Intimacy

[green 6]

But I will admit to wincing everytime I use the phrase 'banding' as that is what it is called when we castrate goats...

Ouch! :eek::eek: LOL

[nume130 0]

qvrfull: when do you get banded?

[DanielleDeeAnne 0]

hi im on my second marriage and its great ...but my first marriage was just what you guys are describing ... and it sucked im not telling anyonw what to do but I left him and this was way before my band .. and i remarried way before my band ... what happened was my mother looked me in the eye and said I love you but your self esteem is in the potty ..you believe you wont find someone else you think you have as good as your able to get and your wrong no one deserves to be treated like a peice of furniture and lifes way to short. I had 2 kids with my first marriage and I can promise you they are doing fine and they are happier now than ever ..oh BTW I found out he was cheating on my the entire marraige ( after i divorced him) and I would have bet my life and my kids lifves he never would have done that ... I guess what I'm saying is stop hiding out from life .. thats what happened to me i was depressed and scared and hiding .. I just had to hold my nose and jump back into life again and its great .. DONT SETTLE GIRLS IT WASTES YRS OF YOUR LIFE

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

Hello all

Well, the trip was less than quiet of course. We had some major problems that got worked out. But, even though it has only been a few days I feel myself just pulling away. I think I have reached that point where I just can't deal anymore. I am sure he knows it. He keeps asking me what is wrong, I tell him nothing. I feel sad, depressed, but actually almost relieved I am starting to care less about being hurt all of the time.

Is this what letting go feels like?

[BJean 16]

DDAnne: I totally agree! Life is way too short!

And Boo Boo, it may be what letting go feels like. It might also be that you're worn out with all the effort and the lack of return on your investment. Things can get turned around but only if you're both willing to work very hard - together.

[nume130 0]

Boo Boo: I know what you mean about pulling away. I just spent the last year doing that. I work away from home now and I have a small place close to work. I soaked in the quiet, away from all the issues during the week so I would have the strength to face everything again on the weekend. Stepping back away from being hurt and rejected, its a coping mechanism I think.

I feel bad that you are going thru all this.

I just came back from having dinner with a long time best friend. She has given me a name of a councelor. I am going to make an apt with him for just me. Then when the time is right I am going to bring my H, then my kids. It is time to take these steps for me, I'm ready. You will eventually get to that point to Boo Boo when you need to reach out for your own healing. Keep posting, I'll keep you in my prayers.

[Qvrfullmidwife 0]

Nume God willing sometime in August. We are working on a home equity loan to do it, so whenever that gets wrapped up...

[monk 0]

Well, you guys have me hooked. I just had my 26th wedding anniversary and we stopped having sex years ago. I was what I called an "ankle biter" for sex for years, arguments and tears, fat or thin. Mine loved just oral (sorry if this offends) and I wanted your romance novel missionary experience that never happened. Have I wondered over the years if he may be gay? Yeah I have. He has never wondered and has a problem staying "excited" during normal sex. Over the last few years he has been trying a bit to reconnect but I believe it's just because he knows I really am not that interested anymore and it's "safe". I know that years of being rejected have done a real number on my self esteem, but as someone pointed out..sorry, I've been reading this thread so long tonite I have no idea who... my self esteem sucked when we were married. I was a hottie who had LOTS of baggage from childhood, no dad, sexually abused 1st, 2nd. and 3rd. grade by a friend of the cop next door. Mom worked full time and I was beaten by the women she hired to watch us. She was obese and would lock us out of the house and eat all the food my mom left for us kids and I was left to wander the neighborhood, getting saltines with a bit of Peanut Butter out the back door at lunch time.The perv found me at the park next door. Needless to say when I met someone that didn't want to jump in my pants it was a relief. I had no idea his libido would tamper off until it really didn't exist. He is still my best friend, we are very close, our sons are 19 and 22 and see us holding hands, laughing alot, hugging each other and having a good time. I don't want to lose him but I know I have robbed myself over the years. He is devoted and loving and kind, still calls me his baby etc. Iwas alot more pissed off when I was younger. I have lost more than my ticker says, I tried to change the darn thing and couldn't do it. I am in a size 16 loose from a 20. I threw out my scale and haven't be on one in 2 months. Thanks for letting me vent, I have not talked about this to ANYONE since I was in my thirties! As far as my close gal pals know everything is fine. By the by, I have been on Effexor for 17 years, it does change things! I tried Wellbrutamajiggi stuff and thought I was having a heart attack. Must stop babbling......:faint:

[nume130 0]

Hi Monk: welcome to the thread. Your children are around the same

age as mine (17, 20 & 22). I will be married 27 years in August. Feel free to vent here anytime.

I am so sorry to hear about your childhood. Those cut pretty deep wounds. I sure hope that creep was punished.

It sounds like you have a pretty good H and a solid marriage. Would your H ever talk to someone, do you think, about this sexual issue, maybe there is a deep rooted issue there?

[monk 0]

Hey Nume, Actually, my Brownie leader overheard some talk and contacted the police. I got in trouble and my mother never made a single follow up call to see what had happened. It was an embarrassment back in the day. At least today it's taken alot more seriously. Thanks for the welcome! Monk

[KariK 0]

Hey Monk, I am so so sorry that you went through that when you were little. That is just atrocious that you 'got in trouble' for telling. It was not your fault, I hope you realize that now. My heart breaks for you, for having went through so many abuses, from the molestor to the baby sitter to your mother to your husband now. You deserved and still deserve better. Every human does. Im so glad that you shared your story, it reached me and affected me and how I will think more deeply about child abuse, and how it affects ppl long into their adult life. I hope you know that you don't have to live in secrecy anymore if you don't want to. People I think are more accepting today and better educated about issues of child abuse.

[monk 0]

I have worked for 5 years for at risk kids and I tell them my stories, not in depth but to connect. They all call me Mom and we have a deep bond, I know this is why I am here. Thanks for your caring, Monk

[nume130 0]

Monk: I am lost for words. You are amazing.

[BJean 16]

I agree, Monk. It is wonderful that you've turned something really horrible that happened to you into something really great that you're doing for others. Most people don't have that kind of strength and kindness. Good for you!!

[green 6]

Monk, I agree with the folks who have posted above. You have taken a terrible personal experience and used it in order to help others. This is taking lemons and making lemonade in a big time way. :whoo: