Help! Emotional Mess!

[wanabthin 0]

I know this may sound crazy but I'm hoping someone out there can relate. First off I just went to the informational seminar last night. I'm 100% in favor of this procedure but of coarse have worried about the cost. Well...this morning my mom offers to cover the entire price of the operation. (They are able to do this for me) I know this is wonderful, however I have been an emotional wreck ever since. First of all, that is a lot of $$ to accept as a gift. I have issues with allowing them to do this for me. Also, I have anxiety over the idea of my life being so different. I don't know what it is like to not have a weight problem. A very large part of my day is spent dealing with this, every meal, every mirror, every time I get dressed in the morning, every time i meet someone new. Its almost too scary to think about what my new life would be like. Anyone have any advice on how to deal with all of this emotion?

[Janine 0]

Hi Wannabthin,

I can relate to how you feel. We are overweight because of our addiction with food. But I have to tell ya, I am now 2 1/2 months out. I am down 35 lbs, and I just received my 2nd fill and have found my sweet spot. I have literally packed up half my closet and gave it away to goodwill. What you will see back in the mirror is a person that feels better, has more confidence, and is damn beautiful. When those cloths start hanging off you, I don;t think there is a better feeling.

If you listen and respect your belt, it will be taken out of your hands. Picture this, you have 4 table spoons of food and you feel like you just ate at a Vegas buffet. it is truly how it feels.

Go look under the poll that asks: Would you do it again. Look at what people have said.

My daughter ways 35 lbs, sometimes she wants me to carry her. I will walk a couple of yards and say, I just can't carry you another step. How, in the heck did I carry that 35 lbs around I don't know. I still have 100 lbs to go. Can you imagine carrying 100 lbs around.

Did you happen to see biggest loser when they had them carry their weight in a back pack up a ladder. Boy, did that hit home to me.

If your parents are able, take the money, it will improve your life to take care of them when their old. You will feel so much better. Also, these boards are phenomenal, tap into the support here, it is priceless. Good luck

Janine

[susaninnkc 0]

I went through the same thing after I had scheduled my surgery. I almost canceled because of it. I tried to tell my husband how I felt. I still don't know if he understands. But I feel that I hide behind my weight so people won't get to know me. Which is crazy because I have tons of friends that are very supportive of me. Maybe you should go talk to a counsler to sort out your feeling on this. Also be very grateful for the gift your parents are giving you. They have given you the gift of life once when they had you. Now they are giving you another gift of life for you to live healthy and happy.

[travelgirl 3]

I have some issues with this as well. Well, maybe not issues, but a couple of concerns.

I think it's wonderful that your mom wants to help you this way. My concerns are:

1. If you ever experience complications, will your mom feel responsible? Will she feel let down by you if she feels that the complication is because of something you did yourself?

2. Are your parents the kind of people (mine are) to hold it over your head forever until you feel obligated to pay them back, even though the money was originally supposed to be a gift?

3. If your mom (or parents) think you aren't being as successful as they think you should be (slow loser, or whatever), are they going to harp on it, that they paid for you to do this, and you should be more grateful, and you should be doing more than what you're currently doing to lose the weight, or what did they waste their money on it for?

Sorry if I seem overly cynical, but these are the kinds of things that my parents have done to me in the past. I sincerely hope that no one else would have to go through that. It's certainly something to think about, though.

Maybe sit down and have a LONG talk with your mom about all the possibilities, and make sure that there would be no strings attached, and make sure that if something should happen, and the best possible outcome doesn't happen, that she won't feel like it's her fault.

Best of luck! Keep us posted on whatever you decide. ((((((hugs)))))

[JLB 0]

It's a tough situation to be in as I agree with Travelgirl. It really depends on what type of people your parents are and what type of relationship you have with them. My parents are similar to Travelgirl's and therefore I would never take their money for such a life changing, important decision. It gives them too much power and risks you being bullied or manipulated.

However, if your parents are truly geniune people and you have a good relationship and no power issues then I would gratefully accept their offer. If their intentions are pure and they really just want you to be healthy and happy, then they will likely support you no matter what happens. Good luck and keep us updated.

[gwalsh2 0]

Feel the fear and do it anyway. The lap band was the best thing I ever did for myself--AND I had to pay for it myself! Besides, would you rather be a mess and fat, or a mess and thin??

Emotions don't go away, and neither will life's problems. But you can make yourself happier and healthier. It's a vicious cycle, as I'm sure you already know. You're unhappy because you're fat, and you're fat because you're unhappy. You have to really want to change your life.

I read some doubt in your message. Are you using your obesity to hide from life? Do you feel safer being fat? Is it easier to feel sorry for yourself than to take responsibility for your life and to change it to what you want? Find the answers to these questions inside yourself, then decide. I hope you decide to find the courage and make the change.

My information is that most people have at least some success with the lap band, the majority enjoying a substanstial weight loss (about 1/2 - 2/3 of the excess weight). My lap band started a domino effect for me--the vicious cycle in reverse! I get happier as I get thinner, and I get thinner as I get happier. It could do the same for you! Don't dwell on the penalties of failure, think of the joys of success! Convince yourself you deserve to be happy, then make it happen.

Gary, from NYC. 52 years old. 305 on 7/8/04 when banded, BMI 35. Now 230, BMI 27. Still shooting for 215--100% of the excess weight, and my weight when I was 21 years old. I'm going to do it probably by the end of this summer, and I'm not going to give a rat's behind what anyone thinks