June Chat For Nj!

[mousecrazy 2]

Hello all!

Mandy, I think I would check around, too. If you are having misgivings about the office or the doctor, or her process, then you owe it to yourself to get another approach. Your gut feelings have been pretty correct all along, so you should trust yourself.

Thanks for the hand-holding, Betty and Mandy. I do believe that what goes around, comes around, and I believe that you reap what you sow. (That is basically the same thing). I am just finding it difficult to work through the anger part to get to an acceptance that someone who I thought cared, truly doesn't. AND this situation happened on both sides of my family. It just kind of shakes up your perspective of what you always thought was true...and isn't. I'm a realist, though, and will come to terms with it, and I think one thing I am going to do is give part of what I do get back to my grandma's church in her name. My sister and I talked about that, and thought grandma would like it, and it would help the people in her town to know that we love grandma and honor what was important to her. My aunt can live there and have her $$ and her house, but she will never have the respect of the people like grandma did.

Today, I am taking DD to pick up her new, snazzy glasses, going to a produce stand and choosing some fresh stuff to cook tonite for dinner, and then she has her voice lessons.

I'll check back later, hope everyone has a great Friday!

Cindy

[Kat817 19]

Oh Cindy I feel your pain. Back many years ago, when my paternal grandma passed away after suffering with Alzheimers for many years, my aunt (Dad's sister) reacted horribly! My Grandpa had a horrible time, the day we buried my Grandma, his brother died in Arkansas, so he and my Dad flew out the day after Grandma's funeral. While they were in Arkansas at the brothers funeral, a brother in law there died! So they extended their stay by a few days. Then (this is so incredibly sad) the son to the BIL, was taking a suit to the funeral home for his Dad to be buried in, and as he backed out of his driveway, he backed over his 3 year old son, killing him! Can you imagine? The family was just devastated by all the death, and especially the little boy. So Dad and Grandpa ended up in Arkansas for about 2 weeks, and when they finally come home, Grandpa, was just not doing well. He had had several heart surgeries, and a stroke, his health was not wonderful in the start, then the stresses he had been under, he was depressed, and ill. When Mom and Dad walked in to his house coming in from the airport, the dining room was completely bare! My Aunt had come in while they were off burying the family, and taken the china hutch, along with the entire contents, and the dining set, all antiques....as well as my great grandmothers secretary desk. As they went through the house, we realized she had removed every scrap of Grandma. Her clothes, her knick knacks, everything!Grandpa was just too sad to be mad over it, and said it would be ok. So in the end, my Dad, nor his brother, or my brother and I got anything of my Grandma's. We respected my Grandpa's wishes of not starting a fight over it, and went on with life. Fast forward a few years, and by that time Grandma's belongings were divided between my Aunt and my cousin. My Grandpa had also passed. So my cousin caught me looking at Grandma's hutch in her kitchen one day, and made some smart ass comment about me not worrying she would never let anyone else have it, that she felt like her having it would have made Grandma happy. I was so mad! I told her "Teri, you may have Grandma's things---but you NEED them--because you never took te time to make memories with Grandma! How many times did you go visit with them? You never did, you were too busy with your all important EMT job!!! I may not have her dining set, or this hutch, but I have things you will NEVER have! I have the memory of laying her first great grandchild in her arms, and seeing the rare smile (she was already stricken at that time with the Alzheimers). And tons of pictures to commemorate the day. Oh yeah how many pictures of y'all together do you have???? I remember going for ice cream cones at the A&W with her when I was a child and she was well---your family didn't even live here! I KNOW they knew I loved them both, when they called me at night needing a lightbulb changed--they knew I would come. When they needed someone to stay with them---who did it? I did it! When one of them was sick who stayed with them? My folks did, not yours. You guys can have all the things...we already have what mattered, time and love---things she would have given you, not stuff you had to take!" About the time I quit yelling...my voice had apparently kept rising! I realized there was a lot of family around...I got a few hugs, no one got mad at me over it, and I must say I felt better getting a chance to say it! Through the years, my Aunt has never changed, my cousin has though. She actually offered me some dishes etc. of Grandma's, and said she would offer more when it wouldn't hurt her Mom! I refused. On my birthday, she gave m a set of pillowcases my Grandma had embroidered. She come not long ago asking if she could look through my pictures and maybe make some copies for her and her brother. It was so tempting to hoard them!!!! I felt like saying no they were mine, she got the other stuff! In the end I let her...she chose a dozen or so, and wanted to take them....that is when I did refuse!!! I said no, they weren't leaving, I would make copies, and get them to her, afterall the pictures were the only physical things I had left! Mean I know but it felt good!!!! The Aunt was the same way after my Grandpa died. My parents opted to buy out the siblings of their part of his house. My Uncle in Mississippi, refused any payment, saying my folks were the ones who moved him into their home, and cared for them through the years. My Aunt on the other hand decided since it was just the 2 of them then, he should pay her half not a third!!! My Uncle set her straight, so she through a fit---and I do mean a fit---over the odd cent that dividing it by 3 caused!!! And she insisted they wait to take possession of the house until the check (a cashiers check no less) had cleared! They had no plans to take any more of "possession" of the house then than they had before! She was, and still is a whiny, controlling, psycho in my opinion!!! There is 15 years between her and my Dad, so he was gone into the Navy before she got up to any size, so they did not grow up close---and it remains that way. He and his brother however become very close, and he is 2 years younger even! Could be because it takes 2!!!

The basis of this LOOOOONG story is----your family is not the only one that has more than it's share of greed. My Uncle told my Dad to let the court decide it...Dad declined, telling my Uncle that it was all ok, someday she would stand before THE judge....so I just keep reminding myself of that. And try not to have anymore tirades!!!

Hang in there Cindy----and keep doing what you are---doing it the way your Grandma would have. Honor her. Cherish your memories, and pass them and her beliefs on to Haven. She is old enough to see the greed, and learn valuable life lessons from it. Let her know how glad you are that she is growing into a caring, sharing person, not like the ones you are dealing with. The lessons will carry her far!

Come and vent ANYTIME!!! Or you can call me at home anytime! We care about what you are going through. It is a heart hurt....and I send my hugs to you!!!!

Kat

[piercedqt78 658]

Cindy, I fully agree with Kat, let Haven see what is going on and also see how you are hurting. I know that a mom's instinct is to protect their kids but this is a great time to let her 1, see that you are human and 2 see that every action has a reaction/response. I hope things work out for your family. I have 4 sisters that I have not seen since I was 4 years old. When my dad died he left me money (I was 12). They were grown, he had raised them and supported them from birth, they are much much older than I am. He was sick my entire life and wanted to provide me with something from him. My sisters haven't spoken to me since they discovered that I got the bulk of his money. I have sent them Christmas cards, and received nothing back. I sent them a birth announcement when Abi was born and several pictures of her since then. I have recently decided that I am done being the adult, I am no longer going to contact them, or try to let them see how precious my Abi is. They are the ones missing out on a great sister, and even greater niece. Families are soooo messed up, gotta love it. ~Mandy

[mousecrazy 2]

Wow. Ya'll just always come through with great words of wisdom and they are very comforting. Couldn't be more comforting than if you were sitting here around my table with coffee or tea. THANK YOU!

I have talked to Haven about some of what is going on, and explained to her that money changes people, or even more, reveals people to be their true selves. Kat, my mom and dad took my grandma on long vacations every year for decades (after my gpa died)...and my aunt never even invited my gma up to her house. ??? Another interesting parallel to your story is that there is 19 years between my mom and my aunt...my aunt being born after my mom had already moved out of the house and was on her own, right before she married my dad. My aunt and I are only 4 years apart in age. So, apparently, she never felt any closeness to my sister and I, or two our other two cousins (my mom's brother's kids, who died before my mom). Like you said, she will answer to THE judge, and in my scenario, she will have to face her mother, my gma, and confess what she has done. And, we do have her true legacy - her caring, her skills, her faith - and my aunt does not have these. I hope I have the chance to tell her what I think someday, like you did, Kat.

Mandy, you are really an amazing woman! You've had to face so many obstacles, yet you are a fantastic mom and wife, and friend, and are giving Abi such a great example of how to live her life.

I guess it is indeed true, that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...these NJ gals around here certainly put the proof to that! (Even those of us not from Jersey!)

Many big hugs and thanks to all who listened...I cherish you all!

Cindy

[mousecrazy 2]

Aaacck! It happened again. I tried to go back and edit, and then it lost my whole post.

Let me do this again, since it was important. Thank you for your wonderful, encouraging, comforting posts, Kat and Mandy. One thing that is the same in our stories, Kat, is that there is 19 years difference between my mom and my aunt...so I guess my aunt just doesn't have the normal connected feeling, even though she pretended she did. Another thing is my mom and dad took my grandma on vacations every year with them after my gpa died, which was about 18 years ago or so. My aunt only had my gma up to her house twice. ??? So, like ya'll said, I know we have her true legacies - her caring ways, her gifts and skills, her faith - and these are things my aunt does not have. I have talked to my DD, and she knows a lot about what has happened. She knows that $$ shows a person's true character, and although we thought we knew my aunt, we did not. Now we do.

Thank you again. Ya'll are as warm as if you were sitting around my kitchen table, having a cup of tea.

Hugs to all, and thanks to all who listened.

Cindy

[mousecrazy 2]

Okay, I'm not really nuts. When I tried to edit, then it disappeared, so I rewrote it. Then I posted the new post. Then the old one was there again.....?????.....?????.....as Eileen would say, WTF?!

Sorry for the repetition.

[NJChick 3]

Hi Girls,

My stars Cindy.... I think your family is related to mine. Money sure does change people. I dread to think whats gonna happen when my Mom passes...thats when my brothers fangs will come out. They won't lift a finger to help her but when it comes down to that time, they surely will have their hands out first.... what can you do. Money sure does show a persons true colors doesn't it. Your not alone and you certainly don't need to keep people like that in your life. You don't deserve it and neither does your DD or DH.

So how is everyone this beautiful weekend? I am going to PA for a few days starting tomorrow and today I woke up with a hum dinger of a cold..nice huh. I haven't been away in 17 years....figures LOLOL haaaaa! gotta laugh.

Sooo today I'll be cleaning the crud out of my house b/c my friend is staying here while we're gone..... Yes a friend, not a family member...that should tell you something LOL.

My fill went well but I don't think it made any difference...I can still eat a ton of food LOL well not a ton but alot. So after vacation I'll prob go back and get a weeeeeee bit more.

Well I'm gonna go and read up on May's thread some more.... bbl

Miss you guys so much. We should have a replacment in the office in a week or two so I'll get a break and may be able to sneak in here during the week.

.BBL

.

[mousecrazy 2]

You, too, Eileen?? I don't know if that is reassuring or disturbing...I guess it is both, but I think we better prepare our wills and financial papers much more carefully. That's what this is telling me. Ya'll make sure your bank papers say exactly what you want them to say, and do not rely on your will alone. The bank contracts are more important than the will.

Eileen, have a good time on your trip, and I hope your cold heals up fast! Get some zinc lozenges. We'll miss you! In fact, we already do.

Get some rest and fun!

We are going to a friend's wedding reception tonite, and DD is going over to her friend's to spend the night...everyone's happy! She has her cool glasses, and we made a pot of green Beans and new potatoes last night. Life is good.

What's everyone doing today?

Hugs,

Cindy

[piercedqt78 658]

Cindy can you e-mail me some of those green Beans and taters? We went to Cracker Barrel for the Friday night fish fry. It is sooooo good. I had cod, fried okra and pinto beans. Guess what I'm having for lunch today.LOL Today is Abi's graduation. She's really excited. Her class is singing a Hannah Montana song and they have worked so hard. I asked her what she wanted for a present and she asked for the new Avril Levine cd, not a stuffed animal or toy but music. She's growing up so fast. I am bringing her some flowers and of course I bought the CD. It's weird they graduate today but have school for a few more days next week. (making up snow days) I will check in later. ~Mandy

[Dutchgrl59 2]

Hey you Guys!

I was just catching up on posts and I'm here crying for Cindy and how Kat and Mandy rallyed around her when she needed someone. The women here are just fantastic and I feel blessed to be among such strong and wonderful friends.

Cindy: I have no special words for what you are going through. I will pray that it's resolution is quick and your heart be protected. I want to hug you SO bad, I am hurt and upset that this had to happen to you, my dear. Do you have something more fun planned this summer? Tell me!

Kat:Your story was the most incredible event I have ever laid eyes on! I swear you were making it up..... but I know you didn't. Your telling off your relatives and holding back the pictures was brilliant. You were right, and they were wrong and secrets and lies will be revealed and the good guys don't finish last. You amaze me!

OK I finally went to work -- ugh. I don't want to fill the page with drama but I had some.... My manager thought I should have started work on Tuesday and called my home. Uhhhh, I had a post-op appt and didn't know when I was going to return. I could tell she was upset. She then said that I was supposed to tell the district office when my leave began and when I was to return, except I never gave them a return date. I called personnel and cleared it up by producing a docter note and a return date -- Friday! When I got to work, a cool reception. I had scads of paperwork to clean up and just a handful of ordinary cuts and scrapes to care for. After lunch a teacher came up to me and in the middle of the office announces that she had the same surgery too! I quickly pull her into my office and ask "who told you I had that surgery"! She says, My daughter robin. I must have looked puzzled? Robin?? I don't know a robin. OH, she says, you must have told someone?

OK, I have not told anyone in my school district about my WLS and this teacher is assuming I had bypass. After I put 2 and 2 together here is what transpired.

1. My best friend Lynne told the health aid Maggie at her school about me.

2. Maggie then told her best friend Robin the health aid at Clegg school.

3. Robin then told her Mom Joan who is a teacher at my school Hayden

4. Who shouted it out in my office!

AND I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW :(

The rumor mill is alive and well here in Southern California.

Now, what do I do??? I hate being watched by people and defending my choices. I hate, hate, hate, hate whats happened.

I want to die.

[mousecrazy 2]

Well, Patty, the cat's out of the bag, and you know it's pretty hard to get a cat back in a bag. The best advice I can give you now is to handle yourself with dignity under duress. Say "thank you for your concern; thank you for your support" and then do not discuss it further. Your feeling that you are being watched, or that you have to defend your choice is just that, a feeling. You do not have to accept these feelings as facts you have to act upon. Go on behaving in your best interest, don't bring up the subject, don't freak out or defend yourself, and people soon lose interest. Remember, people are mostly interested in themselves. Take a breath, I know this isn't how you wanted it, but it is what it is, and you are still doing what you wanted.

Yes, I am doing fun stuff this summer...DisneyWorld is only two weeks away! I think that will be a great way to blow off some steam and have some great laughs with DD, sister, and nephew.

Mandy, the graduation gifts are so cute! Wish I could share the green Beans and new potatoes with you, but your meal sounded pretty darn good to me!

Hugs!

[piercedqt78 658]

Ok, Abi ended up with a build a bear (from my mom) the cd and pink roses from us. My sister bought her a 2007 grad barbie. I did really great at the ceremony until the principle announced that the next time my baby walked across the stage she was curently standing on would be 2019 (HS grad) well I lost it and cried the rest of the program. I managed to get pictures of all 21 of her classmates as they received their diploma. My baby is offically a 1st grader. I have worked with these kids all year, it was really great to have them walk up to me and hug me yesterday. I had so many parents say, so you are the famous Ms. Reineke. I learned yesterday that the kids love me as much as I love them. It was bittersweet watching them bridge to the next stage in their life. I am going to miss being in that classroom each week. I jokingly said my baby birds are flying away and one little girl said to me, but you have to work in our class again next year. I don't think they realize it will not be the same 21 in the class next year. Overall a good day. My niece (the one that spends so much time with me) also graduated yesterday. I wasn't able to go, between Abi's stuff and the fact that seating was limited. I am so proud of her, she did really well in school and will be starting a nursing program in the fall. She is working at a local hallmark to save money for school. We went to my sisters house last night and had cake and played boardgames. Overall a good day. I have a day to sorta reat today, tomorrow is Abi's big final party at school and then surgery on tuesday. I have a week for her to recover and then I am going ahead with the laporoscopy on the 12th. I talked to my insurance and they will NOT pay for sterilization or a hystorectomy right now. I have to try everything possible first. However I am having the ablation done on the 12th, and that will make me very high risk if I get pregnant. My insurance says that I can have my tubes tied if pregnancy would be a danger to myself or the baby. After this proceedure that will be the case. It sucks that I have to have another surgery but if that's what it takes, then so be it. I'm off to make Breakfast. ~Mandy

[Iluvharleys 15]

Hello Y'all!

I have been trying to play catch up on my work! It's impossible, just too much to do and not enough hours on the weekend.

Mandy - Abi's graduation sounds really cute. I bet they were darling.

Cindy - You have a great attitude about it all. Just remember you don't have to have all the things they took to make you happy. I went through the same thing, and I was so upset and then I decided not to worry about it anymore. Then we moved and it made it all the better! I look back now at all the memories I have with my parents and they don't have any! I'll take the memories any day!

Eileen - Have a good trip! I've had that stupid cold for over a week now, it was miserable. I think I am starting to see the end of it now. I still have a nagging cough, but the rest is gone.

Patty - Don't let it bother you! Just go on your merry way and smile at everyone of them. It doesn't take long for rumors to fly does it?

Well, I wanted to stop and say hello, I am trying to catch up on the board real quick and get back to my work. I think my DS is coming down this afternoon and I want to be done with stuff by the time he gets here.

Catch you all later!

[SherryW 4]

HERE you are hahaha. I was once again wondering why I wasn't receiving notifications of posts being posted lol. DUH!

Cindy - I can join your club of disfunctional families for sure lol. I've had some Jerry Springer stuff happen in my family and it ain't purty but, ya know what...the only way I get through it is to say to myself "Its their life". If they want to mess it up this way there isn't anything I can do about it. We've got the "money" issue too in my family. When my mom lived with me my siblings seem to think SHE was buying me everything I got new. My husband and I apparently can't buy things for ourselves. Amazes me how much they'd be bothered and not believe the fact that there are two working adults in this family so we can get things and ummmm they have no clue there are loans attached to those toys? DUH! Whatever, and I keep with my own immediate family, DH and DS...I stay grounded this way

Patty - Never seems to fail that the grapevine grows. Truly there isn't anything you can do if it's out already. Some people at work know about my surgery...others don't and I'm not going to run and tell them. If they hear about it...so be it. Sorry the cat was let out of the bag on you...I hope things still go ok.

Betty - Are you up to par now? DH just called about 10 min ago and said he road the Tail of the Dragon twice today. Some nuts on those speed bikes drove like they didn't want to live, passing everyone etc. Even with seeing a car off the road and some bikers stopped they drove like idiots. DH said he and his friends just took their time. He had to get tires for the bike yesterday because the ride down there really wore them down too much to feel safe on the dragon. Fortunately, tires are cheaper there than here :star:

Eileen - How is your fill working out? Hmmm you might be on vacation actually If you are hope you're having fun...if you haven't left yet...I hope you have fun!

Diane - How is your fill working out?

I didn't think I had much restriction after my fill fiasco but, you know what....I went out with Chrispy yesterday and had French Onion Soup. I really REALLY eat slowly lol. My son and Chrispy were done before me and even Chrispy commented "You definately have restriction" lol. So...am I too restricted and that's my problem? I swear I can eat enough though. Anyway.....I finally did it. I kicked my own butt and I've started exercising. I bought this great CD from Walmart that is Gospel Walking. It's gospel songs pepped up alot to a walking beat and it's really REALLY cheerful. I was smiling away and singing to myself on the treadmill. First I tried a Richard Simmons tape and ya know I got ticked off because he'd do these moves and tell ya what to do after he was already doing it, I just couldn't co-ordinate myself enough to do it before he was off to another move. So out with that tape and I tried Tae Bo. Well I can't bend and stretch yet like those skinny people do lol. Ended up hurting my knee That was it...treadmill. So I'm keeping a chart of my progress. Trying to build up my time ane mileage a little at a time. I also took down my measurements so if the scale doesn't move maybe I'll see the inches. I gotta do this! Hopefully it will be the push I need to get that scale moving in the right direction. I have to say I was BORED today even with that CD lol but, I forced myself to do it.

DS is still nervous about driving but, with DH gone and me at work he's going to have to drive himself to work this week. I can't leave work early to get him there and I told him that.

Hell's kitchen starts tomorrow YIPPEEE. Love that show. I'd never be able to take him yelling at me like that but, I do enjoy watching it. Well, gotta go check on my meatballs I've got in the crockpot for DS and myself for supper. Hope you gals (and gents if we still have them) are doing well and shrinking (someone has to be shrinking cause it ain't me lol). Hugs!

[mousecrazy 2]

Thanks for the pats on the back and the "atta-girls". I always find that a burden shared is a much lighter burden, and that more often than not, most of you have been there and done that, and I don't feel like the Lone Ranger anymore! Ya'll are the best!

Hope this same idea helps you, Patty.

Mandy, sounds like you have a good plan for your gyno situation...and those kids are truly blessed by you, and I know you are blessed by them as well. let us know how Abi's surgery goes, and yours too, of course!

Only two weeks until the big Disney vacation! I've spent a lot of today getting some of our plans together. That makes it sound like we are making big plans, but we're really trying to have a more relaxed time this trip...just making a kind of rough outline this time.

I've got a parent association meeting tomorrow, and then taking DD and FIL to lunch, then DD has a musical instrument evaluation tomorrow afternoon to see what instrument she is better suited for...that should be interesting!

Love you all, and hugs to everyone!

Cindy