My best friend dies and I can't stop eating

[JeninCO 0]

I've only been in Denver a year and my only real friend here died Thursday.

It was sudden: She had a stroke and within an hour she was brain dead. She was only 54 and had three kids and I'm devastated. Happy for her, she's gone on to better things, but sad that I've been left behind and feeling selfish because I miss her so much.

I can't stop eating, which is exacerbated by the pain of getting full. I haven't had my first fill yet and I'm trying so hard to not think of food and of her and it's hard. I just want to stuff myself so I don't feel so terrible.

I thought life after the band would be easier but it's still life. Silly me.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I'm just so sad and kind of lost.

[anonemouse 1]

I am SO sorry! I really don't know what to say, but just know that we are all supporting you here! Maybe we can help you get your mind off of the food.< /p>

[JeninCO 0]

Thanks for the kind words! You are the sweetest. You're always there with support and advice. You rock!

[Lap_dancer 8]

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. You are right, she has gone on to better things. This too shall pass. We are beings who eat our emotions. Your friend's death, while tragic, is not the cause of your eating down your pain. We are only a few days behind eachother on banding. We don't have restriction in the sense like those who have fills.

Once you get filled you should feel full. In the meantime, you need to find another source for your pain. That is something you will have to search out and find for yourself. I can suggest things but since we are humans, it can be different for all. books help me get distracted, the internet is a huge distraction, movies, I love movies and joined Netflix. You can watch foreign films which take you to another place and sometimes another time. There is also the working on the spirit. Some have found solice in meditation, yoga, prayer, church groups. Others take classes for education to increase their knowledge base...that would be me. Signing up for classes and taking a course in cake decorating. (seems strange but now I am not afraid I will eat all the cakes I bake so I feel safe to pursue a hobby I have long wanted to undertake).

My best to you and peace within.

[ericsmom 2]

Jen, I am so sorry for your loss. One of my best friends had two mild strokes a week apart from each other and just came home from the hospital this past Wednesday. She was a heavy smoker and drinker and has had a big-time wide awakening...I am so sorry your friend didn't get the chance to live with the risidual effects instead of having the stroke take her life. LBT is full of support and advice. You did the right thing by coming here and asking for help.

Take deep breaths, go for a walk, call a friend on the phone, talk to your pastor/priest...Your friend, I am sure, was a big supporter of you getting the band and she wouldn't want to be the reason you sabbotaged your progress. It's okay to binge a bit, but now that you've recognized that it is happening, try not to let it become a regular thing.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend's family.

[JeninCO 0]

My mom had a mild stroke in October and now only has minor aphasia, so I know a little about strokes. My friend had a brain stem hemorrhage.

Thanks so much, you guys. Just knowing people care makes me feel less alone!

[BJean 16]

Jenn- How tragic for your friend's family and friends (like you.) I know how you feel both about the loss you've suffered and about the way you've turned to food for comfort. That's always been my M.O. But it doesn't have to be. I like what edie (I think) said about your friend not wanting to be the cause of you sabbotaging your band. I'm sure that is true.

My MIL had a stroke right before Christmas. She was doing very well going through rehab for the loss of the use of her left arm and leg. We all were thankful because we knew it could have been worse. Her thought processes were hardly affected, her sight, and her speech only a little. She was regaining strength and her attitude was great. Then she had a second stroke about 5 weeks later. She bounced back again from only a very small setback from the second stroke. She actually did so well in rehab, about a month ago she was able to go home. After 4 weeks at home with some home health care, she was alone one morning and fell and broke her pelvis. Her spirits are crushed. She doesn't want to be bothered with rehab or even people visiting. Everyone is so sad and we really don't know how to help her. Of course she's in a nursing home now and it is a very depressing environment.

I am not telling you all of this to make you feel bad. I am telling you this because I want you to know that things could have been much, much worse. You said it yourself, that she's in a better place. You wouldn't have wanted her to suffer in some vegetative state if she hadn't passed.

I hope that in a few months you'll be able to start remembering all the good times you had and what a good experience it was having her for a friend and be thankful for that. Her experience should encourage you to get as healthy as possible. Walking a little on your own (if you have a really safe place) is sometimes very cathartic and gives you time to sort a lot of things out. You may already have a walking program, but if not, you might give it a try. Not so much to divert your attention from food, but more for the endorphins you'll benefit from and the time you'll have to think and become determined to be where you really want to be in your life.

Someone said on another thread, the greatest cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what we want MOST for what we want at the moment. I'm guilty, but I'm working on it. I've posted that quote on my wall above my computer. I hope you start feeling better soon.:myscared:

[mylapspirit 2]

Jenn, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for posting this today not only for you to ask for support and help but to remind us that life is so precious and fragile. I hope that your grief will be overcome by memories of the friendship that you two shared. God Bless You!

[Kat817 19]

Jenn, I am so sorry for your loss, many people don't realize how a friend can mean so much, I feel sorry for those people!

I have a SIL in Golden, who lost her husband to brain cancer not too long back. She has found great comfort in a grief support group. They meet, talk, they also do some pot luck meals together, and different things. She says she values them because they don't expect her to pick up and move on right this very second. I don't know where in the greater Denver area this particular support group is, but I can ask her. I am sure there are many. Part of her requirements back when she was in school led her to a divorce support group---she was SOOOO opposed to going, but she said it was the best thing she ever did---even though her own divorce was long over. She eventually led divorce support groups, and led seminars on it. So for her, when she lost her husband, finding a grief support was a natural thing. She now travels with a woman she met through it, they have taken cruises, and meet for dinner, etc. They understand one another.

Talking to others who have been there, might help. I luckily still have my best friend, but we are ALWAYS here for you to vent to and cry with. We do care. Sending big (((((HUGS))))) your way, I am soo sorry.

Kat

[JeninCO 0]

Thanks, Kat! I would love the name of that group, and I will also look for one here in Denver. Great idea. Thanks again!

[Kat817 19]

Jenn---my SIL is on her way home today from a nieces graduation---I will call her tonight and get a # for you to call. She also has a very good friend, who is in the area, that has been banded and lost over 140 pounds!!! So she may be able to connect the 2 of you as well!

As soon as I get the info from her, I will PM it to you.

Hang in there!!

((((hugs))))

Kat

[DrewsLou 3]

Jen!!

I am in Denver and want you to know I am here if I can help!! There is a group of us bandsters meeting for an informal support type thing on Wednesday evening. PM me if you want more info. It is a great group and they would love for you to join us!

I am so very sorry for your loss!

[ontheway 1]

JeninCO- I am so sorry for your loss. I think most of us on here understand the emotional eating problem that you are experiencing. I know I do - my husband died 10 years ago and I ate and ate and ate to try and self-medicate....as we know, that doesn't work. I hope that you can connect with someone that can help you through these hard times and deal with the loss of your friend.Hugs...otw

[green 6]

J, the suggestions provided in the above posts will help you through this. You will find that once you begin get filled you will eat less. My condolences to you at this time. It hurts to lose someone you love.

[uniqueone 0]

Jen, I'm so sorry for your loss. True friends are so much a part of us that when one dies, it leaves such an emptiness inside. The suggestions on this post for you are outstanding and I hope they help. Know I am thinking of you and you dear friend. Hang in and keep on posting. That alone probably helps you immensely. Much love, Sallie