Conflicted about discussing surgery with family, coworkers, etc.

[Healthy2015 8]

Hi there. My very first post. I am just beginning the process of preparing for the gastric sleeve surgery so I will post more once I have my surgery date and more information.

I am hoping you all will give me some feedback regarding whether or not to talk about the surgery to people in your life. I am very conflicted about it for several reasons. I have seen my family, and even some of my friends, be quite negative and gossipy about other people who have had WLS, and I know the same will apply to me. The thought of It makes me cringe. I really do not want to discuss it at work. I feel like my body and my health are such a private matter, but then that feels dishonest not to be upfront about it. I don't want to hide it, but then I also don't want to discuss it with people who don't have a positive interest. Around and around my thought process goes! My gut tells me to wait until I am recovered from the surgery before I talk about it. I'm interested in hearing how other people have decided to handle discussing the surgery with people, especially family members who love you but who will not respect your need for privacy.

Thank you for your responses!

[trulyamazingtoo 127]

I informed my family oof what I was going to do and no one approves. They say that I'm not that big or can just eat less and work out. They try to talk me out of it. My children, husband, mother, and sisters do not approve. That is just my family but others family's are very supportive. I wish I didn't tell anyone because this is a hard decision. They ask what if I don't wake up or have too many complications. I have not discussed this with my boss yet but I am planning to tell her that I have to get a women's surgery. My surgery is scheduled for Feb 20th. I am scared and nervous because of all the negative that I hear.

[Seahawkgirl 129]

There are tons of threads about this same topic and a wide variety of feelings about it. I've chosen to tell my husband and bestie and that is it. I'm making this decision for myself and I don't feel it is any one else's business, I for sure will not tell anyone at work. I'm a private person and wish to keep this to myself. Good luck with your decision!!

[Nikkidoodlebug 120]

@Healthy2015. Ok so I have not had my surgery yet, butttt I did have to tell my bosses about it because I needed the time off and I will not be able to pick up heavy objects for a little bit. So now I sooo wish I did not have to tell them, now that they have gone and talked about it behind my back and gossiping about me and now they make sly comments ( were I can here them) about weight loss surgery and about how "people just gain all the weight back," "and if there going to find a way around it they will," and I know they are all talking about me. They are all very big women and very jealous! So I try to ignore them. So maybe you might just want to wait, unless you think they are better people then that, just think about it real good!! Good luck to you on your journey!

[CheleLynn45 615]

I was very worried about this at first. While I was going thru the 6 month diet and getting all my requirements done I only talked to my husband, daughter, parents, two friends at work, and my very close friends. Everyone was VERY supportive.

As time got closer to my surgery date I did share that I was going to have WLS with most of my department and few others I work with since I would be gone for 5 weeks and they would wonder where I was. I was extremely nervous to go back to work after all that time, I was afraid how people other than I had told would react to my weight loss and how it happened.

Well as people started asking where I had been, commenting on how I looked, it got easier and easier to talk about it. I truly didn't know what I was going to say until the words were coming out of my mouth. Once I started sharing I felt so good about it that I have not not shared how I am doing this with anyone who asks.

I am proud of my accomplishment, I am proud of how I am working this sleeve. Also it is amazing how many people know someone who has gone thru this. I have not encountered any negative comments, at least face to face. Who knows what people might be saying behind my back. But I don't care cause I KNOW how much work I am putting into this.

The support I have received has been so motivating and keeps me moving forward. It saddens me when I read posts where people do not have the support especially of their immediate family. That's why this site is so important Sometimes it is the only support people get.

In the end you must do what feels right for you. This is your journey no one elses!!!

[Nikkidoodlebug 120]

I meant hear! Oops.

[mae7365 372]

I shared with my immediate family (husband and children) and two neighbors/friends. About 6 weeks after surgery (Christmas time) I told other neighbors and friends from work. I really didn't want or need people to agree or disagree with my decision. It was mine to make and I wouldnt even try to defend my decision if anyone wanted to be negative. To me, I just told people in a matter-of-fact manor and all I've really had is people ask me curiosity questions like "Do you feel different? Did it hurt? How does it work? etc". I was a low BMI (36.1 on day of surgery), and I would have expected people to question why I did it. I've been pleased that people see how much better I look now.....I guess that could be why I don't get any grief over it.

I'm not sure if I helped, but its the way I handled it. I never want people to think I'm embarressed about having WLS. I'm proud of the decision I made.

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

Lots of similar discussion HERE.

[mdlange 50]

Thru this whole planning stage, only my husband and I knew about our plans. We have 4 sons, 3 daughter in laws, a huge extended family, tons of friends. I have done the research, found the Dr. and facility that I feel are best for me, lots of hours online, on the phone, networking with doctors & veterans. I am going to Tijuana. Yep. Let the S#*T storm begin! I did not want to bring any negativity into this plan. So, we told none. Well, as Feb 4 drew closer, I was feeling more and more anxious. Snipping at Michael, cross. Crying. SO not me! I am having my surgery on my birthday, a national holiday in my family! Everyone was calling, scheduling multiple celebrations, casino trips, shopping trips, parties. I had to decline them all using our cover story of "Michael is taking me out of town this year". Not a lie. Not the truth. So Saturday I told the boys, DIL's and my bestie. Questions, tears, pleas, more questions, cautions, but they know me and know I did the hard work to come to this decision. Like I told them all, I have a wonderful life with all of them, I am doing this so I can stay in their lives for as long as possible. It felt like a rebirth! I am going to Tijuana with a much lighter heart. Now, 'cmon lighter body!

[Debbie Jean 406]

Remember that they love you but don't know what you do. You will make believers of them ???? Best wishes with your surgery! I look forward to seeing you over on the losers bench. Keep us updated!

And happy birthday! ????

[JamieLogical 8,708]

I obviously discussed it with my husband first. I was incredibly nervous about telling my parents, but they were AMAZINGLY supportive, as was my sister. I only told two of my coworkers. They were my two closest friends at work, with whom I often had lunch. So, if I wanted to continue going out with them post-op, I was going to have to let them know why I was eating so strangely. One of them was very supportive, the other thought I was making a mistake, but didn't nag me about it or anything and he's been accepting, if not supportive.

I also eventually told my parents-in-law prior to the surgery and they spread the word to my husband's siblings, nieces, and nephews. I really didn't encounter much negativity at all. If people had negative opinions about it, they kept them to themselves.

It turns out that it's not been an issue that I haven't told others at work. I've been losing the weight so slowly, that I don't think many people are noticing. And I've lost/regained weight so many times in the past, that I think people are just too nice to pry for fear that it's a sensitive topic with me.