New Beginning

[hstrayorn 26]

As I sit here reflecting on my past as my surgery date is a head of me, I can never recall a positive affirmation in my family when it came to my appearance. Not saying that obesity is something that should be affirmed, but at least to be told you're loved beyond what your outer appearance looked like would have been generous.

People always think the safes place is home...but when I entered the doors of the home of my youth, it was like entering into a Grimm Fairytale. My mother was the Evil Queen, my father though there, was like he was dead with his slience, just a figure in the background and my sisters were like the evil step sisters. As I was celebrating with my wife this morning of my coming WLS, reflected on a story of my youth, where when I was 10 or 11 one my older sisters told me that I was as big as a baby elephant at birth aka, I was the elephant in the family. That raw spot is still there and it appears each time I look in the mirror.

My narssaistic mother, who never in my life privately given me positive affirmation. But always calling me fat while still serving me deep fried southern food while drinking Mountain Dew in my sippy cup and giving me sneaker bars on the side. Even sharing with her the news of weight loss surgery, she even had negative words to say about that.

I have been so destroyed for 35 years. The Cinderella or Cinder-fellea if you allow me to say so, in this life. However, on March 3, my life will never be the same again.

Though words of my past may haunt me, it won't defeat me. In two weeks I will begin a new journey. A journey with its own struggle, but to a happier ending.

[mae7365 372]

Don't let others (including family) define you! I've learned over the years that family members love each other in different ways, but not always the way I want them too. I'd like to believe that it's their loss more so than mine. With three grown children and a husband of 36 years, I too have learned that I must be sure they know I love them, even when I can't support them. My husband routinely commented about my "fat a**", but that wasn't why I decided to have surgery. That decision was because I finally realized that I was worth it! My long term health was essential if I was ever to enjoy the grandchildren I hope to have one day!

Don't let the past dictate your new beginning. It's all about you....no one else!!!!!!!

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

destroyed for 35 years. past may haunt me, won't defeat me.

@@hstrayorn

i can't begin to tell you how very sorry i am for what you have gone through with your weight/family/earlier life

horrible things you endured in the the past

you have a great attitude towards your surgery

glad you have support from your loving wife

"a journey with its own struggles"

i'm glad you are aware that you "might" have some hard times - up and downs

nothing is easy

work hard

follow all the rules with your surgery

pre and post op

you will be the success i know you are

work hard with the sleeve, and it will work hard/with you

you showed your strength, through many hard times in the past

this should be a "cake walk"!!

you are starting your healthier, happier, longer life

who deserves it more??

good luck with surgery

speedy recovery

kathy

Edited February 21, 2015 by proudgrammy

[Djmohr 6,965]

How shameful that your mother in particular treated you this way. Being a mother and grandmother myself I cannot imagine ever making my children feel this way.

You definitely don't need that in your life. It sounds like you are persevering and have made steps to become a healthier new you. It will be important for you not to allow your family to bring you down. Half the battle is about staying positive.

You have friends here on this site when you need them. As hard as it might be to ignore and stay away from negative influences in your life, you will have to continue to stay strong and lean on your wife and friends that are supportive. You should be very proud of yourself for taking steps to improve your life. It is so worth it!

Good luck and God bless!

[blondebomb 580]

congrats on your way to your new life an healthier you!! your amazing your strong an we are here for you! KEEP YOUR PAST IN THE PAST!! Iv had a bad past I was in a bad 20 yr previous marriage that I heard the little words here an there "I would like to be able to count your ribs again like I used to"?? what a JA**! yea he was a womanizer I was young an fooled. my parents they were judgmental about "overweight" ppl. they didnt come across as bad in their younger days nor tell others but as they got older in their 60s an 70s OMG I totally ended up putting them in their place! dad was the worst! mom now everytime they see me which we went to FL an spent the wk with them they hadnt seen me in 2 months an the first words out of moms mouth was "HOW MUCH HAVE YOU LOST"? my first words were "A 5th GRADER"! she repeated again bc she had to hear numbers! I said to myself oh gosh if I dont just give her a number she isnt going to let this rest..so I said 100. she said GREAT! how much more you going to lose? I said how ever many my body does! I dont care! it took dad a few days to finally bring it up I was just waiting for it. he finally asked "HOW MUCH YOU DOWN NOW"? I said "A 5th GRADER"! an I left it at that..I told them to STOP with the number game...grrrr...I no what it feels like. they both are very health conscious an dad especially is vain! oh yes he is the vain one! always has had a number obsession on the scale. thats where I get mine! but I had had enuff of the living fat, unhappy with myself I was angry at myself but even though I was finally told my weight issue wasnt not ALL my control it was mostly medically induced yet I also used food as comfort over the yrs due to abuse from ex an I wanted to take CONTROL BACK! an so I did. I had 10 yrs of therapy, finally got to underlyning medical issues it was my time! with drs referring me, right meds great surgeon an a great supporter cheering me on I DID IT FOR ME!! no one else..I have learned to say NO an I am truly happier for the first time in my life honestly! proud of you!! this is the hardest surgery I have ever done an I have had a dozen surgerys over the yrs. it takes strength, bravery an courage..an your on your way! yaaaaay for you! keep us posted dear!! best wishes..

[tel80 9]

My 98lb mother has always subtly reminded me how my weigh displeases her. From directly doting on my prom queen sister and reminding me how we look identical if it weren't for the weight to ridiculing obese people infront of me....talking about someone who is about my size as if they are disgusting and sub human.

I know that regardless of how my surgery will positively affect me...she will always be a toxic person. So, Ive prepared myself for that.

Remember that those people will always be unhealthy in their minds and spirits. Their problems are not yours.