the end of the tunnel but I can't fight these feelings and wish I could disappear until I lose the weight :-/

It might be a short time frame but with my depression about it & the guilt from emotional eating, etc..it feels like a lifetime still.

Just needing support and encouragement..which I have gotten from this group so far and I am so glad I joined.

Thanks :-)

Edited April 20, 2015 by Butterfly512

[Jersrose43 837]

I felt like this after I had both my kids. I found a good therapist to help me talk through it. I went to 3 before finding her and she was great.

The first one blamed me. The second one blamed my parents. The 3rd one actually helped me look inside myself and find the reasons why I want wanting to participate and be engaged in life.

The second pregnancy I was so much better prepared for the emotional roller coaster because of her. I saw her for two years after my first then throughout my pregnancy for number 2 and two more years.

[wannaBthinsoon 1,634]

welcome to my world! My process began a year ago...I thought 4/23/15 would NEVER get here. The time crawled...but then all the sudden...OMG!! It's HERE! I am only 3 sleeps away from my sleeve surgery! A month is nothing, a drop in the bucket. It will fly by, just keep yourself busy. All the best to you in your journey to good health!

[kyrickchick64 468]

It's hard to feel like doing stuff when you really don't. I know personally even now after my sleeve it's still a lot of days of "faking it til you make it" Is your doctor making you do a psych evaluation? You may need to discuss it all with a professional. I'm still seeing a therapist once a month or so to discuss this journey. Most insurance will cover talking to someone. Hope this helps.

[ilikecake2much 65]

I am so sorry you're feeling this way, but I am so happy I am not alone!! I know EXACTLY how you feel. And I can't write much because I have to pee really badly, and I have to close up the office and go pick up my kids, but I wanted to let you know that you're not alone!! ((hug))

[Butterfly512 115]

I am so sorry you're feeling this way, but I am so happy I am not alone!! I know EXACTLY how you feel. And I can't write much because I have to pee really badly, and I have to close up the office and go pick up my kids, but I wanted to let you know that you're not alone!! ((hug))

Aww thank you :-) I am glad I am not alone either

[ilikecake2much 65]

@@Butterfly512
I have a little more time to comment now, but my kids are running a muck. My surgeon just told me my surgery goal weight, I have to lose 15lbs before they do my psych evaluation, then another 5 before they schedule my date. And once they schedule my date, they usually do it 4-6 weeks out! And I am soooooo impatient. And once I get my mind/heart set on something, I get so anxious to just make it happen!!! It's driving me crazy!! Meanwhile, I am so down on myself. I just feel like I really let myself down. I also don't bother with hair/makeup/nice clothes. And now that I have made the decision to go for this, I feel helpless not being able to speed it along. *SIGH* But the time will pass, and one day we will look back on this pre-op time as just a little blink in the grand scheme of things. I hope it goes quickly for you.

[Butterfly512 115]

The thing really bothering me is standing up in my mom's wedding in june, I had 6 months to lose weight ...of course I didn't again, and I am going to hate myself in the dress :-( especially standing next to my skinny sister ...who already gets all the comments on Facebook and anywhere else about how beautiful she is, I am always told I have a good heart & personality :-/ it drives me crazy..she is so stuck up with a shitty attitude half the time too, I wish she would gain a bunch of weight someday lol...but I am so ready to stop living this way. I know how pretty I can look from losing weight in the past and it kills me knowing that. I want the outside to match the inside.

[drmeow 323]

I think most of us can empathize with the impatience to get the surgery done. However, some of the things you've written sound like you believe your depression is due to your weight and will magically go away once you've had surgery. This is a very dangerous assumption; while obesity can certainly contribute to depression, there are likely other things that have caused it, and depression can lead to obesity. If you are not already seeing a therapist I would highly advise finding a good one and working on your mental food issues first before rushing into surgery. I have read that many people who are unprepared, find that when their main source of comfort (food) is gone, they have no idea how to handle their emotions. Some transfer their addictions to alcohol, shopping, gambling, etc. Some get help and some probably never do, and end up regaining weight once the honeymoon period is over.

I've been seeing a therapist for 2 years for my depression and overeating. It took awhile but I have finally reached the point that, while I still overeat sometimes, it's not an automatic reaction to stress or anger. I buried my anger at my husband for 20+ years in food. I've now separated from him, before deciding on WLS.

Also, from a practical standpoint, there are lots of things you can be doing while waiting for surgery - practice all the things you'll need afterward - start walking if you aren't already, practice eating small bites, chewing thoroughly, no beverage with meals, drinking 64 oz Water per day, etc. Wean yourself off caffeine if you drink a lot of it now, same with sodas, etc.

I would also do a lot of reading here and elsewhere on the web about the lap band. I know there are some very successful people here on BP who have had it. I also see a LOT of people who either were unsuccessful or have had to have it removed due to complications and are often moving to bypass or sleeve later. So be sure you've done your research before deciding on it. My surgeon won't even place them anymore b/c he spends more time removing them.

[Butterfly512 115]

I can honestly say my only current depression comes from my weight, maybe that was not true in the past but I have been extremely happy the past 3 years in every other aspect, newly married in October 2013 to a wonderful man, and we just had a baby last August, he's also adopting my 10 year old daughter now, everything is good and just what I wanted in my life.

I do have ups & downs from bipolar disorder, but the main thing that causes that even is the way I let my appearance and weight issues consume me :-/

I have started seeing a therapist to address any underlying factors, emotional eating, etc..and to help me thru this process.

In the meantime, I did decide today to start trying the preop diet now, I am told I should be able to have the surgery within a month so I don't want to sit around doing nothing about my weight and being more depressed as I wait.

Thanks for the advice and understanding in general though...every little bit helps, whether other situations are different or not.

[LousPeachy 100]

When I get depressed, it is almost always weight related. As a senior citizen, with mobility issues......weight related. Sitting around and not being able to do things.....weight related. I have always felt better about myself when I can get out of the house, even if it just to take one of the dogs out for a walk or wander through a thrift store.

How to survive the wait? Keep looking at that light at the end of the tunnel. Your wait is short and remember you have a long lifetime to enjoy the NEW YOU!

Louise

[AussieSam 234]

You can probably try and increase exercise as that can reduce depression. They say when you exercise lots of gasses are reduced from the body releasing stress in turn reducing depression. I know the wait is hard but in the meantime while waiting for surgery try this out drink three glasses of Water before each meal and you will see how quickly you will be full that's like weight loss surgery is like.

[NikkiDoc 312]

I eased into my pre-op diet. I cut out caffeine and carbonated beverages first. Then a week before my pre-op diet started I replaced 1 meal a day with a Protein shake, then 2 meals a day. I ate low-carb for the other meals. By the time my 10 day pre-op full liquid diet came around it was easy. I was not starving.

In your case I would go to a good salon, get a nice haircut and color. A good stylist should be able to help you pick a style that is flattering and fits your lifestyle. Start retraining your thinking that you are worth it. You are allowed to look good. Maybe buy some new eyeliner. Buy some pretty nail polish for after surgery. My surgeon's rule was no make-up or polish, including toes for day of surgery.

Go buy a new pair of good walking or running shoes. Take the time and spend the money to go to a running store or someplace like New Balance. I cannot stress how much of a difference well fitting shoes that are designed for your type of feet help. Replace them regularly as they will breakdown especially when we are heavy. You will need good sneakers to start walking while recovering and afterwards.

If you are going to exercise at a gym post-op then go now to look at local ones. Many will offer a week or two trial. Gyms are very personal. Find one that you don't feel judged. Talk to the personal trainers and see if you think you might want to eventually use them. I good personal trainer can help you get going in the right direction, keep you motivated and keep you from hurting yourself. If you think you want to do classes see if you can watch a couple. Don't forget to check out yoga or pilates places.

Buy a few nice Water bottles. They will become your new best friends. I have a water bottle for Water plus I use another one every morning for my Protein Shake.

If it is any consolation I was planning on having my surgery in late October. My husband needed to have spinal fusion and he was in pain so had it done on Oct 6th. I had to be able to help him and do more around the house while he healed.

Then my only co-worker had total hip replacement at the beginning of November. Both of us could not be out at the same time. I had to wait until February 2nd for my surgery.

A month will fly by. This will give you time to order some samples of Protein shakes, time to ease into your pre-op diet. I also cooked lasgne, sloppy joes, spag sauce, meatballs and froze them so hubby would have some meals he could heat and eat while I was on my post-op diet.

Good luck. The wait is not fun but it will be worth it.