Feeling like I am taking the easy way out :-/

[AvaFern 3,516]

I feel guilty for taking the "easy" way out. I feel ashamed that unlike "normal" people I couldn't control my weight with diet and exercise. I have told my three best friends and I have no intention of ever telling anyone else, largely because I know that most people think bariatric surgery is the easy way out and it attaches a stigma to you. Oh, look, the fat girl got skinny because she had her stomach cut out- what a total cheaterhead. Must be nice to take the easy way out! I am fully aware that that is exactly what everyone who has never struggled with food and most people who have not had the surgery feel about it and I am fine with that. We are all allowed our opinions and I don't put my decision in a position where other people can judge me for it.

That being said, I wouldn't say this was the easy way out. Was it easier? Yes. I have gained and lost 50-90 pounds no less than 5 times in 10 years. This last time with the sleeve was the easiest because for the first time ever I don't feel like I am starving, while forcing myself not to eat. The first time I lost weight was in high school and I had a small bag of craisins for Breakfast, 2 packs of 2ct saltines for lunch, I worked out for 2 hours at the gym and I had yogurt and oatmeal for dinner. Yuck! I was always hungry and always miserable but I graduated at about 120. As an adult, my successful diets were those where I ate 2-3 Protein bars a day and a Lean Cuisine, worked out 2-4 hours a night, and was completely miserable trying to not eat. One day, I inevitably gave in and I binged, and I would literally gain back 5 pounds in a day then spend the next week trying to lose them all over again. I had a hate-hate relationship with food because I was always SO hungry but whenever I ate anymore than 1200 calories I felt like a failure and I would end up eating way more than that as an emotional reaction. As such, I reached my personal tipping point at 237 pounds in August of 2013.

My brother and sister came to visit me that summer and while neither of them would ever say a word, I know they were ashamed that the person that was supposed to be their cool older sister was so disgusting. I decided then that I would look into sleeve surgery. Since I was self-pay, the point between my first meeting with the group of people who wanted to hear about the surgery to the day I was rolled into the OR was a little under 3 weeks. The first two weeks I thought I had ruined my life. What the heck had I done?! I cut out 20% of my stomach forever?! OMG I am an idiot.

There as a lot of crying and feeling miserable and since I was self-pay there had been no pre-diet or nutritionist or group support, so I figured I could get on board with figuring out my new stomach or, well there was no other option. I didn't follow all the rules and I still don't, but for the first time in my life I can actually eat like a person who doesn't obsess over food. If I want to go out to dinner, I do. I eat a few bites and I save the rest for later. If I want some chips with nacho cheese, I have some, I enjoy them, and then I'm over it. The last month or so I haven't been watching my calories as closely as possible partly because I just had my last plastics surgery and partly because I know what I can and can't eat to maintain or lose at the weight I'm at. Food is no longer calling my name every second of the day and when I eat too fast, too much, or anything with butter, fat, or excess sugar, I pretty much throw up instantly, so I've been conditioned to stay away from that food.

My sleeve has made my life something other than a life about food. Sure, it was easier to not have to starve myself and worry about binging, and it is far easier to maintain now than it would be with a full stomach. I will admit, I just don't have the willpower when it comes to food to not eat an entire pan of brownies, so like an alcoholic who doesn't go to bars, I am just a food person who doesn't have the option anymore to eat too much. The sleeve is a tool and it does make things easier, but if you have a tool available to you, why in the world wouldn't you use it?

Now I can't enjoy food anymore, I have a hard time going out to dinner with people because I can't eat much, and I barf fairly regularly. I have to take B12 and Iron because I'm anemic and sometimes I worry about whether or not the sleeve far into the future will be bad for me. But right this second, I am very happy to have it and very happy I took the easy way out because I would rather have done so and be healthy and thin than still be overweight and miserable, fighting the hard fight and getting nowhere. I am a weight loss cheater...and I am cool with that.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

I agree with all of these lovely supportive posts. The fact that I can come here to the forum and find all this help in one place is exactly why I keep coming back. Plus, I can give a lift to others coming along for the ride.

The failure for me was every other diet known to mankind. I have been on a diet since 1978 and gained fifty-five pounds beyond what I was trying to lose. I have had two knee replacements and my spine was collapsing under the hundred extra pounds that it was not engineered to carry. A stroke convinced me that the failure was in not recognizing that the standard American diet and conventional wisdom were not benefitting me.

LIsten, Miss Butterfly12, you will forget all about what other people think about your healthcare choices around the time you lose that first thirty pounds. You will start to feel better inside - your internal systems and organs will start to respond to all of that nutritious Protein, improved food intake, and extra fluids. Your human container that the essence of you lives in, becomes happier and lets you know it.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You have decided to take control of your health and not give your power to naysayers or the hampsters running around in your head. I wish you good luck and good health.

[tlemieux220 138]

I am 47 years old have have always been over weight since I was 6 years old. When I was 9 and placed into a girls group home one of the counslers there told me I was fat and I should only eat salad. I felt ashamed. I was then placed into foster care and when I was in a size 12 in high school I was told by my family that I was fat. Now I look at that picture of me and think WOW I was skinny. Not as skinny as everyone else but skinny. I have fought the last 13 years back and forth between 215-240 remember I am only 5 ft tall, so it looks like I weigh 300 lbs.

It took me 7 years to come to this decision to do WLS and it was the best choice I have ever made. It is not an easy decision, but for all of us here it seems to be the right decision for us and our families.

I am very luck to have a great support system at home and work. Maybe I am one of the luck ones, but most of the people who support me know the pain I was in before the WLS and see the difference in me in only 4 weeks.

I wish you the best of luck and hope what I am saying helps you out.

[The Candidate 3,215]

@@tlemieux220 you are a true inspiration to us all. Your story will remain in my heart for a very long time. Thank you for sharing. ????

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,900]

The easy way out is to do nothing and continue to be obese, have comorbidities from it and live a lower quality life up to an earlier death.

The weight loss surgery requires a lifetime commitment to eating a little differently and exercise.

There are small risks involved with the surgery and after (but the long term health risks of obesity are far worse).

You owe no one an explanation of having the surgery and you are being honest if you say you are on a doctor's supervised diet, are eating less, making healthier food choices and exercising more. Just leave out the surgery part if you want.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

@@Butterfly512 Once you have the surgery you won't be feeling like its the easy way out anymore. I guarantee that.

[ilikecake2much 65]

@@Butterfly512 I feel the exact same way. And you know what? The truth is you (and I) probably CAN "do it on our own". But you know what else? We would probably also gain it all back and then some. What is making the decision easier for me is knowing the facts - about 97% of people who lose weight with diet and exercise will gain it all back. We are more likely to keep MOST of the weight off long term with WLS. That is what seals the deal for me. Yes, I could eat healthy and exercise and slowly lose weight. But I have done that so many times and it has always ended in me gaining it all back and more. Its time for me to try something better. Something proven to have a higher success rate.

[Bandista 7,466]

What is easy:

Finally having the appetite monster off of my back so I can make good choices.

Surgery itself -- I'm mid-fifties and had never been an overnight patient in a hospital before. I was so excited that the whole experience (even with the discomfort, etc.) was delightful. Meaning I was delighted to be giving myself the gift of Weight Loss Surgery. Here's to positive energy.....

Easy is walking into a store and buying pants off the rack. Pants! It's a frickin' miracle. Works for shirts, too. M, as in Medium. I am a Medium? What! Yes. OMG.

It's SO much easier now to do everything -- bend, walk, get up, etc. I have arthritis and that is there but having 75 less pounds to haul around everywhere I go? Repeat: OMG. So grateful.

Oh, it's very, very easy to be grateful. One of the things I did not anticipate about this process is how empowered I would feel. It's a return to self and, for me, a life-saver.

BEST WISHES TO YOU! IT IS GOING TO BE GREAT!

[Bandora 136]

Just remind your self this is in no way easy. You are going to have to exercise and monitor your food choices for the rest of your life. It was way harder than I expected. You will have the "head hunger" where you have to break bad habits. ( Mine was eating Snacks while watching evening tv shows) Also, gone are the days when you can binge eat. Personally I regret telling some people because a few were quite negative. Saying how I should have been able to exercise and diet. Funny is these same people are fat. Be confident and look forward to the changes. Your first victories like losing a pants size are so very rewarding! Good luck on your journey.

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

@@Butterfly512 - That's a head game. Changing that thinking is matter of self examination and being brutally honest with yourself. Who would willingly cut out a portion of their bodies if there was another way? Who thinks anesthesia, and surgery is easy? Who thinks completely changing how you eat and think about food is easy? I had a really easy hospital course, no pre-op diet and no post-op issues, no even gas and I *still* wouldn't consider this easy. I still have to make good food choices on a daily basis. I make sure I get to the gym on a regular basis. I am happy to do it, but there are days I'd love nothing more than to sleep in all day and have a pizza for dinner. As for what friends and family have to say about the surgery. I don't know when it happened, but my ability to give a damn about what they thought left me loooooonnnnng ago.

[alwaysvegas 702]

If I had contemplated the "easy way out" about the surgery too much longer, I could've died from diabetes, sleep apnea, or a heart attack. I'd rather contemplate things while alive.

This weight loss tool can save lives, but it still takes lots of work on the ol' noggin' to make it all happen long-term.

The sleeve helps with our stomach capacity and our physical hunger, which is ALOT of help (trust me, they're both wonderful benefits)...but we still have to control what goes down our gullets...and we can get alot more down in a day than you think possible. Calorie-dense slider foods can really set us back. That was the same before surgery and it's the same after.

I've lost alot of weight without the sleeve and it's going to help me keep it off long term, but I have to keep working on the calories and exercise.

[Butterfly512 115]

I am so thankful for all the great responses, my consultation was today...it went great.

Yes, I know it won't be easy, especially in the beginning but the benefits definitely outweigh the rough times I might have sometimes, and going thru the stress and depression over my weight for the last 13 years is worse than overcoming some obstacles that in turn will have a great outcome and make me happy.

[LumpySpacePrincess 594]

I used to feel like that. I kicked the idea around for years but always said "Well, it would be great to lose it without surgery!" but I always knew in my heart I'd need it.

Now I can walk into any store and buy whatever I want. I'm a size 6/8 (originally a 32/34!) and how I got here doesn't matter a lick to me now because I feel fantastic!!

As others have said, this is a medical condition, and you are being treated by a medical team. If this was something that people could do on their own without medical intervention, no insurance on earth would pay for it!

If you find these thoughts pervasive, I'd recommend seeing a therapist, even if just for a short while, to sort out your emotions. Actually, I recommend long-term therapy for all bariatric patients. We didn't get to our heaviest because we have a good, easy relationship with food!

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

All wonderful posts above.

My two cents:

Your attitudes will change. For example:

Surgery and weeks of post op liquids is truly the easy part. Matter of fact, the first hundred pounds down was my easy part. Now it's getting harder. My daily food choices must change and my exercise needs to go significantly higher if I'm going to lose my last fifty.

As Miss Mac said, after that first chunk of weight comes off, you probably won't care about the "stigma" of WLS like you do now. You're going to be so happy to be thinner. Truly.

All I wanted at the start when I was 302 pounds was to have my health issues resolved. They were. Now I want to be pretty.

We got fat because we overate. We overate all our lives because it fed a psychological need. WLS does not change that. You will battle this as you progress in this process. Eating for comfort or for sport is still going to tempt you. You will be forced to deal with why you want to eat or else you'll eat. You'll have to find new ways to self comfort or... you'll eat. Guaranteed.

I'm a year into this and I don't have it figured out by a longshot. But I'd do it again without question.

[playlikeworldchamps 595]

I feel absolutely no guilt. Morbid obesity is a disease that needs medical treatment. Traditional diet and exercise has a VERY low success rate with very high recidivism. Surgery is the only reliable treatment with a successful track record. And even surgery may not work if the person is not compliant with the lifestyle changes. There are hormones and metabolic processes at work preventing successful weight loss without the surgery except for the very lucky and dedicated few who succeed on their own (at least for a time)

I look at my sleeve surgery the same way I look at my treatment for breast cancer. I went through a well studied protocol of lumpectomies, chemo, and radiation. I studied the research, actively worked with my oncologists to soak up their knowledge. I didn't take the easy way out then. I took my doctors advice. I did the same for WLS. I studied the research, worked with my surgeon and the nutritionist, and go to the gym and track all my food and try to follow what the research says brings success. To me - in both cases, I did what was required to treat my condition. There is no cure in either disease but there is optimal treatment and I chose the optimal treatment for both diseases for myself. Both diseases can be deadly. This is about health and I treated it as such.

Edited April 16, 2015 by playlikeworldchamps