Hesitant

[eyespy 1]

Hi all. I am so wishy-washy about getting the surgery. For periods of time, I am convinced I am going to do it, Then I think maybe I'll wait. I think I am still in denial that I can lose weight on my own! If that were true, I would have done it by now.

I never realized before contemplating the surgery how much enjoyment I get from food. I don't consider myself an emotional eater--I don't eat when I depressed or to Celebrate. But I do love food and I wonder how it will be after surgery.

For those of you that were hesitant about getting the surgery and finally did, how do you feel about your decision? How has your relationship with food changed.

I am really trying to think about all the changes that will need to take place. I don't want to go into this thinking it's a magic thing and won't be any work.

[JulieNYC 4]

Eyespy,

Four years ago, I weighed 260 lbs and I felt just like you did. I thought, everything in my life I've wanted, I've been able to get on my own with hard work and dedication, help from family and friends -- tools in my toolbox of life. Losing weight shouldn't be any different. I knew about the band and I researched it for THREE YEARS. Early in those three years, over the course of about 6 months, I lost 100 lbs on a liquid Protein diet. The second I went off the diet I started gaining it back and gained the full 100 I'd lost plus about 40 more. Every day I told myself I was starting a diet and every day I failed. In the interim, I kept researching about the band. Meanwhile, I finished school and started work as a lawyer in NYC -- extremely challenging and rewarding, but extremely stressful. I gained 60 lbs my first year in the workforce, so I was now at 350 (I'm 5'1). I got a trainer and did a lot of weight training and cardio for 2 years. I was in better physical shape, but never lost more than about 10 lbs, gained, lost, gained, lost. I continued researching the band. I just didn't understand why I couldn't do this "on my own." I had a great job, great friends, got a Ph.D. and a J.D. in the same semester -- why couldn't I take care of this one issue that seemed so simple (diet).

Then I read some medical literature about weight loss, which was subsequently quoted to me at the information seminar about banding I went to at NYU. The literature said that in weight loss patients studied, only one in FIFTY who needed to lose more than 50 lbs would lose it and keep it off for ONE YEAR. Obviously, I wanted to lose 3 times that amount and, being 30, wanted to keep it off for 50+ years, not one crappy year. So, divorcing it from emotion and just looking at the statistical reality, what were my chances of losing 150 lbs and keeping it off, if only one in fifty kept 50 lbs off for one year? In reading the medical literature, I accepted that I had a disease that I couldn't control. It wasn't a failure on my part to get a band, it was the RESPONSIBLE TREATMENT for my problem and circumstances. I believed it was irresponsible for me to continue -- every single day -- telling myself I could do this on my own. It's like being legally blind and telling yourself tomorrow you can squint enough to drive (diet). Squinting is not a reasonable approach when you can pick up a pair of glasses (the band) and correct your vision.

It took me a few more months to get over three issues many pre-bandsters face: (1) the potential for needing a follow-up surgery, (2) accepting that I'd have scars from the band placement, and (3) concerns about loose skin. I have to tell you, with the band behind me now for over a year, these three issues are inconsequential. (1) I'd have the surgery every month if I had to for the rest of my life before I'd go back to being 350 lbs. Obviously, that's an extreme reaction. My point is, banding is a serious decision, but the procedure itself is well, well, well worth the risk and the results are worth having to repeat the risk. It takes being on the other side of banding to accept that. (2) 4 or 5 tiny lines are so much more attractive than carrying around 100+ lbs of extra weight. I like my scars. They remind me to respect my band. Sometimes I pretend they're shark bites and I fabricate crazy stories in my head about how I got them, just for fun. (3) Akin to #2, loose skin is much more attractive -- particularly clothed -- than excess fat. And, loose skin is a sign of success. It's a sign that you're SO MUCH healthier than before. Best of all, it can be removed with plastic surgery.

This is a very personal decision and for the band to work, you have to be ready for it. That said, I would encourage you to not be like me -- don't research it for 3 years. Accept that banding is the right tool for the job and move on with the weight loss phase.

[eyespy 1]

Thanks, Julie. You and I seem to have some of the same thought processes. I have also been thinking about the statistics of successful weight loss and realizing that the odds are not in my favor. I went to a seminar and they said 95% of dieters regain their weight.

There was also another interesting study she mentioned where people were surveyed prior to a weight loss program and asked to identify four amounts of weight loss: 1. their ideal weight if they could wave a wand and be whatever weight they wanted, 2. a happy weight (not their ideal but they would feel good at that weight), 3. an acceptable weight (they would not be excited or happy but they could live with), 4. a weight they would be dissappointed with. The counselor did some calculations and determined that the average weight loss for people to be disappointed with was 10% (or so. I can't remember off hand. Maybe up to 15%) At the end of 6 months, nearly no one had even reached their disappointed weight.

That really made me think WLS is the way to go, and this was a class for a non-surgical weight loss program! I will be glad to start the process and meet with the counselor. At least I know I am not being impulsive about my decision.

I've seen shows about WLS, and a lot of people said they almost had to grieve their relationship with food. Did you experience that?

I thought it was interesting that you picked the legally blind analogy because I am a Teacher of Students with Visual Impairments.

What is your PhD in?

[Bamalama 0]

Julie, Thanks for this post!! I have been going through all of the same emotions the past gew days plus fighting some of my family. You really made an inpact on me!! Thanks

[edieparks 2]

I loved Julie's post too.

My deciding point for me was I KNEW myself. I was going to yo yo diet myself into a stroke or heart attack.

I felt to say my life or of being a cripple (not a pc term for sure) I had to take the risk with the band.

My hubby kept asking was I sure because he knew I loved to eat. I told him I have ate everything I have ever wanted to eat and I was tired of eating. I was tired of the control food had over me.

I control food now . I am banded woman!

edie

[cyndilou29 0]

Julie,

What an excellent post. I'm printing this one out and I'm going to look at when I'm feeling a little low. I was banded a week ago and am having some problems with swelling so I'm getting very little in. More than a few days ago, but still not much. There are times when I say "What have I done?" but then when I look down and see that I've lost 23 lbs already I tell myself it is worth it. Thank you for your thoughtful post