Unsolicited Online Dating Advice

[OKCPirate 5,323]

I'm glad for you Oregondaisy. Congrats, you had to work hard to find someone when you live in a rural area.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Well we originally met through POF but we were together for a year before and it didn't work. It's very difficult since we are opposite in everything you can imagine. We like none of the same things.

We are trying to do things differently this time. Time will tell but my guess is I'll be back to online dating again. I am just not sure when but I have my doubts this relationship is going to last.

[RaginCajun 177]

I have three things to add to this lengthy discussion:

1) Finding a new partner is like finding parking spaces at Walmart. All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped

2) If you are older, there is a mathematical formula to determine how much younger than you a partner might be. Take half your age and add 7, that age is the youngest person you could hook up with and not be considered a perv!

3) If you consider online dating, always have low expectations then you'll always be happily surprised.

-RC-

[betrthnever 107]

My dos:

I always did "meet & greets" .. I didn't consider them real dates - I would say that I didn't date many guys at all but went on dozens of these meet & greets. I always suggest a place for a quick "out" if necessary - coffee shops were my favorite. Believe me ladies (and maybe you men, too!) there might be times where you might need to leave in a hurry (I have a couple of these stories). It is a very shallow visit - nothing more then funny stories, what do you do for a living, etc. to see if there is a desire to go onto a first date. And be honest - if you aren't interested, be polite but be honest and tell them.

Read a person's profile and respond to it like you read it. That's what my fiancee did with mine.

Be honest about your body type. If you are a BBW then list it! My guy was looking for a "BBW" and he set his filter to only look for BBW's. If I would have put "curvy" or "a few extra pounds" we never would have met.

I was only interested in guys who had paid memberships. To me it showed a "commitment" to dating.

We met on Plenty of Fish and are getting married in December

It IS possible to meet a person and have a good relationship from an online dating site.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@betrthnever - Congrats on this: "That's what my fiancee did"

And I agree with the meet and greets. ALWAYS in a public place, with lots of light and lots of exits.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

I'm glad I re-read this thread again. My daughter moved in with me permanently this summer and been re-adjusting and just started using Match again. You know what I forgot to mention about dating - TIME. You have to budget your time for dating. I really had to look at my schedule and figure out how much time I was going to put into meeting people and how much time I would spend dealing with emails and looking at profiles. It's so addicting that I'm putting a timer by my computer so I'll quit.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

GUYS - A lady I was having a "meet and greet" with said something very interesting..."Most men become undatable two years after their divorce. They don't have a women to get help them pick out clothes and their hygiene slides..." What this means is:

1) You need to keep your wardrobe current

2) Don't think you can get away with putting on a ball cap and meet the woman of your dreams at Starbucks.

[betrthnever 107]

@@OKCPirate

... I don't agree. I assume a man can take care of himself and doesn't need a woman to pick out clothes and remind him of hygiene. I wouldn't want to be with a man who needs help like that! I think its the opposite - more people probably become more "relaxed" once in a relationship. Does this really happen?

On the other side of the coin, I would not consider a man who was just coming out of marriage either...not because of hygiene issues, just emotional ones.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Boy, all these rules. So many rules.

When I first met my husband, he was recently widowed. Much too recently, I thought. Turns out, the amount of time he'd been widowed would have been too soon for ME to fall in love again.

But it wasn't too early for him.

As I said to someone else on this forum today (different thread), none of the rules work 100% of the time. But the following two, taken together, are pretty good:

* Use your best judgment.

* Occasionally, suspend your judgment and be open to "possibilities unimagined."

Here's to everyone who wants love finding true love.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@VSGAnn2014 - nice

@@betrthnever - It was her observation, and an interesting one, though possibly jaded by too many men on dating web sites who think every women on them is only interested in having sex with them. I took it in the spirit of a challenge to exceed expectations. I do think people should work at dating. Have enough respect for themselves and their date to look presentable, be on time, guys should pay the check, have an open spirit to possibilities and enjoy the company of another human being.

[betrthnever 107]

@@VSGAnn2014

I do have to back peddle on what I said at first. There is no "time line" on when people are ready. My fiancee started dating as soon as his divorce papers were signed. Me? I was a reluctant dater!!

And the "suspend judgement" - very true!

@@OKCPirate

Yes - "...have an open spirit to possibilities and enjoy the company of another human being."

True!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

My 2 young adults sons have been living with me for over a year... and we have recently enterered into an agreement where they contribute... yeah!

Okay I shall be crass.. I don't feel like I can have a guest in my home....and yet is my home!

I'm glad I re-read this thread again. My daughter moved in with me permanently this summer and been re-adjusting and just started using Match again. You know what I forgot to mention about dating - TIME. You have to budget your time for dating. I really had to look at my schedule and figure out how much time I was going to put into meeting people and how much time I would spend dealing with emails and looking at profiles. It's so addicting that I'm putting a timer by my computer so I'll quit.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@CowgirlJane - I feel your pain. Believe me.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

As I predicted, my relationship has ended and I'm going to be looking online again after I am recovered from my back surgery.

I am sure now is not a good time for me to be meeting someone.

[betrthnever 107]

@@Oregondaisy Sorry to hear about this, Daisy!