husband isnt supportive

[BandedMi 13]

my husband likes me fat, he complains that he doesn't want me to lose weight, like the changes, etc. I can get over that, but he constantly buys food that he knows will trip me up. I am a food addict. I have pcos, my body craves sugar like crazy. I used to be addicted to soda. But after I got banded, I stopped drinking it. Yet, my husband can eat whatever he wants and he hardly gains. So, that means.... He buys my favorite soda and ice cream and frozen pies, chocolate bars, etc. It is very hurtful. I am not strong enough right now to resist. So, often...he gets what he wants. I screw up by eating it. I ask him not to buy it, I tell him its hurtful and his response is that it is my fault and its my problem.

its my birthday Friday and I am going to request we stay home I usually request that we got get a great cake and eat, but I am too depressed to even want to do anything. He shoves food in my face all the time and gets angry if I dont eat it. I am just realizing that I really do have no one that cares about me but myself. And I do a bad job of caring about me! I guess I just wanted to vent.

[B-52 7,113]

When he sees you sliming then spitting it all up he will realize tempting you with certain foods is not the way to go.

My wife IS supportive, but every now and then she will make something she knows I really like.....

Example is last month she made the traditional Corned Beef, cabbage and potatoes.....she simply forgot.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Plan a day for yourself and go out of the house without him. My husband was not supportive either. It's not why I am divorcing him but his narcissism and abuse was. I deserve better and so do you. This will be my first birthday as a divorcing woman and my kids are away at college and my mom drives me nuts. So I'm planning events with friends over a couple of days. and a day completely to myself on my birthday.

As hard as it is, you have to find a way to stick to your healthy plan without his support and even in the face of pure sabotage. Tell him flat out what you intend to do on your birthday and do it.

Good luck. I lived with my narc for 23 years.

[deeppurplequeen36 3]

Ive been off this site for a while but im back now! Princess it will be ok,see if they have any groups u can go to where u can get support and feel stronger, also u know being over weight is not good,it causes high blood pressure etc,you should just let him keep eating the junk he wants,hes not being very supportive and helping u reach ur weight loss goal, i use to have a family member like ur husband,so what i learned from my group is to say i m not feeling well so i cant eat all that or id say if i eat that ill feel and get sick lol it works,princess please for u and no one else get back to loving you first because u deserve it! Dont feel sad n depressed im around if u need me or just need to vent,also remember u can have some things u use to eat its just now u eat everything in moderation,for the record he puts ur old food in ur face while put healthy and healthy Snacks infront of him and eat it,you have to remember when u eat better u feel extremely better hug princess

[deeppurplequeen36 3]

Ive been off this site for a while but im back now! Princess it will be ok,see if they have any groups u can go to where u can get support and feel stronger, also u know being over weight is not good,it causes high blood pressure etc,you should just let him keep eating the junk he wants,hes not being very supportive and helping u reach ur weight loss goal, i use to have a family member like ur husband,so what i learned from my group is to say i m not feeling well so i cant eat all that or id say if i eat that ill feel and get sick lol it works,princess please for u and no one else get back to loving you first because u deserve it! Dont feel sad n depressed im around if u need me or just need to vent,also remember u can have some things u use to eat its just now u eat everything in moderation,for the record he puts ur old favorite food in ur face well put healthy foods and healthy Snacks infront of him and eat it,you have to remember when u eat better u feel extremely better hug princess

[lisacaron 5,075]

@@BandedMi I am really so sorry to read your post. It's not easy when you have someone you care about shoving your favorite things in your face and not caring about how you feel, ultimately by him doing this is going to cause you to reassess your relationship with this person.

You have made a choice to put your health and happiness first and in essence he is telling you he doesn't care about that he cares about only what makes him happy....and that's hard to live with.

As you said you are the only one who cares about you...and that's right!!! You do, you cared enough to have surgery and though it's hard you will care enough NOT to eat the foods he brings when you know they are not brought to you with love and concern but sabotage. It makes the sweet taste bitter, and then you will no longer want it.

If your husband doesn't want that to happen with your feelings for him...he's going to need to start making some changes in the way he supports you.

I wish you all the best, and keep looking out for #1 that is YOU!!! You are special and you are worth a healthy and happy life and it's not all about size.

[Bandora 136]

First of all, congrats on your success so far!

Your husband is obviously insecure and maybe even jealous of your new life choices. I would basically see what is behind the food sabotage. Some men are fearful that their wives will become more desirable to other men and that can mess with their ego.

Tell him up front you want him to be a partner and not have him force bad food choices on you. Period. He should want nothing but health and happiness for his wife.

[vwdriver95 11]

BandedMI, I also am sorry for your situation with your husband. I also have a similar situation with my husband, although not nearly as bad. My husband wanted to know why I wanted to go through with the surgery if I had weight loss success with SugarBusters. Well my answer was simple: we have four kids 10 and under and I wanted to watch them grow up.

I also agree with Bandora, men can't always handle to shot to the ego when their wives get more attention from men. Also when we begin to feel more sexy and better about ourselves, we may actually do more out of the house and have fun without them. Gosh forbid!!

Keep your chin up and remember that what you are doing is for you, not him. And vent all you want - it will always make you feel better.

[CherieRyde 227]

my husband likes me fat, he complains that he doesn't want me to lose weight, like the changes, etc. I can get over that, but he constantly buys food that he knows will trip me up. I am a food addict. I have pcos, my body craves sugar like crazy. I used to be addicted to soda. But after I got banded, I stopped drinking it. Yet, my husband can eat whatever he wants and he hardly gains. So, that means.... He buys my favorite soda and ice cream and frozen pies, chocolate bars, etc. It is very hurtful. I am not strong enough right now to resist. So, often...he gets what he wants. I screw up by eating it. I ask him not to buy it, I tell him its hurtful and his response is that it is my fault and its my problem.

its my birthday Friday and I am going to request we stay home I usually request that we got get a great cake and eat, but I am too depressed to even want to do anything. He shoves food in my face all the time and gets angry if I dont eat it. I am just realizing that I really do have no one that cares about me but myself. And I do a bad job of caring about me! I guess I just wanted to vent.

Reading your story breaks my heart. What your husband is doing is abusive. He's using food to control you, and it's causing harm to your body and spirit. I don't have any great advice to offer you because I divorced an abusive husband to save myself. I'm lucky enough now to have a very supportive husband, but even HE can be difficult to deal with some times. I think that the other folks are right ... you need to do what YOU want for your birthday. If he doesn't listen, tell him that he can go without you this time. *hugs*

[bigcheese 50]

Im so sorry, be strong, u can do it, leave the room or go for a walk when ever he brings that crap in! He wants u to fail! He wants to control u, gain control over the situation