10 Things NOT to say to someone who has lost weight!....

[B-52 7,113]

Ok, copied another one from my Bariatric centers website....again, a re-print from a memebr's contribution...(slightly edited)

10 Things not to say to someone who has lost weight!!!

1. How much more do you have to go?

Um, I just lost 50 pounds, pal.

I think I'm just about there.

2. Wow, you look so pretty/handsome now.

Oh, so that explains why children broke out in expressions of terror at the sight of my former fatness, clinging to their mommy's skirt hems for dear life.

It's as though a person who loses weight magically morphs from Frankenstein to Fabulous, and it's crucial that people point this out.

Hey, whatever happened to all that "it's on the inside that counts" stuff?

3. So, what size are you?

I know that these days, people are pretty comfortable telling strangers everything from what romantic bedroom positions float their boat to how they have a thing for collecting toenail clippings. But really, is anything sacred anymore?

Not that our clothing size is on par with revealing salaries or some horrible childhood memory, but I'm sure all of our lives will go on just fine with people not knowing whether I'm a small, medium or large or whether I went from a D or C cup to B or an A.

4. I bet you have so many admirers now!

Why yes, I say, as I toss the latest love letter from Brad Pitt and David Beckham into my stash of marriage proposals and naughty notes. (Some letters are more boring: "Jen, you look so pretty now. What size are you, anyway? XOXO, David B").

This one gets me because well, it's somewhat true. And like most humans, sometimes the truth hurts (some say it hurts, I say it often pisses me off). Because in reality, yes, people do treat me differently. No, not in that admirers-lined-up-at-the-door kind of way, but in daily interactions. Both men and women tend to be more receptive to ideas and interested in general conversation, doors are held open from longer-than-normal distances and restaurant checks with a missing side order will be dismissed with a smile.

Inside, I'm the same person I always was, just tinier. And it's that latter part that seems to make people a tad friendlier.

Some people I mention this to become angered, saying that such niceness was really around all along. They maintain that it was me -- grumpy, fat, miserable "the world is against plus-size me" me -- who refused to see it.

Perhaps they are right.

5. Do you have stretch marks?

Thanks for your, um, concern.

6. Are you dying?

Seeing another's weight loss transformation can be shocking, especially if they lost a significant amount. But sometimes the questions people ask are very rude.

"Are you dying?"

"Are you sick?"

"Do you have an eating disorder?"

I mean, who asks such questions? Thinking them is one thing, but outright asking is another.

Sigh.

7. I liked you fatter.

Great, and I liked you quieter.

I'm happier being able to tie my shoes without four rolls of belly bulge beating me to the punch, thank you very much.

And what's that supposed to mean anyway? Are people losing out on "I think she'll eat another slice in an hour" bets with friends? Am I suddenly void of all things jovial (because, as we all know, rotund folks are always super-duper jolly)?

8. Oh, c'mon. You can have another dish of ice cream.

I can. But I won't. That's what landed me in this whole situation in the first place.

This is by far the most terrorizing thing for those who lost weight. When you've just shed any amount of weight, a dinner out with friends is on par with driving in New Jersey traffic during rush hour: scary. (I can say that; I lived there for over 20 years and survived Garden State Parkway commutes. Bonus: While downing jelly donuts.)

Let us be!

9. What was it like?

Sometimes this question is asked meekly, as if people sense that I might break out in cheesecake-withdrawal spasms or screams. Or both.

Oh, weight loss is a feat to be proud of whether two or 402 pounds were dropped. Still, I'm not 1) a saver and protector of the world's bad eaters or 2) a sad soul who lost my way along with my weight.

Yes, I've seen people make mean puffer fish "fat" faces in reference to my heft. Yes, I've become infuriated at the limited clothing styles that many plus-sizes carry. I've cried while consuming an entire box of crackers, I've laughed while eating a tub of family sized popcorn at the theater. I've rolled my eyes at suggestions to lower my weight. Blah. Blah.

And now, I'm not in that world. I'm happy to not be there anymore, so sometimes, questions that force me to go back to a place and time I'd rather forget doesn't give me a case of warm and fuzzies.

I'm a green smoothie-making, kale-eating woman now. I eat hemp seeds, enjoy muesli and drink almond milk. Enough of the candy bar memories.

Next question?

10. You're so pulled together now.

Akin to the "you're pretty now" comment, this one makes me feel like I must have looked as if I was roaming the Earth in a state of bleary eyed nothingness. But now, I've lost weight. So you see, I'm all toss-my-hat-in-the-air Mary Tyler Moore with my confident self.

Funny how people view me because I've changed physically. I was always a hard worker, talking in perfectly-timed "close the loop," "make it happen," and "I'm on it" corporate speak. Hmmm. Perhaps saying it with a thinner body makes people think I mean it more.

So there you have it.

I'm thrilled to have kept 70 pounds off for several years, and I truly enjoy my healthier lifestyle.

I'm not dying.

I'm not a miracle story.

And no, I'm still not revealing my new bra size.

[Elode 8,093]

True!

[gowalking 10,790]

yeah...I've heard variations of all of these.

[FairySleeve 297]

Indeed I heard some of those, not yet N° 4, 5, 8, 9,10.

Others words are "I and the gils think now you lose too much!! You exercise too much" this came from the group of friends with normal BMI and neer had to exercise to control ther weight. I told them that my body looks probably 'normal' for them but my BMI still stays over weight. I exercise 5 days a week but only for 1 hour (Ok except Wednesday and Sunday I attend 2 classes tht makes 7 hours a week).

[Jim1967 3,569]

Yea I can relate to all of those and the variations.

• Your face is sooo skinny now......thanks, glad I shrink my beach ball head for you.
• Jim will be so handsome once he loses all the weight (overheard one co-worker saying to another)
• So what are you going to do with all the loose skin once you lose all the weight?
• What you haven't lost all that weight yet?

Now that I've lost the weight....and yes, after a while it does get annoying to hear it. I've battled obesity all of my life and have been teased and lectured by various people through life. This does get old and sometimes annoying.

• You're too skinny. You need to stop losing weight

[FairySleeve 297]

Oh yeah, you need to stop losing weight!! That's another one.

[Freebird14 63]

"I liked you fatter.

Great, and I liked you quieter."

Made me LOL! Thanks for sharing.

[MsAlaineus 63]

Well said!

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

How much have you lost?

- a lot.

No really, how much have you lost ?

- a real lot.

How much more do you want to lose?

- you don't really think I'm going to give you a number, do you? *smile*

[kay1117 83]

A couple of co workers said to me... "Wow you're husband must be really happy now". Gee thanks, because he wasn't happy before? I can only make him happy if I am a smaller size?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

You've lost a TON! Well, last I checked, I've never quite hit a TON. I mean, I was pretty fat and all, but...

[glitter eyes 1,398]

@@kay1117 I agree with you. Those comments about my husband are the only WLS comments that get to me. I try to overlook people's insensitivity and blame it on the sad fact that maybe they have never been loved unconditionally by a man. I always just smile and tell them my husband has been happy for the 27 years we have been together and then I ask them how long they have been with their man and is he happy.

[katesuccess 990]

My variation on the husband comment from someone was:

"You're doing so great and look so healthy--now 'Richard' needs to start working on it!"

My response was "Well, I love him dearly as he is, and we all do it in our own time" --the guy was well meaning, so no snarkiness from me--but really?!

Mostly people here at work have said nice things to me, the most common one being "You're just wasting away!"

Wasting?? Sigh.

[LoreLu 79]

@@kay1117 I agree with you. Those comments about my husband are the only WLS comments that get to me. I try to overlook people's insensitivity and blame it on the sad fact that maybe they have never been loved unconditionally by a man. I always just smile and tell them my husband has been happy for the 27 years we have been together and then I ask them how long they have been with their man and is he happy.

LOL! Glittereyes, I've been married to a wonderful man who has spoiled me relentlessly for the last 36 years. I haven't had surgery yet, but he is cutting out all alcohol and Snacks with me (a huge effort on his part!) and will be going on the same diet as I when "the time comes". Talk about 100% support!