Telling people you've decided on WLS...

[msmisaacs 27]

I've been pretty quietly going through the motions toward getting approved for my RNY. My insurance approved, my PCP approved, and my surgeon has gone ahead and scheduled me for April 6th. So far, only my parents, boyfriend and about 4 of my friends know what I've been up to. I'm feeling a little bit apprehensive about letting too many people know what I'm doing. For one, I'm afraid of being judged. People seem to have this misconception that WLS is the "easy way" to lose weight (I used to be one of them). I'm also afraid that people will try to talk me out of it. Whenever I talk about everything with my mom she says "Well if you're still sure this is what you wanna do..." as if after all the time and money I've spent on getting approved, I'm just going to change my mind LOL.

I know that it will eventually come out as the weight comes off and as my eating habits seem "weird" compared to the way I used to eat, people are going to wanna know how I did it. How open were you with your family/friends/etc about having WLS? Were they supportive, not supportive, nosy, curious etc?

I am so glad you posted this - I've had the same experience with not wanting to share with everyone just yet and have major push back from my mother in law once I finally told her. She wanted to tell everyone under the sun and it has caused us to fight just a few days post op for me. I totally respect your position and can relate.

[dc0520 263]

I'm so glad that many of you have had an outpouring of love and support! Unfortunately that's not reality for all of us. I choose privacy. I choose to keep my decisions closely guarded and away from others opinions and judgement. The reality is I'm not ashamed and I still don't feel it necessary to shout it to the world. Like someone said...I didn't announce my cervical cancer so why would I this? Hipaa exists right ???? I think everyone should do what's comfortable for them and there's no right or wrong ❤️

[msmisaacs 27]

I'm so glad that many of you have had an outpouring of love and support! Unfortunately that's not reality for all of us. I choose privacy. I choose to keep my decisions closely guarded and away from others opinions and judgement. The reality is I'm not ashamed and I still don't feel it necessary to shout it to the world. Like someone said...I didn't announce my cervical cancer so why would I this? Hipaa exists right ???? I think everyone should do what's comfortable for them and there's no right or wrong ❤️

Exactly - my MIL was on this crazy campaign to tell her entire family and I was furious with her. I haven't even told some of my closest friends. I am very proud of my decision and happy I did this but this is my body and I consider this a very private experience. Only people who are going through it or have gone through it really get it.

[Sherrischeffler 74]

I didn't hide it from anyone so ppl wouldn't offer me stuff i couldnt have & if they dare judge me then God will be their judge in due time.plus they dont F***me,feed me or financially support me ..most ppl understand &are my support system some are new hires & dont know me so i all good with my decisions.

[carm74 1]

I have been quite open in regards to my RNY. On the day of my surgery I received over 200 well wishes from friends and families. It was that, that got me through the first 2 days of all the pain. I'm only 6 days out and still have the support. There are always going to be haters, we just learn to look past them with a big ole smile

[QuilterGal 216]

At this point, I am not planning to tell hardly anyone. Only DH and my PCP know. That may change, but I'm just not interested in anyone else's opinion of WLS or what else I can do to lose weight and forego surgery.

[cnjashton 17]

It's hard to decide who to tell. I of course told my hubby and best friend when I first started considering this plus two friends who have had bypass surgery and answered 500 questions before i even went to the initial meeting. I was going to wait and tell my family and some other friends until I got approved for surgery (no point in hearing all the feedback/worrying people if I didn't get approved) but I finally told them when they were trying to plan a family vacation the month I would be having my surgery and wouldn't take my polite no for an answer. I have only told my boss and one other close friend at work so far what I am having done. I am also having my hernia fixed so I am kind of sticking to that story for the rest of my co-workers for now. I am also a teacher so sent a note home to the parents just saying I was having surgery and the dates I would be out. I am not ashamed by any means just don't want any negative feedback (not that I have gotten any so far) I have several friends that have had it done...one posted off the bat on Facebook, one waited till her year-versary and announced it and the other still has yet to post. My sister is getting married in June and I am the matron of honor and I know I will be around a lot of family that will obviously notice so I am sure I will have to tell everyone then before that just a case by case basis I guess!

[lyndabuon 16]

I've been pretty open with my decision. Everyone has been so supportive especially knowing all the health problems I have going through the past 5 years. Even my 12 year old daughter is so supportive and cheers me on!!!! She is the one, in why I have decided having surgery and doing it for me, second!

[foodfighter78 258]

I decide to tell at work, and some friends. And open a private group with my family, they are all far from me and wanted to share all

With them.

The most interesting thing is of my kids babysitter she is totally against it . She said: you are not that big.

She actually think I'm skinny. I know she had a bypass couple yrs ago, but se doesn't know that I know. She doesn't eat healthy and gain lots of weight back. I don't understand why she so against my decision.

[AmyFromCincy 56]

I have been selective about who im sharing my decision with. My parents and siblings. A couple friends and a couple co workers. I dont intend to broadcast it.

[Blingbaby 1]

Good to hear all of this. I am booked in for Bypass on 11 May and I have told my husband and my children. Anyone else I will tell when questions arise as to why I am unable to eat as much as I normally would. I have had a lapband since 2000 and I am having that removed at the same time. Bypass will go ahead if my surgeon deems that all is good to do so as he says it is better to have one surgery than 2.

[QuilterGal 216]

So I told my parents that I was planning to have this surgery. They know I've thought about it before. I made it clear to them that they were only the third and fourth people who know (besides husband and PCP), that I was not telling people because of all of the negativity and questioning that occurs, and that I was aware of the risks. Message: I'm telling you this, but it's not up for discussion. My father seemed to understand.

Then last night on the phone, he asked if I'd ever tried Weight Watchers (oh, many times) and how much I exercise. I think my mother was in the background and shut down his questioning. It was so frustrating. She has struggled with her weight, and she knows well how many programs/efforts I've tried. My father has never really had weight issues so while he is trying to be supportive, I don't think he fundamentally understands the struggle. I guess I'll just avoid the topic with him. I know he's trying to be helpful, but it's insulting on some level.

[The Candidate 3,215]

Even on social media you are given the option of choosing which parts of your page/profile/stats are to be made private or public. You choose who to friend or unfriend. Everyone can "see" whether you're in a relationship but that doesn't mean they'll have an invite to your wedding.

I have at least a hundred people at work that I've probably spent more time with over the last 27 years than some of my closest family members and friends, and yet the majority of them have never been to my home, met my family, know my middle name, or can say whether or not I have pets. Why then am I in any way obligated to tell them anything about my personal life, whether or not they are privy to the outward physical changes?

Privacy in our highly technological society is becoming an endangered species, and I prefer to invoke a protected password on my very personal decision to have WLS. I have already told those closest to me that I'm having the surgery, and they've been with me every step of the way. Those are the only opinions that really matter to me.

I feel no compunction to include co-workers, acquaintances, or any other peripheral person whose sole relationship in my life boils down to a casual nod as we pass each other in the hall. Anyone who has ever spent a fraction of a time in an office setting can probably attest to the fact that it's a breeding ground of gossip and backstabbing, that is only one step above high school cliques. You have to develop some tough skin to survive, and freely offering up personal information about yourself on the WLS scale is like chumming Water for sharks.

Even those I've told are naturally curious as I proceed through the long approval process. I'm bombarded with questions on a daily basis. They love to share stories about the latest celebrity or friend of a friend who they've just heard about who's had the surgery too. I'm constantly having to explain things, correct misconceptions, try to encapsulate a fat girl's view of the world in terms that can be understood by a thin person's perspective. It's exhausting sometimes. It's wasted energy that I need to focus entirely on myself at this pivotal time in my life.

There are days when I have question whether I made the right decision to tell a particular person when their reaction is not what I expected. You can't take it back once you give your information away. This is no do over. So really think about it before making the leap.

[blashlee 509]

As the days go by and I get closer to my actual surgery date, I have let a few more people know what's up, only so that if I'm not as social as what they're used to, they don't think anything is wrong with me or that I'm avoiding them. And also so people can lift me up in prayer and positive thoughts while i'm recovering. I also think it would be good for my own safety; if something happens to me while I'm out with friends, it's important they know I've recently undergone major surgery.

I know a lot of people, but I'm not close to a lot of people. I don't let every acquaintance become a friend and know my personal business. It isn't something I would announce on social media for everybody to know. If I run into someone and they say "Hey you lost weight!" I'll simply say "Yeah, I did thanks for noticing." If they are curious and want to know what I've been up to, I don't want to feel like I can't share my truth. And as I look in other topics on the forums, I notice people are struggling with how to tell someone they've had WLS or how to respond when confronted with "Oh you took the easy way out." There are so many misconceptions about WLS, I think I might want to advocate for people being a little more educated on it. I'm typically an open book. I don't make announcements, but I also don't provide coverups.

I think I'll just take it as a case by case basis. Somebody's boyfriend's sister doesn't need to know, but i think people i will be spending time with should probably know, if for no other reason than for my own comfort and safety and so I will have some support.

And if somebody doesn't support it, that's just their problem because by then it'll be a done deal. And that'll be one less person I have to worry about.

[StenoChick 6]

I'm two weeks away from my surgery date and only my husband and kids, my parents, and one of my siblings know. For me, it came down to recognizing that everyone was going to have an opinion about it, and really it wasn't any of their business. My mind was already made up. I made the mistake of telling a (slim) friend who then made a 2-hour round-trip to bring me a book about Portion Control because it helped her drop 10 pounds. That was when I decided that the people I decided to tell wouldn't need an explanation and the people I chose not to tell, wouldn't understand one if I gave it.