Intimacy

[faithmd 14]

I am also a stomach sleeper, I couldn't sleep on my stomach for almost two weeks. It wasn't so much the pain of laying on it, it was too painful to twist to get onto my stomach.

[TheGh0st 9]

I wish I could sleep on my stomach. But alas it aggrevates the gerd/reflux nowadays.

But back to post surgery - I found that the port didn't hurt so much as just feel wierd when I laid on it. I kept feeling like the princess and the pea. I found that if I layed on my stomach with my hand cupped over the port for a few minutes then I could pull my hand away and be comfortable. After a few weeks/months (can't remember) I didn't need to do that anymore.

But like I said now I can't lay on my stomach more than 5-10 minutes before I start to have stuff come back up. YUCK!

[nume130 0]

I wish I could sleep on my stomach. But alas it aggrevates the gerd/reflux nowadays.

Is this a side effect of the band?

[TheGh0st 9]

Yes - I never even knew what heartburn, gerd or acid reflux was before the band. But many would argue that it is not inevitable. Most say it is a sign of being filled to tightly or possibly eating to close to bedtime. Both of which I may be guilty of. But either way I've had it terrible for the last 6-10 months.

[want2beme 2]

Well, this conversation sure turned into something else, huh! I feel so bad for everybody when reading all the stories. Then I thought, wait just a dang minute! I don't even have a husband or a boyfriend! I should be feeling sorry for MYSELF right about now!

lol

On a real note, I'm a real girl. Single mother. How pathetic is this... The last person I was intimate with was my 'baby-daddy' back in March 2007. We had been off and on for 1 1/2 years, but I never slept with anybody else during this time. I still have not. I just haven't felt pretty enough since the baby and my new lovely freddi crouger stretch marks.

So, now what?

I am just getting to know this man... He is so great. So nice, has his shtuff together, family oriented, and he's in love with me! We have not been intimate together yet, and I am so scared to be. I just don't want his first impression of my naked body to be... THIS! On the flip side, he too is overweight and I'm sure self-concious about his body. That's why he hasn't really 'tried' to make the ol' move. He is getting prepped for garstic-bypass here soon. I don't know what to do.

I think there's more to a relationship than sex, but I think it's important to make room for this too. We have everything else, and I think he could be the one! Yes, I said it!!!!!!!

So, please help me. I need some advice too!

[BJean 16]

want2beme: You gotta just not overthink it, girl. If he is overweight enough for bypass, he probably doesn't have a lot of stamina and he might be pretty worried about crushing you. Plus he's probably self-conscious about his body to some extent.

I would not worry about committing the "ACT" to achieve a "happy ending" but I would think more about just spending some really great affectionate time. My DH calls it "affectionating" Non-threatening hugging, kissing, a little carressing, and then just possibly... serious petting. I mean, if you're in love and you really care about each other you really ought to spend some time just taking it very, very slowly. Man, oh man, it can be great! You can get so hot that you almost can't stand it. If that winds up happening, and you're both very hot, the rest will happen one way or another. But if one of you gets the least bit apprehensive or uncomfortable, the other one should quickly back off.

Spend several sessions of this non-threatening petting and believe me, you'll know if you have any real problems popping up (so to speak) that you're going to have to deal with. This is not HIS problem or YOUR problem, it is something that both of you must share as a loving couple, one way or another. Going slow in this area definitely wins the race!

[green 6]

want2be, I think that BJean has given you great advice.

Remember that he is likely to be feeling as insecure and bashful about his own body as you are feeling about yours. And from what you have said it sounds like he is really, really into you. Remember that when we love people we love their bodies and often find their imperfections kind of adorable.

[want2beme 2]

Thank you so much for the input. It mean a lot. This subject is very delicate, yet seriously serious! I'll take your advice... I will take it slow for both of our sanity. Thanks a lot!

[nume130 0]

Well... my banding date is getting closer. I'm starting to get ready. I have made my preop physical apt., getting my labs done next week etc. I can't believe how fast the time has gone.

My counselling is going well. My H and I are going to separate. I haven't told the kids yet, but its coming. I am going to be a grandmother in the spring! So many changes... its gets hard to breathe at times. I am starting horse back riding lessons on Sat. Even though life is really hectic and upside down, I am feeling hopeful.

[TheGh0st 9]

Nume - I am so sorry it had to come to this but having followed your posts since before this thread was started I believe that despite all the trauma that goes with a seperation this will truly be the best for everyone. I know how hard it has been to come to this decision and will continue to pray for you and your family.

[TheGh0st 9]

On a more positive note I am so excited for your up-coming banding. And am jealous of the horse riding lessons. Keep us posted on your progress.

[green 6]

Well... my banding date is getting closer. I'm starting to get ready. I have made my preop physical apt., getting my labs done next week etc. I can't believe how fast the time has gone.

My counselling is going well. My H and I are going to separate. I haven't told the kids yet, but its coming. I am going to be a grandmother in the spring! So many changes... its gets hard to breathe at times. I am starting horse back riding lessons on Sat. Even though life is really hectic and upside down, I am feeling hopeful.

Wow! Big changes and I am sure that all of them will be positive. :bounce:

[nume130 0]

I just want to say how wonderful everyone has been on this thread. It is great to have a place to work it all out.

[TheGh0st 9]

:bump:

Nume - how are you doing on the bandside of life? I see the weight is falling off you by your ticker but how about the home front? I've been with you on this thread since you started it so I know your background. Has anything come of the decisions the two of you made? Are you feeling any better about the situation? I've been praying for you on all fronts and am behind you 100 percent on everything you have been posting.

[nume130 0]

Hi Diane: I was surprised to see this post resurrected. How are you feeling after your major surgery? I have been trying to keep up on your PS post. You must be so pleased, your results look great.

Things are so so. These last 2 weeks post op have not been as easy as I thought they would be. I had a hiatia hernia repair as well and felt like I was walking around with a fist in my chest. The wt. loss, I think is from malnutrion. I can't get in enough calories to feel well and heal, but I think I am starting to turn a corner, I get in about 600-700 calories a day now, so much better. The soft signs of being full really bother me. I get congested and cough a bit for quite a while afer eating less then 1/2 c and my nose itches/sneeze. Its a strange new life and I was hovering on regreting doing this for awhile. I wonder if I will ever feel hungry? But it is early days yet.

Nothing new with my H at all. We basically never see each other. I live most of the week away and he is on the road alot. We have been having some challenges with my son and that takes some energy believe me. Basically all our conversations are about him and what we should do next. We are working on selling our house, but we haven't told the kids yet about anything official in the way of seperation. It still appears as business as usual, its been over a year since I got this job that takes me away. But I'm sure the only one to really be upset will be my oldest.