Venting About Poor Forum Etiquette

[swimbikerun 1,045]

With all due respect, wouldn't that be Obesity Help? I've heard a lot of negative things, and got the same treatment there. I'm not sorry to say about that place, because they earned the reputation.

Seriously, we are all going to be judged no matter what you do. It can be by your boss, your family, who becomes your friends. The ability to write a complete sentence and appear to speak proper grammar is a necessity. If you go to a retail store or the 7-11, the ability to clearly communicate makes a difference. People don't want to go somewhere where someone can't make themselves understood. What it indicates is how you respect yourself and the culture of what you are saying to others. If you want someone else to volunteer their time to help you, most want that respected. How you approach that tells someone willing to help everything. If they have the choice between helping one person that they need to "decipher" what their saying, with everything else being equal, they would choose to not help that person who can't express themselves well.

This is not always a moral judgment as much as it is the way things are. Group morals can be a good thing. Being overweight can be accepted but is it always good for us? Think about how many have said their health improved after getting WLS. The pressure to be something else (skinny) is a positive.

[mrs kaje 347]

The ability to write a complete sentence and appear to speak proper grammar is a necessity. If you go to a retail store or the 7-11, the ability to clearly communicate makes a difference. People don't want to go somewhere where someone can't make themselves understood. What it indicates is how you respect yourself and the culture of what you are saying to others. If you want someone else to volunteer their time to help you, most want that respected. How you approach that tells someone willing to help everything. If they have the choice between helping one person that they need to "decipher" what their saying, with everything else being equal, they would choose to not help that person who can't express themselves well.

From your sig:

If you don't help others out, why should they help you out? All can share and support.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Seriously, we are all going to be judged no matter what you do.

Oh goodness!! I will stand in the front of the line as the judgiest judger!! I own it, it's who I am, and I am not always proud of it.

That said, I know not to do it OUT LOUD. That's just rude.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

With all due respect, wouldn't that be Obesity Help? I've heard a lot of negative things, and got the same treatment there. I'm not sorry to say about that place, because they earned the reputation.

Seriously, we are all going to be judged no matter what you do. It can be by your boss, your family, who becomes your friends. The ability to write a complete sentence and appear to speak proper grammar is a necessity. If you go to a retail store or the 7-11, the ability to clearly communicate makes a difference. People don't want to go somewhere where someone can't make themselves understood. What it indicates is how you respect yourself and the culture of what you are saying to others. If you want someone else to volunteer their time to help you, most want that respected. How you approach that tells someone willing to help everything. If they have the choice between helping one person that they need to "decipher" what their saying, with everything else being equal, they would choose to not help that person who can't express themselves well.

This is not always a moral judgment as much as it is the way things are. Group morals can be a good thing. Being overweight can be accepted but is it always good for us? Think about how many have said their health improved after getting WLS. The pressure to be something else (skinny) is a positive.

That said, I am not THIS judgmental. Sheesh. Nope. Can't agree with this at all.

This might be how YOU choose who to help and who not to help, but that doesn't necessarily hold true for me at all. There are some very well spoken people here that I have NO desire to help based on their attitudes, their level of need to be a martyr or victim and how THEY treat others.

Admittedly, there are some posts I skip, like those that are presented as wells of text with no spacing or punctuation and those that are written in cursive or light color, but only because I don't have the patience to read them due to my old lady eyes.

As I stated earlier, bad grammar and spelling makes me cringe on the inside. That said, I was a teacher for children with special needs. I am also the daughter of a (very successful) dyslexic, high school drop out who built a HUGE company from the ground up but refuses to email or text because he's afraid of being judged by others. Perhaps I am just more compassionate based on MY experiences.

[swimbikerun 1,045]

@@mrs kaje That's correct. However it does not mean that you will be taken seriously. Like it or not, out in the business world how you present yourself is going to make a difference. The same is true on any forum. When I have the choice to help several people, the one who can express themselves in a manner where I'm not having to interpret the post, that's who is getting the help first.

Just as people (like admins) notice who is able to keep their cool in a problem issue, who appears to give sources that are reliable, it makes a difference.

I didn't spell their/they're right in my post. My apologies.

[swimbikerun 1,045]

@@LipstickLady That was an explanation of fact of how the world is. You might disagree, others may or may not. It simply is a fact, nothing more and nothing less. Just like the judgment people get for being large, for having surgery, it is what it is. Whether I approve of the fact or not, doesn't matter.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

However it does not mean that you will be taken seriously.

Again, you are only speaking for yourself, I assume, not the community at large.

@@LipstickLady That was an explanation of fact of how the world is. You might disagree, others may or may not. It simply is a fact, nothing more and nothing less. Just like the judgment people get for being large, for having surgery, it is what it is. Whether I approve of the fact or not, doesn't matter.

Nope. It's your OPINION. Sweeping generalizations do not equate to facts.

[swimbikerun 1,045]

Not being Alex Brecher, that should be a given. However, reviewing the posts, it appears there are a contingent of people who do feel that way. I've seen admins who talk about it in private. (General, as in I'm not saying where that has happened.)

No, that's not an opinion. People are judged on how they present themselves. That's why so many have media consultants and those who present themselves in the public eye have publicists. Even on other forums the comments are made over and over how larger people, people who've had WLS, people who curse others out, Christians, Muslims, gays, everyone makes assumptions. I'd rather know and be able to deal with it, have a constructive conversation over it.

The point is some people may not get help or get all the help they need because of the way their issue is framed. If changing the message delivery (or using spellcheck) will help that, I'm all for it.

Again, you are only speaking for yourself, I assume, not the community at large.

@@LipstickLady That was an explanation of fact of how the world is. You might disagree, others may or may not. It simply is a fact, nothing more and nothing less. Just like the judgment people get for being large, for having surgery, it is what it is. Whether I approve of the fact or not, doesn't matter.

Nope. It's your OPINION. Sweeping generalizations do not equate to facts.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I highly doubt @@Alex Brecher would condone judging or evaluating someone based on their communication style via the written word. I can't speak for him, but I think he would find it disheartening to think that people would only help those who could "write a proper sentence or use proper grammar". (Your words from an earlier post.).

[swimbikerun 1,045]

@@LipstickLady I get the impression this is more directed to a person (me) rather than in general. That's what I'm talking about, is people in general. If people want to give or not give support based on how/what they communicate, that is up to person to do so. I'm fine with it as I have no right to force any one to respond or say they're wrong for making that judgment. People do it all the time.

Pointing out that there are communication issues that, if resolved, would help get someone get better care, is a point probably worth listening to. That's really the bottom line of what started this.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Absolutely! I was directing my comments to you as you were giving your opinion as fact.

[swimbikerun 1,045]

Why not ask a psychologist and see if what I said was fact.

You are quite persistent and rather than continue, this is my last word on the subject. I know bullying when I see it. I've had it happen before.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

OK.

You have a great day!

[losing_the_band 133]

@@LipstickLady, I actually find this whole conversation very interesting. If I remember correctly, you said that you don't bother to read posts that are difficult for you to read. How is that different from the rest of us ignoring posts that are difficult for us to read or understand? By skipping those posts that "are hard on your eyes," you're depriving those posters of help just as much as those of us who skip other posts, and it's based on nothing more than the "style" of the post and how difficult it is to decipher.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

@@LipstickLady, I actually find this whole conversation very interesting. If I remember correctly, you said that you don't bother to read posts that are difficult for you to read. How is that different from the rest of us ignoring posts that are difficult for us to read or understand? By skipping those posts that "are hard on your eyes," you're depriving those posters of help just as much as those of us who skip other posts, and it's based on nothing more than the "style" of the post and how difficult it is to decipher.

You are correct. I do skip the posts that I am unable to read due to font, color or lack of spacing. I'm an old lady. If I can't read them, I can't answer them.

It's my OPINION that this is a much different issue than someone who may not have the education to communicate with proper spelling or grammar or someone whose first language is not English.

The bottom line? If I can read it and I have what I believe is a good answer, I will address it. I will not comment on one's lack of ability to communicate to my standards. If I can't read it, I won't respond. I hardly think MY answer will be the end all be all for anyone nor is my expertise/lack thereof a detrimental or instrumental to anyone's experience.