My mother told everyone about my surgery!

[bellabloom 2,467]

Or she might as well have. She told her best friend about my surgery who loves to gossip about other people.
My mother might as well have posted it on Facebook.< br />
I asked her, no I begged her, I made her SWEAR to me that she would not tell a soul. I let her tell her husband and that was it. What does she do? She tells my uncle, my aunt, and her best friend. I most specifically asked her not to tell this woman above anyone else!!! And she DID!

My mom is like a best friend to me. We talk everyday. We share all kinds of things. I trusted her.

She says the reason she told is because my complications in healing were stressing her out. What a lame excuse. There are a number of people she could have called who would have comforted her. She could have called her husband or my best friend who also had the surgery.

She told because she doesn't respect me or my privacy. She has zero respect for boundaries and never has. Breaking a promise of trust is more painful than slapping someone in the face.

Edited February 4, 2015 by bellabloom

[Andrew0929 1,101]

That's exactly why I didn't tell my mother the truth. Told her I was having hiatal hernia surgery and am sticking with that story.

[aelovelady 243]

You are right, she should be ashamed. Calm down a bit and make sure you tell her how hurt you are and how betrayed you feel. Please don't let this sabotage your progress. And don't ever let her hurt you again! Good luck

[lexiemustang 268]

Or she might as well have. She told her best friend, who is the biggest loud mouth gossip monger who every has lived. We run in a circle of mutual friends who are very dear to me. Some of them are also my business clients. This woman who my mom told about my surgery loves, I mean she LIVES for gossip. I have no doubt that in a matter of days, if not already, she will have told everyone that we are friends with about my surgery.

My mother might as well have posted it on Facebook.< /p>

I asked her, no I begged her, I made her SWEAR to me that she would not tell a soul. I let her tell her husband and that was it. What does she do? She tells my uncle, my aunt, and her best friend. I most specifically asked her not to tell this woman above anyone else!!! And she DID!

My mom is like a best friend to me. We talk everyday. We share all kinds of things. I trusted her. She had totally broken and betrayed me and hurt our relationship terribly.

Why am I surrounded by selfish people who don't care about my feelings????? Why don't have to take anise like this?

What's worse is my mother insulted me about my weight and nagged and bagged me about my weight my whole entire life since I was a child . She put me on my first diet when I was 11- slim fast. And she denies it but I promise you it is true. My mother is the first person who told me I was fat "for my own good".

Just yesterday my dad was telling me how my mother wasn't very likable and I defended her to him!! What the hell was I thinking. She is the most selfish gossip betrayer of trust. She doesn't really love me. All she thinks about is herself ! Likely she was embarrassed to have a fat daughter.

She says the reason she told is because my complications in healing were stressing her out. What a lame excuse. There are a number of people she could have called who would have comforted her. She could have called her husband or my best friend who also had the surgery.

She told because she can't keep her huge mouth shut!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is a liar who brakes promises and has no integrity and frankly I can't be close with someone like that. I'll never confide in her again. I won't get over this, it's too much. I forgave her for humiliating me as a child and as an adult and now it's just gone too far. I am not her own personal celebrity to papparrazi to her f**king friends.

If your reading this mom, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED

This is EXACTLY why I haven't told my mom. The last time I told her not to talk about something to others, she did it anyway.

I love my mom dearly but I'm now realizing one of her weaknesses is keeping her big frigging mouth shut...

[della street 213]

I told my sister and my brother and SPECIFICALLY said not to tell our 90-year-old dad who is in very frail health. I also asked them NOT to visit or call me as that would just stress me out, but feel free to send emails and/or texts and I would check and reply when I was up to it. I also had my husband text them both when I was in recovery and let them know all had gone well. So far, so good.... Then in my room day after surgery, my cell phone rings -- it's my dad's caregiver!!! "Your dad wants to know how you're doing" etc etc. Now you can think I should have told my dad, but I didn't want to worry him and it's too complicated to explain and I was just too exhausted pre-surgery to deal w/all of that... So I immediately texted my sister and asked if she told dad and she said yes! That he would want to know, she explained it to him, etc. She said she told him that I didn't want phone calls, but if he had his caretaker call, it was because he loved me, etc. etc. Which may very well be true, but I am p*ssed beyond belief...

[rte837 141]

I am sorry; for ALL the people who have had this experience. This very private decision is yours and yours alone. That having been said, your wt. loss and change in eating will be evident to all soon enough. If they ask, just say you are on a special program with your Dr. and prefer to not discuss it, then quickly ask a diverting question about THEM. Many people will be so proud of you, they won't be able to hold their tongue. Others will be so threatened by your guts that they will have to belittle you what ever way they can to elevate themselves. While your mom betrayed you, is it really worth cutting her off COMPLETELY? She's the only mom you'll ever have. Avoid this topic completely for now. But give yourself time to get over it. You may both want to Celebrate your success later. But, yeah! For now, be pissed!!

[bellabloom 2,467]

I love my mom, she is a wonderful mom and wonderful person and helps me so much I don't know what I would do without her. I'm very grateful for her and all she does for me and my kids. Sometimes I think about her getting older and I totally freak out because like I said, she is my best friend.

Honestly I was so mad about this when I wrote the post above. I'm still pretty upset. It shocks me that she thinks it was her right to share my private information to anyone especially the biggest gossip she knows. It's unfortunate that she can't keep secrets.

My mom is my confidant and I love her with all my heart. She knows all my secrets and never judges me and that's what I love about her. She is a wonderful kind person with a huge heart. I understand that she was terrified for me and needed to talk to a friend about it. But there were many other people for her to talk to. It is too bad that she didn't make a better choice.

I don't know wether her friend will tell people or not. My mom isn't a very private person, she shares a lot of herself with others. I myself am not shy or a closed book, but in this matter I desperately wanted to keep it between us. I never thought for a second that she would tell people! I am shocked.

I know that our relationship will heal but it will take time because this was a breach of trust. I am so grateful that my mom went through hell and back with me during the last two months. She has given up so much for me in her life and continues to do so, because she is a wonderful mom. I would never have made it through this surgery without her by my side.

But in regards to my weight she has never respected boundaries. She feels it's okay to comment about it and really hurt me throughout my life in terms of my self esteem. I know it comes from a good place, that she wants me to be happy. But why can't she see that being happy is about being unconditionally loved by your family? There is such a thing as wanting the best for someone but people need to hear that they are okay just the way they are. And no, just because someone is your child, it does not make it okay to make comments about their physical appearance and health. That is for their doctor to do. And people's physical appearance is their business no one else's. My mom needs to try and see beauty in everyone no matter their weight.

I forgive my mom for what she did because I love her. I just hope that she looks at herself a little harder over this and realizes how much breaking a promise can hurt.

I am sorry she has to go through all of this stress and give me so much of her time this last month. I never thought this surgery would be so difficult for me or for her and I should have asked for help from others, it was too much for her to handle alone.

Hopefully with some space between us this rift will heal. And hopefully, I am praying that her "best friend" will keep her mouth SHUT about it too. I'll never really know who she has told if anyone but there is nothing I can do about it. If people question me on how I lost weight I will simply say "through a lot of blood sweat and tears." And change the subject.

Edited February 3, 2015 by bellabloom

[losing_the_band 133]

This is what I'm worried about. I need a revision from band to bypass or sleeve (consultation with a surgeon tomorrow!), and I'd like to tell my mother and father about it. The problem is, they seem to think my private medical business is everyone else's business, too. That's what they did with both of my band surgeries. They told my brother, they told my aunts and uncles, they told their employees and their customers, etc. We apparently have different definitions of "private information," lol. Part of the reason I don't want to tell people is that I've had issues with the band, and I already feel like enough of a failure, even though I was able to reach goal weight before regaining due to issues). I don't want the pressure of everyone judging me and watching me to see if I succeed with this one. I'm a very private person and it makes me uncomfortable to know that people are constantly watching what I put in my mouth (and yes, they do that when you tell them that you've had surgery).

[Janice1968 92]

My mom did the same thing! Before we even got home she "accidentally" posted my incision pictures on Facebook. I wanted to scream! She knew no one was to know about my surgery. Oh well I have decided its my body, my money and my decision! I don't care what anyone says.

[freshair 135]

Yupp that sounds like my mom i had a complications after surgery and had to be put under again when i woke up my mom Had called everyone and their cat and there were like 7 or 8 plp in the hospital one lady i didn't even know!! Again her reasoning was she was stressed about my complications but really call everyone and have so many of them come down to the hospital. Anyways I after found out from my husband that she jad told plp way before surgery in the 3 days leading up to my surgery. I forgave her but I was extremely pissed

[Cupcake 801]

I am sorry to hear that, I wish that this had not happened to you but hold your head high and just be selective about what you tell and share with your mother, I am sure she never intended to hurt your feelings , but now you know that you can not share everything with her unless you are willing to take the risk of everyone knowing. I did not share my surgery because I didnt want all of the questions and negative comments and the constant question how much did you loose this week. Good luck.

[Homecie 41]

Maybe in some small way our mothers and boundaries or lack of, contributed to our eating disorders?

From the above entries and my experiences too this seems to be the case.

[msmisaacs 27]

I can relate. My mother in law and I had a huge argument because she insists it is her "right" to tell her family about this. I was dumbfounded - this is my body and its up to me what I do with it and who I talk to about what I do with it!

[Kimberly Bouche-Perez 48]

I am so SORRY you mom thought about herself with your surgery. It is tough cause you don't want to fail, again like so many diets have failed.

I told a few people I thought were my friends only to hear horrible responces. Things from 'your not that fat' to 'you will just gain it back' and even 'your taking the easy way out'.

It is our body' our story. But people will alway feel it is there business to put their 2 cents in.

I was lucky I had my entire family support. But I did not tell my youngest boy (he was 20 at the time) untill I had a surgery date. Because he once thought it was the easy ay out.

Since then, he has been one f my biggest defenders when someone will say that it's the easy way out.

He has seen with his own eyes that it is not.

I know you are upset with your mom and I do not blame you one bit.

When cooler heads prvaile, you need to have a talk about bounderies. you will feel so much better. She is probally stuck in her ways, but maybe just maybe she might think before she speaks next time.

Good luck hun

[kyrickchick64 468]

I understand your upset with her and God rest her she sounds like my mother in law. You can't change some people. So your choice is to get over it and use it as incentive to show the haters that you can do it and do it well or be mad at her and have a strained relationship. In the future know for sure not to tell her or post it on face book first. That way everyone gets the facts straight. Onward and upward my dear.