Jealousy

[kacee 3]

I told everyone I know that I have the band. You know what? They can like it or not...I could care less. It is MY life, not theirs. If they want to think I took the "easy way out", (which is a joke in itself) let them think it. Life is way too short to worry about what friends and family think. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly, but I have bigger fish to fry than to worry if they are jealous or not.

This is MY time to shine...nobody is going to rain on my parade

Besides, the people that really count, go through it with you...clapping the whole way!! The others? Oh well.....!!!

YOU GO GIRLFRIEND! MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY! I have ZERO qualms about telling ANYONE. You're either a supporter, or you're not. If you are, fall in line and join the party....YEEEHAAA!!! If not, get out of the way cuz I'm comin through! I wish everyone could get to this mind-set because it sure is refreshing. I'm just sorry so many people feel they have to give their power away to friends and family and be scared of judgment. I've told everyone but the garbageman what's going on, if they ask or make a comment. I have had ZERO negative response (and could care less if I did!). You know...a LOT of it has to do with the way YOU react. If you approach it apologetically, secretively...you are going to reap the exact same "karma" from the exterior...i.e. for those of you who haven't heard on Oprah or read the book....check out "The Secret". Not a new thing, yes, but it is TRUE.:biggrin1:

[musicalmomma 1]

I had a bit of an "epiphany" last night...the next fat person that tells me "Oh, you took the easy way out" (or anything similar to that) I'm going to say "If it's so easy, why don't you do it!?" I'm sick of sanctimonious wind bags deciding I took an easy route. If it were easy, and it's NOT, but if it were...WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT???? I had epidurals when I gave birth...some women looked down their noses at me for it, because they did it "the natural way". I said to them..."do you have a healthy baby?" They said "of course" I said "good! SO DO I!" I am not letting ANY outside source make me feel bad about a decision that I KNOW was SO right for me

For the record, I've had mostly positive responses...BUT have heard of 'whispers' about my decision. Whatever...people have been gossiping since the dawn of time and will continue to long after I leave this earth. If I can provide some entertainment for their dull existence, good for me!

[areellady 1]

I still have only told a handful of people. DH and two kids, my parents, DH parents, one of my professors and one friend. I don't want any pressure and questions. Right now is about me learning and if I have to explain every single thing to everyone that knows I would go insane. This is such a learning curve that I want to enjoy this time without having to defend my actions. I now wish I had NOT told in laws, but that is another story. My mom is so supportive. She always has been though. She is so great and goes with me to my doctors appointments. My DH is my rock and solid ground. He is my cheerleader. I think that no one needs to know until I DECIDE they need to know. As I have lost 40 pounds in two months starting from pre op diet, I get less and less defensive about the subject though. I am almost to the point where if someone asked me how I lost weight I would probably tell them. I guess I am not as worried about it now as I was two months ago when starting out, but still its about me and MY LIFE and my right to keep it from whomever I want to. Deanna

[OH Juli 15]

YOU GO GIRLFRIEND! MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY! I have ZERO qualms about telling ANYONE. You're either a supporter, or you're not. If you are, fall in line and join the party....YEEEHAAA!!! If not, get out of the way cuz I'm comin through! I wish everyone could get to this mind-set because it sure is refreshing. I'm just sorry so many people feel they have to give their power away to friends and family and be scared of judgment. I've told everyone but the garbageman what's going on, if they ask or make a comment. I have had ZERO negative response (and could care less if I did!). You know...a LOT of it has to do with the way YOU react. If you approach it apologetically, secretively...you are going to reap the exact same "karma" from the exterior...i.e. for those of you who haven't heard on Oprah or read the book....check out "The Secret". Not a new thing, yes, but it is TRUE.:biggrin1:

I have to say, I'm with: get the hell out of my way or join the party.

I work where there are no secrets. I told a handful of people before the surgery. I shouldn't have surprised but I was when people I rarely speak to came to me when I returned. All offered me support or encouragement. A maintenance man for example shared with me that his cousin has had the same surgery with a, "way to go".

Now a step even further in the, "you want to talk about my WLS" direction, I've been known to say to people who've asked, "how's the weight loss going?"

"You tell me. Can't you see a difference?!" I'll even pose if in the mood.

You do get what you give in every respect.

Juli

[kacee 3]

You do get what you give in every respect.

Juli

That's a big ol AMEN to that sister!

[green 6]

What is wrong with taking the easy way out? We have the technology. Why not use it instead of suffering from health problems and personal esteem issues brought on by being fat and yo-yo dieting? Is being under an anaesthetic during an operation taking the easy way out? Or using a vaccuum cleaner, a microwave, or sending e-mail instead of writing a letter? I find this argument to be totally ridiculous and illogical. It is such a stupid and mean-spirited comment that I want to smack each and every person who utters it.

The lapband works far more efficiently than simple dieting and excercise for those of us who are fat. We are lucky that we can take advantage of this technology. I am also nuts about my microwave, television, computer, and my Swiffer wet mop. All of this stuff makes my life easier and more fun.

[IneedMajorHelp 1]

it sure ISN'T the easy way out - I've been heavy all of my life and I've always been fairly active - baseball when I was a kid, bike riding, I swim almost everyday and still I would gain little by little year after year - My doctor explained it to me like this - "humans aren't MEANT to lose weight" - it's the survival mode in your body - it wants to hold on to it - he also told me that "it's just another tool" in the arsenal in the battle of the bulge, you wouldn't think twice about buying a treadmill if you wanted to lose some weight - why the hell wouldn't you want to do this?- you still have to do the work - it's not just like turning on a light switch - you have to watch what you eat and exercise just like you would if you didn't have it done - I fought the surgery a long time - "I can do it by myself" was my mantra, until a friend had it done a year ago, still I thought that - until April and then I had an epiphany - it all just clicked - the only people that know I've had it are my wife and parents - my mom is the best she paid for it no questions at all when I asked her - and I told my friend who had it done - but only after the first month - I wasn't sure how he'd take it - if he'd think I was just trying to compete, or what - but he was really cool about it - I think it gave him somebody to talk to that could relate to the experience of it - no one has really said much to me at all - I'm down at least 50 from the first of the year - I think most people are really insecure, but I've got to agree with general concensus of this thread - I did this for ME I don't need validation from anyone - I feel better, I sleep better, I've got more energy - and it's only been 6 weeks - I can't imagine how much better life will be a year from now. thanks all - keep up the good work

[OH Juli 15]

You know talking about the easy way out...

<O:p

I was talking with my therapist who I still see about once a month for checking in....

<O:p

I've been known to say that I got a band around my brain when I got a band around my stomach because how I think about food has totally changed.

She said there could be a debate if the change in me is physiological, behavioral or cognitive. I said I do believe it's a combination of all three. Certainly there's the band on the stomach, physically I'm just not as hungry or I get full faster. There's my new way of eating. I don't eat a bunch of shit anymore. It's counter productive. I ABSOLUTELY have reframed how I think about my weight, success and food.

<O:p

So sure it's easy to jump through insurance hoops, have someone poke around in your brain, dig up old behaviors and their causes, relearn how to eat, move your body increasingly more and defend the decision to want to change.

<O:p</O:pI dare someone to tell me I took the easy way out. Okay, I double dog dare them. :heh:<O:p

[sleepyjean 0]

I totally respect your opinion, but I also think that there is a misconception among bandsters that those of us who don't tell anyone are ashamed or secretive, or afraid of what other people might say. Though I'm sure that's true for many people, I think there are just as many as myself who don't tell because it's nobody's business but my own. As someone here said, your band is just like your sex life or your financial status. Some things you keep to yourself and it has nothing to do with fear or shame. Some of us are open books and some of us aren't.

Another reason why I didn't tell anyone is that I'm trying to get to a point where weight isn't the central focus of my life. It would be hard for me to do that with people bringing it up all of the time.

[DynamoMini 1]

Is it a wonder that we feel the catch 22?

This is what I've gone through:

1) gaining weight and feeling social shunning of various kinds

2) yo yo dieting and feeling elation and failure over and over

3) having medical, emotional, and physical reactions to my obesity

4) having to justify the band to myself (will this work when so many other things have failed?)

5)then people want to judge me for making a positive, healthful decision

Well phooey on them....

I think it is marvelous that we become our own cheerleaders, the hell with the rest of them, the chubbies and the thin ones. Only the people here know why we got banded, that it isn't an "easy" way out, that all the demons that were there are still there, that we are like marathon runners - support me through the gauntlet or get away from my life - there isn't room for any negative, judgmental thinking.

Ok...ok... I'm off my soapbox. Love you guys for understanding. i've come home here.

[OH Juli 15]

You know sleepyjean, for me it goes back to people are different and not one way is better than the other.

We each have are reasons for everything. I'm an over share-er. But I respect a person's right to keep things to herself.

Differences are just that. A different way to be...

[green 6]

Is it a wonder that we feel the catch 22?

This is what I've gone through:

1) gaining weight and feeling social shunning of various kinds

2) yo yo dieting and feeling elation and failure over and over

3) having medical, emotional, and physical reactions to my obesity

4) having to justify the band to myself (will this work when so many other things have failed?)

5)then people want to judge me for making a positive, healthful decision

Well phooey on them....

I think it is marvelous that we become our own cheerleaders, the hell with the rest of them, the chubbies and the thin ones. Only the people here know why we got banded, that it isn't an "easy" way out, that all the demons that were there are still there, that we are like marathon runners - support me through the gauntlet or get away from my life - there isn't room for any negative, judgmental thinking.

Ok...ok... I'm off my soapbox. Love you guys for understanding. i've come home here.

Dynamo, dude, I am grief stricken to read the above. You are one of my favourite posters and I hate the notion that you have travelled through points 1 to 5. No one should go through points 1 to 5 and yet this has been or is the life story of not only the individuals who are members of this site but the majority of Americans. The number of individuals who fit the beauty magazine/Hollywood construct of attractiveness is tiny statistically speaking and yet we are presented with this unattainable ideal and told to deal with it. Moreover, these images are especially remote from those of mature adults. In the case of women, the magazine construct is pretty much unattainable for most women but especially so for a mature woman who has had a couple of children.

Men also have their own problems with self-image. Mature/ageing males tend to lose hair on their heads, grow more hair on their bodies, and thicken around the waist and hips. Sometimes they develop man-boobs. They notice this just around the time that they are going through their mid-life crises.

In this society we are trained to think that we are unlovely, unloveable, and will never, ever measure up. Of course we all know this but we are powerless, it seems, to fight against it. This is why I am looking forward to having my face lift done this fall. Go figure, eh.......

[mboulis 0]

Take it however you want. I wasn't trying to be mean to anybody. Some people need to grow up.

I can guarantee that if you lose weight and gain any back, I will not be telling you that you never deserved the band in the first place. From what I have read on these boards, I don't think anybody would say that to you.

And it is not about "some people need to grow up"---it's about being sensitive to others.

[Missy0224 6]

I can guarantee that if you lose weight and gain any back, I will not be telling you that you never deserved the band in the first place. From what I have read on these boards, I don't think anybody would say that to you.

And it is not about "some people need to grow up"---it's about being sensitive to others.

Can I ask you why you have gained this weight back?

[Paulax 8]

I totally respect your opinion, but I also think that there is a misconception among bandsters that those of us who don't tell anyone are ashamed or secretive, or afraid of what other people might say. Though I'm sure that's true for many people, I think there are just as many as myself who don't tell because it's nobody's business but my own. As someone here said, your band is just like your sex life or your financial status. Some things you keep to yourself and it has nothing to do with fear or shame. Some of us are open books and some of us aren't.

Another reason why I didn't tell anyone is that I'm trying to get to a point where weight isn't the central focus of my life. It would be hard for me to do that with people bringing it up all of the time.

RIGHT ON!

I have only told a few people, my dh, close family and friends. I am not afraid or ashamed either. And I could care less who says what about me. I am just more of an introvert than others.

I just feel as though some things are my own, my body, my dental work, my sex life, my inner thoughts and feelings, how much money I paid for those 3 beautiful pedigree pussy cats I have. Who says I have to tell everybody everything about me?

I have a close friend who was banded 2 years before me. She tells everybody and their dog about being banded. I love her for it, I just can't be like that. She is an extrovert, I am an introvert. We all come in different packages.

So cheers to everyone, open or not, and proud of our accomplisments.

:clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2: