Jealousy

[mboulis 0]

Your ex-husband sounds really messed in the head, and you did find someone better than him. A very good thing, too.

Thanks!

His current live in is a SSBBW and he tells people they don't have sex, that she repulses him, etc. He has severe issues.

[DynamoMini 1]

Once you've felt that unconditional love, not based on your looks, but about loving your insides, you won't go back. The head trip is devastating to overcome. Hat off to you. You are on the road getting banded and healing those wounds.

What allowed me to choose my abusive husband was set in motion during early childhood. Thank God for therapy. The sucky thing is that I am still left with the problem and all the perpetrators are off doing their thing! Also, part of my reality is my residual anger towards these people, even tho' my nature wants to excuse them. My therapist says I have to feel this anger in order to heal. I hate feeling angry, but I am healing.

[Lorien 0]

I've got a movies & dinner buddy at work. We don't encourage one another to make bad food choices, but we do "facilitate" one another when it comes to chocolate, popcorn at the movies, etc. For example, there usually is a bag of Dove chocolates in our of our desk drawers, for when a project or deadline is creating stress. I'll sit down an my computer and find 3-4 "doves" sitting there. It's a nice gesture, but not helpful right now!

I've told her that I wont be able to keep chocolate around me, and that it will be torture for me to go into the lunchroom and watch others eat (until I get back into a routine and can bring my own food to work), and she understood. I hope she's as understanding when it comes to going out for pizza. IF I'm able to eat it in the future, I can manage one piece when I'm at home, but to sit at a table and munch on one piece, while everyone else is slamming it down with beer will be too much for me!

I figure this time - it's about me, and if a social-friendship suffers due to jealousy after I start loosing weight or because the friendship is based on eating situations, then I'll adjust.

[derbygirl 0]

I've found that pizza is relatively easy because it rakes a really long time to eat it. It will take you two or three times as long to eat one piece of pizza. My nieces were over this weekend. The seven year old ate 3 pieces in the time I ate one. And you will be full when you're done, too. You won't feel deprived.

My biggest problem is that it bothers me to spend money and then eat only half of what's on my plate. The leftovers are never as good, and most of the time I never want to eat the leftovers and they go to waste anyway.

I wish there was a fast food restaurant that served mini dishes. You can always get the kids burger, but it's rarely as good. The meat isn't even the same most of the time...or the bun...or the condiments/sauces. It's just not as good.

[lawanda jessica 0]

I'm having sugery in 12 days.

Me and my mom had lunch today and I asked her why hasn't she said anything about my sugery.

She said she doesn't approve of it so why be supportive?

Than she said why are you doing this?

I can't believe she asked that question.

I have been heavy most of my life.

I've lost weight 50 to 70 pounds 4-5 times.

My first attempt was a bulemic episode at age 11.

It only lasted for a week.

I saw it on an afterschool special.

Than at 17 I lost 66 pounds going from 189 to 123.

Excercising and starving myself to death!

I refused to be fat for my senior year and prom.

I got pregnant at 20,married and was 172 and gained 80 pounds behind that.

Birth control,three month shot bloated me right back up!

Got a divorce by the way my ex hated fat women.

His treament toward me is a whole different cruel story.

At 23 I did advocare and went from 248 to 163 with taebo.excercise.

That at age 27 I went from 252 to 196 on phentermine and excercise.

Than la weightloss for 10 pounds but I was allergic to the pills.< /p>

Than I went back up to 242 due to steroids for excema,asthma,and severe allergies .

Than I went to 218 again back on phentermine and excercise.

Now I am back to 244 and frustrated!

I have been on steroids 40 percent of my life!

Anyways I told her I was tired and this is my last attempt.

So she's like well that's your decision but I dont have to support it.

I really wanted to call her out of her name.

My mother has always been jealous of me success and talent wise.

When I lost those 66 pounds in highschool at a size 6 she still called me a fat bitch when she got angry.

If I asked her did she cook(when I was a size 6 in highschool) she would go in the fridge and pull the food out and throw it on the floor and tell me she is not a maid get it my damn self.

Honestly I think she has been part of my emotional battle with food.

I dont blame her for my obesity but she is not the nicest or most supportive yet I luv her dearly.

Whenever I accomplish something she praises me sometimes but is jealous secretly.

Thank God for a few friends because my family is not there for me on this decision!

I really need to be the person I know I can be!

Sorry had to vent

[insubordination 0]

Do it for you without reference to your mother whatsoever. You need looking after now and if she won't give it, give it to yourself. Your post proves that you need the band. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and believe that she's just worried about the operation and sceptical etc. but I doubt it. I think she senses you need her approval and support, so is withholding it to have power over you.

In high school, I had a best friend whose mother constantly saw her as a rival. Mother made daughter feel terrible about herself and gloated when she weighed less than her.

Sometimes family doesn't do what we wish they would and believe they should. Make plans to do it without her and don't get disappointed if she doesn't deliver what you need(though I hope she may surprise you). Arrange your own ride home. Prepare your own Soup and buy all the things you need post-op.

Complain to us or other friends to avoid the 'See, I told ya'. You will get your operation, get through the tough pre - op & post, get off meds and get your eating under control. It's a hard road ahead but not harder than the one behind you.

Eventually, she'll probably come around.

[kacee 3]

My gosh I was lucky...I am 55 and yes, I STILL look to my Mother for some approval and glow when I get it. I had been thinking about the band and she was my potentially biggest obstacle (she's ALWAYS been on me to lose weight...."If you don't do it when you are young it will be next to impossible as you get older."---and she was absolutely right of course)....I finaly bit the bullet and said, "Now don't yell at me, but I'm thinking about getting the lapband..." (notice the preface...)...I held my breath and she said, "I can't believe you haven't brought that up before now! When are you wanting to do it?" I was completely astounded. And, as they say, the rest is history.... Even if my Mom wouldn't have been receptive (but there is no way she wouldn't because she is fantastic and I am her biggest fan) I would have found a way to do it....for me.

[derbygirl 0]

Lawanda, that's very sad. She really needs counseling.

My mother isn't supportive 24/7 either, so I know where you're coming from.

You have to be ready to go this journey alone. Forget everyone else--this is not about them.

[green 6]

Lawanda, your mother sounds like a foul-tempered and destructive woman. I suspect that because she is jealous, you as a result will never receive her approval and will continue to be hurt by her. This would indicate that you should emotionally disengage yourself from her for your own peace of mind. This is a very, very difficult thing to do; we all crave our parents' love and approval and are left devasted when this is denied us. You sure do have all of my sympathy.

[Candle 11]

My ex purposefully seeks out heavy women. When I was with him, I went into counseling...he was very emotionally abusive. Anyway, it came out--and he did NOT deny it--that being with a fat woman made HIM feel better about himself. He felt if his wife/girlfriend were morbidly obese, then he would look great in comparison (he was 5'7 and about 130 at the time). He also felt people would pity him for having to have sex with me and that he'd get "mercy sex" from women who'd wonder how he could be sexual with somebody as fat as me (he told them we hadn't had sex in years--which wasn't true).

Wow!! That's really really f'ed up!!! I don't even know you but I am so proud of you for being able to overcome that kind of abuse!<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

<o:p></o:p>

My boyfriend is a "chubby chaser" not exclusively but a plus size woman is his preference. At first it took me awhile to wrap my head around it and I really questioned if I was just a fetish to him. Was there some kind of underlying issue or reason for his preference? Even though every person on the planet has a preference, including myself .. how can someone find thick legs, a round ass and a soft tummy attractive? (how messed up is that - I've been so conditioned to hate my "fat" that I can't even see anything attractive about myself or anyone my size. The number we do on OURSELVES is almost worse than what other people have done to us. I think some of the biggest negative experiences I've had in life due to my weight, have been brought on by other fat people!!!) <o:p></o:p>

<o:p></o:p>

We've been together for 3 years now, had quite a few outside challenges in that time and I know he loves me for me and am even in his head enough to understand the whole thing now. I guess I still think about it a little - and am REALLY worried now that *if* I am able to lose the weight ... will he still be as attracted to me as he is now? <o:p></o:p>

<o:p></o:p>

He is my rock and my biggest supporter right now. I think his love and our relationship, is what really made me want to do this - I want to live a FULL, LONG and healthy life with him.<o:p></o:p>

<o:p></o:p>

I'm going to need some serious therapy ... :heh:<o:p></o:p>

<o:p></o:p>

[IneedMajorHelp 1]

jess that is just the most awful thing I've ever heard - that is not how a mother is supposed to act at all - when I told my mom she was 100% supportive - more than 100% - she wrote out the check for the surgery - she's given me a 1st and 2nd chance at life

[Telly 4]

I'm having sugery in 12 days.

Me and my mom had lunch today and I asked her why hasn't she said anything about my sugery.

She said she doesn't approve of it so why be supportive?

Than she said why are you doing this?

I can't believe she asked that question.

I have been heavy most of my life.

I've lost weight 50 to 70 pounds 4-5 times.

My first attempt was a bulemic episode at age 11.

It only lasted for a week.

I saw it on an afterschool special.

Than at 17 I lost 66 pounds going from 189 to 123.

Excercising and starving myself to death!

I refused to be fat for my senior year and prom.

I got pregnant at 20,married and was 172 and gained 80 pounds behind that.

Birth control,three month shot bloated me right back up!

Got a divorce by the way my ex hated fat women.

His treament toward me is a whole different cruel story.

At 23 I did advocare and went from 248 to 163 with taebo.excercise.

That at age 27 I went from 252 to 196 on phentermine and excercise.

Than la weightloss for 10 pounds but I was allergic to the pills.

Than I went back up to 242 due to steroids for excema,asthma,and severe allergies .

Than I went to 218 again back on phentermine and excercise.

Now I am back to 244 and frustrated!

I have been on steroids 40 percent of my life!

Anyways I told her I was tired and this is my last attempt.

So she's like well that's your decision but I dont have to support it.

I really wanted to call her out of her name.

My mother has always been jealous of me success and talent wise.

When I lost those 66 pounds in highschool at a size 6 she still called me a fat bitch when she got angry.

If I asked her did she cook(when I was a size 6 in highschool) she would go in the fridge and pull the food out and throw it on the floor and tell me she is not a maid get it my damn self.

Honestly I think she has been part of my emotional battle with food.< /p>

I dont blame her for my obesity but she is not the nicest or most supportive yet I luv her dearly.

Whenever I accomplish something she praises me sometimes but is jealous secretly.

Thank God for a few friends because my family is not there for me on this decision!

I really need to be the person I know I can be!

Sorry had to vent

I'm happy that you vented. I'm proud of you though I don't know you, for making this very important decision for yourself. That being said, you do not need approval from anyone else but you.

You can do this b/c you've proven that you have the drive and the determination to do it, but this time, you will be able to control things b/c you'll be equipped with that extra tool, the band.

Your life will change during this process. Men (if there isn't already one in the picture) will come and go. You will feel shallowness from them as you begin to get thinner. If you do have a man....he will go through this too, in a very big way. People are not apt to change and are not always accepting to changes. Friends will either be supportive or non-supportive. I hope you will be able to recognize changes in everyone around you as you change, whether good or bad.

Remember that YOU have made this decision and no one else. When you start to lose a majority of your weight, YOU will see others in a different light. You will see dining out in a different light, eating around others will be different. My point being..... this is a new adventure you are embarking on and it's up to you to make it something incredible.

I wish you much success. You already have the drive.

You can do this!

[lawanda jessica 0]

Guys thank you so much for the support.

Ya know it's funny I always thought I should get away from hee emotonally.

The sad thing is she came down with demylinating disease and now has moved in with me and I'm taking care of her.

Not completely just food, shelter and etc.

I know I know not smart.

But she's my mother and my siblings are all too selfish with their own lives.

She treats me different than she does them.

She babies and cries for them as for me I'm always on my own.

I dont want to bore you guys with my drama.

I am definately going ahead with the surgery.

I had my last class and final sign off yesterday.

My Calcium is a very low so they gave me a strong dose of Vitamin D and calcium.

I bought almost eveything I need for pre-op and lined it up in my room on the floor.

I started my pre-op diet today.

No I don't have a real man.

More like a every now and than buddy if you know what I mean.

Honestly I'd like to get rid of the two but I guess they are my safety net.

I dont have time for much else with my schedule.

Anyhoo I'm ready for this journey.

I know everything and everyone will change.

That's what I'm hoping for.

Thanks for responding!

[green 6]

You sound like a lovely and noble person, Lawanda. It is too bad that your mum doesn't see that. It is funny how often the least appreciated child so often steps up to the plate when a parent runs into trouble. You may wish to point out to her that you are the only one who is there for her. Though she is living with you my advice to you still stands: you must separate yourself from her emotionally. She does sound like she is toxic.

I am very pleased that you are treating yourself to the band and that you are a member of this site. Here you will find tons of practical advice and loads of emotional support. As for the band, this is an excellent weight loss tool. Although I was one of the lower BMI folk I am also an old fart; I was banded last September and I am now at goal weight and have a healthy BMI. The band really does work!

Enjoy your band, your weight loss journey, and the support of LBT.

[pandagirl 0]

I haven't been banded yet, but I am already seeing some issues pop up. I have a friend who is overwieght and she is considering the WLS and she will talk to me about her concerns. If I bring it up to her, she snaps at me. I would understand it if I talked about it all of the time, but I don't. I am not sure why she does this other than I am very near to having the surgery and she has just started thinking about it and she may be jealous because I am ahead of her. I have another fat friend who will not talk about it at all. I told her once several months ago and all she said was "not me". I have brought it up once or twice in the last month because of the Protein Shake research and she changes the subject immediately. I don't know if they will stick with me through this or not.