Lap-band and your significant other

[intlservices 0]

I was banded approximately one year ago. I started dating a particular person about 4 months after having surgery. I was already down to about 145/150 and he really liked me at that weight. I went on to plummit to 105, before I went back to the surgeon and he loosened the band. My friend actually became angry with me for losing so much weight, and i believ continues to be upset because he makes references to the fact that all of life revolves around eating....birthdays, family meals, parties, etc., and I can't eat very much. He feels that he has to cover for me when we are with friends. I don't tell people I've had the surgery, and i've tried to be very subtle in my eating practices. So, whereas I feel so relieved because I am no longer caught up in that pressure to eat just to eat.....he resents the fact that i can't eat like what he considers "normal". My physician and I agreed that a healthy weight range for me was 120-125, and I have pretty much reached that goal...I'm very happy with my progress, but I don't know how to approach my friend, and his attitudes against my lap band surgery.???:help:

[Dakota476 0]

Move ON .... sorry if that sounds rough or rude. but it would be like being a recovering alcoholic and your friend getting mad because you would not have a drink to Celebrate his birthday. maybe youcould try to explain it in a way he/she would understand but I'm betting you have already tried that.

Good Luck with what ever you decide

[Brewa2000 1]

My life USE to "revolve and eating" and drinking. Ballooned me up to almost 300 lbs.

Your health is alot more important than a non supportive friend....

Bruce

[kacee 3]

Your so-called friend appears to have some agenda in this. I wonder if he is possibly jealous of attention you might get. If, in his eyes, the world revolves around food, this guy is TOXIC to you and you need to move on down the road PRONTO. No two ways about it. Sorry.

[Cindi 0]

I have not told very many people about my surgey either. My DH, kids, Mom and BF know...that's it. I want to be successful first, without the prying questions and possible disaproval. Oddly enough, my oldest daughter was very upset, and very much against it (everyone else was supportive...they knew how long I'd struggled, and the esteem/health problems my extra weight was causing). She's 20 years old, and weighs 130...youth rarely understands lifelong problems. I finally talked (and talked) to her, and she now gives me her support, not her approval. That's what I needed. Support, not necessarily approval. Because I am the adult, and it was entirely my decision. I know I cannot, and should not seek approval from anyone. It's just a waste of energy. Support is what I need.

Try telling (kindly) your SO that this was your choice prior to him being in the picture, and that unfortunately he has no knowledge of the challenges and choices that you made. Tell him you don't seek his approval as much as his respect for your decision. And some support would be nice.

Good luck, sounds like you're doing great!

[5jacks 0]

I totally agree with everyone else.....have only been banded since January but could not imagine what it would be like without a supportive spouse/family member!! He's my rock when things go bad or I'm not losing as fast as I'd like. Life's too short to go through unhappy or unsupported....there are other fish in the sea!!

[goodtimes 0]

i hear ya dakota!!

[TracyinKS 7]

Sometimes the ones who sabotage us the most are the ones closest to us. Just know that the problem is HIS insecurity with the issue not yours. I can't even imagine being 105 lbs.. so maybe it was more the fact that you may have looked too thin and he was worried you were becoming aneorexic or something... I don't know.

Do what your doc says, after all that is why he makes the big bucks!

[Jachut 487]

I'd move on - that sort of crap is not the basis for healthy relationships. He should be supportive of you, not jealous and mean. And if he only likes you heavier, well that's no different in my book to someone who will only date big breasted blondes - appearance focussed and incapable of looking underneath at the real person.