female only Things men say when told about WLS :)

[hadouni 301]

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.

The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.

The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!

The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

[Luvin_Life125 558]

Ouch! Hang in there. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince. I can't imagine how tough dating is and would be. I give you a lot of credit for broaching the subject and handling the less than stellar responses with grace.

[MichiganChic 3,262]

Wow, number three is super insulting. That is pretty judgmental. I agree, the guy sounds clueless, and I think people give the most insight into their true thoughts and selves when they least realize it. At least you know where he is coming from.

[LisaLouBop 181]

Can't wait to hear about number four!!

[scoutmom 63]

@LisaLouBop...can't wait for number four, too!

[gowalking 10,790]

I'm also back in the dating scene and have told a couple of men about the surgery or that I've lost alot of weight. No obviously stupid reactions or responses...or at least none that I'm aware of but I've not yet been fully naked with any of them either..where they can easily see and feel the port...and see the hanging skin.

It's actually a good thing in some ways because I'm being really careful about not going too far physically with any of them and for me, that helps to keep my head on straight and not get too caught up in mistaking sex for love.

[une nouvelle vie 327]

Ouch. Good for you for trying. I've gotta say though, I'm really glad I have zero interest in dating. I'll be the happy old maid until the day I die.

[brightlife0305 40]

Wow, makes me want to just avoid dating at all. Incredible

[AvaFern 3,516]

I haven't told any men I date that I had WLS or that I've lost a substantial amount of weight. To be fair, I may have some explaining to do if any of them ever see me naked with the lights on and I have to explain why I have a billion plastic surgery scars. I will never, ever tell someone I am dating about WLS because it creates a stigma that I don't want to have to deal with- it is my secret for life. As for the plastics, clearly I was a fatty at one point, so my plan is to be like...well I'm hot now, if you can't handle the scars, take your little boy bs and get gone.

Recently I was talking to one of them and I mentioned that I was going to try to eat more juice and veggies the next few days and he was like, well why don't you eat healthy all the time? I'm like, I'm 130 pounds I can afford to have some nacho dip occassionally, and his response was...well you should have self-control. Totally irked me and made me very aware of the fact that if he knew I had been fat, I sincerely doubt he would think I was attractive.

I try to think of how I would respond to a guy who looked fantastic in clothing and for the most part out of clothing who had a morbid obesity problem in the past, and I'll be honest- I would judge him as harshly as I judge myself. I can't get mad at someone for thinking I was a lazy, no self-control fatty when my inaccurate, but honest, thought about them is the same thing. Ideally I can explain away all my plastic surgery scars by saying that as I got older, I noticed that things weren't as tight as they used to be and genetically I had more sag than I wanted, so I had a bit of work done.

Lying in relationships is clearly the key to success. lol

[gowalking 10,790]

Ouch. Good for you for trying. I've gotta say though, I'm really glad I have zero interest in dating. I'll be the happy old maid until the day I die.

I felt the same way and then when you realize men are looking at you...and attracted to you, you start to think about it and for me, I just decided to jump into the deep end of the pool and see if I could swim so to speak. It's an awfully powerful feeling, to know that you are attractive again. I've gone from the slacks/shirt/flats gal to wearing dresses, heels, makeup, jewelry...all of it. I'm not interested in anyone from my office mind you, but it's a hell of an ego boost to know that you are getting their attention..

[une nouvelle vie 327]

Ouch. Good for you for trying. I've gotta say though, I'm really glad I have zero interest in dating. I'll be the happy old maid until the day I die.

I felt the same way and then when you realize men are looking at you...and attracted to you, you start to think about it and for me, I just decided to jump into the deep end of the pool and see if I could swim so to speak. It's an awfully powerful feeling, to know that you are attractive again. I've gone from the slacks/shirt/flats gal to wearing dresses, heels, makeup, jewelry...all of it. I'm not interested in anyone from my office mind you, but it's a hell of an ego boost to know that you are getting their attention..

Maybe you don't mean this the way it reads to me and I'm sincerely glad that it's something you enjoy and it makes you feel good, but not everyone is waiting for men to notice them for an ego boost. As I mentioned, I'm truly not interested in dating and am happy to be a single person. The only powerful thing I'm interested in is having my body back to good health, not feeling attractive to the opposite sex. Hopefully we both get what we want.

[gowalking 10,790]

Ouch. Good for you for trying. I've gotta say though, I'm really glad I have zero interest in dating. I'll be the happy old maid until the day I die.

I felt the same way and then when you realize men are looking at you...and attracted to you, you start to think about it and for me, I just decided to jump into the deep end of the pool and see if I could swim so to speak. It's an awfully powerful feeling, to know that you are attractive again. I've gone from the slacks/shirt/flats gal to wearing dresses, heels, makeup, jewelry...all of it. I'm not interested in anyone from my office mind you, but it's a hell of an ego boost to know that you are getting their attention..

Maybe you don't mean this the way it reads to me and I'm sincerely glad that it's something you enjoy and it makes you feel good, but not everyone is waiting for men to notice them for an ego boost. As I mentioned, I'm truly not interested in dating and am happy to be a single person. The only powerful thing I'm interested in is having my body back to good health, not feeling attractive to the opposite sex. Hopefully we both get what we want.

Yeah, you did read it differently than I meant it. I was also doing this for health reasons. I have joint disease and without losing weight, I couldn't get the hip replacements I needed so badly. It was never about vanity. That's why I was so taken aback when I realized while I was focused on getting healthy, others were looking at me in a way I hadn't been looked at in a long time. I just didn't realize it and once I did, I admitted that I liked it. Wasn't easy to admit for sure..and only with help from my therapist could I even think of myself as an attractive woman again.

All I'm saying is that you might find as you go through your journey, that your outlook might change, and what you want and need may change as well. Here's to heath and happiness for us both.

[Bandista 7,466]

I think it's the self-confidence that comes through -- whether for ourselves or others -- rather than the perfect body thing. I feel free from a burden of low self esteem and am enjoying the experience. It's not necessarily sexual (in fact that is uncomfortable for me) but more like magnetism.

[finediva 979]

I'm in my early fifties. The young guys keep looking. I just give my secret smile and keep walking. Yeah, like that!

[Stephanie Stroup McIntosh 157]

You are doing everything right. Unfortunately there are a lot of Mr. Wrongs and only a few Mr. Rights. It may take some time, but its important that you find someone that is supportive of the decision you made and will be a positive part of your life. Don't settle for anything less.