Feel like a failure for needing surgery to lose weight

[kbitty 2]

I'm in constant turmoil over whether to go thru with surgery or not. I want this really bad and feel like I can't lose weight without the surgery but feel like a failure for having to do it this way. I feel like I'm cheating by having surgery. I know surgery is a tool and weight loss will still be hard work but I feel like my successes won't have the same merit as someone that loses weight without surgery. Help !

[loriemoms 101]

A lot people seem to think surgery is the easy way out and we have no will power or something. It is the opposite. Having surgery takes a lot of commitment and will power. It is not easy. Diets dont work and some of us need that kick to get our bodies back in gear. Or in my case my body was never in gear. I have been on every diet including diet pills and starvation and never lost more than 20 lbs. With my sleeve I am loosing real weight and my diabetes is gone. My liver is healing from the abuse of being overweight my entire life. It is not easy. .you still have to follow a meal.plan and exercise

it just a tool like everything else. Don't think of it as a failure but a reward to yourself. And your family.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

I stayed in a horrible marriage subjected to isolation and humiliation for ten years becuase I did not want to fail at a second marriage. It nearly cost me my life when he mistook me for a pinching bag and threatened to kill me. (He kept five loaded guns in the house).

Never again will I let the fear of failure keep me from acting in my own best interest. The only thing you need to worry about is failing to take control over your health, happiness, and future. Do what you have to do to get healthy. Bariatric surgery has been a life saver for so many of us.

[blondebomb 580]

it is the hardest thing I have ever done! agree with @lorimoms it is total opposite! I had tried everything under the sun an nothing worked. my weight kept going up an up! its the best thing (besides having brest reduction 15 yrs ago) I have done for me. I did it for no one else. I was sick n tired of being fat an sick n tired. my hubs told me "it takes bravery strength an courage for me to do this" I am very strong willed an out spoken an very independant. I dont ask for help much only when Im desperate. after 25 yrs of countless drs, specialists , testing etc 2 of my specialist referred me to surgeon next thing I no my life is on track to a newer me! the best was yet to come! it was tough the first month but I got thru it an I would not change a single thing. I would do it again in a heart beat. 7 months PO 105 pds down..THIS IS NOT CHEATING! it would be cheating yourself not doing everything in your power to help yourself get healthy. THIS IS A TOOL to get you there! it only restricts your intake. you make the proper choices an follow the plan an it will work! you still have to change your mind, your thinking, your behavior etc...its a attitude change, working together with this tool an it works! dont beat yourself up. its your choice. do it for you. your health. do your research. everyones journey is differant. an its so worth it. I dont live to eat no more. your taste buds change. your cravings change. its a lifestyle change an you'll do when your ready. I only eat to live. an I love it!! BEST wishes

[Virginiarosew 25]

I got the sleeve and at 250 lbs at the time of surgery they could "guarantee" 40-60 lbs lost, well I have lost a total of 110 it's not the easy way out it is a push in the right direction, it was the loss of that 40-60 lbs that gave me the ability and confidence to run and it not hurt my joints, it was the push I needed and it was so worth it.. I felt the same way, but it is still hard!!! And it is so worth it!!

[Lani789 128]

I thought the same thing. I thought I was weak. A failure. Then I learned about ghrelin. It started to make sense why I could lose but it would come back.

Surgery is not easy. I'm five months out. I had no surgery complications, hardly any gas or even pain. But food is not the same. food was such a part of me. I thought about what goodies I had in the house before I even got out of bed in the morning. Doesn't everyone?

Apparently "normal" weight people don't do that. And now I don't. I miss foods I use to binge on but I'm not hungry for them. I know I ate out of anger, frustration or boredom. I still have those emotions but I can't use food to address them.

Instead I have turned to working out to fill those holes. I've never been fit. I was always last to be picked in PE and played games that involved sitting. Now I am starting to feel a tiny bit like an athlete. I swim, walk/jog, Pilates and strength training.

This weekend I was in the store and heard a few teenage girls giggling. Six months ago I would have known one of them said something "funny" about me. Now I know they were just giggling.

It is not easy. I resent it when friends finish a whole plate of Pasta when we are out since that is a food I miss, but inside I know I don't need that much food even before surgery.

It is a journey. Best of luck.

[mrs kaje 347]

It's not failure when you've had courage to ask for help. You haven't failed, because you haven't stopped trying - this is just the next thing you've decided to try.

[kbitty 2]

Thank you all so much. Every comment really helps. I'm excited to begin this new stage in my life, to feel like a person not just a size.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I'd rather be a "failure" at 150 pounds than a "failure" at 264.

[glitter eyes 1,398]

I don't feel like a failure for choosing weight loss surgery. I feel brave and empowered that I took such a step to reclaim my health. Weight loss surgery is not a quick fix, but rather a life long change. I will always be a bariatric patient. I will always need to monitor my food intake, Protein, etc. It takes courage to take this step to this new life. My only regret is I didn't do this sooner. I am seven months post op and down 112 pounds. I feel great and I am so much more healthy than pre surgery.

Try not to look at the need for surgery as failure, but as an opportunity to reclaim your health and life. I can guarantee that after you work hard to get your weight off, spend time working out, and eventually battling the last bit of weight off needed to get to goal- you will feel like the biggest success you can imagine. You can do this!!!

[CheleLynn45 615]

I had those same feelings almost five years ago when I walked out of a seminar thinking this is not for me!!

Well now I am 4 months post op and doing great. The only regret I have now is that I didn't stay at that seminar and start my new life then. I had to do a 6 month doc supervised diet before approval and it was the best thing for me. I needed that time to wrap my head around what was going to happen and how I would handle it. I truly believe if I didn't have that time I would not be doing as well as I am.

Do I still think some days maybe I could have done this on my own, yea, but now I know for long term keep this weight off success I NEEDED this tool. Like others have said, YOU have to decide what to put into your body and how and when to exercise, you have to do the hard work. You stomach can't do all that for you.

Make sure you have your head wrapped around all the changes and hard work you will have to do and you will be able to succeed in your journey!! Good Luck!!

[mommietam 26]

I felt the same way. I am almost 2 months post op and a part of me still thinks I am going to fail. This is not easy. It is a life changing experience. The mental part of this experience has been the hardest thing for me. I have changed so much. I could not work out because of pain. In less then 2 months my high BP is cured and I am off 3 medications for pain. I hiked 4 miles yesterday. I never could have done this before. I would have been in bed for 2 wks recovering. Before the surgery I wanted to keep it a secret because I was ashamed that surgery was my last option. Well, now I will shout it from the roof tops. My RNY has changed my life. I'm a better wife and mother and I know I will be around for many more years to come. I would do it again tomorrow.

[vanessak8 158]

The fear of failure keeps people paralyzed!!! Don't let that be the reason you don't make a change....

I'm 7 months out, I've lost 137 pounds, and I have 55 more before I am at my goal. I have passed up my surgeons goal. She only expected me to lose 50% of my excess weight. She is beyond thrilled.

My point of this post is my oldest son made a comment when he heard me talking about WLS in general... He said it's the easy way out...

Flash forward 7 1/2 months he said to me the other day... OMG mom your shredded... His way of saying I've been working out a lot...

Point is most people who say it's the easy way probably have never known a person who has had WLS and worked it like they were supposed too!!!

WLS is a tool and like all tools it can be used properly or not. Those who use it properly will experience a lifetime of fulfillment from gaining their lives back. Those who use it improperly and lose some weight and then regain because they did not make the mental change too are why the public at large see WLS as the easy way and often see it as not working.

[AvaFern 3,516]

I can understand your fear that getting a sleeve will make you a failure. Like LL said..I'd rather be a failure at the weight I am now than the weight I was before! I am 16 months out and I'm within a pound of goal, where I have been for a few months. I chose to only tell my three best friends because I am acutely aware that everyone else will think I am a cheating failure for having to have my stomach cut out to lose weight. I don't entirely disagree with them, but on the same hand, I also don't care. I am now thin, healthy, and happy...and hey, if it means I failed at traditional weight loss and I was a cheater, well, I'm cool with that.

[kbitty 2]

I like that! Lol