My husband is not attracted to me - 2 weeks post-op

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Men do not like scars. It is over, you may have to accept this too.

Wait, what? The sweeping generalizations about men in this thread have made me a bit pissy so I've kept my mouth shut so as not to say something ugly.

This one, however takes the cake.

Men don't like scars. Really? And once you have one, your life as a sexual woman is over? Huh. Must have missed that one in the rulebook. So have most of my friend's husbands as did mine.

I won't say that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, but it's close. I am sad for you. Find yourself a counselor that will help you find some self worth. There is no mark on your body that should take away your soul.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Men want perfect women, slim, NO wrinkles, white straight teeth, blemish free completion, long legs, slim waist. You do not have it? FORGET SEX. again, my humble experience, had it all except small scar and it s over now. I accept.

OH MY GAWD!!!!! What kind of men do you have in your life!?!?!? Girl, you need to move. You need to run far far away from where you are. I have never heard something so crazy in my life.

I can assure you that you weren't perfect when he married you, you won't be perfect in your old age even if you had never been fat or had surgery and he's not perfect either.

Supermodels aren't perfect, porn stars aren't perfect, actresses aren't perfect.

You don't know anyone who has been married into their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond? Cuz let me tell you, wrinkles happen, fat happens, blemishes happen. If he's not having sex with you because of something so HUMAN, then he's got some mental issues that he needs serious help with.

Hell, my husband would have sex with me if I was a greasy, gassy, lumpy, frumpy, hot mess if I gave him the nod. Happened last night, in fact.

No, really, Are we being trolled!?!??!!

[night.nurse 50]

Hello, I am about two weeks post-op and my husband says that he is not attracted to me at all after seeing my incisions, my drain, etc. He says he doesn't know if his attraction will come back and if it does, how long it will take. Did anyone else have similar experiences. What do I do?

This is so hurtful. WTF.

[ProjectMe 909]

@#58

SCARS ARE not issue with most men but are issues with this man. hence the issue. we area all individual.

what brings me to your website? scars! you have weight loss surgery, you will have scars from skin removal due to excessive weight loss. Most men, in my experiences, have HUGE issue with scars. Scars = no sex. however small, hence the post to what to expect. Men want perfect women, slim, NO wrinkles, white straight teeth, blemish free completion, long legs, slim waist. You do not have it? FORGET SEX. again, my humble experience, had it all except small scar and it s over now. I accept.

You came to this site, not for the reasons or spirit for which it is intended. You mistakenly assume that all men like their women according to the shallow definition you provided. Sounds Trollish. If you are sincere...life is too short & as my parents told me, "You can be miserable by yourself...you don't need a man to cause you further misery."

[gal friday 176]

I think some people are not reading the entire thread.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

@@lindawollock joined this site at 11:31 yesterday. Somehow, in 6 minutes, "she" found this thread, made THREE outrageous posts about how men won't stick it to a woman who hasn't been photo-shopped into physical perfection and posted no where else.

I am not one to call troll often, but damn...

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

It's time to post scar pix. I think someone gets off on 'em.

Edited March 3, 2015 by VSGAnn2014

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

@@LipstickLady I agree..TROLL!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

So here's my question. How the heck is this world so over-populated? I've seen some pretty unattractive pregnant people. I've seen plenty of fatties pregnant. Women with crooked teeth (missing teeth!!), saggy boobs, bad haircuts, birth marks, missing limbs, missing boobs...

Hell's bells! I've even seen women with (gasp) more than one child! I know for a fact that my first child wrecked my body. stretch marks on my hips, thighs, my boobs got longer, my geenie got looser, the baby fat never went away, my skin got greasier as did my hair, I was a hot mess. I got knocked up. BY A MAN. How the hell did THAT happen if men won't stick it to anyone who isn't perfect? I even know many women with multiple "baby daddies". Seems to me more than one man out there will have sexy time with women who are less than perfect. But I could be wrong.

[Chianti 28]

WOW!!! What kind of VOWS did he make when you got married...whatever happened to...Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to her, for as long as you both shall live?

[JamieLogical 8,708]

@#58

SCARS ARE not issue with most men but are issues with this man. hence the issue. we area all individual.

what brings me to your website? scars! you have weight loss surgery, you will have scars from skin removal due to excessive weight loss. Most men, in my experiences, have HUGE issue with scars. Scars = no sex. however small, hence the post to what to expect. Men want perfect women, slim, NO wrinkles, white straight teeth, blemish free completion, long legs, slim waist. You do not have it? FORGET SEX. again, my humble experience, had it all except small scar and it s over now. I accept.

What!??!?! Don't tell that to my husband! He's had sex with me at 165 pounds and at 270 pounds. He's had sex with me 2 weeks post skin removal surgery while I was literally still wearing my full body compression garment! He's had sex with me when I've been sick with a head cold and had snot practically pouring out of my nose. He's had sex with me when I've been in sexy lingerie. He's had sex with me when I've been wearing a ratty t-shirt and sweatpants. He had sex with me when I was 22 and he has sex with me now that I'm almost 36. He's had sex with me with short hair and with long hair. He's had sex with me when I had a cast on my arm from a broken elbow. He's had sex with me when I've been sore and tired from a work out and I've literally said "I want to have sex, but I can't move. Will you do all the work?"

If your man wants a perfect woman, he can keep dreaming! Marriage is the long haul. Sickness and health. If your husband can't love you and be attracted to you through your whole life, then why bother with him? I need sex in my life. Barring some sort of illness or injury that would physically prevent my husband from having sex with me, I would not settle for anything less.

Edited March 3, 2015 by JamieLogical

[jenbaby75 283]

I have yet to meet a man who isn't intrigued by scars. They usually have a story. If you have not had a weight problem, and are not looking into batuatrics, my opinion is you do not belong on this board. I am sorry you have breast cancer scars, but I imagine the reason men aren't interested, is your overall attutude. It pretty much sucks. People aren't attracted to shit attitudes.

OP, men say dumb things. I hope that he just used the wrong words, and that his explanation for them, are his true feelings.

[jenbaby75 283]

Oh, and my husband has had sex with me when I was in shape, pregnant, with a boot on my leg after ankle surgery, on my ugliest days, and a day preop.

Edited March 3, 2015 by jenbaby75

[Bonawanabfree 280]

I am just stunned! That was a disgraceful thing for him to say. If I were you i would post a for sale ad on craigslist with your husbands picture on it. That was insensitive and horribly painful. I pray for your marriage but I have to say, He is a fool to treat you like this. You deserve respect and appreciation. Your next husband will thank him one day for pushing you into his life.

[Graciesmom04 184]

This looks to be a hot topic. Although I'm sorry you had to hear that, use it as motivation. Remind yourself daily, who did you do this for? Him....or you? Do all you can to become the person you set out to be. Better yourself with this weight loss and focus on that. Let him be your motivation to improve yourself. You can do this!