What should I say to my manager?

[goodnuff 239]

At the end of November I let my manager know I was planning to have gastric bypass in 2015 and asked when would be the best time for our department for me to be on leave between April and July. I was aware of 3 other leaves that would be overlapping that time between January and June and was surprised when he replied with "early April" because all of the other leaves included some part of April. At the end of December I asked, out of courtesy, if April would still be the best time. He acted like I was out of my mind thinking that April would work with all of the other leaves then caught himself and stated he'd see what he could do about coverage for that time. I let him know that there were "prerequisites" I needed before getting insurance approval and that they had to be done with in 6 months of surgery. If this was going to be put off longer than that I needed to know so I could cancel appointments. I received an email a few days later stating to go ahead with my requirements and to plan for a timeframe that would get me back before summer....which would be April-ish. Two and a half weeks later he tells me that in fact April would not work and is there any way I could have it between mid-February and mid-March. I said I'd do my best. And I did. I completed my insurance requirements within 5 days. I was approved by insurance last week and when I told him he said he didn't have anyone to cover me yet but had been working on it since December and that because there were two unexpected leaves he'd have to let me know.

In anticipation of an approval I had had him sign papers for leave and sent them to Human Resources, the follow up documentation was due by tomorrow but without a surgery date I could not get the medical certification. I called HR to discuss this and was told that technically I didn't need managements approval as long as I had given sufficient notice (30 days) which I had so I could schedule surgery if I wanted to. So of course I did. Once again, out of courtesy I sent an email to my manager to let him know. I can't be certain of what happened next but he must have forwarded my email to HR and to the leave coordinator because I got an email back from the leave coordinator stating that I misunderstood because I was not approved until they received the medical certification. She knew that I couldn't get that until I had a date scheduled. My manger has not contacted me but one of my co-workers sent a random text asking if I had scheduled my surgery.

Now I sit here, a ball of anxiety, because I work tomorrow and I have no idea what he might say to me. I'm sure he'll be upset and play the "I thought we were working on this together" card. Why do I feel bad about making myself a priority and how do I not let him sway my decision to put my needs first?

I thought I'd be celebrating the insurance approval and date setting but instead I feel anxious about how my co-workers and manager are going to react.

From now through June there are going to be other leaves and goodness knows what else might crop up in that time and I feel that if I wait until it's perfect for my department it may never happen.

Any advice?

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Take care of yourself and do what is best for you. You have already shown the courtesy of giving your manager a heads up. It's your life and your health. Be polite, follow the policy, and be assertive about your needs.

[Crosby 303]

It's a time to grow. I've learned that actual weight loss is only a small part this. It's all those other flaws that feed us negatively. Look at this as an opportunity versus a dreaded thing to face. It sounds like you handled the situation professionally. Be confident in your handling of it and your right to have this opportunity.

[armywife79 123]

I think we all here in this little community can agree that we have bad relationships with food and don't care for us first because we care WAY too much about being too polite to others. We are people p leasers and hate for anyone to dislike us just like back in good old high-school! I agree with Crosby, you have made more than enough attempts at being polite and professional. He is asking more than is and should be expected of a college when asking for leave. Your company has guidelines in order to avoid uncomfortable situations like these. You have followed the rules, and should be afforded your due time. Frankly, if he makes it a hostile working environment after you return simply because you demand he follow the company leave rules, then HR will need to mediate or, let this sophomoric idiot go! You are about to go on the journey of your life! Don't let this guy stop or bring you down. You will see how much more self confident you will feel very soon and you will be putting up with much less of this type of non sense! TAKE CARE OF YOU! and never feel bad for that! were all behind you and cant wait to see what is coming next! Keep your head up girl and fight for whats right and fair!

[goodnuff 239]

Thank you for the support. Funny how going through the process of getting approved by insurance etc and the anticipation of this major change has left me feeling more fragile than normal.

Of course, I didn't sleep well going through scenarios and responses in my head all night only to find out that he was out of the office all day today. Turned out to be a good thing because I was able to read our comments and realize that it is ok to prioritize my own health.

[armywife79 123]

It always is ok to make your health a TOP priority. I had to hire a wonderful advocacy group to help me navigate the muddy waters of insurance to get my date but his letter to my carrier was so eloquent in pointing out the ongoing prejudice still out there and very much thriving against the obese in society today. If you had to have a coronary bypass, they wouldn't DARE stand in your way or throw up an obstacle for fear of be sued but, people don't treat obesity as a REAL illness. In the letter my advocate wrote for me, he reminded them that obesity is now nationally recognized by law as a real disease and should be treated as such and the people in need of treatment should be treated with the same respect as all ill people receiving treatment for a disease. All these posters are right, don't sink to his level by being angry or rude but do remain firm in your rights and convictions and forge the trail for your own health. You are your own best advocate. However, if you have continuous issues, I would be more than happy to pass along the information on the obesity advocates who did this amazing work for me. They are well known all over the country for their work, seminars, work in congress to change healthcare laws and advocacy. The husband of the team is a bariatric patient himself as well. So, he gets us. Keep your chin up, your doing all the correct things, don't let this guy guilt you. Keep on the right path and good will win out!

[goodnuff 239]

Well, of course it can't just be cut and dry. Got pulled into his office at the end of the day and was told that the leave coordinator was incorrect in stating that I only needed to give sufficient notice. I was told that I need to do it when they are able to cover my hours. It was too late to call HR but I will be calling on Monday to discuss my rights. He was pleasant and didn't threaten my job security at all but I'm more confused than ever. I asked him to email me a summary of our discussion because I have been getting accused of misunderstanding or being confused about conversations and I wanted it in writing. He happily obliged. I may need that information for advocacy, I'll let you know. Thank you.

[Crosby 303]

Wishing you the best with the situation.

[QuilterGal 216]

What would happen if you needed to have surgery to remove a cancerous tumor? Would he ask you to schedule it when it is convenient for him? I doubt it. What if a family member died? Would he ask you to schedule the funeral when it is convenient? Probably not. This NECESSARY surgery qualifies under FMLA and you should let him know that you are limited in what you can do regarding scheduling. He needs to treat this surgery with the seriousness that it warrants and not as some elective plastic surgery that you can schedule on a whim.

[goodnuff 239]

Phew. Got the final approval, in writing! Surgery on March 17th!!!

Thank you for your support and for encouraging me to stand up for myself.

[Crosby 303]

Well that certainly is good enough . Congrats on your early success and upcoming surgery. I am only 5 days out and having a good time of it.

[QuilterGal 216]

Congrats!