SERIOUSLY? REALLY? YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!

[GreenEyes604 753]

I just finished reading a couple of posts and I couldn't do anything but say to myself, "Seriously? Really?"

I know there are going to be some people that will probably what to take my head off for this one, but I just have to ask... Are there really people that frequent this website that are so weak-minded and sensitive that they can be absolutely devastated and sent into an uncontrollable bout of depression over something someone wrote in a thread?

If someone that you don't know, have never met, and they know nothing about you, can cause such an emotional reaction in you, I personally think that you don't even need to be considering WLS at this point. You really should be seeking out the services of a therapist to figure out what makes you give away your personal power to a complete stranger.

I hear people say how "mean" some people are, and how rude others are. People are only to you what you allow them to be, and they can only take control of the power you give them.

I have never testified that I know everything about everything, but to the contrary I'm not dumb as a box of rocks! Bottom line, stop letting the things these people on this site upset you, or even get your dander up. You never know, they may come here just to see what type of drama they can get started. If you find something of value to you, keep it and cherish it. All the rest of this mess is nothing but chatter.

This post may not have been directly toward you, but if the shoe fits, feel free to lace that b i t c h up and wear it.

[gal friday 176]

It has nothing to do with weakness. Depression is a physiological phenomenon, a biochemical mechanism that can be stirred up by huge life change and/or major trauma. It doesn't make sense, it's not always rational, and that's because ration is not a feature of the brain structures that control emotion. They operate independently of our rational mind. When someone's mind is already off kilter due to major life changes and maladaptive biochemical processes, something a simple as a post on a website really can be a kick in the teeth. That's because the mind is already reeling from these changes. It can take time for a person to get sorted out, to mentally get back on their feet to the point that they can just dismiss ridiculous comments on the web. We're all human, and so we are all vulnerable, we can all be stressed when someone, even a stranger on the internet, pushes on our weak spots or kicks us when we are down.

Frankly, in this day and age, with the widespread knowledge of depression and its causes, I'm shocked that you don't know all of this. I used to be a therapist, and most of my patients had at least some basic knowledge like this before they even sought out care.

I hope your post doesn't scare off people who are, however temporarily, in a dark place, and are sensitive to comments, on the internet or otherwise. It is absolutely normal to feel the way they do and experience sensitivity to the opinions of others. I mean, the opinions of others are exactly why we are all here!

[wannaBthinsoon 1,634]

@@gal friday not sure why you are no longer a therapist, but in my opinion, if someone is that thin skinned, then they really have no business in a public forum such as this. While some folks are super sweet, and sappy, many are just human, and flawed, and entitled to their opinion. Freedom of speech is a wonderful thing. If someone has issues with the messages they have received on the site, they can certainly move on to another site (which will be no different.....or may be worse) or stay off public forums altogether and do the in person support groups, or see their own practicing therapist. my 2 cents.

Edited March 22, 2015 by wannaBthinsoon

[gal friday 176]

1. This is exactly the place for someone who is experiencing temporary difficulties coping - I don't think it has anything to do with being thin skinned. It's experiencing a major life change, and a bariatric support board is exactly where they should be able to find help. I'm not saying that everyone should be uncritical all the time, that is just pandering and is not helpful. I'm saying that there is no need to be cruel.

2. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis the very day I started grad school. After 8 years, my symptoms were too severe to continue working. It would have been unfair to my patients to let my disability interfere with their care. I am still qualified as a therapist, I just voluntarily left the field because I was struggling under the weight of my MS symptoms.

[wannaBthinsoon 1,634]

@@gal friday I am so sorry for your diagnosis of MS. All the best to you.

[Debbie Jean 406]

Frankly, gal Friday, I'm surprised in this day and age you are not more aware of the difference between online and face to face interactions. Online is a form of non verbal communication that lacks those verbal cues that make a critical difference to people when communicating in real life. It also allows people to "create" personas that may or may not reflect their authentic self.

I teach communication at a large university in the northeast. I also have been active in many forums across the years. People who are vulnerable always have a difficult time. Often it is often because they disclose inappropriately. Online forums are NOT therapy. You simply have no idea of who you are interacting with and how your posts will be interpreted. That's just the reality. Some people will honestly feel that the best way to respond and help "tough love". It doesn't make them rude or insensitive.

I assume you didn't practice therapy in an online environment. Nor on an online open forum. Often the appropriate response to a "distressed/depressed" poster is to seek therapy, one on one, group or otherwise but face to face. People get offended by this suggestion. But the reality is they need a therapist not an online support group.

This forum is not unique. It is very similar in the way communication... TEXT based... occurs. If someone is at a point in their life that they truly become upset by what they perceive as "hurtful" responses then they probably should not be posting personal issues. Reading a forum for information and support can be for some people just as therapeutic and preferable to posting online.

Edited March 22, 2015 by Debbie Jean

[Debbie Jean 406]

I wanted to add that while online communication has important disadvantages, one of the greatest advantages to online communication is that it brings like minded people togetherness.. people who would otherwise never meet. The is particularly important to those who share an experience or who are like you, disabled.

This does not change, however, the caution they must be used in communicating online and the disadvantages that are inherent in it.

[Cleo's Mom 257]

This is supposed to be a forum where you get information, tell you stories of success (or failures) and get support. People who are struggling are looking for support and some good suggestions to help them. There is absolutely NO GOOD REASON to do that in any way but a nice, polite, supportive way.

The whole thing about "free speech" is just an excuse for some to be rude.

Yes, anyone has the right to be on here and voice their opinion and anyone else has the right to call them out on being rude.

It reminds me of blaming the victim (in this case calling them thin skinned) - remember all the fat jokes that we were supposed to laugh at because if we didn't then we "couldn't take a joke"?

I call it like I see it and rude is rude. Don't try to dress it up as tough love or blame the person it is directed at.

[GreenEyes604 753]

@@gal friday This is exactly the reason why I said what I said in my original post. I have no idea why you are no longer a practicing therapist, but maybe it has something to do with your inability to be totally and completely objective.

You know absolutely nothing about me, you know nothing of my struggles with depression, yet you immediately assumed that I know nothing based on your comment, "Frankly, in this day and age, with the widespread knowledge of depression and its causes, I'm shocked that you don't know all of this." WOW, was that your professional diagnosis of me? For your information, I have struggled with chronic depression since I was a teenager, and I am 55 years young now, so contrary to your diagnosis, I know a hell of a lot more about depression that you might think.

Now to your final comment, I totally disagree with you and I hope that my post does scare off anyone that is so weak that they can't handle comments posted on a public website because bariatric surgery of ANY TYPE is a monumental, life changing experience, and personally if your mental health is not up to par that you can't handle comments made by complete strangers, you have no business whatsoever considering bariatric surgery. Bariatric surgery is by far a much more mental process than a physical one.

And finally, just to show you what I'm talking about, you directly insulted me, but because I'm not a weak minded individual, I can handle any and all comments made toward me simply because I realize that you don't know me or anything about me, and I'm not about to let something said in a public forum send me into a major depression.

[gal friday 176]

2. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis the very day I started grad school. After 8 years, my symptoms were too severe to continue working. It would have been unfair to my patients to let my disability interfere with their care. I am still qualified as a therapist, I just voluntarily left the field because I was struggling under the weight of my MS symptoms.

Quoting myself to address your ad hominum tactic, it's clear you missed it above even though I basically laid it out in a bullet point.

This isn't reddit. This isn't yahoo answers. This isn't 4chan. So I'm going to stick with compassion. You want snark, you want rudeness, you'll have to find that from me on a different corner of the internet. On support forums I provide support. The harshness I gave you after your OP was deliberate, and was as harsh as I'll get on here (except maybe when we are talking about Penny). You can provide whatever level of discourse you like, just don't fool yourself when you do it. Text or in person, mean is mean. If that's what you think people need, have at it. My posts will stand to let them know that support is out there. Feel free to reply, but I'm done, repeating myself isn't going to change your mind, and vice versa.

[LSF 264]

This is supposed to be a forum where you get information, tell you stories of success (or failures) and get support. People who are struggling are looking for support and some good suggestions to help them. There is absolutely NO GOOD REASON to do that in any way but a nice, polite, supportive way.

The whole thing about "free speech" is just an excuse for some to be rude.

Yes, anyone has the right to be on here and voice their opinion and anyone else has the right to call them out on being rude.

It reminds me of blaming the victim (in this case calling them thin skinned) - remember all the fat jokes that we were supposed to laugh at because if we didn't then we "couldn't take a joke"?

I call it like I see it and rude is rude. Don't try to dress it up as tough love or blame the person it is directed at.

I totally agree with you!!

[GreenEyes604 753]

@@gal friday You're funny... you make me laugh.

2. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis the very day I started grad school. After 8 years, my symptoms were too severe to continue working. It would have been unfair to my patients to let my disability interfere with their care. I am still qualified as a therapist, I just voluntarily left the field because I was struggling under the weight of my MS symptoms.

Quoting myself to address your ad hominum tactic, it's clear you missed it above even though I basically laid it out in a bullet point.

This isn't reddit. This isn't yahoo answers. This isn't 4chan. So I'm going to stick with compassion. You want snark, you want rudeness, you'll have to find that from me on a different corner of the internet. On support forums I provide support. The harshness I gave you after your OP was deliberate, and was as harsh as I'll get on here (except maybe when we are talking about Penny). You can provide whatever level of discourse you like, just don't fool yourself when you do it. Text or in person, mean is mean. If that's what you think people need, have at it. My posts will stand to let them know that support is out there. Feel free to reply, but I'm done, repeating myself isn't going to change your mind, and vice versa.

[kyrickchick64 468]

Why is basic courteousness lacking online? Yes, I admit I have been in a few escalated discussions online but usually it was from a misdirected try at humor that didn't come across the internet or to someone who just wanted to inflict themselves on the world and I caved and I let them under my skin. We are in a forum to try to help each other. Being mean or judgmental won't help if you are newly healthy or looking for help to get there.

[blacktee92675 120]

@@kyrickchick64 - Great question! Just my opinion, but in most cases I believe it's due to insecurity and need to attract attention, but I'm not and expert. I normally don't engage with those folks because they are a huge waste of time. I hope they find some level of self-worth that they don't feel the need to be that way, but I'm not here to help them; that's a different forum.

[TammyDTM 391]

Wow, ok then. Things got a little heated huh?