Would like some advice about what to tell work

[Vikingsfan8178 62]

If all goes well, I should be headed towards Sleeve surgery on May 7th.

I need to initiate conversations with my boss this week and get my time off on the calendar. Getting the time off will not be a problem.

I have a good relationship with my boss and his supervisors as well.

I am not going to be able to go into his office and say "I need to be out 2 weeks due to surgery" and then leave it at that. He is going to be concerned (which is good) and I feel like leaving it open ended will be the most uncomfortable path to take.

So, I think I am going to say I am having a hernia repair. I met someone the other day that I had thought was a WLS surgery patient because they had obviously lost a lost of weight. I asked her for advice and she said that she actually did not have WLS surgery but did have hernia surgery (two hernia's actually) and she had to follow a similar diet that us WLS patients follow, thus the weight came off for her.

That planted the seed in my mind. I can simply say hernia repair and when the questions come about losing weight, I can say that I have to follow a diet due to the surgery and I am continuing the diet for my health.

I typically like to be straight up with people and be direct but we all know their is a judgemental stigma that comes with weight loss surgery and I don't want to deal with that (especially when I will be dealing with enough of my own emotions anyway).

Ok -- feel free to comment.

[Bufflehead 6,358]

I am very strongly against outright lying, especially in a work situation where, if the truth is exposed, you could seriously damage your credibility generally and your relationship with your boss. Maybe you could consider declining to discuss the exact type of surgery? Just do your best to flush, stammer, and say something like "oh god, if I told you what kind of surgery, we would both be terribly embarrassed, but I promise you, I will be fine once this thing is fixed"? -- they'll assume it's some sort of hemmorhoidectomy or something.

But if you really can't do that and are willing to run the risk, "hernia repair" is probably your best option IMO.

[joatsaint 2,814]

I didn't have to tell my boss or HR anything, I managed to schedule my WLS during my vacation days. But I was prepared to tell them that I was going to have a hiatal hernia repair and my gall bladder removed - both of which were true.

I do not believe it is legal (don't take my word for it) for your workplace to require more than a doctor's note saying I need time off for a medical procedure. I can understand your boss being concerned about your health, but in the end, he's not family and he's not a friend. So I would feel comfortable not revealing the entire story.

[woo woo 872]

"Stomach surgery" and leave it at that.

Lying is probably a bad idea.

[Chrystee 838]

I told my boss that I was scheduled to have surgery.. I said I was having a minor procedure and would like to work at home for 2 weeks.. He said that was fine with him, and here I am on my second week.. You don't OWE anyone anything, and he's really not allowed to ask. If he is concerned, just say, Oh, just some stuff I've been putting off..

[jenpoo 11]

I think you need to do what is good for you. I Hansbrough told anyone about was because I don't want to heat it if others. I have done me research and I know this is what I want done I kudzu don't want to hear what others say who don't need it. So you go girl and jeep your chin ip5.

[alwaysvegas 702]

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/334688-how-many-people-kept-weight-loss-surgery-a-secret/page-4?hl=%2Btell+%2Bwork#entry3793583

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/324998-keeping-it-a-secret-anyone-else/page-4?hl=%2Btell+%2Bjob#entry3751886

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/322126-what-are-you-telling-people-at-home-and-at-work/?view=findpost&p=3635389&hl=%2Btell+%2Bjob

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/317305-keeping-it-a-secret/?view=findpost&p=3602521&hl=%2Btell+%2Bjob

[NikkiDoc 312]

I have been pretty open about having the surgery. But I understand that not everybody wants to be. I like the vague stomach problems. Or straight up say "I am not comfortable talking about it. But I will be fine." The polite way of saying "None of your business" But I tend to be pretty direct.

[livingstone 137]

Your boss really shouldn't be asking. I understand that he may be concerned, but the professional way of expressing that concern is to do things like ask if you feel OK now, if you need any adjustments at work in the run up to surgery, checking that two weeks off will be enough for your recovery or whether you might like to phase your return to work.

He really doesn't need to know the type of surgery to ease his concerns about your wellbeing - he's not a doctor, so even if you tell him what your surgery is, it doesn't tell him anything about your recovery time or needs. If that is what concerns him, he should ask about that, not the surgery type itself.

I just told my boss and colleagues that I was having some 'minor surgery' and no one asked any questions. I did, however, tell my friends that I had an ulcer removed.

[sharonintx 1,275]

I just told the truth. I didn't want to really but if I was about to start losing weight at an astronomical rate I figured I'd just break the news and whoever didn't like ...well you know what they can do. People were mostly supportive, at least to my face. There were a few who gave me funny looks and I knew they gossiped about it. I didn't care though. About 6 months later those same people were staring for a different reason.

[Essence46 493]

You really don't owe anyone an explanation about anything so do what is comfortable for you. I was very open and honest with my boss about everything. She was very supportive which helped me not stress so much about work. At first, I didn't tell anyone (other than my boss and a close co-worker) anything but I later began to open up about it and told some people. For those I do tell, I use my story as a testimony. Someone asked me if I was "sick" and was that why I was losing weight. I was shocked they asked this. I told them I was sick but was losing weight so I would no longer be sick. One thing I have realized is that people aren't dumb. If you drop a lot of weight in a short period of time, they know something is going on. They just don't say anything. However, there will be some people that will ask. What you tell them is entirely up to you. You don't owe them any explainations.

[amazon 579]

My boss is a guy. He was concerned of course, and I just said it's ok, don't worry... just "abdominal surgery", nothing "major". Kept it light. (my first thought was to say it was girlie stuff, and he'd run away, lol)

I did file FMLA in case there was a complication and I needed more than the two weeks I put in for. Otherwise I wouldn't have told anyone about anything, and left it at that. But I felt better knowing I would have had the FMLA to fall back on if I needed additional time.

HR just files it away - claim they don't even look at the form. So who knows. All I do know is that I've never heard a peep from anyone.

And just FYI - big picture, I REALLY don't care who knows. There's no shame. I just have enough going on in my life that I don't need to deal with someone else's BS over my choice to have WLS. All of my family, and tons of folks out side of work know. It's all your choice.

Edited March 30, 2015 by amazon

[teecee 2]

I personally did not feel the need to tell my work anything other than I will be out for medical reasons, It is none of their business. I had my doctor fill out my paper work for FMLA and your doctor doesn't legally have to state the actual reason you need leave other than it is for medical reasons.

[debbie813 20]

I have a very good relationship with my boss as well. I didn't think I could walk in & tell her, so I actually wrote her an email. First thing I did was tell her why I was writing instead of talking (that I couldn't talk about this without getting emotional). I told her that I had done a lot of research and had been contemplating the surgery for a long time. I'm taking sick & vacation time both.

She wrote me back the sweetest note telling me that she loved me as I am, but that she supports my decision. After that we've been able to talk about the particulars of dates, etc.

Do whats best for you,but like the others, I'd try to avoid lying. Good luck!

[athenacb 1]

I wouldn't lie about it, especially if you have any kind of medical leave available to you in the event that there were complications. I was completely honest with my boss & informed HR, who has paperwork ready in the event anything were to happen. My boss is very supportive & I actually have a pretty strong support system at work. There hasn't been any bad stigmas associated for me. The people that were more worried were at ease when they were more informed.