Telling people you've decided on WLS...

[blashlee 509]

I've been pretty quietly going through the motions toward getting approved for my RNY. My insurance approved, my PCP approved, and my surgeon has gone ahead and scheduled me for April 6th. So far, only my parents, boyfriend and about 4 of my friends know what I've been up to. I'm feeling a little bit apprehensive about letting too many people know what I'm doing. For one, I'm afraid of being judged. People seem to have this misconception that WLS is the "easy way" to lose weight (I used to be one of them). I'm also afraid that people will try to talk me out of it. Whenever I talk about everything with my mom she says "Well if you're still sure this is what you wanna do..." as if after all the time and money I've spent on getting approved, I'm just going to change my mind LOL.

I know that it will eventually come out as the weight comes off and as my eating habits seem "weird" compared to the way I used to eat, people are going to wanna know how I did it. How open were you with your family/friends/etc about having WLS? Were they supportive, not supportive, nosy, curious etc?

[acbayliss 33]

You have been more open with people than I was. The people that I told before surgery was my husband, child and two friends. I finally told my dad and step mom when I was three weeks post op. Here's the great thing about family (meant to be sarcastic) I only had to tell one person for EVERYONE to find out. I feel that my permission should have been asked if it was okay to tell people before it was announced to the entire family.

My friends and husband have been great. They listen to me go on about what I tried to eat and how I am feeling. Since post op I have told a couple more friends. I only plan on telling people close to me.

You do whatever is comfortable for you. This is your journey, not theirs.

Good luck!

[Crosby 303]

I too was initially planning to tell just a few. But as I got closer it didn't sit well me. So one week away from surgery I posted on it Facebook. Support has been great. I really think a lot of reactions will depend on how you feel about it yourself.

What I posted: "This is my formal announcement to the world that Friday I am getting gastric bypass surgery. Yes, I have heard all the stories about the Aunt Sally's that had terrible outcomes and the friend of the cousins hairdresser that gained all their weight back. I may act looney, and have little couth most of the time but I am far from an idiot. I began this process in May after my hip deteriorated for the second time. I have done lots of research and have prepared well. I did not make this decision without alot of thought.

After losing 130 pounds and gaining 80 of it back over the last 5 years I refuse to languish any longer. I look forward to using the tool ( not magic fixit) that is weight loss surgery. I have a great surgeon...shout out to Hope Bariatrics.

I considered keeping this to just a few individuals that I have already told. However I realized I need to do my part to stand up against the shame that is cast upon those who fight the battle of obesity and even more shame that is layed at the feet of those who use a medical intervention to address a potentially deadly medical issue. It's not " the easy way out"... It will require commitment and ongoing change. I do not have a moral problem or character flaw. Keeping quiet only gives power to the shame and is so against who I am otherwise! So here it is for all too see, talk about, gossip about...or offer support.

To all my Weight a Watchers buddies...I am not going anywhere. I will still be using what WW has taught me but tweaked a bit to fit me now.

Hope to see ya on the biking trails. "

As I said the support has been great. If anybody is against it they haven't said...but I think being self assured in my decisionwould drown them out anyway.

[Djmohr 6,965]

I told many people but only after I was well down the road to surgery with an imminent approval from insurance. I wanted to make sure it was really going to happen before I told people.

I have received nothing but support from all my friends and family.

If folks are gossiping behind my back, I figure let them. I have a lot of will power so I know that I will be successful.

Good luck in your decisions!

[mickally 95]

I told my family and friends because I needed the support. I also wanted to let people know that I am not ashamed and that medical technology is a GOD send. This tool has changed my life for the better and anyone who wants to hold judgement are not worth the energy to worry about.

[blashlee 509]

@@Djmohr Only my parents, boyfriend and closest friend (who previously struggled with weight and is fully aware of my journey) knew before insurance. Now that my insurance as been approved and I am about 6 weeks out from surgery, I've told more people but only those closest to me. One is a friend I've known for 12 years whose wedding I will be in about 3 weeks post op; another I've told has been very supportive and is coming to visit for the summer so I didn't want to surprise her, I felt I should be honest.

I think I just need to tell people that I am closest to, otherwise I will feel like I am lying. I'm pretty much an open book, but I'm not sure how well this news will be received by most people I know. Perhaps I will take it day by day on a person-by-person basis who knows and who doesn't. It's not that it's a secret, I'm excited and proud of taking on this huge life changing decision. I just know not everybody is going to look at it that way.

[ThreeCrows 46]

Thanks for sharing that, Crosby. It is a great parallel for my experience.

I stand in front of hundreds of people every week--it's not like they won't notice me dropping 180 pounds (if I make goal). Whether we like it or not, people already can see I'm overweight. I'm a pastor, so eyes are on me. The 50 I've lost since surgery is noticeable enough already. Why wouldn't caring friends inquire--could be cancer or any of a myriad of troublesome health issues that cause weight loss. I'd be worried also if someone dropped 50 pounds suddenly and weren't trying to. People do have a right to privacy, but unless you wear a burka or never leave your house, what your body looks like clothed simply can't be kept private.

I told the other staff about six weeks before surgery--other pastors even sooner, because I did have to schedule two weeks off. Then I shared with oh, ten or twelve church members. I knew that would be plenty to "tell everyone"--word gets around. Plus I posted on Facebook the week before to keep my far away friends up to date. I wanted to be able to brag on my weight loss without trying to hide a "secret'.

I truly don't believe that weight struggles or anything we do to overcome them, including WLS are something to be ashamed of. Not talking about it publicly just enforces the myth. There may be some people who don't "approve", but it's not necessary for everyone to agree. I've personally heard nothing but loving comments and supportive inquiries. I had three past WLS folks come forward and share about their journeys, including one with my surgeon!

Our choices have consequences, and I read a lot on this site about shared upset with those (like the Dr. on Biggest Loser) who badmouth WLS. I don't think it can be both--a shameful secret and a positive life tool.

[losing_the_band 133]

I don't know if I'm naturally this cynical, or if it's a product of 8+ years, 2 lap-band surgeries, and currently trying to convert to RNY. Bear with me, because I'm thinking as I type. Hopefully, this will all make sense, lol, and I won't unintentionally offend anyone.

I think when we first have WLS, we subconsciously think that if we're open about having it, it will somehow be more acceptable to people and that we're being "honest." Let's face it, though. People will know whether or not we tell them (it's hard to miss someone losing 100+ pounds), and us telling them isn't going to make them gossip about it less. On the contrary, it makes them feel like their nosiness is acceptable and that we welcome their input. This type of surgery is like religion and politics: trying to "educate" the people around you rarely works. And for being "honest," well, is failing to tell someone that you've had a mastectomy and breast reconstruction somehow not honest? Is not telling everyone around you that you've had a colostomy or breast reduction or spinal fusion dishonest? I think we need to get past this world of Facebook and Twitter, where we believe that every person out there somehow deserves to know every little thing about us. We are all entitled to our privacy, especially when it comes to our health care decisions, and wanting to have some part of your life remain private doesn't mean that you're ashamed about it.

I feel that this surgery is exactly like religion and politics, wherein everybody has an opinion about it. And just like religion and politics, I don't generally discuss it outside of topic specific forums, because I don't give a flying rat's patootie about Joe Blow's opinion and I know that he doesn't give a flying rat's patootie about mine. And to be perfectly honest, I don't feel like it's my responsibility to educate the masses about the joys of WLS. If someone wants to know for their own benefit, they can approach me and ask. If they do not have it in them to ask, then they aren't ready for surgery, anyway.

[Winnax 10]

I've been telling everyone and I feel the more I tell the better I feel. So far I've gotten positive feedback. It has helped me feel empowered I feel amazing about taking charge of my life and my health. Be proud.

[blashlee 509]

I've been telling everyone and I feel the more I tell the better I feel. So far I've gotten positive feedback. It has helped me feel empowered I feel amazing about taking charge of my life and my health. Be proud.

I'm definitely proud. It's a very big and permanent life changing decision. It wasn't easy to make and it wasn't easy to succumb to the fact that diet and exercise just doesn't work for me like I want it too and I need some extra help. I'm just not in the mood for the judgment or ignorance that comes along with it. Weird questions or comments etc. Or the "shunning" (intentional or not) that can come along with major change. People are so uncomfortable with change. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that if someone is unhappy with me for changing for the better then they can kick rocks.

It's crazy though; people are perfectly accepting if you starve yourself to goal or take dangerous supplements like Hydroxycut to lose weight, but if you go the medical or surgical route you get side eye. So annoying.

[losing_the_band 133]

I've been telling everyone and I feel the more I tell the better I feel. So far I've gotten positive feedback. It has helped me feel empowered I feel amazing about taking charge of my life and my health. Be proud.

You're implying that by not telling people, someone isn't proud that they've taken charge of their life. One has nothing to do with the other. Some people just aren't comfortable in the spotlight, so to speak, or just don't care for their medical care or weight to be the topic of discussion. Someone can be very proud of their accomplishments and still be a private person.

[Daisee68 2,493]

I've told a lot of people but I am a bit of a talker and tend to share my life very openly. And I have had great support (every one but one person and I expected that one and she will be supportive in the end). With each person I have told, I have felt more comfortable with it and excited about it. I told my boss last week (wasn't intending to but there you go) and he says "Congratulations. That's awesome!" That made me feel even better. I am a people pleaser though so maybe that has something to do with it. It all depends on your personality.

[MariaElena1983 17]

I didn't want to tell anyone. The only people who knew were my parents, sister, brother, best friend and one of my closest friends at work. I had asked all of them to keep it quiet for me and they did. I started having stomach problems all of a sudden and I went a whole week where I couldn't eat anything. I even had my doctor send me to get check for gallbladder problems. My test came back fine. So in the meantime I decided to tell a couple more of my close colleague . It was like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Then weirdly enough my stomach problem went away. I later chalked it up to stress over keeping a big secret from the people I was closest to. Then at Christmas I attended a dinner party with a bunch of the girls from work and my colleague who was the first person I had told (other than family members) was there and she sort of outed me by accident. We hadn't seen each other in a while and she wasn't aware that I hadn't told everyone yet so she asked me in front of everyone how everything was going with my surgery. I had about 10 girls with confused looks on their faces staring at me. So I had to tell. The next day I told my boss because I knew I was going to have to eventually since I would be taking a leave of absence for my recovery. So long story short. Letting people know actually made me feel better. I got so much positive praise afterwards. I know my story is a little long winded but I hope it helps you with your decision.

[blashlee 509]

@@MariaElena1983

Thanks for sharing. I'm finding it easier to talk to with some people. I'm going to tell my closest family and closest friends in person and then everybody else will just find out as I go along. Now as I've told more people, what I don't want is for someone close to me to find out from another source. I'm definitely not ashamed of what I'm doing; just with everything on my plate right now I don't need to try to digest (see what I did there?) someone's negative opinions or nosiness or whatever. I intend to be an open book about it; a lot of people have WLS and hide it from their family or friends, I'm not sure where all the shame comes from, I hope to be apart of the change in people's attitudes and perceptions of it. It's helped so many people live happy and healthy and longer lives, I'm glad to be one of them.

[msmisaacs 27]

I've been pretty quietly going through the motions toward getting approved for my RNY. My insurance approved, my PCP approved, and my surgeon has gone ahead and scheduled me for April 6th. So far, only my parents, boyfriend and about 4 of my friends know what I've been up to. I'm feeling a little bit apprehensive about letting too many people know what I'm doing. For one, I'm afraid of being judged. People seem to have this misconception that WLS is the "easy way" to lose weight (I used to be one of them). I'm also afraid that people will try to talk me out of it. Whenever I talk about everything with my mom she says "Well if you're still sure this is what you wanna do..." as if after all the time and money I've spent on getting approved, I'm just going to change my mind LOL.

I know that it will eventually come out as the weight comes off and as my eating habits seem "weird" compared to the way I used to eat, people are going to wanna know how I did it. How open were you with your family/friends/etc about having WLS? Were they supportive, not supportive, nosy, curious etc?