Why we hate fat people

[gowalking 10,790]

Hi friends.

There's been some discussion lately about whether or not to talk to someone about their weight issues. In a related topic regarding this issue, I am very much aware that when I see a large person in my daily travels, I hate to admit it, but I feel near hatred for these people and I couldn't understand why as I am only two years out from being morbidly obese myself.

Why I feel such anger has been bothering me alot lately so of course I talked to me therapist about it and she gave me what I realize is the obvious answer. I'm not mad at them. I don't hate them....It's hatred for what I became that I transfer to these strangers. My self hatred was so severe that I've simply transferred it somewhere else.

It's not them I want to yell at, it's me. I've been working with my therapist to start to feel better about my inner self as this is still an issue though my outside is now mostly acceptable to me, and very acceptable to the outside world. It's part of the process of getting the 'fat girl' out of my head. She's still there in all her glory and it's alot easier to get rid of the physical fat girl than the emotional one.

At least I understand why I'm so angry and disgusted at perfect strangers. Sometimes I think I may never be done with therapy and can't believe what a damaged person I am/was. I can only hope I didn't do to my children what my folks did to me. I know they didn't do it intentionally, but my self image took a terrible beating regardless and it's alot easier to tear down than to build up.

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

The mental part of this journey is as hard or harder than the physical - at least for me. I find myself feeling a little left out when friends are talking about diets or when I'm at a health seminar and the only goal they talk about is weight loss. Like I'm the only one not focusing on that now? I also "liked" a lot of body image / acceptance pages on Facebook and I catch myself feeling kind of bad that I didn't love my body before but do now that I'm skinny. Like I don't deserve to sing "All About that Bass".

Head games... guess I need to look up my therapist, too.

[Rizzle01 54]

Interesting theory.

[Keeper 218]

I am still obese so I still identify with larger people, but I do feel an *intense* longing to reach out to folks that I see, to tell them that there are options - even though I know that they *know* that. We knew it when we were at our heaviest; we just didn't think it was possible for us.

I see this struggle with my identical sister the most. There were a few years when she was 'thin' and healthy and I wasn't. 4 kids for her, marriage, life, same old-same old issues that cause us to become so unhealthy, and she got as heavy as me. But now, for the first time in our lives, I weigh less than she does. She is so happy and thrilled for my success, but jealous, too. I see her struggle with thinking how impossible for her this all could be.

I had a moment earlier this week where I had a complete meltdown over...everything. The fact that I 'let myself go' for as long as I did, for being so unhealthy, for being so un-fit. I was so angry at myself. I can very much identify with the self anger you describe. I think it isn't just anger, but a despair of sorts as well. I know that when I look at my beautiful two boys that I don't want them to ever end of like me, or go through the things I have.

I'm glad you shared this.

[IcanMakeit 1,318]

I think I'm still too newly thin to see other morbidly obese people with anything but empathy. I over-identify to the point that I find myself giving obese people more acceptance and forbearance than I do thin people - like there's a fat people clique and I'm still in it.

[Elode 8,093]

@@IcanMakeit I'm with you.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Thank you for sharing this.

I did NOT experience this emotion but i have been... i will say it... appalled... at the many posts over time that clearly express downright hatred and disrespect toward obese people. I don't notice what other people eat, i don't wonder who is fatter versus thinner than me, I don't judge obese people as failures. I did not understand where that venom came from, but your insight gives me another perspective to think about.

As I reflect, i am wondering if obese people have become invisible to me which is just antother way of marginalizing people because I was just trying to remember last time I encountered a very large person and I can't think of it. Maybe that is even worse, i don't know.

[VSGmary 418]

@@IcanMakeit I am the same and i honestly dont think i will ever change as i have gone through the daily struggles for such a long time. Not everyone reaches out for help or knows about these options that are available. It was almost 8 months ago that i found out about vertical sleeve gastrectomy here in Australia, so for me to assume that its commonly known would be facetious of me.

[MichiganChic 3,262]

I don't have hatred or negative feelings toward obese people. I know it felt to be judged, and I remember how I felt being the biggest person in every room and everywhere I went.

So, I probably shouldn't admit this, and I don't mean to be glib...but I always think I'm the hottest old bag at Krogers, lol! It is not in direct comparison to anyone there, but I am just so happy to be thin and feel so good in my cute clothes that I'm pretty sure everyone thinks it, too haha! I just crack myself up, because just like not everyone judged me for obesity, not everyone (and probably NO ONE) notices me at Krogers. My point is that it is and was my own internal dialogue, much as @@gowalking indicated.

[B-52 7,113]

I don't hate Fat people.....

I used to be smoker...2 packs a day for 30 years...finally, with my heart attack, I decided to do something and turned my life around....and that included WLS

Now, when I see a bunch of smokers huddled behind the building, I don't hate the person, but everything else I find repulsive and never want to go back there....that's my defense mechanism...it's dirty, disgusting, and I do not want any part of it...I Hate it!

The same is true for other addictions I suppose, and I guess it's true for obesity, and all the bad habits that got me that way....eating like a fat pig, is something I was, and never want to go back to again...

Like watching smokes huddled outside, I get the same experience watching people in a restaurant...unbelievable!

Edited March 28, 2015 by B-52

[amponder 396]

I am simply afraid right now of going the wrong direction, I am not thin yet, but I definatley notice heavier people now in a way I didn't before.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I don't have hatred or negative feelings toward obese people. I know it felt to be judged, and I remember how I felt being the biggest person in every room and everywhere I went.

So, I probably shouldn't admit this, and I don't mean to be glib...but I always think I'm the hottest old bag at Krogers, lol! It is not in direct comparison to anyone there, but I am just so happy to be thin and feel so good in my cute clothes that I'm pretty sure everyone thinks it, too haha! I just crack myself up, because just like not everyone judged me for obesity, not everyone (and probably NO ONE) notices me at Krogers. My point is that it is and was my own internal dialogue, much as @@gowalking indicated.

So. Like me, you are freaking tickled with yourself.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

I have a strong urge to reach out to a person at work who is morbidly obese but I never will. If she asks me about my weight loss I will tell her about my band. Other obese people in electric carts in stores draw my attention like never before. My feelings are a mixture of pity and sadness and sometimes irritation.

However I am really angry at one obese person in my life and that is my mom. I struggle daily to bite my tongue. She is active in her food addiction and can barely walk. She has narrowed her life to tiny proportions, rarely goes out, and will not have knee surgery that is long overdue. Her day is scheduled around her one big meal around 1pm.

Her feet have started to turn blue sometimes which her doctor recently told her was from poor circulation. I asked what the treatment was and she started to admit the doctor wanted her to "exe......move more". I told her I knew of people who had toes and feet amputated and she said "I'm almost 75. This happens." She then shut down the conversation. My mother eats, lays in bed from 5pm until 9am, watches TV and is waiting to die. At 74.

She openly criticizes my food choices and says that I keep too much food in the fridge that goes bad before it's eaten.

I have to remind myself daily that these are her issues and not mine. But I know my anger at her is a reflection of how I was raised in an overeating home, and how I took on those binging behaviors myself for so many years. I'm angry. You bet your ass I'm angry.

I'm so angry that her remaining years are being wasted. I'm looking at a future of care taking an obese person I cannot lift. One who already spends most of her time lying in bed. I am twenty years younger than her. She's been this way all my life. It has gotten worse with age. I see myself in her and it infuriates me.

Yes I'm angry. I want to help her and it will never happen.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

@@JustWatchMe Hugs, girl.

[gowalking 10,790]

@@JustWatchMe, I was going to PM you but I know you are not the only one dealing with this so I'm putting it 'out there'. Mom is depressed and I'm sure you know that. She may be as helpless to change her outcome as if she had cancer or some other disease. You won't be able to change her...not at this stage of her life. You hit it right on the head when you said she's waiting to die. She is. I have no advice regarding taking care of her. I suspect you will have to do just that and hate every minute of it. Talk to your therapist to have him/her help you through such a difficult time and know that you have changed the course of your own life by having WLS.

Your children will not go through what you are going through. They will not be angry and frustrated with you...they will be proud of how you changed the rest of your life. Remember...we all die one day. What's important is how we live...and you my dear are living a courageous and vital life. You are not wasting the gift, you are appreciative of it and respectful of it.

Mom may just have to be your example of what not to do..how not to live.. Do you know that this decision to be active in your life is like a pebble dropped into still Water? The ripple effect can go out way farther than we expect. You are influencing others even if you cannot reach your mother. Who knows how this affects those you come in contact with. Focus on the future and what you can change and feel what you feel for mom and know there is nothing you can do for her but be there.

Blessings my friend.