Serious Question. How is WLS the "wrong way"?

[amponder 396]

I think some of it comes from seeing it as the easy way, and I think some people see us finally having success and get jealous, all of a sudden my Mother in Law, and a friend of mine seem to be in competition with me to prove they can do it without it, more power to them! My Mother in Law is not nearly as heavy as me, but when she stops her diets she does exactly what I used to do, she says her diet is done, and goes back to her old eating ways, my other friend is fairly heavy just much taller and does the same thing. What's the definition of insanity again? I think that if your morbidly obese and you have been a majority of your life, then surgery is a wonderful option. I was watching Biggest Loser last night and one of the Drs was praising a man for losing the weight and dissed WLS while he was talking to him, how many of those contestants gain their weight back? I know you were wanting feedback perhaps from people who were against the surgery but this is just my opinion.

[gowalking 10,790]

My perception is that people think fat people are already lazy, and surgery is a way to allow them to avoid having to do the "hard work" of traditional diet and exercise and thus it is wrong because we are a bunch of cheaters. After all, if everyone just had their stomach cut out, no one would be able to eat too much and everyone could be thin, right? I will be honest, sometimes I do feel like a cheater for having had the surgery because I know I am now thin because I cannot physically eat enough to be fat. I watch some friends struggle with weight loss and I can understand how they would think I took the easy way out since I essentially eliminated the option of pigging out. I have told my three best friends about surgery and no one else, largely because I am 100% sure that the vast majority of people I am around would have zero value for my weight loss if they knew I only got here because of surgery.

That being said, my three best friends have also seen how sick food makes me, how I can't ever really enjoy a meal out because half the food in the world makes me heave, how my hair is falling out in clumps, how I cried when someone pointed my hair out to me, how many plastic surgery procedures I've gone through to look normal, how I used to run when I was fat and my feet would swell up so badly I could barely walk, how I tried and tried dieting and I would lose weight and then gain it all back, and how despite the fact that yes, I cut out 80% of my stomach as a last resort, it has in no way been an easy process. They saw how miserable I was when I was heavy, how hard I worked to be thin, how many times I would sob in my closet because no matter what I tried on I looked horrible, how I would peel at my gross loose skin (or at times my fat) and think no man would ever want to see me naked, and how I just knew the entire world was laughing at me and I completely avoided leaving my house as much as possible.

Therefore, yes, people who are not close to someone who has had surgery or who is obese, think this is the easy way out and I understand that. I forgive them for their ignorance, because there are many things in life that i am unequally uneducated and judgemental about and other people forgive me for my stupid comments. I also don't put myself into positions where anyone who is not close to me gets to impart their opinions on my surgery decision. My feeling is that if they haven't seen the suffering before and during my weight loss process, they don't have the perspective to really judge my choice, and I am relieving them of their obligatory need to give me their uninformed and often hurtful, if not intentionally so, opinion.

Everyone has the right to an opinion, however my opinion is that, I do not give a crap what they think if they have not walked the proverbial mile in my shoes.

Beautiful post @AvaFern.

[Bufflehead 6,358]

In terms of the "wrong way" -- I have seen many people who claim that weight loss surgery is a wrong or bad way to lose weight because it will result in weight loss that is "too fast" and you'll end up with loose skin, long term health problems, etc. That being said, none of them can ever point to any sort of scientific study to back their claims up.

Edited February 10, 2015 by Bufflehead

[The Candidate 3,215]

I think we live in a completely different world than others who have always had and maintained a healthy weight. In my immediate family, I'm the only one, and although I'm grateful that they have never made me feel inferior and fully support my decision, I know there will always be an invisible barrier between us. And that's because while they can "see" my weight, they can never actually experience the same physical adverse health effects, nor suffer the social stigma that I do.

They can empathize but they never really "know" how truly awful it is day, after day, year after year.

That being said, if you have an individual who doesn't personally know what it's like AND also doesn't support surgical intervention, the underlying reason could be that they are grouping WLS in with other quote unquote "vanity" plastic surgery procedures, such as Botox or face lifts, and the like. And the medical community doesn't really curtail this type of thinking either, as they themselves are constantly arguing back and forth between labeling it as a necessity or a choice. I have faith that someday WLS will get the accolades it deserves in overcoming diabetes, high blood pressure, and other weight related diseases but that's still years or even decades in the making.

Plus, I'm sure the whole self help literature and weight loss money makers such as Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig and such will also play a role in prolonging this epiphany as long as possible. That's a whole lot of money that they will no longer be able to con out of the desperate overweight masses once the truth about the long term benefits of WLS comes into favorable light.

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

For me, personally, I've had people who questioned why I would have surgery... that I wasn't "big enough". I had a BMI of 36, so I wasn't morbidly obese but I had apnea and reflux, too, so I qualified for surgery. What they don't see is that I had struggled with my weight for over 20 years and it was only getting worse. My surgeon agreed I was the perfect candidate for surgery because I didn't have more health problems yet and therefore, the surgery wasn't as risky as it would be if I had diabetes or high blood pressure.

I agree with a lot of the other posters that many people probably consider it the "easy" way and therefore, not the "right" way, making it the "wrong" way. I had the typical "why don't you just eat healthier and exercise more" questions, too. If only it were that easy.

The way I see it, if you get to the end goal and you're healthy and happy with your decision, you made the right choice. Just like people who hit there goals with Weight Watchers or some other diet, you ended up where you needed to be.

[heynowkc 329]

This is an interesting topic. I'm lucky that everyone in my life has been supportive of my surgery. But I have read so many stories here of patients who are not so lucky.

It's kind of hilarious to me that society pretty much across the board shuns "the easy way out" -- when the irony is that everywhere you look those same people are looking for the easy way out or the short-cut! Just look at all the dangerous drivers out there, speeding and weaving in and out of traffic at high speeds without turn signals, putting everyone around them in danger. And that's only one example. We all want a short cut to something, but nobody will necessarily admit it.

It think it comes down to societal taboos. It's desirable to say "I earned this" or "I worked hard for this." Or "I crawled through the rubble and came out on top." We don't want to hear, "I hitched a ride on the express train to the top, cause it seemed easier and I just didn't have a lot of time."

Unfortunately, WLS is not seen as 'crawling through the rubble.' It's seen as the 'express train.' And let's be honest, in many ways it is. You lose weight more rapidly, and more steadily than you would with any diet and exercise plan that doesn't require being sequestered by an invasive camera crew and being forced to exercise for 7 hours a day and yelled at by trained professionals and forced to wear revealing workout clothes you'd never in a million years wear on national television, until you get kicked off the show for not being good enough.

But really, what is the alternative for most of us? Early death, countless (often deadly) medical problems, aches and pains, having to pay more medical expenses than our skinny counterparts, having to pay more for clothes, having to deal with the fact that you might not get that job that you're qualified for ten times over because someone skinnier than you applied and the hiring committee is unknowingly biased against overweight people, not getting to live your life fully or spend quality time with family because you can't keep up, can't ride the rides, etc. etc. etc.

But those "don't take the easy way out" people will say that we deserve all of this. These are our just Desserts, pardon the expression. And really? I think that's what it comes down to. The attitude is: You got yourself this heavy, you should have to suffer the humiliation and the struggle that comes with it and you're never going to "learn your lesson" if you have surgery to "fix" your weight problem.

I am not saying if you straight up ask someone who "disapproves" of WLS that they would admit to this attitude or even recognize it in themselves. They would have 400 other (unresearched) reasons why they disapprove. But I think that either way, this is the underlying reason for the disapproval. Despite the fact that after years or decades of struggle, this "easy way out" is the only thing that's gonna save our lives.

Edited February 19, 2015 by heynowkc

[Daisee68 2,493]

I have been pretty lucky. My family was SO supportive when I told them I was thinking about it. My closest friend at work instantly responded "can you imagine being rid of the diabetes?" not "can you imagine being skinny". All of these are people that have struggled with weight at some point (though on a much much smaller scale that me) so I think they understand the real struggle of it all. My best friend though, who is very thin, instantly judged me. And I knew she would. I even said to her first "I have something to tell you and I don't want your opinion, I just want you to know." "Can't you go to a dietician first?" she said. Yep, done that (and will be doing that for the surgery). "What about a counselor to work out your issues?" Yep, done that (and doing it again for the surgery). "How about Weight Watchers, you always did good at that?" Yep, until I didn't and gained it back. Of course this is the same person that when I told her I had to have a hysterectomy told me I was crazy and shouldn't do it (as if there is something I could do to "cure" those problems) and when I had to have radiation to kill my thyroid for Graves Disease, she said "I wouldn't do that. It sounds dangerous." Meanwhile my heart rate was 120 and that was going to kill me. The problem is that she just hasn't ever had to deal with the health issues so they just don't make sense in her mind. She will come around and she will be supportive (in her way which honestly isn't very helpful but the best she knows how), but in her mind it is definitely the easy way out because she sees it, I think, as someone else doing the work for me. A surgeon physically changing my anatomy so that I am physically unable to eat as opposed to me being in charge of what I put in my mouth. And, when I see it from her perspective, it does sort of seem an "easy" way. Let's be honest, how long would it take me to lose 150 pounds through Weight Watchers? I'm doing this because it is faster. Because it will finally get the job done. Yes, I still have to work at. Yes, it is and will be very hard. But in some ways, I do think it is easier than say Weight Watchers (or other calorie restricting program). At least I hope above hope it is easier because what a disappointment it will be if I spend all that money, take that time off work, risk my life with anesthesia and still have the same struggles as I did going through Weight Watchers and end up right back where I started...

[funky_monkey800 247]

Everyone thinks it's easy.....WLS is not a switch. We don't go from fat to skinny over night....it requires a tremendous amount of work and dedication...

And all of you are amazing for taking that step! We all know it isn't easy!

[Rogofulm 2,440]

Excellent points from everyone! So when did "easy" become "wrong"? There's an expression about not trying to move the mountain. Go to it, instead. In other words, why do something the hard (or impossible) way when there's an easier solution? Are microwave ovens wrong? How about washers and dryers? Are snow blowers wrong? Is word processing instead of typing or hand-writing wrong? Hell, are cars instead of feet or bicycles wrong? These are tools! That's what separates us from the animals, for crying out loud! As new tools get invented or perfected, mankind adopts them to make their lives better – or "easier". This is no different! Okay, rant over.

So here's a question.... Could some of the negative reaction be due to our own insecurities or embarrassment about admitting what we're doing? At some underlying level, might we also worry that it could be "wrong"? And could we be opening the conversation in a tone that hints at that? I say this because I've been fortunate that nobody has questioned my decision. I confidently told everyone who needed to know in advance, and I've told anyone who asked how I was losing weight so quickly that I'd had bariatric surgery. But I try to be so open and enthusiastic that it doesn't leave any room for them to criticize me. Or if they feel that way, nobody has said it to my face. Maybe I'm just blessed to have more supportive-type people in my life. I also think that as we get older, more people around us have gone through enough "stuff" to make them less judgmental about some things. Since I'm 55, I'm surrounded by people with more wisdom than I was at 25. That could play into it too.

One trick I've used is to ask them how much they know about bariatric surgery. Most people don't know much! Then I offer to tell them about it, and I go into descriptions of the three most common types of WLS. If there's time, I even draw little pictures of the procedures and talk about why I chose the sleeve. I find that people are fascinated by the subject! I joke with them that it feels like I've started a diet every Monday morning for 48 years, and I ended up with diabetes, apnea, asthma, high cholesterol, borderline blood pressure, and achy joints. Now I have none of those diseases. And yes, it was easier than trying the diet and exercise route again for the umpteenth time.

And so I ask again... How, exactly, is that "wrong?

Edited February 19, 2015 by Rogofulm

[onlybroomegirl 250]

I think it comes from the stigma of obesity. Some people judge obesity more harshly because they say we contribute to our problem. It has only been classified as a "disease" for a little over a year.

I have received comments from all ends of the spectrum. For a while I only told those closest to me about my surgery. As time has passed I have become more open. Some are very supportive, some jealous & then some discount my weight loss because " you didn't do it yourself"!

I do like to remind people that I haven't eaten bread, rice, potatoes or pastas in over a year!! But I really don't care what they think. I have people ask me my "secret" all the time. There really is no secret. Losing weight is HARD!!! With or without surgery. People want a quick fix & in truth, there isn't one.

[JamieLogical 8,708]

The further out I am from surgery, the more aware I am that there is nothing "easy" about it. I've lost weight faster "on my own" through diet and exercise and it was no more work than I am doing now.

In 2010/2011 I lost 90 pounds in a year. That averages out to 7.5 pounds per month. I've only lost about 6 pounds per month since my 2nd month post-op.

I'm exercising 5-6 days a week. I'm conscious of every single bite of food I put in my mouth. If anything this is harder, because I can't even have any "cheat days". At least when I lost weight through diet and exercise before, I allowed myself one "over day" per week where I could have a meal or snack that put me well over my normal calorie range. That's not even any option with my sleeve, because I'm physically incapable of eating extra food, so I'm denied that little bit of psychological "comfort".

But, despite this being referred to as "weight LOSS surgery", I didn't have this surgery to LOSE weight. I had this surgery to maintain my weight once I reach my goal. In that regard, maybe it is easier? I'll let you know when I get there!

[drmeow 323]

I think some of the difficulty with the idea of WLS to many people is that those people might be, or might have been, maybe 10,15,20 lbs overweight at some point in their life, or know someone who was, and was able to lose that with commitment to diet and exercise. that is great! However, being 20 lbs overweight is NOTHING like being 100 lbs overweight or more. Generally, they don't have the health issues, the depression, the inability to exercise efficiently, etc. Some of those (like my soon-to-be EX) maybe gained some weight after marriage or other changes of life, simply switched from coke to diet coke and dropped the spare tire. So they really have no idea how messed up our metabolisms and hormones are. I recently quoted the longterm (>5 yr) success rate of weight loss of 100 lbs or more as less than 5%, to my therapist, who works specifically with people who have eating disorders. She had no idea it was that low. If she doesn't, you can bet the general public doesn't either, and they lump all overweight people into one category.

[samuelsmom 670]

Please don't hate me but I was one of those people. From my perspective, having surgery that is not absolutely necessary is a foolish risk. It always seemed to me like weight loss was a battle that needed to be fought but not with surgery. The idea of a potential infection, leak, malnutrition, blood clot, etc. seemed like a great risk for a surgery that might not be successful. It probably didn't help that the first person I knew with gastric bypass had 8 infections the first year after surgery and was not well for years!

Surgery really is an extreme option. For those younger folks (around 20-30) I still cringe a little bit as I wonder how this will affect them in 20 years, or if there will be a more effective non-operative method available if they had just waited a little bit longer.

Just my thoughts....

[B-52 7,113]

First, this is exactly why I have never told anyone about my surgery....

Why is easy such a bad thing??? I was morbidly obese and my health was deteriorating because of it...

Just like any other surgery, it was needed to fix a medical problem after all other avenues where explored.

And the surgery was a success.

Maybe they could have put on my Grave Stone..."He chose the hard way instead"

Good thing he didn't take the easy way out, then he would be thin, healthy and fit! And we certainly can't have that, Can we?

It's better he be as miserable as the rest of us.....Maybe that is why people are so critical...misery loves company...they don't like to see other people happier and thinner and ultimately more successful all around than they are...

This time every year everyone is talking about this and that diet, wanting to loose some weight for the summer months...TV commercials are all about different diet programs, miracle cures, snake oil...

My gym has bee packed since New Years...it's like that every Jan-feb...everyone with their resolutions. It will slack off come March, April or may back to normal until next Jan.

I don't care what other people think, this is my life and I have to do what is best for me and my own....

And know what? Four years later not many people even remember when I was fat, and I meet new people all the time that take it for granted this is the way it's always been. This is who I am!

Bottom line, I have been set free from all that....Easy Way Out??? All I know or care about is I'm the one with the big smile on my face...I'm having he last laugh....I Love it and would not choose any other way....

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I'm with B-52.

There's a thread on this forum about a WLS patient who encountered (at her PCP's office) a medical student who's job-shadowing the doctor. Here's what the medical student said to the patient when the doctor was not in the room:

"Automatically her face changes and she gives me the most snooty look and says, "Are you sure you really want to [have WLS]?" Like, "Have you researched it???" "Right now you are [losing weight] the 'right' way." She then follows with, "You may think that WLS is appealing, but the long term effects are horrible."

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/332860-rant-%F0%9F%98%A1%F0%9F%98%A1%F0%9F%98/

Did I mention that this was the reaction of a MEDICAL student?

And once again, this is why, like B-52, I have not told friends and family, other than hubby and 2 very dear friends. I don't have the time, the energy, the patience, or the interest to educate my friends and family who are lovely people, but grossly ignorant about WLS. I have even less interest in becoming the WLS poster child of my professional and personal communities.

Edited February 20, 2015 by VSGAnn2014