Sick of the drama

[ProjectMe 909]

Monday, I found out that a coworker died suddenly because of an aneurism. One of my friends underwent surgery to remove a tumor...6 hours of surgery later, it was actually many tumors and now needs to go through chemo & radiation therapy. My sister in law just had a double mastectomy and is half way through Chemo.

Yet we (veterans, newbies, & the in between) are on a support board arguing with one another over some petty stuff in comparison. SMH. Isn't it exhausting to be mean, condescending, judgemental, sarcastic, and argumentative? Goodness gracious!

[Veronica Page 488]

I agree. I think even though we are human and have the right to our own opinions in life, this is a support group and need to be positive to one another. We have not a clue what is going on within others personal lives and this could possibly be the only way that someone is able to get the encouraging support they are seeking. I will not trash anyone else's personalities or need for advice. I have asked numerous question and looked to my fellow users for info and support. I just wish everyone luck and hope they succeed within their own journeys.

[Keeper 218]

couldn't have said it better. Very few people outside hubby and sisters know about my WLS. I am a stay-at-home mom who home schools my oldest. i don't get out much. THIS is my main form of support. Drama NOT needed.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

What's amazing and wonderful about boards like this one is that anyone ever answers another person's questions or offers advice that was requested. It's amazing and wonderful that knowledge is exchanged in this way.

And every online community like this one finds its own equilibrium. Those balances change over time, but in social media a balance is always struck.

@@ProjectMe is also right that almost everyone here is living a life with challenges that others cannot see.

Since my own WLS (seven months ago), here's a short list of my new challenges, in addition to working full time and being the family member responsible for the care of my mother who has advanced Alzheimer's disease:

* I also recovered from gallbladder surgery.

* My hubby was diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing radiation and chemo.

* Our sweet, beloved dog died.

* My husband's adult son died of a stroke after a month's hospitalization and hospice care.

* My father-in-law was just diagnosed (last week) with cancer.

No one stays on these boards any longer than they wish or any longer than they receive value or any longer than the effort to contribute exceeds their enjoyment.

I would urge everyone here to look for the fun in life, the cloud's silver lining, the joke that brings a smile ... and to quit being so outraged at stuff that really does not matter.

None of us is getting out of here alive, so in the meantime let's try to do our best and have some fun before we go.

Edited March 25, 2015 by VSGAnn2014

[TEXASLADY52 264]

I appreciate your posts. It reminds me that i need to be humble, grateful and appreciative. Life is too short for all the Drama! I have an older friend that I have looked after for twenty years....she was diagnosed with cancer and given nintey days to live. I have another friend that her and her grandson has been diagnosed with brain tumors. Her grandson was just starting his medical internship.....this just goes to show you how precious our lives are! We need to rally more and support each other.....think before you speak....sometimes words hurt!

[foreversleeved08 74]

I completely agree! This isn't just any support board or Internet forum. This is a site where people come to talk about their struggles, reveal weaknesses, and Celebrate what they have overcome! I'm pretty taken back by some of the responses I've read during my short time on this board and I've been on many support boards through my pregnancies, when I was a military spouse, being a mom, and now WLS. I'm all for tough love, but that doesn't mean it has to be borderline condescending and self righteous. Tough love is just that, it's tough and to the point, but it's the love part that I see being omitted sometimes. We all come from different walks of life, and this is the internet so no one really "knows" anyone or what their reaction will be, so regardless of the kind of delivery you prefer to give, I think it's best to be mindful of who is on the other side of the screen. I don't think anyone expects someone to be artificial and fake, but Just use normal manners as you would talking to a stranger face to face. Im sure it's harder for some, But WLS is already hard enough without all the drama!

Edited March 25, 2015 by foreversleeved08

[Elode 8,093]

@@ProjectMe Agree

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

What's amazing and wonderful about boards like this one is that anyone ever answers another person's questions or offers advice that was requested. It's amazing and wonderful that knowledge is exchanged in this way.

And every online community like this one finds its own equilibrium. Those balances change over time, but in social media a balance is always struck.

@@ProjectMe is also right that almost everyone here is living a life with challenges that others cannot see.

Since my own WLS (seven months ago), here's a short list of my new challenges, in addition to working full time and being the family member responsible for the care of my mother who has advanced Alzheimer's disease:

* I also recovered from gallbladder surgery.

* My hubby was diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing radiation and chemo.

* Our sweet, beloved dog died.

* My husband's adult son died of a stroke after a month's hospitalization and hospice care.

* My father-in-law was just diagnosed (last week) with cancer.

No one stays on these boards any longer than they wish or any longer than they receive value or any longer than the effort to contribute exceeds their enjoyment.

I would urge everyone here to look for the fun in life, the cloud's silver lining, the joke that brings a smile ... and to quit being so outraged at stuff that really does not matter.

None of us is getting out of here alive, so in the meantime let's try to do our best and have some fun before we go.

I am so sorry you are going through so much right now! My heart went out to you! Please take care of you and yours through this difficult time in your families lives!

Jane

[Healthy_life2 8,324]

I personally would rather build people up. It's like in life...Always keep the positive around you. You can choose what you read and who you respond to in a forum. So many amazing people in BariatricPal. It far out weighs the people that choose to drag people down.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Karma. 'Nuff said.

[mrs kaje 347]

I'm pretty taken back by some of the responses I've read during my short time on this board and I've been on many support boards through my pregnancies, when I was a military spouse, being a mom, and now WLS. I'm all for tough love, but that doesn't mean it has to be borderline condescending and self righteous. Tough love is just that, it's tough and to the point, but it's the love part that I see being omitted sometimes. We all come from different walks of life, and this is the internet so no one really "knows" anyone or what their reaction will be, so regardless of the kind of delivery you prefer to give, I think it's best to be mindful of who is on the other side of the screen. I don't think anyone expects someone to be artificial and fake, but Just use normal manners as you would talking to a stranger face to face. Im sure it's harder for some, But WLS is already hard enough without all the drama!

I'd actually prefer to read comments that are unashamedly nasty instead of the posts that are peppered with smiley faces and "you have a wonderful day" because they think it makes them look like they're being nice whilst they're being a jerk - they're not fooling anyone!

[pippinleicester 78]

I too found some posts rather rude and judgemental and found it was rather putting me off this site.However it did not take me long to realise that it was pointless trying to reason with some people and that I did not value their opinion anyway.

I simply blocked their posts so that I never had to swallow their bile and now these people simply do not exist for me.Just go through the posts and you will soon see which names crop up regularly in conflicts then erase them from your life and make your experience of this site much better.Pippinleicester.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

It's my opinion that it's only drama if you allow it to be.

If you can hit the back button because you don't like what you've read or reply to it without name calling and/or personal attacks and then FORGET ABOUT IT when you turn your attention to what's happening in your real life, it's all good.

You cannot/will not control anyone's words/thoughts/opinions but you CAN control your reaction to it.

What I read on the internet, who likes me and who doesn't, other people's opinions of me behind the anonymity of an online forum, affect my life in no way. Why should it? Why would I allow it? The only people that really matter are my real life friends and family and those I choose to interact beyond these boards. This forum could completely disappear in a year, a month, a week. If or when that happens, my world won't change.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

It's my opinion that it's only drama if you allow it to be.

If you can hit the back button because you don't like what you've read or reply to it without name calling and/or personal attacks and then FORGET ABOUT IT when you turn your attention to what's happening in your real life, it's all good.

You cannot/will not control anyone's words/thoughts/opinions but you CAN control your reaction to it.

What I read on the internet, who likes me and who doesn't, other people's opinions of me behind the anonymity of an online forum, affect my life in no way. Why should it? Why would I allow it? The only people that really matter are my real life friends and family and those I choose to interact beyond these boards. This forum could completely disappear in a year, a month, a week. If or when that happens, my world won't change.

Are you talking about you and me?....lol

[LipstickLady 25,682]

If the shoe fits....