What do you tell people?

[QuilterGal 216]

Having WLS is such a personal thing for me, with so many emotions and fears involved. My husband and PCP have been my biggest supporters as I've considered surgery, and they are the only ones who know I am moving forward with it. At some point, people will start to figure out that something is "up" -- I'll be taking time off from work and I'll be losing a lot of weight. What are everyone's plans for how to discuss or not discuss your WLS with family, friends, and coworkers? I am not interested in having any discussions about this with or being judged by anyone. It is none of their business. But I suspect it will come up at some point. What are your thoughts on how to respond?

[Bonawanabfree 280]

I have actually been very open with everyone around me about WLS. I am proud of it and I am embracing it 100%. The people around me are supportive but even if they werent it would not change my feelings at all. If they dont like it then that is their opinion and you know what they say about opinions. Be proud of your decision, This is an amazing blessing and a wonderful tool. Be someones inspiration.

[Wannabeskinnie 59]

I have also not hold anyone...Judy my husband and just recently my two teens only because they will be living with me seeing my liquid diet, etc...other than that, I am staying private

I know a lot of people have said they were having a hiatal hernia fixed, I know my neighbor, who I knew was having it done, told most people she was having a female problem fixed...that stopped the questions...I don't like to lie, so not sure what I will say when people start to ask but will probably say I am eating high Protein, no surgar, watching portions, and exercising

[QuilterGal 216]

Be proud of your decision.

I am proud of my decision. This is not about pride. It's about privacy. I am a very private person and I'm tired of people offering unsolicited opinions about my weight and body. I find it exceedingly rude, and I suspect the changes that will come following WLS will result in additional queries.

[Wannabeskinnie 59]

I know I am proud of my decision...to me it's just a personal thing. I have support from my husband and my kids....I don't care to deal with judgemental people, be it good or bad. This is my journey not theirs.

[Dream thin 11]

I agree with wannabeskinnie. You still have to work hard by watching what you eat, choosing Protein over carbs and sugar, and excercising. So that it what I will tell people, I don't need any judgmental people taking that away from me!

[kickboxlvr 23]

It is awkward when people ask. (I am 7m post and 5lbs from goal.) When people ask "oh what have you been doing? Exercise and dieting?" I go with it. If I am closer to them I may tell them. I am proud of my decision and people ask my "secret" all the time. But if I feel they won't understand or I will have to go through explaining my decision, I don't bother. People are so judgey. I had gotten a hernia fixed too. So that is what I said when they asked me why I was out of work. It is personal. So ultimately its what you are comfortable in talking about. I just hate it when people say "oh don't you feel so much better!?" Aren't you happier? Urgh...

[Bufflehead 6,358]

Before surgery I told my work that I was "having surgery" on x date and needed a couple weeks off. My co-workers are hyper-aware of the law (most of them are lawyers!) and knew better than to ask beyond that. I told my very closest friends and immediate family that I was having surgery, and the type of surgery, only a week before. I didn't want to give people time to get nervous or negative! Everyone was great and very supportive.

After surgery, when people ask me how I am losing weight, I tell them I am eating high Protein and low carb, journaling everything on MFP, and that I had weight loss surgery, specifically the sleeve. I am a private person too, and it is hard for me to talk about, but I kind of want people to be aware of this option and to help dispel the myths about weight loss surgery. So I grit my teeth and force myself to talk about it! So far virtually everyone has been positive and interested in a good way. I had one person tell me that I "cheated" but I expected it from her - she's a bitch who is always saying mean things to me and others. So I rolled my eyes and moved on.

[QuilterGal 216]

I spoke to my husband about the "cheating" reaction that some people are accused of who have WLS. He was stunned and angry that anyone would consider a major surgery to be a workaround for weight loss. I think we're not going to say anything to anyone with the exception of possibly only my parents.

[Rovobay 920]

never told anyone (except wife). I am pretty private and I don't like attention. if people ask. I tell them input-output, simple math. watching what I eat and exercising a lot (which is all true!!!)

[alwaysvegas 702]

I've told my family and everyone I work with. Everyone has been very supportive. I've also stirred alot of interest in people who didn't understand the surgery beforehand.

[mclorrie 219]

"To each is own" I always say! Some people feel it's nobody's business but their own, and I agree with them 100%.

I... on the other hand have told my boss, and a few co-workers which I work closely with every day. The reason being is - they all know what a struggle I've been going through with my weight. I've been working in the same company (same department) for over 17 years, so these people are more like my work family more than anything else. And best of all.... I have their support!!

After I have surgery, and someone asks me about my weight loss... I'll tell them I'm on a restricted diet and exercise program!

Do what you feel is best - it's your life, your body, and your decision! Good luck with your surgery!

[Garifab_VSG 122]

I'm still pre-op, but the date is nearing.

From the start I said I wouldn't tell many people, but I've been telling more than I thought I would.

I do get tired of reading the responses about how it's nothing to be ashamed of, be proud of the decision, and so on and so forth. Everyone is different, of course, as are our reasons for getting to the point of morbid obesity, however - I am totally ashamed of it, and not "proud" by any means. I'm ashamed that I had so little self-control that my body got to this point, and I need to have 85% of my stomach removed to be successful at losing it. There are people out there who manage to find the willpower and self control and discipline to lose over 100 lbs without having surgery. So no, I'm not proud of this decision, and I'm not just happily telling the world that I'm about to have weight loss surgery.

Edited March 2, 2015 by Garifab_VSG

[BloomingLotus 179]

Not a single person outside of this forum knows of my surgery. Not family, not friends, not work.

I think it's wonderful that so many people have such a great support system around them and can shout their surgery from the rooftops, but that is not the case in my situation. I am very proud of my decision to take my health into my own hands and conquer this problem before it gets too out of control. My medical decisions are no ones business but my own, but I do have all the respect in the world for those who are open enough to share.

For work, I often travel and can be out of the office for days at a time without question. I emailed my boss and HR that I would be using vacation days for one week. I did no further explanation. I did not tell any coworkers, and let them assume I was traveling on assignment.

As for eating out. I have been on a diet for most of my life, so saying "i'm being good today" before a meal seems to go without question from family and friends. Everyone knows that I was doing the occasional Protein shakes for Meal Replacements, they just didn't know it was in preparation for wls.

My loss isn't too noticeable yet, so I will cross the bridge of how to reply to loss questions when I get to it.

I may decide down the road to be more open, but for now this is my little secret, and I am totally content with my decision to keep it that way!

[Bobby46 327]

I am a very private person as well. Especially about my weight. Being heavy is very obvious to the world, I don't have to verbally announce it. I am more than 6 mths out now and my weight is what everyone wants to talk about. I only told 4 people in the beginning. One was a close friend and she hasn't spoken to me since surgery. One was my Mom.....I should have just put it on Facebook because she immediately told everyone you possibly could even though I told her I would be extremely angry at her if she told any other family members. My close friends know that I don't want to talk about it....so we just go about our friendship as usual. On the other hand....my aquaintences and co-workers have no shame in flat out asking very personal questions about my size, my weight and everything you can think about to go right along with it. I hate it. I have been polite and skirted the subject but they just keep asking.

I guess what I'm saying is that even though you are a very private person and don't want people to know, changes are coming your way that are going to be blatantly obvious to everyone. You might consider being very firm with people that you will not discuss your weight with anyone. I was a little too polite and kind to everyone in the beginning and now they feel they can still approach me. Stand your ground. Don't give an inch...they will try to take a mile!

I hate being the center of attention....good or bad. This is going to be an issue for me for a while.