Family Support

[DrewzWife 65]

I started my journey to weight lose on 3/16. This was my first appointment and I was very nervous. I'm torn on which surgery I want to have. My husband is not a lot of support and I know I have to do this for me. We left the doctors appointment and he wanted to go out and get some fish. I was not happy with this but I could not fight off the temptation. What am I going to do???? Please help me.

[Crosby 303]

First and foremost you have to take responsibility for your choices regardless of what others do. Surgery will do nothing long term if you don't change your mind set. If you go out for fish then you get baked or grilled..he gets to get whatever he wants. Take charge of you!

[Dabliss111114 180]

You are very brave to have made this decision to put yourself on the road to better health and a brighter future. You said the the key words in your first post..... You are doing this for you. As hard as it may seem to move past what your spouse may or may not be willing to do to help you along the way, you are strong enough to do this.

Without knowing the dynamics of you marriage it wouldn't be fair to judge him for how he feels. Maybe he's afraid that if you change physically you won't want to be with him any longer because he himself needs to lose weight and get healthy, or maybe he's afraid that the change in your size may change who you are on the inside and it scares him, or maybe he feels inferior in some ways and doesn't think he deserves a beautiful, fit wife, or maybe he will be jealous of the attention you'll get. Wherever he's coming from, you can't let it derail you.

If you're like so many of us, you've spent way to much time worrying about what others think, or doing everything for everyone else and not for yourself. This is your chance to take care of YOU. You're not alone in this, because you've got all of us on your side.

Let him eat whatever he wants......you eat what you need to eat. Keep good thoughts and maybe as time goes by he'll see the remarkable strength you have and his lack of support will turn into pride. Don't give up!!!!

[DrewzWife 65]

Thanks for your input Crosby. Maybe things will go better and much smoother when I see the psychiatrist. I'm just having a lot of different emotions right now. I want to get this over with but I know it's a slow moving process. I went to see the doctor on Monday and I have only received a call from one person and that's the Diet Educator. I'm praying that thus is a successful journey for me.

I have no support at all and that makes it very hard. Each time I tell someone I'm trying to have the surgery I only get negative comments. This can be very discouraging. But someway, somehow I know I'm going to get through this. I've already taken the first steps to a better me.

[DrewzWife 65]

dabliss111114 you are such an inspiration. I am going to take your advice on all of the things you mentioned. Thanks for not bashing my husband because he is a good person, but he's not going through my struggle, do therefore he can't possible no how I feel. I'm so sick of people telling me that surgery could kill me, well being almost 300 pounds will kill me too. Thanks again.????

[brightlife0305 40]

I also have this issue but I had to do this for myself, regardless of what others say or do. My husband is not supportive either. I would bash him but I am just another human with feelings and struggles like him and everyone else so who am I to judge and bash? I refuse to buy the 'junk food' when I grocery shop because I care too much about my success. I don't want the temptations around my house. This is such a huge and difficult step to take, I think my final chance at getting thinner and, ultimately, happy with myself. I am determined to succeed despite the negative comments from him and others. He will then go shopping and bring the unhealthy food home. I don't say anything when he does this but I know my surgery, and its outcomes, is the final straw in breaking us apart. But we were already on that road before all of this came about. I think he thinks that I think I am better than he is in some way but that is far from the truth. I think he is probably feeling insecure about the positive changes I am making for myself. My psychologist told me, and yours probably will also, that relationships often change after WLS, and sometimes not for the better. I'm not suggesting your marriage will not withstand this but it does happen. I'm sure your psychiatrist will be able to help you through this. But I do know not having support at home does not make what you're going through any easier. Your husband came with you to your first appt - mine didn't and never would even do that so our situations are different. I just wanted to share my own experience with you. This is one of the wisest decisions I have ever made (at least so far) and I wish I'd done it many years ago. Keep in touch with this site. It is so helpful, especially for those of us not finding support at home.. Good luck on your journey!!

[Dabliss111114 180]

Thanks for your input Crosby. Maybe things will go better and much smoother when I see the psychiatrist. I'm just having a lot of different emotions right now. I want to get this over with but I know it's a slow moving process. I went to see the doctor on Monday and I have only received a call from one person and that's the Diet Educator. I'm praying that thus is a successful journey for me.

I have no support at all and that makes it very hard. Each time I tell someone I'm trying to have the surgery I only get negative comments. This can be very discouraging. But someway, somehow I know I'm going to get through this. I've already taken the first steps to a better me.

You DO have Support!!!!! You've got all of us, each with our own stories and circumstances, but ultimately the same goals. Don't be afraid to reach out to us. That's what this group is about. We're all pulling for each other and that now included you too, no matter where you are in your journey!!! So there!!!!!!