Coworkers talking.. "she had something done"

[losing_the_band 133]

Let them talk. They're going to do so whether or not you tell them about the surgery. Telling them about it does nothing more than let them feel entitled to their nosiness and invasive questions. If they get too invasive, tell them to knock it off or you'll file a harassment complaint. You are absolutely entitled to have privacy when it comes to medical decisions, and the people trying to shame or bully you into sharing your private medical information just for their own gossip should be ashamed of themselves.

[Trayjay33 138]

People are nosey creatures some take it to the extreme and as much as I wanted to be private about the surgery it has changed my life. Many people are having weight loss surgery these days but I learned part of my unwillingness to talk about it is a fear of failure if I didn't lose the weight and people saying it's the easy way out. In my years of struggling with my weight I have asked people what they have done to lose weight and I appreciated the honesty. Since RNY has done wonders for me so far I don't mind sharing a bit of that information. I too do not like engaging in workplace conversations so it will be short and sweet. I had weight loss surgery, I'm eating better and I'm being more active. People will always talk, don't lose sleep over it.

[theroyalpain 6]

Or just ignore

[SassyXray 14]

Handle it straight away and head on, avoiding the questions will only lead to more speculation, more whispers and more talking. Try this:

"Thank you for noticing and asking. You're correct, I have done something, I took control of my life and health, something that isn't easy, but I'm determined. It's nice to know that my hard work is showing. I am however uncomfortable talking with anyone about it with the exception of those closest to me like my family. Thank you for your understanding."

Flash your biggest, brightest smile and walk away. If you're confident in your deliver, they won't have reason to question you again. If they continue talking about you behind your back, talk with a manager or HR. Don't let them undermine your hard work though.

Thank you! This is a great answer I love it!!! I don't want anyone to know cuz it's only my business and I work with a bunch of gossiping, backstabbing ladies. They will just be nasty and rude. I'm not sure if I want to tell my boss!

[QuilterGal 216]

Being secretive makes it worse and will only make them more curious. You made a decision to change your life with this surgery, just own it.

You don't need to "own it" by telling people intimate details about your life. It's nobody's business and everyone has a right to not share private medical information. In addition, what her coworkers are doing is illegal, and her boss should tell them that.

[coastalchick 61]

Being secretive makes it worse and will only make them more curious. You made a decision to change your life with this surgery, just own it.

You don't need to "own it" by telling people intimate details about your life. It's nobody's business and everyone has a right to not share private medical information. In addition, what her coworkers are doing is illegal, and her boss should tell them that.

Great advice, go and complain about your co-workers and make your work enviornment even more hostile. What exactly is wrong with owning your decision to have this surgery? I have owned it to family, friends, and even co-workers who asked how I lost the weight... and amazingly I, and others in my surgical group who have done the same, are not suffering from anyone "talking" about them. If you were not prepared to answer questions, maybe this surgery wasn't a good option for you. Are you ashamed of what you did? Your right, legally you don't have to tell them crap, but at the same time, there are those complaining about people noticing their weightloss, and complaining that people want to know how they did it. Curiosity is normal, avoiding questions, and not being forth comming in your answers just increases curiosity. This probably won't be a popular post, but oh well.

[QuilterGal 216]

You're making a huge and highly illogical leap by equating wanting to be private about a personal medical decision to:

• Not owning your decision to have the surgery.
• Not being ready to have surgery.
• Being ashamed of having the surgery.

YOU may feel completely comfortable telling the world about your surgery; others are not. That doesn't make them any less invested, dedicated, committed, or proud of what they are doing for themselves. And certainly you're not blaming someone who wants to keep something private for creating a hostile work environment, are you? People have all levels of comfort and discomfort regarding sharing private information. There are ways to discuss weight loss without revealing detailed medical information. We should respect everyone's comfort level, period.

Edited March 3, 2015 by QuilterGal

[losing_the_band 133]

Great advice, go and complain about your co-workers and make your work enviornment even more hostile. What exactly is wrong with owning your decision to have this surgery? I have owned it to family, friends, and even co-workers who asked how I lost the weight... and amazingly I, and others in my surgical group who have done the same, are not suffering from anyone "talking" about them. If you were not prepared to answer questions, maybe this surgery wasn't a good option for you. Are you ashamed of what you did? Your right, legally you don't have to tell them crap, but at the same time, there are those complaining about people noticing their weightloss, and complaining that people want to know how they did it. Curiosity is normal, avoiding questions, and not being forth comming in your answers just increases curiosity. This probably won't be a popular post, but oh well.

Being secretive makes it worse and will only make them more curious. You made a decision to change your life with this surgery, just own it.

Why exactly does someone have to "own" having this surgery? Does someone have to "own" having a breast augmentation, or "own" having their prostate removed, or "own" having eye surgery?

By saying that someone needs to "own" a decision, to me that implies that the decision to have surgery is something that needs to be justified publicly because otherwise we'd be "deceiving" people. Someone should never have to "own" a medical decision, to justify making that decision in the eyes of their peers.

And guess what? Telling my coworkers never made a single bit of difference in how much they talked. Humans gossip. It's what they do, and telling or not telling doesn't change that fact. By telling them, instead of gossiping over whether you have surgery, they gossip about whether you should be losing more or less weight and what you're eating and whether (they believe) you should be eating it. And what's worse is that now they think they have the right to openly question you about these things, because (they think) obviously you value their input or else you wouldn't have told them.

Point blank, no one should ever be bullied into disclosing personal medical information, least of all by someone on a support website.

[sandyb68 46]

Just say diet and exercise, essentially that is true, right! Everyone is always looking for that quick fix, god knows I did. I'm starting to get stares as well. That is my go to answer for all the busy bodies out there who can't mind their own business.

[DMFischer 4]

When someone asks me how I lost the weight I just say that I'm doing all the right things. I'm two months post op and only one person has asked if I had WSL. I replied "why would you ask such a personal question?" She hasn't asked again. :-).

[brandy31 32]

I tell people that I'm eating really small portions & working out a lot.

No need to tell them my business in extreme detail. It's a private thing to me.

[bellabloom 2,467]

If someone asks me directly because they want help losing weight, I tell the, in private and ask them not to discuss it with others. This surgery is a gift I want to share with others that need it.

But gossipmongers can bugger off as far as I'm concerned. I just tell them I went "gluten free and raw food!!!" Haha what a joke