How to Manage Your Relationships During and After Weight Loss Surgery

[Dr. Sowemimo 177]

When you make the life-altering decision to undergo bariatric surgery, it also affects the people around you in a big way. Most of us are uncomfortable when the people we love the most change before our eyes. Here are some tips and tools to help you both stay on same course during the journey.

People generally prefer for things to stay the way they are. Change can be unsettling -- like walking into a dark, unfamiliar room where you can’t find the light switch.

More often than not, as time passes, the people in your life will adjust to the ‘new you’ during you weight loss journey, but there will probably be a few bumps along the way.

Your significant other is the person with the most at stake (other than you) during this new stage of your life. They love you, but they are also “losing” the version of you that they know and love. And the “new you” may be viewed by them as someone they don’t really know. At all.

The Relationship Dynamic Changes With Weight Loss

If your significant other has taken the lead in your relationship due to low self-esteem or physical restrictions due to your weight, that dynamic may equalize or even flip.

Over time, losing a significant amount of weight and garnering more vigor for life due to increased energy can open the door to several significant life changes — a better-paying job, different hobbies, new friends, or a new way of dressing or wearing your hair. Your spouse may be caught off guard by all these changes, especially if they take place in a short time frame.

Find Solace in a Support Group

I recommend spouses and family members attend Bariatric Support Group meetings with you so they can get a clearer perspective of what you are experiencing during your weight loss. It affords them the chance to listen to others who have achieved goal weight and observe many of the changes and benefits firsthand.

Keep Talking

Nearly 50 percent of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, and weight loss surgery patients are not immune.

Mental health professionals say that strong relationships grow under stress, weak relationships grow apart or fail. Don’t hesitate to seek couple counseling even if things are going great from your point of view; your partner may be feeling stressed or confused and need an outlet to express his or her feelings about your life change and how it affects him or her.

A Little Patience is Needed While Loved Ones Adjust

I always tell bariatric clients that patience is probably the most useful tool they need post-op. Even with the speed of weight loss with a bariatric solution, it’s never feels fast enough. In addition, people around you can unknowingly say or do the wrong thing that may seem thoughtless or insensitive. We’re all human, we all say the wrong thing sometimes.

Stay gentle, stay engaged and stay in touch with your closest companion — and all your supporters. Time changes everything, and most difficulties will resolve themselves sooner than you think.

Remember, you are in the driver seat during your weight loss transformation, but your partner is also along for the ride.

^{Photo Credit: freedigitalphotos.net and courtesy of David Castillo Dominici.}

[blondebomb 580]

thank you for posting this. its very timely for me. I am the one in the marriage that is having a little threatening of feelings of myself. I have a strong marriage a wonderful thoughtful supportive hubs of 16 yrs an I am 7 months PO an 100 pds down an I am struggling inside my own head of adjusting to this new body. I am loving it an having feelings of feeling exposed its been 26 yrs since Iv seen these numbers on the scale an seeing this body size in the mirror! I think its time for us to seek out a support group locally an maybe attend just so I can get some perspective on myself...My hubs tells me daily how beautiful I am I am just having a hard time believeing it..Iv got to stop internally telling myself that..but I would do this all over again! best decision Iv made for myself just need some adjustment in my thinking..

[Dr. Sowemimo 177]

Thank you for reading my article and sharing your insight.

I believe you were the same wonderful person inside and loosing the weight will only allow that person to blossom... attending a support group will definitely be very helpful with helping you adjust.... it will help to know that there are others on the same journey, you will receive tips and advice and will be able give some of your own... this will make you stronger and help you to make the necessary adjustments and accept the new you...

Congrats on all your success!

Dr. Seun

http://www.primesurgicare.com

[blondebomb 580]

Thank you for reading my article and sharing your insight.

I believe you were the same wonderful person inside and loosing the weight will only allow that person to blossom... attending a support group will definitely be very helpful with helping you adjust.... it will help to know that there are others on the same journey, you will receive tips and advice and will be able give some of your own... this will make you stronger and help you to make the necessary adjustments and accept the new you...

Congrats on all your success!

Dr. Seun

http://www.primesurgicare.com

ty for responding I wasn't expecting that. that was so sweet of you to say...I have a follow up app with my phsycologist an I am going to bring up a few things I am struggling with an get her perspective. I had already been thru 10 yrs of therapy prior an dong really well. and with the preop psych classes I went thru they did say this was going to happen so I expected this I just didnt think it would be this intense. its an emotional roller coaster. I started gaining weight at 17 an yo yo'ed till 5 or so yrs ago then the weight just kept going up an up an would not come down even at 500 cal day intake. finally dx with hashis, lupus sjograns an many many other issues including insulin resistance prediabetic with the right armour script great drs finally getting somewhere an steered in right direction. I am soo thankful for them helping me I just need to talk this out an get some perspective on body image. feeling "naked" even fully clothed..haha..the hubs an I talk frank about everything. hes my biggest fan an supporter!

[preopnurse 3]

I am concerned that my mate will not be turned on by me with all the excess skin. I don't want to gross him out.

Edited February 24, 2015 by preopnurse

[Dr. Sowemimo 177]

I am concerned that my mate will not be turned on by me with all the excess skin. I don't want to gross him out.

Dear preopnurse, Your mate should first and foremost be overjoyed that you are losing weight and regaining your health. You are adding years to your life. The excess skin is a side effect that in many cases can be overcome by exercise, staying hydrated and talking with your doctor about the best options for you. But that focus is down the line. Tell your doctor the excess weight is a concern for you and work as a team to strategize a plan to overcome it. Wishing you continued success in your weight loss! Dr. Seun from Freehold, NJ