My husband is not attracted to me - 2 weeks post-op

[marbelvsg 132]

Hello, I am about two weeks post-op and my husband says that he is not attracted to me at all after seeing my incisions, my drain, etc. He says he doesn't know if his attraction will come back and if it does, how long it will take. Did anyone else have similar experiences. What do I do?

[Band07 374]

Lose the weight, find a new husband.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I'd seriously consider taking a long hard look at my relationship if I were in your shoes. To me, it sounds as if you two could use a long talk and some couples counseling.

What if you had been in a serious car accident that required reconstructive surgery? What if you had appendicitis or a tumor that required surgery? What if you needed a stint or a transplant? Would he find you unattractive for any of those reasons?

My husband loves me fat, thin, with scars, without, hairy legs, overgrown eyebrows, roots showing, gassy, greasy haired, in sweats, with zits.... He's in for the long haul. If something came up cosmetically that he changed his mind, I am fairly certain the change of heart would be more than skin deep.

[Debbieduck4 399]

Wow...and how attracted are you to someone who would make such an unkind remark to his life partner just two weeks after surgery? I'm pretty ornery though but I'd be saying something like "That's okay with me, cause in a very short time there will be plenty of guys out there who think I'm stunning!"

[Debbie Jean 406]

Two words for him. Grow up.

And don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

[1SlimmerMe 122]

I'm sorry you have to endure such a comment, especially at this sensitive time. I agree with LipstickLady about counseling, but you BOTH have to want it. You have my prayers and good luck!

[JamieLogical 8,713]

And you didn't punch him in the face? You have far more self control than I do!

[Sweet Pee 349]

If he has never said anything like this to you before, nor demonstrated unkindness, and it is not a usual trend in your marriage or his normal way of speaking to you, then just give him some time.

Don't get me wrong — It was a very hurtful thing for him to say, especially right after your surgery. Unthoughtful indeed!

Many men I have heard refuse to touch their wives after surgery, because they think they will hurt them. Actions speaks louder than words. How is he treating you? Helping you? Did this behavior start long before the surgery? These are very important things that must to be considered.

Remember, no matter what, please take very good care of yourself and your health during your recovery.

[kyrickchick64 468]

Does he normally treat you like crap? If it's something like he's afraid to touch you it's probably understandable if this is a normal thing for him to say demeaning things to you then it's a problem. If so, All I can say is that you aren't settling to be fat then don't settle to be with someone isn't 100% what you need.

[AvaFern 3,516]

Your husband is a tool who is likely an extremely insecure man who is afraid that when you lose weight you will no longer be attracted to him. His defense mechanism is pushing you away so that when you eventually realize that he is not the catch you once thought he was, it won't be as difficult for him. Any man who can say that to you during this very difficult point in your life is not a man worth keeping around. I would let him know that you absolutely understand his position, and if he doesn't want to be the husband you deserve, then he certainly knows how to use the front door on his way out of your life.

[Bobby46 327]

I can not even imagine loving someone so deeply that a stupid scar would change that.

I don't know you, I don't know him. But....if a friend of mine confided in me that her husband was not attracted to her now because she has a scar then I would scream at her to tell him to get the hell out of her life. Seriously! I would tell her to not sit around and hope that he might change his mind, to hope that that a$$hole might reconsider his love for her. Good grief. Is he so wonderful that you should sit patiently while he weighs the pros and cons of being with a woman with a scar? Life is short. Find someone who loves you unconditionally.

[alwaysvegas 702]

What a horrible thing for him to say.

Time to make a small penis comment to him methinks. Then start filing those divorce papers and find yourself a good man who loves you for you.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

For the record, my incision scars are almost unable to be seen and the drain was removed before I left the hospital.

Tell your husband to thank his lucky stars he didn't marry me. My husband witnessed me poop on the birthing table every time I pushed while I was in labor with my first. He also got to see my brain drain that was taped to my face for four days after brain surgery. I still have a headband scar from ear to ear from that fiasco. Oh! And after that surgery, he had to pluck out the ingrown hairs that occurred as my hair grew back in around that incision.

He's very squeamish. It almost killed him.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

@marbevsg ...

How do you feel about what he said?

[WillyBoo 23]

As I am reading this, I am hoping that is not at all what he meant. Is it possible you interpreted his words wrong? After past surgeries my husband has been afraid to touch me for fear of injuring me. Could that have been what he meant to say?

If that is indeed his attitude, send him back to his mommy. He isn't fully cooked yet.