Depression

[Debbieduck4 399]

It sounds like your husband may have been using food as an emotional reward before surgery. Many people do. They enjoy it for reasons other than hunger. It often brings us comfort, pleasure, and helps us cope. Now that your hubby has had the surgery he will have to find new ways to achieve those things such as taking a walk, snuggling with you, petting an animal, rocking out to his favorite music, reading, sitting on the deck, whatever makes him happy! He can learn to enjoy smaller food treats as well... My favorite right now in the evenings is a little Greek yogurt mixed with toasted coconut pieces, walnuts, and strawberries. It's a pretty fab desert!

Eating out was really hard for me at first too, so I can really relate to that. I missed so much looking over the menu and pigging out on something delicious with my hubby or friends. With my new tummy, my choices were so limited and when I did order, I could only take a few bites so would be done in a few minutes just sitting watching everyone eat. But gradually I learned a few tricks and your hubby will too.... He'll learn to think about not just what he wants to order to eat right now, but what he wants for lunch tomorrow too (because there's always leftovers). And that makes it kind of fun. He'll learn to not dive right in when his food arrives and to pace himself so he can enjoy eating with everyone the whole length of the meal. And he'll learn to save a little room for a bite of your desert!

He's really blessed to have you. Just by being on this site and posting out of concern for him, you are obviously dedicated to supporting him. God bless and good luck with this journey.

[Cleo's Mom 257]

My husband stayed home from work yesterday. Today he went to work but came home early. On top of having surgery and feeling down in the dumps, he has a bad back that is acting up right now.

I asked him earlier if he felt like going for a drive or maybe meeting a friend for a bite to eat. To my surprise he picked up the phone and called his best friend! I'm thrilled! We have plans to drive out to his friends ranch to see his new colt and then go to dinner. Of course we will be sharing a plate I'm just so over joyed that he is willing to get out of his recliner and do something! Maybe he is turning the corner where his depression goes! It is a good sign!

That's great news that he is willing to go out. When I read the part about seeing a new colt - I was like "I want to go too". I think seeing a new colt would be awesome for anyone.

Let us know how it went.

But depression is well documented after any surgery. I remember after my mother had a major operation to receive a new aortic valve (she had an aneurysm) she became very mean and verbally abusive to my dad. She was not herself, either. Your body is healing, you can't do the things you used to do and like he said it's like losing your best friend (food).

Give it time, see how it goes, but if it goes on too long, do seek professional help. The idea of seeing the psychologist who did he pre-op evaluation is a good start.

Good luck.

[tomi71 581]

I have clinical depression and bat-crap crazy anxiety. The best thing I can tell you from experience is be supportive, don't make demands, and listen. Don't diagnose and don't suggest things too much. Share in activities even if it's just watching tv. Depression is like a cancer of the soul and even with meds and therapy it is a beast. Maybe he can talk to a therapist? If he doesn't want to that's fine unless you feel he is in eminent danger. But you could talk to a therapist. They can give you an objective point of view. Even though he had the surgery, you too are going through this with him.

Best of luck. Keeping you guys in my thoughts.

PS: my husband eats what I eat and I find that to be so very helpful. And we go to gym together.

Also, sometimes just a long hug will kill the depression. ????

Edited April 11, 2015 by tomi71