4 weeks out. Depressed and questioning my choice.

[samuelsmom 670]

@IcIemur I think there is another thing that needs to be said here. Before surgery, there is a lot to do and the anticipation is huge. Now, the surgery is done and your body is still healing and you are dealing with the aftermath which can be tough. My recommendation? Realize that your thoughts and feelings will change and that you will not feel this way forever. I remember having the same exact feeling when I could barely eat anything and wondering if it would always be this way. Of course, it wasn't and those feelings quickly passed. Hang in there. If you continue to feel depressed, there are several great ideas already mentioned on this thread.

[Pac-woman 325]

First, I have to say..there is some tough love from people on this post. Different strokes for different folks I guess.

Anyway, what you are feeling is completely normal. I am 2 mths post. When I was at your stage, I went through crying spells out of frustration with food. How slow I had to chew, how many times I had to stop because I got "stuck", how many times I had to "toss it up" because of that extra bite. Watching my boyfriend scarf his food down and I can't even get one chicken wing down. It sucks, it really does. But you have to remind yourself, you are in "training". If there is one thing the stomach is meant to do, is stretch and it will. But you just had major surgery, 70-85 percent of your stomach was taken out. What do you expect? Your old normal was not normal. If it was, you would not be here on the losers bench with the rest of us. {losers in a good way}

Now you just have to find your new normal. Yes you will eat the portions of a child for the rest of your life. But so what? Your going to be skinnier, healthier, and fabulous! And..you get to eat several times a day {healthy stuff}, trust me when I say, between the Water intake requirement and keeping up with Protein grams, you won't have time to feel hungry. Actually, you are going to feel like your stuffing your face constantly. What is very very important is your Water intake because you have to flush the bile out of your body. Then focus on your Protein grams. shakes, bars and yogurt. That is what I did at your stage, plus the occasional chicken Soup in a cup to change tastes.

I have come a long way I think. Although, I still have trouble eating chicken. Something about bird after my surgery I can't deal with. I hope that goes away.

Shrimp has become my friend, scrambled eggs with salsa, laughing cows, braised fish with some sort of sauce on it,, saltines, chili, bean Soup, etc. What I still stress with is what the heck do i eat when eating out. But I just tried to avoid eating out. I carry a bar with me just incase there is nothing for me. For example today, after the gym I had to visit mom at the nursing home. Took her a sundae from mcdonalds. I was getting a headache from burning all the calories and not having intake. So i got the healthiest thing possible and i got a grilled snack wrap. I ate half of it, {taking out the majority of the tortilla because that has no protein} and it held me over till I got home. Then I ate a yogurt with granola and a sunkist orange. I was happy.

All this to say, you will be fine. Have no regrets. Focus on you and know that this too shall pass. Your new normal is going to be full of awesomeness. Promise.

I sympathize with you because I know what depression is like and sometimes tough love comes across wrong even though you say something great afterwards. People don't hear the great part because they are still upset of the comment before it. Not everyone is a bariatric superhero. We are all working towards the same goal. Let's help each other instead of giving a sarcastic bandaid remark. Thanks.

Edited March 16, 2015 by Pac-woman

[livingstone 137]

To the OP, I feel very much the same. And I'm going to be honest, and plenty here will disagree with me - I get through it by reminding myself that I don't have to be a saint.

I'm only two weeks out, and can only dream of being on solid foods, but when I can manage them, I know that I am not going to say I will never eat food for enjoyment rather than nutrition. Sometimes, I will make poor choices in what I eat - if that means I lose slower, or don't quite reach goal - I'm OK with that.

I had this surgery to become healthier, but not to become perfect. And I realised that what was really depressing me was the feeling that I had given up any choice.

Once I accepted within myself that I would continue to have choice, I felt much better. I am still frustrated by not being able to eat, but I know that this is temporary.

For me, yesterday was hard because I wanted a nice traditional roast dinner with roast lamb and potatoes. So I had to tell myself that I will be able to have a roast dinner again. Sure, I might only manage a slice of lamb and a small potato or two - but I can have a roast dinner. In the same way, I was really sad about the thought of never having an English Breakfast again - but once I realise that I can have that if I choose, and that it might just be one piece of bacon and a sausage - again, just knowing that I will be able to make those decisions really helped me realise I would be able to lead a normal life - it will just take time.

Now, of course, my plan is to focus on healthy choices, like grilled meat for Protein. I like meat and so I have no problems with a diet built largely around Protein. Sure, sometimes my meat might come from a nice steak instead of chicken and turkey - but everything in moderation. And that includes bad choices, like an english Breakfast, or roast potatoes.

[MrsSugarbabe 727]

@Iclemur - There's a lot of great suggestions in all these responses as well as some tough love. Below is a link to a website I found after the medical doctor I worked with prior to deciding to have surgery told me about a book called The Beck Diet Solution. When I checked out the book at the library (yes, I still use the library ) I discovered that it dealt mainly with the psychological retraining of the mind. There are some new ways to think about food and our weight loss journey on this website so I hope you'll check it out - http://www.beckdietsolution.com/daily-diet-solutions/.

In the hope you'll find it encouraging, you can go out to eat, you'll just have to find what works for you when you do. For me, my husband and I share a meal since I get full after just a few bites. Sometimes I order the kids meal or order an appetizer as my meal (even doing that I take leftovers home).

Keep doing what you know you're supposed to be doing with regard to food and exercise. This journey isn't just about the food or losing weight, but about getting you healthier than you were before you had surgery. @@VSGAnn2014 made some great suggestions which I hope you'll take to heart.

From The Beck Diet Solution website for today:

March 16, 2015 - Monday Motivation

Dieting can be hard but the benefits that come as a result of gaining control and losing weight are totally and completely worth it. If you’re having a hard time, make a list of all the reasons you want to lose weight and read it at least once a day. Doing so will remind you exactly why you’re doing this and give you motivation to keep going.

[artblitz 21]

I am with Babbs. A little bit of depression is normal. I was really down and mad two weeks out. Why would I not be, my "crutch" was taken away. All the emotions I supressed with food have to be dealt with in another way. So, I hear you...but you cannot turn back. So be the best you can be...lose that weight and learn to handle the food. In time, some of your favorites will come back. As my surgeon said, "you can make bad choices but you will never be able to over eat again in your life." How true...this is the path YOU chose. So, really choose it and get with it.

[p1Sz 52]

Btw, I think in several years it will be a requirement for Medicare certification that Bariatric programs be required to provide post-op psych sessions as often as the required post-op checkups (I.e. 2wks, 2mos, 6mos, 1year). At least I hope that happens. I think the psych part is that important that it should be. Post-op depression is super common. And I bet is very, very underreported.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I think bad feelings are really normal right now. I also think you should call your bariatric center or counselor to get some guidance and support.

It really does get better, hang in there.

[Elizabeth21 176]

@@lclemur

Are you getting enough rest? In addition to the suggestions above, make sure that you are still giving yourself the rest you need to heal. I know at 4 weeks I still needed extra rest!! Everything is harder when one is too tired to cope!

Good Luck!

[Cleo's Mom 257]

I have been down lately, and questioning my choice. When I go there, I realize that there is no going back. Stomach is gone, can't come back. Then I am even more depressed. food, food everywhere, and am not allowed to eat it. I think of all the things that I have enjoyed, and wonder if I will ever make the transition to enjoyment elsewhere. I feel like such a "weirdo" not being able to eat a typical, "normal" portion. I get a kids meal and can eat less than half. I keep telling everyone that this won't be forever, but I really don't know if that is true. This week I have "only" lost 2 lbs. I question if it is because I have added "real" food to my diet. Then I know how rediculous this is, since I have only added the average of 300 - 400 calories. Then I wonder if I am in "starvation mode." Does that happen with wls?

I think depression after any type of surgery is common. It is well documented after heart surgery. Most of the posters on here gave you very good advice - except for one - and I won't be so generous as to call the post "tough love". It was nothing short of insulting. Know that most on here are not like that and ignore that post and listen to the sympathetic ones with good advice. Good luck to you.

[LSF 264]

I keep telling myself that if I really want it- I can have it! But I AM making the choice not to have it. No one is out there telling me I can't have it ( then I'm going to want it more) . I feel like when I'm choosing not to have something , I actually don't feel as sad about it because it was my choice .

[JerseyCityGal 231]

I keep telling myself that if I really want it- I can have it! But I AM making the choice not to have it. No one is out there telling me I can't have it ( then I'm going to want it more) . I feel like when I'm choosing not to have something , I actually don't feel as sad about it because it was my choice .

She had surgery just a few weeks ago and you think she should just go ahead and "have it!"???

Why don't you just drive her to McDonalds while you are at it. Unreal.

[samuelsmom 670]

I keep telling myself that if I really want it- I can have it! But I AM making the choice not to have it. No one is out there telling me I can't have it ( then I'm going to want it more) . I feel like when I'm choosing not to have something , I actually don't feel as sad about it because it was my choice .

She had surgery just a few weeks ago and you think she should just go ahead and "have it!"???

Why don't you just drive her to McDonalds while you are at it. Unreal.

I don't think the post was meant to convey that someone just out of surgery should have McDonalds. I think the idea is to help prevent feelings of being deprived which then increases the desire for whatever "it" is.

My dad did this when he quit smoking. He had a pack in the basement and would say that he could have a cigarette anytime he wanted to. He just chose NOT to have it that day.

For some people this strategy is very effective.

Edited March 18, 2015 by samuelsmom

[sandyb68 46]

if you had surgery in February, why are you having a kids meal ... and why is your choice a kids meal? I am totally speculating here that it was from a fast food place. I had surgery February 10 and I am only on pureed food. I was on Clear liquids for 4 weeks, 2 weeks pureed and hopefully I move onto soft foods next week and my goal is to be eating 'normal' food by week 10. I would suspect that eating normal food a few weeks after surgery is not a good thing, but one thing I know being on this site is that everyone and everyone's surgeon is different. Maybe step back and start with the basic foods again to kick start the weight loss. Make sure you are getting all your liquids, Vitamins and especially Proteins in. its hard, I sympathize with you there. I crave foods so bad still, that is just something I need to deal with. My surgeon was very honest with me and told me that I need to recognize head hunger from actual fuel hunger.

You have done the hard part ... talk to someone, you are strong, you can do it. Good luck to you!

[Babbs 14,681]

I just want to make it clear that I WAS NOT telling her to "just get over" her depression post surgery. Believe me, I know and understand depression. I have been a clinically depressed person on and off medication most of my life. A truly depressed person can't just "snap out of it" at will without professional help. I advised the OP to seek help. She can only benefit from it.

The thing I take issue with is regret. What good is regret? The choice has been made, there is no going back. So why not make the best of it? Get therapy, move forward toward a better, healthier life. Here's a quote I love about regret:

"You can never regret anything you do in life. You kind of have to learn the lesson from whatever the experience is and take it with you on your journey forward."

That quote, in a nutshell, was the point I was making in my original post.

[SippedChick 9]

Well Hallelooyer, I am so glad to know that I am not alone!

I had my surgery on March 6, and I have not lost any weight since the surgery, even though I struggle getting down any protein/liquids.

I'd say I'm taking in about 500-800 calories and that is GENEROUS.

I'm mad too! Not because I can't eat more, but that the scale ain't budging!! food doesn't really bother me, I actually enjoy smelling food or seeing it even though I can't eat it. I've noticed that I enjoy living vicariously through others. It helps that I don't get hungry, no hunger pains or weakness.

You are not alone! WLS is NOT the easy way out! It's a physical and mental transformation.

We have to find other ways to enjoy life other than eating. We also have to remind ourselves that this is not a punishment, this surgery was to save our lives and also to improve our quality of life! What would be the point if we just go back eating the same way after we have the surgery.