LB surgery for my unhappy tean daughter?

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Yep, I agree about the parents knowing the child best...that's why if the parent feels they are ready, and the teen wants it, I say go for it...why wait until you have a laundry list of MO complications. I just think if there are any doubts as to the readiness of the teen, there should be some more therapy and time given before taking that step.

Yep, she's on Enbrel now. Was taken off NSAIDS and Methotrexate (sp?) about a year ago because she was doing so well. Then she had a serious flare up. Refused to go to the doc, thinking it would pass with Advil. Ended up back on Enbrel. She's doing VERY well on Enbrel and Advil now. WOW, If she could take advil with the band, I would SO like to talk to her about it when we get together this summer. She is SUCH a bright girl! I know I'm bragging here...but she went to a Technical High School, with 458 students in her graduation class. She graduated 2006 Valedictorian and with an LPN. She is now an LPN and in school for RN. The Federal Goverment has given her seed money to pay her entire tuition. So she goes to school free (except for books and admin fee's). She is in the top 2% in the nation at her level of study. She placed first in clinical testing, so she gets to begin clinical next year. There is a HUGE waiting list for clinical and you get in based on your test scores. She willl go before people who are a year or more ahead of her in their studies, because of her high test scores. I'm sorry to drone on about my wonderful daughter...I don't take any credit for it, because I was the class clown in school! I'm just saying...I KNOW she has a wonderful head on her shoulders and as such I would completely support and cheer her on should she want to get the band.

NSAID's are ok...good news!!!!

Your daughter sounds fantastic! She really does. I wish all nursing students were that bright. That's one of the reasons I don't want to go back to hospital nursing. My job is working with new grads and I soooo wish they weren't like they are. I won't go into detail further other than to say I'd love working with your daughter from the sounds of it.

I think you likely do have something to do with her success, if bad parents affect their kids in a negative manner, isn't it fair to say the good parents affect them in a positive manner?

[musicalmomma 1]

Thanks WABB...she REALLY loves it and has such a passion for kids...she's looking into pediatric nursing or midwifery. I'd bet she'd love working with you too!

[shell04937 0]

I am speaking as a person who has been over weight since she was 7 or 8, as a mom and a person that has been banded. I am talking as a mom who has 2 daughter one whom has been overweight since the day she was born and a daughter that is 6 this week and starting to have extra weight showing.

When I was growing up it was hard. I was teased constantly by boys who now I know are just stupid jerks, but it does not make the memories any easier. I was a size 18 in 8th grade and then that summer grew about 6 inches ( I am not kidding my brother did the same thing) anyways I went from a size 18 to a 14 in one summer. I felt great and was happy but the fear of being teased and the anxiety I felt around boys was horrible. I stayed a size 14 all thru high school but had to excersise everynight when my parents thought I was in bed and eat very small amounts of food to stay that way. I got married and I went to a size 18 and when I had my surgery 13yrs later I was almost a size 24 even thought I would eat less then my skinny friends. Today I buttoned a size 18 again but could not have moved in them so I am almost there again. Anyways back to my thougth on teens having the surgery.

I have already told my husband that if I can do anything to help my girls not have to have the anxiety this has caused me then I will do it in a heart beat. I think when my girls are between the ages of 16-18 if they are mature enought to understand the life long impact this will have on them and to understand what is required (some days it is hard having a band because your psychie is effected), I will let them have the surgery. I would rather them have it at 16, 17 or 18 before they develope the back and knee pain and diabetes I have at 32yrs old. I think it would have been easier to get this as a teen because that is 16 yrs of learning bad habits that they can avoid or change sooner.

Talk to your husband and daughter and discuss the benifits and the risk. Doing it so she gets a date is not good enough. Doing it to save her mental health and life are reasons for it.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Keep us posted.

[shell04937 0]

why cant she take NSAIDS with the band? I have been banded since Sept 2006 and have been on NSAIDS pre band and post band daily. I have an autoimmune disease that causes joint and muscle pain so without them I cant walk.

Just wondering if a Dr said not NSAIDS with the band or what because mine never said a thing.

[AudreyG 0]

Hey, I had someone send me a private message regading their daughter and the band, for some reason it sent to my hotmail but not my private messages. I feel terrible because now I cannot find the message. I would really love to reply to you, but I can't find the message! So if you see this please do shoot me another one.

Thanks!

Audrey:)

[joe7777 1]

First of all, I never said you "grow out of it". Quite the opposite. The longer one waits, the harder it is . Look, no offense, but at 19, although you may be extremely intelligent, you are too young to be fully "life smart" yet (the proof is your statement of "I know all there is to know"). Heck, you haven't even graduated college. However, I know you hate hearing that, because I did too. I, too, felt that way at 19, ( actually i think I felt that way as early as 16 (lol)) so I understand. Warning: when you are 25, you will look back and realize just how much you didn't know.

As a 19 year old person, you may have been banded, for your own personal reasons. But you cannot even fully understand the impact on your life for the future because the part of your brain that handles "long term planning-cause and effect" doesn't fully mature until about 25. So you THINK you do, but medically you are shooting dice.

I am happy at some of the clarifications you made about your position, although i still disagree. I also understand what you mean about writing something vs saying it...it may come off the wrong way. That being said...i would like to adress these 2 comments.

I think you may have misconstrued what i have said as well...the i know all there is to know bit. If you look at my statement i wrote KNOW (capital letters) to emphasize that i took classes in health and wellness, nutrition, physical activity, metabolism and i know technically (i wrote all...but its a hyperbole for a lot) a lot of things about diet, exercise and obesity. One of my professors is a metabolism specialist, he does work with the US army for metabolism in cold climates...I digress. I wasnt talking about knowing everything in the world...just on this particular subject which is my field of interest (although meeting me i am a 'know it all').

As per being immature...maturity is relative. I am mature. I dont care what my age says, i dont want to get into the...some adults are more immature than kids routine...but it's absolutely true. I am also struggling with the long term planning and medically shooting dice thing...I might not be good at long term planning but what effect does that have on my health?

The whole, longer it waits the harder it gets is exactly why i think teenagers should get banded...albeit not forcibly. They should want to...heck, at 19 or 17 or 16...there was never a time where i felt full...thats what i hope the band will provide me. I was ready when i was ready, and i think that comes at the time it comes for everyone. If i wouldve known about this a year ago i would probably weigh 70-100lbs less...and wouldnt have gained whatever weight i gained last year. I don't know if i wouldve done it...but now i wish i had found out about it earlier and done it earlier.

this is for the person who started this thread:

1. The only answer as to if your daughter is ready for a lap-band can come from her&you. YOU need to know if she's ready, and she needs to know if she's ready. It HAS to be the two of you that think so..because in this matter, you may know more about her than she does.

2. As per having it done, it works...there is a younger bandster on this board i believe had it done at 15 or something like that and had great results.

3. It may be a bit early...but again referring to the first point i made, only you know. If you suspect you may be ready for your daughter you may still want to do a medically supervised diet and exercise program...not because your insurance wants to or whatever, but to see if it works. I have in the past been involved in a great program. I had trainers a nutritionist...i was doing well...but then little things changed, and i got a bit off course, then a lot off course, then dropped it. Thats what we do...we didnt get fat because we wanted to. I honestly think if i didnt do anything short of surgery the only way i could lose weight is if i hired a person to follow me around and tell me i couldnt eat. Thats what the band does, its that person that follows you telling you you cant eat anyomore once youve had a reasonable serving, and it's that motivator to get you exercising...because losing weight is great and i know when i started on my program...i couldnt stand it...but when you see results then you start liking it.

[joe7777 1]

alright...i read some of the ones after i quoted...and it seems some people have said the same thing as my first point. About the daughter and mother being the ones to decide.

Also, i agree with WABB...THANK YOU, for supporting me...i love the myth myth myth...lol. People have a thought...and won't let it go...even my parents sometimes. If people in this day and age still think cold weather causes colds....it's unbelievable but they do....imagine trying to get into it with hormones, metabolism, it goes in one ear and out the other.

Oh and one last thing, i think i was reffered to as a SHE...i am in fact a HE...but hey, there was no way of knowing that so i don't take offence.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

alright...i read some of the ones after i quoted...and it seems some people have said the same thing as my first point. About the daughter and mother being the ones to decide.

Also, i agree with WABB...THANK YOU, for supporting me...i love the myth myth myth...lol. People have a thought...and won't let it go...even my parents sometimes. If people in this day and age still think cold weather causes colds....it's unbelievable but they do....imagine trying to get into it with hormones, metabolism, it goes in one ear and out the other.

Oh and one last thing, i think i was reffered to as a SHE...i am in fact a HE...but hey, there was no way of knowing that so i don't take offence.

Geez... you'd think the photo of the male and the name "Rob" would have given us old folks a clue. Sorry about that!

Don't forget about getting wet causing your death of cold. If you get wet in the shower that's okay because that's where you are supposed to get wet. Stand out in the rain and get wet and you'll catch your death. If death is caused by getting wet, what happens when you are wet AND cold? Oh my....

You know, in the 70s the supposed experts came up with such a load of nonsense and it still sticks regarding diet and exercise. I think in the 70s they tried to make it so it wasn't our fault. In the 80s "health" was all the rage, a lot of talk but no real efforts. In the 90s they started looking at fat issues and what causes people to overeat and finally today they are coming up with some solutions. No real answers as to WHY this problem exists, but at least they are finally looking. A million theories exist but still no certain answers.

Perhaps this is finally the decade to do away with the myths once and for all.

[kyethra 0]

I really appreciate all of your views. I agree that she needs to take some personal responsibility in the choice she makes, the saving money should help. My therapist has suggested a nutritionist who teaches classes; I will send her to those prior to our commitment. My daughter will not go to therapy and participate. I have tried several times but she refuses to discuss anything real; she just holds it all in. She said she wants the surgery but I think anything she can do to show me she is committed would be good. The reasons I gave were hers but I understand how uncomfortable that could be.

</O:p

My daughter is 5'9" and 260 pounds and she will be 17 in August, found a website that said her ideal body weight for her height is 143. My husband is 6'6" and 300 pounds. He should probably be about 220, I am 5'6" and 170, and I should probably be about 130. My husband has a sister that is obese and I had an aunt however neither my husband nor I have had significant problems with our weight or any surgeries, I have recently lost about 20 pounds and it seems the smaller I get the more unhappy she is. My daughter has tried dieting and working out but has never stuck with anything long enough to get any real results. I sent her to Camp Shane when she was 8 years old but I think it was one worst things I ever did since she was so young; they made here weigh herself in front of everyone which was humiliating and I thought it lowered her self esteem instead of empowering her. I think if she had been older it would have been much better.

I and my daughter are both emotional eaters. I often compare it to alcoholism, my sister is an alcoholic and she went through treatment when she was 19 and has struggled with it on and off throughout her life. They have both shown the same symptoms. I remember when my daughter was in elementary school and she took a Little Debbie snack that they had against the wall in which everyone in line had to walk by to get their lunch. I went to the school and spoke with the lunch room manager and told her I did not allow those types of food in my home and I didn’t appreciate that they were trying to fill their coffers with money from the sale of crap food. I told her it would be like having an alcoholic walk through the liquor store to get their food. I think it is appalling the way our public schools undermine parent’s efforts this way. The problem with eating is that you can’t ever stop completely and isolate yourself like you can with alcohol. I know that surgery won’t solve her problems; I just hope to make life a little easier while she is dealing with them.

</O:p

Of course she just brought it up today and I thought I should confer with some people who have experience with this. I will probably have to take her out of the country to have the surgery done as I don’t think that my insurance will pay for it and the cost is so much less elsewhere.<O:p

I think having her work with a nutritionist is a great idea. What about having her join the Y or Curves or something like that as well? Bandsters are supposed to exercise and I hear its easier when we start exercising before the surgery. As far as therapy goes, if she won't do it, she won't do it, but do mention to her that in order to get the band she would have to see one to make she was mature enough.

Also work on doing little things that might help her self esteem. When I was that age I was about 20 or 30 pounds overweight (maybe 40) but I felt like I was 80 pounds overweight. Teen girls have a hard time seeing reality. Now I know yours is obese, but I'm saying that age distortion makes it that much worse. So yes, I'm for the surgery for teens-- I wish I had this done when I was a teen. But its also important to have a good sense of self esteem and self worth thats not related to weight. Self esteem can be hard to aquire, but its worth more than gold.

[jackie506 1]

I can totally relate to this. I have a almost 16 year old daughter who was very small and petite until she was about 8-9 years old then she started to get 'husky'. She just kept going up. The last couple of years she has stayed right around 220-230 but she is totally miserable!!! When I started looking into the band for myself (I am yet to be banded. In the process of insurance approval and etc) she asked me if she could do it also. I called our insurance and they will not cover until she is 18. e then talked about going to Mexico but I just can not get myself comfortable with that so we have decided that she will wait until she is 18 and up until then we will keep trying. It is so hard because here I am morbidly obese trying to teach my obese daughter how to eat. Talk about blind leading the blind!! She gets frustrated with me sometimes and she will say 'not all of us can have surgery.' I am so worried about her psychy after I have the surgery. She tries to be sooooo supportive and yet sometimes I feel as though I am 'abandoning' her. Our insurance requires a 6 month supervised diet and they told us they were thinking of increasing that to 12 months so our family doc and DD and I have all talked and we will be working on this supervised diet for the next 2 years. She needs to lose the weight now so we are starting (should have done that a while ago). I hope she can lose the weight on her own over the next 2 years but if not....she will have the dreaded supervised diet over with so she will be clearing her way for surgery if she opts for it.

The benefit is she will be seeing first hand front row seat what I have to go through after the band. She will be able to see first hand all the work, dedication and life style change. When she is 18 IF she is still obese, she will be able to make an INFORMED decision about the surgery.

The next two years are going to be very hard for her but I am all for waiting until she is at least 18. I myself have struggles most of my adult life with obesity losing 60-70 lbs 2 times only to gain it all back and then some. She is almost 16 and her friends and her go out to eat lunch and sometimes supper now. She has always been accepted and had friends that accept her for who she is but SHE does not accept herself. It is disheartening to see your beautiful daughter dressed in big hooded sweatshirts or zip up coats in June and July when it is so hot to try to hide herself. Today she was with friends and they decided to go swimming and she told them she 'didn't feel well' so that she could get out of it gracefully. So disheartening to see her pull herself out of a group and hang back. She has a great big heart and wants to wear all the pretty girl things and do the girly things ut always feels as through she has to 'hide'.

I think banding for alot of teens unfortunately is definately in their futures. I noticed at the high school on several occasions the last couple of years that A LOT of kids are over weight and obese. I don't think we should encourage the surgery but I can tell you I can not wait for the day my daughter can be at a healthy weight and feel ok about herself whether she accomplishes that surgically or naturally. I just want to see her happy and to see her fluorish. She is an A honor roll girl and has a lot to offer.

Sorry for such a long post. I am just so happy to see others who deal with the same heart breaking issues with their teens.

[jackie506 1]

OH yeah!! BTW she has done counseling 3 times in the past. We also have a YMCA membership and she has been going with me. Surgeon told me to start exercising before surgery because the better shape I am in for the surgery the better off I will be during the healing process. I am a very active person already and always have been but I have a BMI of 47.6.

[joe7777 1]

Yeah, i have lived that, i AM living that i'm only 1 month out of surgery. Thats why i hate when i see something that could help others the same as it will hopefully help me be shot down. (I do agree that it is not an overnight decision, but if the decision to get it done is made, then i say go for it). I weighed 320ish BMI 44....not healthy. I am 19, so time won't be good to me if i don't change