I feel unsupported... Can I do this by myself?

[renman23 18]

I have 2 things to say. 1 about your surgery and 2 about your husbands comments.

1: You CAN do this. This may be a good time to re-build your support network. Family, Friends, co-workers, neighbors anyone... those who love you will support you. and even if its just a few... or just you. YOU CAN DO THIS.

2. My favorite Quote from Maya Angelou is this:

“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”

― Maya Angelou

We tell who we are mostly by what we DO. Your husband may be scared...but what he said was extremely selfish and hurtful. He may be afraid you'll leave him. You will be more attractive and have MANY more options.. he may be afraid that you'll find someone better... and truth be told. he may be right. but what he really did was tell you WHO he is. Listen to him and as you grow healthier, and stronger. And your outer visage begins to more accurately reflect your inner person... he will either get better, as a man, a father and husband.... OR life will present you with OPTIONS!

GOOD LUCK!!!

[Miss Mac 6,262]

Instead of thinking:

"I love him, so why does he treat me this way?"

Start thinking:

"Why would I love someone who treats me this way?"

Life is too short to waste your time with a jerk.

On that same note, life is too short to work for a jerk, too.

[formyfour4 16]

You can do anything you set your mind to - I am a mother of four and my husband left 3 weeks before my vsg surgery - I have done fine and I am doing this for me not for him - i am now 4 weeks post op- you can do it!

[Jill_Icardi 59]

Hehehe well said!

I am new too. Welcome!!! Have you had your vsg yet? My date is March 23rd. Woohoo!!!

[samuelsmom 670]

I think we have to be patient with our spouses. I don't know about any of you, but I was considering this for quite a while and researching before sharing it with my husband. And early on he was very concerned because he was afraid it would change the dynamics of our marriage and he was afraid our relationship would suffer.

He didn't put it in those words-- what he said was "Well I like to go out to eat"! I remember feeling upset at first and wondering how he could be concerned about going out to eat when I realized that he didn't live in my body and he didn't know what I was going through. At that point I took a much gentler approach. I also was honest and told him how I felt like I was slowly dying and didn't know how to stop it and was desperate.

It helped us reach a new level of understanding and he has been right by my side the entire time. I firmly believe that anyone can do this on their own, however, I also believe that support is important too.

Good luck to everyone whether you have good support or are traveling this road alone.

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

As a single person I guess I see a difference. It's not that I don't have any support. Both my sister and my bestie were there for rides to the hospital and my mother went to the market for me that first week home. The difference was I didn't have anyone saying negative things to me. Then again I didn't look for people to support my decision or their opinion on the matter. I told my sister and besties 2 weeks before surgery and my mother who is a worrier literally 2 days before surgery.

Can you do this with little to no support? YES. However it depends on your personality. As a single person not sharing my plans is typical. I didn't feel a need to talk about the process or the pre-op testing. As a married person who is used to sharing with their spouse it may be more of a challenge. Especially if they are responding out of fear and/or insecurities.

[Kiwwi1991 8]

I would sit and have a serious talk with him. This is a change that sometimes changes relationships, for the better even. I feel he needs to understand where you are coming from and why you feel the need to have this done. If he can't be your support through all rough times, how is he fulfilling his role as husband? Isn't is for better or worse? I have a wonderful (new) husband but if he told me anything like that, I would start to think he isn't right for me. That is such a hurtful thing to say. I would just talk it through with him. Ask him why he said that and doesn't want you healthy. A family friend actually has allowed herself to stay unhealthy and turned down surgery because her husband like "extra meat" he said, and she was afraid to lose him. Don't let someone else take over your life and your choices. You are your own person and I'm here to say your not alone in this. I volunteer to be support if you need it. I have this on my phone and can easily message at any point. I want YOU to be happy and healthy, no matter what your husband says. Do what you feel is right.

[Dream thin 11]

Well said ladies! I hope noorjenna you feel better about your decision and know that you have the support from us! My story goes like this, I had a break up last year in May and found out he got married on Valentine's day this year, so I made arrangements to get my surgery on 2-17-15. I have been putting this off until we sold our house, (I don't know why I thought I should wait) but now I could kick myself for not doing this sooner. He obviously moved forward with his life, so put yourself first because no one else will! I'm scheduled for 3-5-15 with Dr Corvala in TJ.

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

@@Kiwwi1991 brings up some good points. What your husband said was cruel. I would be more concerned with sabotage rather than support. He may not agree or support your decision to have this surgery but is he going to actively sabotage it? Will he eat your specialty foods? Will he try to tempt or tease you with foods you shouldn't have? Sit down and have that conversation with him. You need to know where you stand before you have this surgery so you can prepare yourself for how you are going to deal with this.

[Garifab_VSG 122]

I wish there was some way to see when the last time noorjenna was online, because she hasn't been in this thread since Feb. 7th I hope she went through with her surgery.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

Just to comment on Kiwwi1991's remark: When I was much heavier, I justified it with "meat is for the man and bone is for the dog".........until I had a stroke.

My dear sweet gentleman friend met me at the heavier weight. When I decided that I was actually going to have to deal with this 53" waist and get bariatric surgery or risk another (and possibly fatal) stroke, I was concerned that he might be a "chubby chaser" and would not love me any more. So we had to have that conversation. I asked him if he felt like he would be missing something in the relationship if I got down to a healthy weight. Thankfully he said that he would be my number one supporter in getting healthy, whatever that takes. He wants me around more than he wants me round.

I am glad he said that, because a NO answer would have been a deal breaker. It would have told me that he loved something in his hands more than someone in his heart.

That is also why I don't believe is sharing the details of your bariatric journey with just anybody. We don't need the Captain Bringdowns telling us what we can't do. This is hard enough. The most important lesson I have learned through all of this is one I was not prepared for, and that is how bariatric surgery exposes the dynamics of your relationships. Now it is up to us to decide what our peace of mind is worth.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

Garifabvsg,

You can type her user name in the search box, hit the menu down arrow, click on MEMBERS and bring up her home page. She has no info posted there yet, but you could send her a private message from there.

[LaLa Lady 98]

I hope you are well with whatever you decided. Remember you have young children to think of also, young mothers have much to do and it's a lot easier to be thin and healthy when your doing it! Only you can make the final decision...good luck.

[imadethelist 226]

So sorry you are dealing with that. Can you do it without his help, you bet you can! Keep us posted about your procedure.

[jjmcrash218 94]

My wife did the same. She said to my face that she did not support it at all,,,, right up to surgery day....then,,, she did a complete turn around (actually broke down and cried her eyes out about how she was thinking of herself and how this would impact our relationship) He is doing this out of fear.... After she saw the results and realized I wasnt going anywhere but by her side. And saw a healthier me...the rest is history,,, Here's hoping that your husband will see progress.... and loves the person under the pounds like my wife actually always did.... He has to realize that this is not about him.... stay strong It's a piece of cake after the liquid diet,,,,, You will be able to handle the little ones a few weeks out,