Intimacy

[Lucy 0]

I was shy the first time I had it done, but you soon realize that they wax bikini lines for a living and you're just another customer. They've seen more snatch than Wilt Chamberlain!

I would actually like to continue talking about intimacy because I think this is a good thread. All of us have intimacy issues and this is a good place to talk about them.

My husband is wonderful -- it's me that has the problems. I've always been insecure about my weight with him, even though he says he thinks I'm beautiful. Ever since I've been on birth control, my libido has disappeared completely and I've been incredibly insecure about how I look around him. I don't want to stop taking bc since I don't want to get pregnant, but I'm starting to wonder if my birth control is working SO well that it's making me not even want to have sex with my husband! Any advice?

[faithmd 14]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boo Boo Kitty

Hello all. I was invited to this thread by Faith. I see the topic of the time is waxing. I am not brave enough for anyone to see me down there...rotfl....

Sorry Brandy, we sort of got off topic while discussing shaving and someone's hubby returning after a one month absence.

My hubby was gone for six months a couple of years ago, during that time I lost 47 lbs. Didn't make a doggone bit of difference.

I like your use of the word disconnected. I think that's exactly my DH's issues, he's disconnected. He is nice, he's not mean at all, but he is not in the least bit snuggly, I have to kiss him, I have to reach over and touch him. I have mentioned over and over how I really love to be touched, have my hand held, etc. To no avail. He apologizes he doesn't realize, but that's just the way he is.

When I was waiting to be taken to pre-op I had to sit in the chair next to him and grab his hand. I mean, sheesh!

His parents are very affectionate to one another, they hug and kiss and hold hands, they hug the grandkids. I thought maybe it was because he wasn't hugged as a child, but it appears he likely was. He was always very affectionate towards his son, too.

In the past few years he has developed a progressive memory loss disorder that we have seen six or eight different neurologists for and as time has gone on, I noticed him getting less and less affectionate. I honestly think it could be because he actually forgot what intimacy is. I want to be angry at him for this, but if it's not his fault, how can I be? When we were first dating he was AMAZING. What garnered him a second date was the kiss at the end of the first one. It was a soap opera kiss, you know the kind where the guy leans in verrrrry slowly, reaches out and strokes the cheek of the woman while gazing into her eyes, then gently kisses her. As he is kissing her, he lifts both hands and cradles her face in them and then draws her in as the kiss intensifies...

And they saw women use their wiles to trap a man...I say he threw me a line a reeled me right in.

[nume130 0]

Lucy, I'm sorry I don't really have any advice for you. I can relate about the weight part. My weight makes me feel very insecure. I'm not comfortable in my own skin. My rolls of fat and cellulite makes me feel very unattractive. Not sexy at all. I was on the pill in the early years of my marriage and it didn't affect my libido at that time. It does mess with our hormones. My naturalpath had me on a med for a couple of years ago that had my libido threw the roof. I'm not on it anymore and can't remember what it was but... wow!

So much goes into feeling desirable. How we look, our hormones, our self image, how we are treated etc. (its going to take more then waxing for me to start to feel sexy and desirable again.) I'm going to keep the waxing in mind for the future. I may even someday get brave enough to try it. (I'll take a valium and a shot of morphine first though!!)

Faithmd: I've never been kissed like that! It's kisses like that, that make us flock to the movies and sigh. I'm a big sucker for romance.

[KariK 0]

I had depo provera shot once for birth control and it completely zapped my libido. Tell your obgyn what you are experiencing and try differant bc with the lowest dosage possible. Hormones are a HUGE part of sex drive.

[lizrbit 0]

yeppers lucy, id talk to your dr about your dosage, and if theres another route to go...

what floors me is that my nutritionalist says that as we lose weight, often there are a LOT of hormones trapped in the fat and as the fat burns down the hormones are released...making the labido more intense.

WHEN im losing (which is rare for me these days i desperately need a fill) then i can see an improvement there..bigtime...but when im not it kinda dwindles down to "eh"..

[faithmd 14]

Faithmd: I've never been kissed like that! It's kisses like that, that make us flock to the movies and sigh. I'm a big sucker for romance.

I haven't been kissed like that since (I can put a date on it) February 1999. He reeled me in, said the big "L" word and then the knock my socks off stuff ended...and I still married him! Damn that love and companionship...

[Lucy 0]

I really appreciate your advice, ladies. I've actually been on 4 different types of birth control in the last 2 years. The only one that really helped my libido return (a little) was ortho tri cyclen lo, but it also turned me into a raving mad PMS monster! Hopefully, as the weight comes off, my libido starts to return again. I used to be obsessed with sex and now I feel completely uninterested in it. I love my husband to death and I am completely attracted to him, but there just isn't any fire inside me anymore. It makes me really sad.

[nume130 0]

Lucy: I can imagine that the loss of libido would make yu very sad. Others on this thread have the same issues. They may not be from bc but other causes such as antidepresants. You've come to the right thread to talk about it.

Well ladies our topics have been far reaching lately from toys, female hygiene tips to going bare there. I have a new one for you, has anyone ever heard of the plastic surgery they are doing now to tighten the vagina to increase sexual pleasure? Does anyone know anyone who has ever had it done? (would anyone admit to it?) I was on a ps web site the other day trying to get an idea of some prices for a thigh lift and they were advertising this. (first I'd ever heard of it, ouch)

[valzie 0]

I saw on TV where they tighten the muscles seperated from childbirth. This also helps with incontinence. Is this the same thing your talking about nume130?

As far as libido I have no drive at all since being put on Lexapro. Has anyone else had this experience (or lack of LOL)?

[valzie 0]

I love Dr. 90210 and some got something called the G-shot. They stick a needle in your g-spot and inject with God only knows what. It is suppose to make you able to reach orgasm easier and more frequently. Hopefully only during sex though.

Could be dangerous if your driving down the road and start to climax!

[areellady 1]

LMAO...if you see women with contorted faces then maybe that it what is going on....a whole new meaning to road rage!!!!

I have read on some other sites that when they do tummy tucks when they pull the muscles up and tighten them the women say the orgasms are awesom and bring a whole new meaning to the big "O"....

[valzie 0]

Well once I get banded and lose my weight and have my Tummy Tuck I'll look forward to that.

Thanks for the Info

[Lucy 0]

I think in my case, the bc is definitely to blame -- I'm not on anti-depressants or any other medication and my lack of libido occurred when I started taking bc. I've been trying to convince my gyn to give me an IUD, but she says she won't do it because I've never had children and supposedly my body will reject it. Anyone know anything about this? FaithMD?

[faithmd 14]

Once upon a time the IUD was not the first choice of birth control for nulliparous (never having been pregnant) women because of the increased risk for PID (pelvic inflammatory disease) and uterine expulsion. However, recent studies (late 2005, I think?) have shown that the risk for uterine expulsion is along the line of 10% higher in nulliparous women than parous women. Not significantly higher in my book. Also of note, the IUD itself does not increase the risk of pelvic inflammatory disease, which can lead to infertility; rather, pre-existing STDs increase the risk of infection. Either bring this up to her (there's got to be a paper inline somewhere with the percentages in it) or find another gyn who will place it. I believe Planned Parenthood will do it in nulliparous women.

Some women do experience increased cramping during their menstrual period with the IUD, and there is the consideration that you do have to do the occasional "feel" to make sure the tail is still there. I did have one friend who was into ummmmm "playful" activities with toys and such and she did claim to have dislodged it during a rather rambunctuous session that involved fisting.

[Lucy 0]

Thanks, Faith! I will talk to my gyn about it. After 2 years of trying 4 different bcs with no positive changes, she might be more willing to go the IUD route. If not, I'm sure I can find a gyn who will be willing to put it in. Apparently in South America, it's very common to put them in 13 and 14 year olds. Since there are so many doctors of South American descent here (Miami), I'm sure I can find someone who won't think twice about the IUD.

My repertoire doesn't extend to fisting, so we shouldn't have any problems with dislodging over here. Of course, if my libido changes drastically with the IUD, who can say what will happen?