How to tell the kids

[Wannabeskinnie 59]

I know, I know, I know...the whole subject of whether to tell or not. I have chosen not to tell anyone about my upcoming surgery, only my husband knows. Problem is I have two teenagers still at home and I know I have to say something to them. I haven't said anything to them yet because I I don't want them accidentally telling their friends, or their cousins, etc. but they will know something's up when I am not home one night ( hubby said we can say I am visiting friends from college) but how will I explain my eating changes and discomfort I may be in? I really think I may just fib and say I am having a hiatal hernia fixed but I have never mentioned anything like this before.

I'm so torn..if I tell them, I will feel better about not lying but I run the chance of my secret not being secret any more...then again, they might be able to keep it secret...help, my brain is spinning.????

[able2cope 193]

As a mother myself... I'd say tell the kids if you think they are mature enough to take it on board what you are really saying and how important it is to you that word doesn't get out... if they are younger than say 16 though, theres more chance that they won't really realise - older teens will though - mine are 18 and 19 and I would trust them with this... Do what you feel is right in you gut. (no pun intended)

[samuelsmom 670]

Keeping it from teenagers and lying about where you will be??? BAD IDEA on so many levels. First, it tells them you don't trust their confidentiality, second it tells them it's ok to lie and cover things up. There's more but I think these are enough.

Mine are a little older at 19 and 22 and what I did was talk to them about my journey and how I came to this decision. I also asked for them to keep it confidential as I just didn't want to talk about it to everyone and told them who knew. My older one who is a complete extrovert and tells all, did not tell anyone. It was to be kept just "among us." My kids liked the idea that they were being told and trusted with privileged information.

Also, I would say it is impossible to hide your eating after surgery and frankly I don't see why you would want to. You need their support and cheerleading. If one day you are just sipping broth and losing weight, they're either going to think you are on some weird diet or have a terrible disease.

Good luck!

[Wannabeskinnie 59]

Thanks Selena ..I have a 15 and 17!year old...they are mature, I just don't know if they woukd feel the same about the whole secret thing..to them it's probably no big deal..( I know my sons friends parents have both had the surgery...he's told me, they didn't, and we've been out yo dinner and lots of social functions with them, and I'm sure they don't want everyone knowing either..but people know) this is what want to avoid!

I have my surgery 2 weeks..I think I might consider telling them, I really hate fibbing...ugh

[hanna91 33]

I'm 23. I would way rather have my me tell the truth. It may make them angry when they find out you lied. Just explain that you would like to keep it private. Hopefully they understand that. Plus it's a good time to discuss the lifestyle changes you will be going through.

[Wannabeskinnie 59]

Good point samuelsmom, I think you other " moms" have me doubting the decision not yo tell ...I do need their support ( although my 17 yr old son will probably turn into the diet police lol)

[Wannabeskinnie 59]

Hanna, can't I ask you a question?

My oldest is away studying abroad...before she left I told her I would be thinner when she returns ( I was already planning this) when she comes back in May, I will be 2 months out....woukd you rather be surprised by a thinner mom, or should I tell her ahead of time? I have always planned on telling her when she returns but I really want to surprise her.

[hanna91 33]

I think honesty is the best policy. My mom recently got diagnosed with congestive heart failure and she waited to tell me and told others first. I had to hear it from someone else before she told me herself. I thought "I'm her daughter why wouldn't she tell me first?" So it hurt me. It made me feel like my mom didn't trust me or we weren't close. Who knows she could be your biggest cheerleader and advocate if you tell her! And she's going to know eventually so why hide it?

[able2cope 193]

I can totally understand that you don't want to lie to the kids (young adults), I think you just need to put your trust in them... Like Hanna said, I know that mine would likely be hurt if others knew and they didn't. As for your elder daughter, although you want to surprise her, is it likely that she might feel left out if you did tell her siblings and not her? just a thought..

[jacileggs 402]

Being a single mom to teens I obviously told mine. You can't really hide it from people you live in the same house with. My kids were super supportive and even provided my transportation, did chores, nursed mom etc. you may be pleasantly surprised.

[TheBombMom 20]

I have to be honest... I don't understand why people are so concerned about keeping their surgery a secret. I don't think this is something to be ashamed of. We are simply taking control of our lives and doing what's necessary to ensure a healthier lifestyle. We've spend a lot of time and a lot of money talking to doctors and doing the research... we know this isn't cheating and it's certainly not a magic wand. Why does it matter if someone else isn't as educated?

I have 7 children, ages 14-25. I told them all right away. At first they didn't understand (they thought I was having liposuction..lol). But once they got it, they were very proud of me and now they're my biggest fans. In fact, they are now trying to eat healthier too! I also posted it on my FB page. I wasn't sure what the reaction would be. But everyone's comments were very positive and super supportive.

I realize everyone has their own set of circumstances. This is just my opinion. I hope I haven't offended anyone.

[KCLatina 16]

I'm one of those who is keeping my surgery a secret from non-important (not close) family/friends. My daughter is 7 and we just explained to her that this is part of our family business and something we, as a family can discuss but not outside our house. But we also have REALLY nosy people in our life who quiz her because they know we're private so she's trained to not give out personal family info.

She's kind of felt important knowing what's going on and has been a great helper. It's also nice having them help keep your secret when out in public or at functions. They eat what I can't off my plate without me asking and help keep me on track if I'm having a craving. They also know to ask Dad for certain foods or to go out to eat so it doesn't tempt me.

I've chosen to keep my surgery a secret for many reasons and totally understand why you don't want others to know.

[bdcsail 72]

I have a 15 & 17 year old and did not tell them, I pretty much haven't told anyone except for my husband. I went to Mexico and they just figured I was away for business and that I am on a diet.

[MoosieGirl 25]

Both my boys (5&7) knew I was having surgery. I explained to the 7yo that I was having tummy surgery to help me be healthier. He was fine with that explanation. My 5yo just assumed I was going in either to have my baby maker taken out again (the way we explained my hysterectomy last year), or to have it put back in. I haven't corrected him because he's happy with that assumption.

If they ever ask questions when they're older I'll explain it in an age appropriate way.

[jenbaby75 283]

I told my kids what I was doing, why I was doing it, and that it is important to me that it remain a family secret. My boys are 19, and 12. I also have a 14month old, but he isn't taking!