4 weeks out. Depressed and questioning my choice.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

This thread has caused me to reflect on my own process and I realized something. At some moment, I realized that "normal" was just an idea I needed to let go of. This didn't happen in an instant, and I recognize it may not be the same for everyone... but I just don't even have the same idea about food and meals that I used to. I can't fathom (anymore) calling a happy meal either happy, or a meal.

This was one of the key reasons i "failed" with the band. I didn't understand how fundamentally I needed to shift to find lasting weight loss.

[JerseyCityGal 231]

I keep telling myself that if I really want it- I can have it! But I AM making the choice not to have it. No one is out there telling me I can't have it ( then I'm going to want it more) . I feel like when I'm choosing not to have something , I actually don't feel as sad about it because it was my choice .

She had surgery just a few weeks ago and you think she should just go ahead and "have it!"???

>Why don't you just drive her to McDonalds while you are at it. Unreal.

I don't think the post was meant to convey that someone just out of surgery should have McDonalds. I think the idea is to help prevent feelings of being deprived which then increases the desire for whatever "it" is.

My dad did this when he quit smoking. He had a pack in the basement and would say that he could have a cigarette anytime he wanted to. He just chose NOT to have it that day.

For some people this strategy is very effective.

EXCEPT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT SOMEONE WHO JUST HAD SURGERY.

This is not a poster who is 6 or 10 months out and wants to have one oreo cookie or a few french fries to satisfy a craving. A lot of us do that. Heck, last night I had two bites of key lime pie and threw the rest in the trash so I wouldn't be tempted any more because it was so good.

THIS WOMAN IS A FEW WEEKS OUT FROM SURGERY, STILL ON FAST food AND ON HER WAY TO MASSIVE QUANTITIES OF IT!

[LSF 264]

I keep telling myself that if I really want it- I can have it! But I AM making the choice not to have it. No one is out there telling me I can't have it ( then I'm going to want it more) . I feel like when I'm choosing not to have something , I actually don't feel as sad about it because it was my choice .

She had surgery just a few weeks ago and you think she should just go ahead and "have it!"???

Why don't you just drive her to McDonalds while you are at it. Unreal.

Wow!! This forum is supposed to be a place where people can turn to for advice with their concerns & struggles, not to be bashed!!! I was trying to convey to her how I'm trying to look at it differently as not a deprivation but as a choice. MOST of us had the surgery because we have failed at every other diet out there. It's hard to talk with people who have not had the surgery- they don't understand. We might not all agree with everyone but we should be empathetic to everyone's challenge post- surgery

[purrfctangel 239]

I am so grateful i had 9 months prep for this. I gave up fast food and soda 6 months ago. Getting rid of all processed foods. Taking carbs as far down as i could. Joined the gym. I've learned it's not a diet, it's a total lifestyle change and I'm totally ready for it!

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

I have been down lately, and questioning my choice. When I go there, I realize that there is no going back. Stomach is gone, can't come back. Then I am even more depressed. food, food everywhere, and am not allowed to eat it. I think of all the things that I have enjoyed, and wonder if I will ever make the transition to enjoyment elsewhere. I feel like such a "weirdo" not being able to eat a typical, "normal" portion. I get a kids meal and can eat less than half. I keep telling everyone that this won't be forever, but I really don't know if that is true. This week I have "only" lost 2 lbs. I question if it is because I have added "real" food to my diet. Then I know how rediculous this is, since I have only added the average of 300 - 400 calories. Then I wonder if I am in "starvation mode." Does that happen with wls?

Call your doctor or nutritionist and get help. If your program has a support group, make it your mission in life to get there. If your "kid's meal" is a fast food meal, you need to rethink your options. We don't know the circumstances but it appears you perhaps misunderstood the lifestyle change that comes with this surgery.

[Veronica Page 488]

I didn't read what anyone else said but I think time to time we all kinda feel this sense of sadness or depression. Its like a loss or break up. You broke up with your larger portions of food and loss the relationship you previously had with your stomach. I question myself every week. Its hard to go out to dinner and order the grilled fish or shrimp or boring chicken when everyone else is having something just yummy. Your way didn't work on controlling your eating and this is the way you have chosen to dig yourself out of that hole. I won't lie I go to a food addiction meeting every week. I'm addicted to food, if I wasn't then all those diets would of worked and surgery would of not happened. Its not to say you can't ever eat the things you had before, it is to say you will learn what comes first and how to control what you eat. The old saying is you no longer live to eat but eat to live. I hope you come to love your new life and the reclaiming of happiness as you continue along, Every day I question my choice and it takes some convincing at times but I know I did the right thing. I'm sure you will too. Spending you good vibes and wishing you the best of luck!

[Rogofulm 2,440]

4 weeks out? Read below about your stalled weight loss and check out the link. As for the depression, hopefully it will pass as you lose weight and inches and start feeling better about yourself. Don't mourn the foods that got you here. They're NOT your friends!!! Instead, Celebrate that you have the chance to break free of those unhealthy chains. Good luck, and now read on...

Congratulations! You have reached The Dreaded Week-3 Stall. It's perfectly normal, and just about all of us have suffered through it. You're not crazy, and your doctor didn't screw up. In fact, you might not lose any weight for two weeks or even longer. But don't worry – after that, the pounds will start falling off if you stick to your program. And, the inches will continue to come off even while the scale isn't budging. Here's a good article that explains why it happens and why we all have to go through it. Hang in there. Pretty soon it'll be in the rear-view mirror and you'll be dropping weight again!

(Apologies to BP regulars who have seen this repeatedly, but it's a big deal to those who are going through it!)

[blondebomb 580]

I read SOME of the thread and not all...I remember what I went thru the first 4 wks. I just kept it to myself. my mind was SCREAMING for a bite of a juicey burger or a bite of pizza! I had the thought going thru my mind " what have I done?!" this is what my surgeon told me some DO go through! I no I hit the "like" on a few comments and I did so bc I can relate to what your feeling or thinking?and I also at the same time KNEW what I had to do to get thru that mental thinking. (you wouldnt have typed it if you didn't mean it, right?) I understand. he told me this first 4 wks are the toughest! and it was for me! going through my preop psych classes yes they addressed this also! some think of this and just don't say anything ..like I didn't. deep down I knew I did the right thing I just had to push through it! its a road with bumps and then there is POT HOLES!!! but the "NORMAL" protions that you mentioned thats what got me soo fat and then on this website! everything is king size anymore. well maybe not everything but the "normal" portion sizes that we really should be eating if I ate them to begin with (alot smaller portions then what is served) just maybe I wouldnt have been almost 300 pds. I lived in TX for 20 yrs..believe me EVERYTHING is BIG in TX! lol...best food and thats where you can really eat to your heart's content. (just a figure of speach)..theres alot of great suggestions on what I did read. spring is offically sprung!! winters are hard. you've been through a drastic physical change. the mind is really pushing you for the junk its craving. it did me! but shortly after that 4th wk it was gone. my cravings disappeared! it does get better! hang in there! you did a wonderful thing. stick to your protocol! you have to do your part. drink your Water get your Protein. take some deep breaths. call your NUT if you need to. after that 4th wk was over I flipped to the other side..seeing others eat like I used to make me disgusted with food choices I was seeing others eat! while others were bringing mountains of salads from the bar I just sat and played on my phone looking like I was busy and I just really had to focus on my choice and dealt with it. I really had to work hard at not crinkling my nose at others piles of food. that was definitly NOT portion control! now I am in total control and it works! pretty soon as long as you do your part them numbers will keep going in the right direction more often then not! hang in there! summer is on its way!! xx

[lclemur 161]

LET ME CLARIFY! Oh boy, I really set off a storm! I had a kids meal at Red Robin. It consisted of grilled chicken skewers and steamed, undressed broccoli. The drink (diet lemonade) was drank later. I do not go to fast food restaurants AT ALL. Unless you consider Chipoltle one. There I had a kids meal of grilled chicken and black Beans. I can't stand thinking that you are invisioning me sitting down to a burger and fries!

[lclemur 161]

I go to a therapist, I go to OA, I don't do fast food, I don't do hamburgers, fries, etc. I am struggling to get out of the "eat to celebrate" mode with my friends and family. I am struggling to go out and have a manicure, pedicure, massage, walk on the beach, etc. instead of eating. I shouldn't have posted.

[Cleo's Mom 257]

LET ME CLARIFY! Oh boy, I really set off a storm! I had a kids meal at Red Robin. It consisted of grilled chicken skewers and steamed, undressed broccoli. The drink (diet lemonade) was drank later. I do not go to fast food restaurants AT ALL. Unless you consider Chipoltle one. There I had a kids meal of grilled chicken and black Beans. I can't stand thinking that you are invisioning me sitting down to a burger and fries!

Most people who post on here are nice, supportive and offer practical and helpful suggestions when someone is struggling with something. Once in awhile there are those who are very judgmental and have an almost superior attitude if you stray from what they think is the set in stone guidelines. They tend to forget where they came from. If they had WLS then they too had a lot of problems. I doubt any one of them was the perfect post-surgery patient.

[Pac-woman 325]

You know, as I read more and more of the posts that are being put on here on this thread it has me evaluating several things.

One of the things is "Kids Meal". My dietician said the most I will be able to eat is the portion on a kids meal. Great, I get it.

So I am what 9-10 wks out and I find myself in situations that I have to eat something before I pass out or, I am with people on an outing and I have to find the right thing for myself. So, I always go to the kids meal section. Sadly, I have found that what this industry is feeding the kids is horrible. Just because it is "kids meal" doesn't mean it is healthy and safe. From what I have seen in kids meal are: fried chicken strips, mac and cheese, mash potatoes, fries, fried nuggets, burgers, etc. You get the picture. So, I think from now on when we think "kids meal" we need to focus more on "portions". Meaning, you will eat a kid's portion, not what they actually eat. Kids burn off calories in no time playing. We do not. So keep that in mind.

Now, for the second part, I am no angel. Yes, i have my portion of pringles, yes I have my portion of cheetos. You know what I did the other night to go to the movies? I know I can't eat popcorn anymore (bothers me) and God knows I would eat that bucket of popcorn. I got two snack ziplock bags. One with cheetos and the other with like 5-7 m&ms. I ate just as happy at the movies and I had my Portion Control, I added it to my calorie count and I didn't feel like I am denying myself of anything. It was awesome. And may I add I am still losing and work out religiously 3 times a week.

You just have to be VERY mindful of what you put in your mouth. Use Myfitness Pal to log all your stuff. If by any chance you feel guilty about logging something, chances are you shouldn't have eaten that. Lesson learned.

I will be honest, I got to Taco bell and get ONE fresco taco. Fills me up like a champ. I have gone to Wendys and either get the small chili or half salad(which i eat half of the half). I go to pollo tropical and eat the Soup. You can make better healthy choices. I do however admit, that MdDonalds and Burger King has absolutely nothing healthy to pick from. So stay clear. Very clear.

I can go on and on, but I will shut up now. I am sure someone has a smart remark to rebuttle with.

Edited March 21, 2015 by Pac-woman

[ProjectMe 909]

@@lclemur Glad you cleared that up Just another piece of advice regarding food choices and adjusting to your new lifestyle: Pay attention to successful veterans (I.e folks who have met or exceeded goal and have kept the weight off) and figure out what they have in common (I.e the how's, why's, what's they do when it comes to food/exercise/protein/calories/ATTITUDE).

Then emulate them.

[gal friday 176]

I can go on and on, but I will shut up now. I am sure someone has a smart remark to rebuttle with.

No rebuttal here! My nutritionist made it clear that depriving yourself completely and totally was a fast ticket to falling off the wagon. I have come up with what are known as 'lifehacks' so that I can sometimes make poor food choices without doing real damage. There are a lot of people here who have completely overhauled their eating, and some are critical of those who do not do the same, but there are many paths to the same goal. I am lucky not to have ever suffered from food addiction (yes, obese people without food addiction do exist), and my weight problem was caused less by unhealthy food than by MASSIVE quantities of healthy food. The sleeve is ideal for me. But I have done the complete-food-overhaul-lifestyle-change thing many times before, losing plenty of weight, and it never, ever stuck. I am doing much better this time around because I eat like a 'normal' person - just way less.

As for the 4 week depression, OP, I totally hear you. I remember the early days, looking down at my plate of four chunks of chicken and three baby carrots thinking 'what have I done?' Despite all of the weight I was losing, there were definitely moments of deep regret. And unlike what another poster has said, just because you can't go back and undo it doesn't mean you can't or won't feel regret - emotional responses occur regardless of whether or not they make logical sense in real life. I think that those few posters who are bashing you may not understand this. The amygdala - the part of our brain that is the master control for emotion - lives in its own world, a world where logic and common sense don't apply. Human emotions are irrational and illogical, and that is one of the fundamental, defining features of being human, unlike, say, an alligator.

I agree with the poster who said that surgeons should provide - should require - a post op psych session or two. As a former psychological clinician myself, it was pretty common for me to see patients because they were having short term trouble adjusting to major changes in their lives, and if losing 2/3 of your stomach isn't a major life change, I don't know what is.

I'm lucky - I was already in therapy for something else, so I just took one or two sessions and used them to cope with the huge change my sleeve presented. But if you aren't already in therapy, you don't have that life preserver right in front of you, so you may have to go looking for it (which is hard to do when you are already depressed). You already started when you posted here. Please, don't let the viciousness of that one poster deter you - your experiences are TOTALLY NORMAL, and they are also transitory. It won't always feel like this, even if you don't get counseling. It does get better. And we're all here to help you. Message me anytime you want to talk!