Jealousy

[Missy0224 6]

I was reading Lap Band for Life written by Dr. Ariel Ortiz and read in there about this lady who lost friends after her lap band surgery. I find that very strange. Has anyone experienced any negativity or jealousy from family members or friends post lap band? Let me know. Thank you.

[musicalmomma 1]

I was reading Lap Band for Life written by Dr. Ariel Ortiz and read in there about this lady who lost friends after her lap band surgery. I find that very strange. Has anyone experienced any negativity or jealousy from family members or friends post lap band? Let me know. Thank you.

I don't doubt this at all...I fully expect my "eating buddies" to bail on me for the most part. They've pretty much stopped talking to me since starting the pre-op diet anyway! Oh, I know they'll say "we just don't want to tempt you"...yadda yadda yadda...but I know part of it is, to them, I am now boring, because I "can't eat with them". They've said things to me like "what are we going to do now that you can't eat???" and "I could never do that, I like food too much." I am SO tired of trying to explain to them that I WILL be able to eat, go out to eat, etc...just not in great quantity. I realized they're just as insecure as I am. If I'm not eating much, it makes them feel guilty. If I get slimmer, they'll feel fatter. I tried to reverse the situation and imaging how their feeling...it helps me not feel bitter towards them.

My true friends will stick by me and encourage me. My family will be delighted in my weight loss and healthy living. They're my true cheering section and I'm more than willing to cut off relationships that are toxic to my health and well being.

[Josette 2]

I'm not having it with friends really but my hubby, yes. The more I lose the more attention I'm getting from other men and he's flipping out about it already.

[conniesueb 1]

I agree Josette--my friends have been great--very supportive. My hubby is also getting very insecure, though. He keeps asking if I'm going to trade him in for a better model. He has also started trying to lose a little weight, though--I think because of his insecurities. I told him that I have him trained, and wouldn't want to start over with someone else! If your friends are truly your friends, they will be happy for you, not jealous, but some people just can't handle what they don't understand.

[ragdollx19 1]

My bestfriend and I discussed this before I had my surgery and she has the train of thought that me having this surgery may help her! Both with motivation to eat better abd work out more.

I must say that this could also work the other way because my friend and I were hanging out this weekend and went driving like we do a lot and all she could talk about was all the food signs and what she wants to eat and on and on. After listening to this for an hour I was starting to get irritated that she was so focused on food. I am not saying I am going to quit being her friend or anything crazy but it makes me realize how much of our friendship we focused on what to eat next!

[kimmom 5]

Hi I am experiencing a jealous friend, she has no idea that I am having the surgery ( actually on Tuesday June 5th ) she herself is over weight and I mentioned to her that I was interested in the lap band and would she want to go to a seminar with me and she said that is so stupid, if I want to lose weight I will do it myself. She says things to try to get me uninterested in the surgery like I wouldnt want a port in my side , thats gross, when my husband cuddles up to me what a turn off. I can see it is all jealousy because she has to work all the time and would not have a supportive husband so I think she is jealous that anyone would have the time to commit to the whole process, as I said before she has no idea that I am going in next week she thinks I am just on a really strict diet . She got frustrated with me talking about the lap band and said It would be a cowards way out and I could do it on my own if I reallly wanted to, mostly because she knows I fail everytime and thinks I cant. So I have decided that Yes I am going to take the credit of " doing it on my own " and blow her mind haha Sometimes when you go throught things in your life you find out who your real friends are. Her little digs have shown me that she just would not be happy for me at all. By the way I love this board !!!

[Missy0224 6]

Hi I am experiencing a jealous friend, she has no idea that I am having the surgery ( actually on Tuesday June 5th ) she herself is over weight and I mentioned to her that I was interested in the lap band and would she want to go to a seminar with me and she said that is so stupid, if I want to lose weight I will do it myself. She says things to try to get me uninterested in the surgery like I wouldnt want a port in my side , thats gross, when my husband cuddles up to me what a turn off. I can see it is all jealousy because she has to work all the time and would not have a supportive husband so I think she is jealous that anyone would have the time to commit to the whole process, as I said before she has no idea that I am going in next week she thinks I am just on a really strict diet . She got frustrated with me talking about the lap band and said It would be a cowards way out and I could do it on my own if I reallly wanted to, mostly because she knows I fail everytime and thinks I cant. So I have decided that Yes I am going to take the credit of " doing it on my own " and blow her mind haha Sometimes when you go throught things in your life you find out who your real friends are. Her little digs have shown me that she just would not be happy for me at all. By the way I love this board !!!

You know, I can't stand when people say it's the easy way out. How would they know it's easy. Getting stuck with a needle every 6 weeks, throwing up food if you eat too fast or don't take small enough bites, liquid diets pre op? How is any of that "Easy" She has no idea. I think it's funny how friends and family don't want to say, ya I notice you lost weight, but they'll say oh "so and so saw you and said you look liked you lost weight" You can't tell me that yourself and admit that ya I am losing weight? Or my cousin, he was talking to me and while he told me that he could tell I lost weight, he didn't even look at me.....I think it is a very sad world we live in sometimes because aren't your family and friends supposed to be there for you? So many people go on "diets" and ya they lose weight but do you notice how many people end up gaining it back plus more? Atleast with the band, you won't gain it back and if you do, then you don't deserve the band in the first place. Sorry for ranting and raving, I just had to get that off my chest. Thank you to everyone who responded. More would be greatly appreciated.

[socalgal3 4]

Atleast with the band, you won't gain it back and if you do, then you don't deserve the band in the first place.

I agree with most of your post, but I can't agree that if you gain weight back you don't "deserve" the band. There are several people who have lost their band to complications or have been unsuccessful for a variety of other reasons and I don't think they should be blamed or meant to feel like they didn't deserve the band. I know some people "eat around" the band or don't follow the rules, but there are many who just don't succeed with the band, despite their true effort.

PS-I haven't lost any friends due to the band, but I have had people act differently towards me since I'm not the jolly fat girl anymore. I don't think I act different, but maybe I do and that bothers them. I try to be the same person.

[Missy0224 6]

I agree with most of your post, but I can't agree that if you gain weight back you don't "deserve" the band. There are several people who have lost their band to complications or have been unsuccessful for a variety of other reasons and I don't think they should be blamed or meant to feel like they didn't deserve the band. I know some people "eat around" the band or don't follow the rules, but there are many who just don't succeed with the band, despite their true effort.

PS-I haven't lost any friends due to the band, but I have had people act differently towards me since I'm not the jolly fat girl anymore. I don't think I act different, but maybe I do and that bothers them. I try to be the same person.

I'm not speaking of the complications side of the band. I don't feel sorry for people who eat around the band. I'm sorry if you misunderstood me. I've read lots of stories where people who have had slippage or erosion, etc. And that's something that scares me every day because I am self pay.

[vintagehound 1]

I haven't experienced jealousy per say, but I have noticed some of my larger friends seem like their own self esteem is challenged when they see me looking so good. I hate that they feel that way and I get kind of hurt when they say things like "you had help". They act like this has not taken the most amount of will power in my life! It is so hard!

My hubby has some insecure moments now too, I look good in my new jeans! I think they get scared because they know that other men are ruthless out there. I have a big clothing store and I notice a difference now with my customers. Many of them are college and before, the young skinnies in their jeans that barely cover crotch, maybe didn't value my advice so much on what to try on, now they are more responsive. It is fun to finally be representing what I sell by wearing it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is amazing to watch the way anyone treats us now verses before, and how much prejudice is out there toward fat people! I can see especially the difference in the way men talk to me now verses before!

[luvinke 0]

I have a sister that lost a little over 100 lbs over a year ago, through starvation and droppin it like it's hot (club hopping 3 nights a week). Well I was the first to congratulate her and give her hugs and praise for the weight lost at the same time I was on another yo yo diet so I mentioned something to her about the lap band and she said "oh no you are not trying to take the easy way out after all the hard work I went through to get this weight off", now that was several months ago before I even contacted a surgeon about the lap band which made me realize that I shouldn't share anything with her, just lose the weight and sit back and let her wonder. I think that somehow she feels empowered to be smaller than me since for the past 10 years she was larger than me. I didn't take anything away from her so I feel a little mad when I think of what she said about the lap band. As we all know it is not an easy way out, it's just a tool to help us, we have to work with it not against it. My sister is gaining her weight back slowly but surely because she can't afford to go to the club all the time and she realizes that she loves food. That's why I'm happy to be getting the band and to be learning a new way of life.

My support group is my husband, two daughters and all of you here, so thanks to you all!!!!!!:clap2::clap2:

[Chickie 15]

Fair weather friends come and go. Anyone who is not honestly pleased that you have made efforts improve your health is not a friend.

I have lost friends. Just sort of fell out of touch with them. No real drama involved.. But they just sort of fell away while I was losing. And other people who I have always been acquainted with became really good friends. So it cuts both ways I guess.

As for my husband and family? Well, my mother, who has always been thinner than thin (think Nicole Ritchie, she is about as healthy too...) has been less than supportive of my efforts, and has tried to derail me the whole way along. I actually had to limit the time I spent with her due to this. It is a shame, but she cannot let go of the need to feel superior to me. She was happy when I was fat, and she was skinny. Now she whines and cries when the topic of weight comes up, and she will always say with a lot of envy "Well, we all can't be skinny like YOU", it cracks me up. I am not skinny, not compared to her anyway, but she insists I am skinnier. I weigh more than she does, but I wear a dress size smaller than her... She hates it.

My husband on the other hand... Is an arrogant prick, and his murder is well planned, and will happen any day now...

No, really, he has been my biggest support. He got me through the surgery. He got me through the early days post op, he celebrated my successes with me, and then nursed me after my Tummy Tuck (even though he did threaten to send me back to the hospital when I was whining! Poor guy, he did so well to put up with me, I am a very bad patient)

And now, as he loses weight (he is down 10lbs in just over a month, am very proud of him) I hope I am returning the favour.

Our marriage is, and always has been strong. It's a partnership. Everything we do, we try our hardest to support each other. Our health is no different. We need to support each other in order to succeed.

Weight loss changes us. Inside and out, so I guess it stands to reason that the people we got on well with before we changed our lives, outlook and health, no longer share the same sorts of values and interests. The trick is to move on, and not to let any negative attitudes get you down. Making new friends is often part of creating a new life.

[mommatrammell 0]

I wouldn't say that I have lost any friends, but isn't it amazing how different total strangers treat you? Men especially... Even my 12 year old daughter has noticed men "flirting"with me! Walking by them in hallways, they now look at me and say hello, rather than look the other way... Weird, huh?

[Dani-X 0]

Most of my friends have been supportive... most. I've kept my decision to have the surgery quiet and did not tell anybody but my closest colleagues. With one of my girls being overweight, I thought she'd understand the most about my desire to keep it quiet. While she hasn't blabbed it out, she's been less than discreet. Asking questions, constantly talking about my weight in front of people. People tell me it's jealousy, I don't know what it is... that's not how I show my support to people who are working their butts off! She's already gone to a seminar after seeing my progress... even though part of me wants to "return the favor" if she gets it done, I just don't have it in me to be anything less that supportive - and discreet!

Now family is a different matter... I'm down 75 pounds - an obvious weight loss... at least you would think so considering you see these family members every 6 weeks or so. One of my cousins lost a lot of weight many years ago and I was her biggest supporter! AND, she kept it off and looks great. I've never received one compliment from her. And her mother, well, she barely talks to me anymore. A few weeks ago she asked me if I was a size 14. When I told her I was, she said "oh, your face looks different." My mom says that was her way of complimenting me. WTF!? What ever happened to "Hey Lina, you look great!"

I don't get people.

Just remember... you did this for you! The people who matter most will be the people supporting you and cheering you on through the journey! And if you ever feel down and out, come on here and say hi... we're all rooting for you!

[Eficka 0]

Hello Missy,

it happened to me as well I lost my friend cause she admitted she is jelaous and stardet doing not really nice things to me.I was really hurt cause I was never jelaous of her and always wished her the best,aslo we have known each other for quite long time and knew everything about each other....oh well friends change...life goes on:-)