LB surgery for my unhappy tean daughter?

[ducky 0]

My daughter has been overweight since she was 8 years old and it has caused serious and frequent emotional pain. She 16 and is just now beginning to seriously want a boyfriend and she is so self conscious. She is getting more stretch marks and if it were me, this is what I would want for myself.

Can anyone share what they would have liked if they experienced something similar? My husband is against the idea and wants to make her work out more but I think we should do something now so that she doesn't have to continue to suffer unnecessarily.

I appreciate any feedback.

[Dakota476 0]

My son is also heavy he just turned 16 aswell. He asked me if he could get the band also I asked him to work with me after I get the band and see what happens. He is not very active but last summer during marching band camp (don't laugh he really went to band camp) he lost about 30lbs just doing the excersing that the marching was doing. so there might be a chance for him with out the surgery but if it doesn't work I would support his decision to get the band I know what high school is like when your FAT... it sure aint the stuff you see on TV

The shows like the OC or dawsons creek are as much fantasy land as the lord of the rings but main stream america doesn't want to believe that.

[Dakota476 0]

Are you or your husband bigger?

are you banded ?

just asking because that may play into the way she views

things also

[mypov 0]

I feel her pain. I WAS that overweight teenager. I hated about every minute of it. I think if I'd even been aware of weight loss surgeries, especially the lapband, I would have driven my parents crazy begging for it. And yet- I DON'T think it's a good idea.

First things first, find a counselor for her to address her self-worth issues. Second, get her into some activities where weight isn't a big deal. Third, go with her to some nutritionists and start a fun exercise regime with her. One of the most helpful things my parents did with me is dieted and exercised with me. They made the whole family do it. My mom and I took Water aerobics together and weight lifting classes. The nutritionist helped me learn what healthy foods and nutrition means. You can't always expect a teen to just KNOW that. I didn't before that.

I lost and gained several times over the course of my teen years, but the information I learned has been invaluable to me in the past few months. I attribute my success to being finally able to once and for all put into action all the knowledge I gained over the years.

If I were in your predicament, I would tell my daughter to start saving her money as we started these family lifestyle changes. I would tell her when she is older (18, 21 whatever) she can help you pay for the surgery, and if she doesn't need it by then, maybe she could buy herself a car or something. Let her know you are open to the idea but she has a lot she could do for herself in the mean time.

PS- Most doc's probably wouldn't feel she was emotionally or physically mature enough for such a procedure. I'm almost 26 and its still emotionally difficult.

PPS-Through the changes my parents made with me while I was a teen, my mother lost 40 lbs and has kept it off, and my Dad lost 150 with no medical intervention and has kept it ALL off!

[Jachut 487]

This is a hard one, one I"ve given some consideration to, but my son is like I was, he will be heavier than average but wont become clinically obese until adulthood. Still, much as I try, I see it as an inevitable process, its just genetically programmed into us somehow and although all it takes to prevent it is a change in attitude and behaviours, that just does not come to you at 16 years old, no matter how miserable about your weight you are.

I would so love for kids like your daughter to be banded and never go through the agony of becoming morbidly obese, missing the best parts of their young lives and starting adulthood in bad shape physically and emotionally, but I'm really not convinced that a 16 year old is ready to handle the changes a band forces on you. It would be a hard road for them, but if my child were morbidly obese I think its one I'd choose, but be there for massive support and encouragement becuase I think its going to be much harder than it is for us as adults who are truly ready to take responsibility for ourselves.

[musicalmomma 1]

I'd have to have a great deal more information before even hazzarding any advice. Does SHE want the surgery? How over weight is she? Does she have any other health related issues? Have you or you husband been banded? How has she tried to lose weight in the past.

At 16, her body is still changing. I don't even know if it's approved for anyone under 18. My oldest daughter is 18 and 280. She was chubby since age 8 also and steadily gained weight since her early teens. However, she has Juvenile Rhumatoid Arthritis and has dibilitating pain that makes it hard for her to exercise...not to mention she can't take NSAIDS with the band and she HAS to take them for her condition.

I feel concerned that a reason you gave for considering the band was "wanting a boyfriend" and "stretch marks". Yes, these are big deals to a teenager, but not reasons to undergo surgery at such a young age.

[JulieNYC 4]

I guess I'm in the opposite camp. I'm pro-banding for teens. I think an obese teen is stastically certain to be an obese adult (there are exceptions from statistics, but the numbers are so small). It's probably relevant that I was banded at a practice that is part of the FDA trials on teens too, so I see a lot of them and their successes, which has influenced me.

Basically, I would never encourage surgery for a teen who hadn't brought it up first. But if a teen came to ME asking for advice about banding, I'd support it 100%. I believe banding is the most logical tool to combat obesity and that obesity is emotionally harder than being banded is. I believe that, for the obese, years unbanded are partially wasted in that they could have been better years with the band.

[Iluvharleys 15]

I used to be against the idea of banding so young, but now I think it is a good idea if the person is really overweight. Now, I am not talking 30 pounds, I am talking a lot of weight, and it they have tried to lose weight and failed.

I wish I would have had to opportunity to have the band at a younger age. When you are younger, your skin bounces back better, and the older you get the more sagging you get. The confidence is much higher when they aren't over weight, and life is much better for them. They can keep up with the other kids their age, instead of sitting on the sidelines. They get asked out for dates, instead of sitting home and eating.

Yes, I do believe if I had a child that was over weight I would let them have the band if they wanted it. I would make sure they knew all that was involved with it and how much they would have to work with the band.

[Band-aided 0]

My son too is heavy, he is 14 weighing in at 220llb. It has been nearly as painful for me as for him, as I remember my childhood and have to re live it with him. It has also caused major problems, as I try to help him not to eat.....I know it's a joke, blind leading the blind. I have booked him into camp shane (Summer Weight Loss Camps Lose Weight Get Fit | Relax Camp Shane is Not a Teen "Fat Camp") this summer for 9 weeks it's a special weight loss camp for kids, it's not cheap but, I took a part time job to pay for it. By the way it looks amazing, and he really wants to go. I only hope this helps him, if it doesn't, then, you;re dam right I'll get him the band. I am NOT having my child suffer the way I did, no sir! If the kid needed glasses I'd get them for him or hearing aids. If there is something out there to help him, then he's having it that's my job I'm his mother. My husband did not agree with the camp shane, said it would label him! Oh please, like kids at school don't! Anyway, I got a job, put the deposit down and he leaves on the 20th June for 9 weeks. I am going to miss him so very much but if there is an oportunity out there for him I'll do anything to get it for him and will continue to do so, I'm pro bands for teens!

Jx

[ducky 0]

I really appreciate all of your views. I agree that she needs to take some personal responsibility in the choice she makes, the saving money should help. My therapist has suggested a nutritionist who teaches classes; I will send her to those prior to our commitment. My daughter will not go to therapy and participate. I have tried several times but she refuses to discuss anything real; she just holds it all in. She said she wants the surgery but I think anything she can do to show me she is committed would be good. The reasons I gave were hers but I understand how uncomfortable that could be.

</O:p

My daughter is 5'9" and 260 pounds and she will be 17 in August, found a website that said her ideal body weight for her height is 143. My husband is 6'6" and 300 pounds. He should probably be about 220, I am 5'6" and 170, and I should probably be about 130. My husband has a sister that is obese and I had an aunt however neither my husband nor I have had significant problems with our weight or any surgeries, I have recently lost about 20 pounds and it seems the smaller I get the more unhappy she is. My daughter has tried dieting and working out but has never stuck with anything long enough to get any real results. I sent her to Camp Shane when she was 8 years old but I think it was one worst things I ever did since she was so young; they made here weigh herself in front of everyone which was humiliating and I thought it lowered her self esteem instead of empowering her. I think if she had been older it would have been much better.

I and my daughter are both emotional eaters. I often compare it to alcoholism, my sister is an alcoholic and she went through treatment when she was 19 and has struggled with it on and off throughout her life. They have both shown the same symptoms. I remember when my daughter was in elementary school and she took a Little Debbie snack that they had against the wall in which everyone in line had to walk by to get their lunch. I went to the school and spoke with the lunch room manager and told her I did not allow those types of food in my home and I didn’t appreciate that they were trying to fill their coffers with money from the sale of crap food. I told her it would be like having an alcoholic walk through the liquor store to get their food. I think it is appalling the way our public schools undermine parent’s efforts this way. The problem with eating is that you can’t ever stop completely and isolate yourself like you can with alcohol. I know that surgery won’t solve her problems; I just hope to make life a little easier while she is dealing with them.

</O:p

Of course she just brought it up today and I thought I should confer with some people who have experience with this. I will probably have to take her out of the country to have the surgery done as I don’t think that my insurance will pay for it and the cost is so much less elsewhere.<O:p

[Band-aided 0]

Ducky,

My heart bleeds for your and your litle girl, I really know how this must be ripping you apart. My son really wanted to go to camp shane and I said if I sort it out I need some commitment off you. Since I booked he's dropped 20llbs, maybe you could try the same with your daughter. Did you say she was 17, why don't you suggest if she drops 20/30 llbs you'll look at the band for when she's say 18. You never know if she's on her way she may chose not to have it. Let her see the operation performed and give her all the information, let and go and taslk to the doctors. Alot of people , say they have to work with the band and it's not a magic cure. The clinic I have been to is very helpful, I'm in Canada and I went to the TLCB the clinic provides along with the sugery a nutritionalist, and phscologist the doctor there say';s it all goes hand in hand. Try and find a cliinc near you that really deals with the whole issue, a good clinic will tell you the truth about the band and she may see it's not magic. Whats the wrost thing that can happen! the band doesn't work for her! all the best let me know how she gets on.

Jx

[LLSibley 1]

I believe that your daughter needs to be well educated on how hard it can be to work with a band. Peer pressure to do things like eating out and overdoing that, soft drinks and alcohol (yes even though you say she never will as a minor, I truely believe they all do) can have a dramatic effect on the success of the band. I know several people around here that are really disappointed about their lack of weight loss but if you ask them they are working around their band instead of with it. For the cost it's a great responsibility. And you need to know if your daughter is responsible enough to handle the band. If yes, then go with it. If no then wait a few years. As far as dating goes, that alone is not reason enough to get a band.

[musicalmomma 1]

Hi again Ducky. Thanks for the extra info. I think I'm on the same page with jetlagjane on this.

You seem to have a really good head on your shoulders and are looking at this option objectively. At first I was a little concerned that you wanted her to have the band more than she wanted it. Doesn't appear that way at all now

I think you're right to make her take responsibility before getting her banded. She MUST learn to overcome that insecurity that keeps her from participating in her neccessary therapy. If she refuses to learn what she needs to there, she won't learn how to work with the band.

There's is MUCH more at stake than her not losing weight on the band. If she doesn't follow the rules of the band, she can cause a band slip, pouch dialation, band erosion...etc. If you take her out of the country to do it, it could be difficult to find a doctor in the states that would handle complications. This is my main reason for being so skeptical of teens getting the band. Teens today have so little impulse control!!! I know, I have two teens myself (and two younger too). She has to know and understand that this is not another diet, this is for life and that she'll have to eat right and excercise for life...the band just makes it easier to eat less. Ice cream, milk shakes, etc go down VERY easy with the band. She can outsmart it if she's strong willed enough.

Like jetlagjane said, give her some goals to reach, to show she's serious. Save money, lose a little weight, begin a regular exercise regimin, participate in therapy sessions, etc. When she's done this for, I'd say at least six months, then re-evaluate. See if she still wants it. If she still does, and she's met all the agreed upon stipulations, begin the process. If she bucks the six months, tell her that MANY insurance companies require a six month pre-op diet and therapy before approving surgery, and you're just following suit

Again, I think you have a good grip on the situation. Educate yourself and your daughter about every aspect of the band and I think you'll both make the right decision. Bottom line, you know you're daughter better than anyone. You'll make the right decision

Keep us posted!

[reqgoddess 0]

I have to say, that I am totally AGAINST banding for teens. They haven't even stopped growing yet. Parts of their brains won't even mature for years , like up to 25. They need to address the issues as to why they are fat. Life style and parents childhood lifestyle: THIS is the biggest reason most of us are fat. The difference is when you are 40, your body doesn't "bounce back" after years of yo-yo dieting. A teen, still has a great metabolism, but they must take some time and DO something. I don't believe the genetic crud. We tell this to ourselves to take off the blame. All the rest of the world has gene's too. many of them may have genes that are prone to be overweight, but they are NOT!!! It is called lifestyle and here in the states, we have a bad one for eating. Learn what is good for you, don't just have LESS of what is BAD. Small McDonald's fries instead of a large McDonald's fries is NOT the answer!!! Having a cup of ice cream instead of 2 cups of ice cream is NOT the answer. DROP the BAD foods and replace them with GOOD foods. Face it folks, even being banded, you cannot eat the bad food or you will NOT lose the weight. We have had to work hard to learn the good foods. Because since WWII, companies started processing foods MUCH differently and in their processing they have made many foods that once were good ...bad. We were raised with this food, not knowing all the bad things they did to it. But now the info is out there. In addition, with our lab band, we need to count calories. If we were 16 and counted the calories and ate healthy food, and exercised, NONE of us would be here banded now. If we cannot admit this and admit that there was something in us that stopped us from looking out for us, then we are not being honest with ourselves. I think that the mom is taking the correct approach. See a therapist and get her self esteem up. Get her motivated to WANT to learn about the good foods and why they are good and why she needs to get rid of the bad foods before they kill you. The older generations still don't get it to a point. my mom defends homemade pizza. made with white flour because it was unbleached, she thinks it is healthy. AGHGHGHGH!! Homemade pizza made with wheat flour wouldn't be bad except that Mozz cheese is hard to digest, and will turn to fat faster. White unbleached flour is better then bleached flour but please don't DARE call it healthy!!! This is the stuff they need to realize. Yes it is work, but better to learn as a child that nothing is worth it unless you work for it. It is true that you appreciate things more too when you work for it then when you are given it. Give the kids a chance to build their self esteem and part of that is by doing the work to lose the weight. Let's try not to put our adult feelings from when we were a teenager into their heads because if we knew as teenagers to do the "right " things, we wouldn't have to have been banded. Sorry this is so long, and preachy, but unnecessary surgery, even the band, for a teenager is nuts.

[joe7777 1]

Ok...reggoddess i can appreciate your point of view but i do not agree. Being a fat teenager (19) and knowing some...its not something most people grow out of...read the stats. Something along the lines of 90% of teens that are obese become obese adults. (i dont know the stat right now but ive heard it a million times before). On top of that genetics is not a guess, its pretty much an accepted theory (along with other factors, it explains obesity in some). I am a health science student, i have university classes in health and wellness, nutrition, physical activity, metabolism etc...i KNOW all there is to know, people literally tell me that i shouldnt be as fat as i am..theyre like, you are in better shape than me it doesnt make sense (not kidding ive been told that) and i weighed 320 at 5'11''. <br /> <br /> Also, why are you banded...you basically have the attitude of a non-bander preaching to a bander ex: ''Small McDonald's fries instead of a large McDonald's fries is NOT the answer!!! Having a cup of ice cream instead of 2 cups of ice cream is NOT the answer. DROP the BAD foods and replace them with GOOD foods.'' WTF is this...honestly....i wont even go there.<br /> <br /> if anything getting this done early is probably going to avoid me getting diabetes, hypertension, sleep apnea etc. I did this because i think that without it i wouldnt be able to lose the weight i need to to feel healthy and good about myself. BUT i have tried before, like i was saying, losing weight is the EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD TO DO....on paper. Eat less excercise, wow aren't i a genius for figuring that one out. <br /> <br /> But in honesty i think that to answer to the main question is...if you child is not ready for it, it might be better to wait. My parents had talked to me about doing some form of surgery earlier...i was weird about it and said no and brushed it off...but then eventually i went to them. I did my own research, i found this site, i was emotionnally ready. Also, i have lived through 2 years university now, i am in a stable place and i really don't know if your daughter would be there yet...who knows. It is a judgement call on your part. As per your husband, i dont know what to say, i guess there will always be those people who dont agree...one thing i would suggest is to make him watch the PBS documentary called FAT: what no one is telling you. Just do a search and a link for it should pop up. It pretty much dispells the fat myths. <br /> <br /> There, i said what i said, i look forward to reading your comments

Also, i agree with everything jetlagjane said in her post, that pretty much sums up my position.