Holding on to hope for this revision

[wicked 61]

***I posted this in the revision forum but I think it's more appropriate here because the issue is more about society and weight than choice of surgery.***

Hey everyone,

I'm close to my revision date (May 13, lapband to gastric bypass), and I'm going through a difficult time. I'm at a point in my life in which people using my weight against me in cruel ways has started to really get to me (or maybe it always did but I pushed it away). I realized this morning that the only thing that keeps me going is the hope for a better future after my revision from lap-band to bypass. While I recognize that the bypass won't be a magical cure (I already failed the lap-band so that naivete is gone), I must hold on to the belief that this time around the journey will be different, maybe not less challenging, but much more rewarding. I know I have to do the work, but hopefully it will be better without something inside me working against me.

I'm tired of my weight being used against me. I'm a social worker and just yesterday a displeased client came to my workplace and made a scene in the reception center, screaming, "F*ck that fat bi*ch" over and over again. I can't begin to describe how embarrassed I felt. My weight has nothing to do with the reason why she is displeased, but it is always so easy for people to go there because it's the cheapest way to hurt.

Not long ago, I was walking down the street and someone trying to sell comedy tickets was getting frustrated because no one was stopping. When I didn't stop either, he yelled at me something along the lines of, "That's why you are fat." As always, I just kept walking. What else can you do?

I know that people who lower themselves to those level should not be able to hurt my feelings; intellectually I know it very well. I know that they are cruel and unhappy... but intellect and emotions are different, and just because I know something intellectually, it doesn't mean that I know it emotionally.

Yes, I want to be healthy and live a long life, but the truth is that I want to lose weight first and foremost because I'm tired of the discrimination and the cruelty.

I'm holding on to May 13 as the beginning of a new life. I'm reading the success stories on this forum and I try to imagine myself there too. I don't know how I would be able to function right now without this hope.

Thank you for listening.

Edited April 12, 2015 by wicked

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

Bless your heart, dear one. You have endured more than anyone should. EVER. But no more, because you're on your way! Now, read any and all posts that interest you, and will inform you as best as possible, because you need to be truly informed as to what you will be experiencing AFTER the surgery. Use the search feature at the top right-hand corner of the page. If you need a buddy or a mentor, let me know. Good luck on our journey!

[Djmohr 6,965]

I am so happy that you are making such a fantastic change to your life even after going through WLS once. You have the right attitude for this surgery to be a success. You are well on your way mentally and soon will be there physically.

Please keep us posted on your progress and feel free to reach out if you need anything at all.

Good luck and I will say a prayer for a safe and fast recovery.

[mae7365 372]

A very good friend of my son has a failed lapband from 5 years ago (still inside her, but no inflation/restriction). She is very heavy, but happy. She told me a year ago that her own Mother told her she loved her move then she was thinner. I can't imagine such cruelty to a stranger, let alone her own daughter. I told her that love is unconditional, and I love her for who she is, not what she looks like.

You ARE BETTER than the cruel people who make cruel comments about you. Love yourself because you are worth it. And be happy that you've made a decision to become healthier, since that is what weight loss is all about.

[LoreLu 79]

First, I'm sorry you seem to attract cruel, nasty, insensitive people around you. It takes a lot of self-loathing to be that vicious toward others.

Second, i'm VERY happy you're moving on with life and taking this next step! However, I'm concerned about you doing it for the right reasons. It should be about your health, your self-image and self-confidence, NOT the rude opinions of crass, hateful people.

Are you in a program that has psychologists or other therapists to help you through? Hateful people are going to hate, no matter what size you are. It's difficult to NOT take it personally, but a therapist might help you learn how. If people are so nasty while you're heavy, they'll be just as jealous of your progress (and equally nasty) later. Better to learn how to develop a thick skin and "F you" attitude toward haters so it doesn't dampen your success and enthusiasm for change.