To Disarm Self-Sabotage, Give it a Name

[strongcoffey 120]

Self-sabotage may still live inside us, but it's not US.

We’re alive, and most of us want to stay that way. Fundamentally, underneath all of the noise and the preferences and the prejudices we just want to live as comfortably as possible for as long as possible. We want to be able to play in the world with the stuff we like and the people we love doing the things we want to be doing for as many years as we can. For most of us, this is our deepest truth. It makes sense that our fundamental drive, then, is to act in ways that keep us strong and healthy. It's this drive that inspired most of us to have - or explore the possibility of having - weight loss surgery.

Post-op, many of us realize that we still have something in us that wants to keep us from getting or staying strong and healthy. We still hear the voice of self-sabotage. When faced with the choice to follow through with or disregard a commitment we’ve made to ourselves and our health, it still chimes in with “Oh, screw it,” or “It’s not worth it,” or “Maybe later.” If you’re anything like me, it takes every chance it gets to slap me with “Exercise? Eating well? Who exactly do you think you’re kidding?”

Sabotaging efforts to take better care of ourselves has always worked against us, but after surgery, turning a blind eye to our nutrition plan, skimping on sleep, failing to take supplements, and / or not following our doctor's orders can have way more serious - and more immediately life-threatening, consequences.

The voice urging us to disregard our post-op commitments is not our voice, and the sooner we allow ourselves to recognize that voice as a separate entity, the better. I call my self-sabotaging voice the Beast, and when I remember that it’s the beat’s voice urging me to quit, or not even try, I can listen critically instead of just going with the flow, and doing (or not doing) whatever it suggests. Seeing the beast as separate from me gives me some space to remember my truth - I want to live, and live well - and to act accordingly, which means eating well, eating mindfully, and taking care of my body in every other way that I can.

One of my commitments is to work out every day, because it makes me feel breathless and alive and sexy and it ramps up my energy (I have two toddlers, and I can use all the energy I can get). After a long morning of working out my personal training clients, I’m tired, and the thought bubbles up that “I need a break.” I’ve been in this situation enough times to know that taking that “break” (which usually involves sitting, mindlessly snacking, and losing an hour to Facebook) will suck the life right out of me and set me up for a crappy, lethargic evening.

After years of practice, the moment this kind of self-sabotaging, undermining thought pops up, my radar goes off: “That thought isn’t coming from me.” I know it’s the Beast, and I know that listening to it will yield me the exact opposite of what I want most, which is to feel healthy and vibrant and fully engaged in my life.

And it’s that little mental shift that helps me walk into the gym, even after a long workday.

Odds are there’s a beast living in your head, too. I suggest giving it a name - you’re welcome to use the same one I do. When self-sabotaging and self-harming ideas bubble to the surface, practice labeling them with the name you’ve chosen. “I’m too tired to workout.” That’s probably your beast. “One cigarette won’t hurt.” Most definitely your beast. “Eh, it won't matter if I eat cake and soda while I'm on vacation - life is short!” It just may be short, or at least you may wish it were while you're in the midst of a horrible dumping episode. Surgery junk food after gastric bypass? Yup, you guessed it: Beast.

I work every day to disempower the beast in me and to give my clients the tools to disempower theirs. Today, my Beast tells me not to bother blogging because nothing I write will ever be good enough. It tells me not to bother giving people tools to end self-sabotage, like I’ll be doing in a free, live webinar on April 1 at 8:30 PM Eastern (CLICK HERE to claim your seat). It tells me I’m a fraud for trying to live a healthy life, nevermind trying to teach other people how to do it, too.

Because I default to self-harm and self sabotage, I need to keep my deep desires - to be comfortable in my body, to be available to my children, and to be a resource to women like me - front and center in my mind. When a thought comes up - to do or not to do something, anything - I ask myself “Is this in line with what I want most?” If it is, that’s me - that's my voice. When it’s not, that’s the beast.

Try it for yourself - you’ll be amazed how easy it is to figure out who’s talking.

Another way that I keep the beast from controlling me is to share the fact that it exists with you, so thanks for listening, and for joining me on April 1.

If you relate to my story, and you’re lugging around your own self-sabotaging demon, I empathize. I'm living proof that women like us can get a handle on self-sabotage, and live the lives we want: comfortable, strong, and free.

Please join me for "Of Course You Can: 3 Essential Strategies to End Self-Sabotage"

Details: FREE & LIVE, April 1, 2015 at 8:30 PM Eastern; webinar

To claim your seat, visit: http://webinarjam.net/webinar/go/14421/b8b8bcf46d

[Elode 8,093]

[MrsSugarbabe 727]

My beast is alive and well----unfortunately. Thanks for your insight and encouragement. I will be calling a spade a spade going forward.

[Alex Brecher 10,512]

Kelly,

Thanks for your article. It is so true that we all have an inner beast. The first instinct is to give in to it, like we did before surgery, and we can’t really do that because the consequences are so severe and quick! The second instinct is to try to ignore the voice or pretend it doesn’t exist…but it does, and running from it will just lead to trouble.

As you say, the best thing is to recognize it. I love how you name it (“the beast”) so you can face it head-on. What a great strategy! When you recognize, define, and face your enemy, you can defeat it. You can strategize how not to give in to the voice. Thanks for the valuable lesson!

[rejeannern 10]

Four days post op sleeve and finally able to think straight after the surgery and pain relievers. Focusing on what needs to get done, Protein and fluids, rest and activity. Reading your article reminds to embrace this journey as it happens and to an active participant. I too will miss some aspects of being 300 lbs, like the protection it provided, but overall, I will and am ready to move on and see what life is like at a more active level. Missing being able to go swim, which I was doing nearly daily four months prior to the surgery, but will return soon and it will be all that much sweeter.