Advice for those starting their journey

[Lebim 381]

Before you have gastric bypass they warn you of a few things.

1. You can gain the weight back

2. Alcoholism is a possible side effect after surgery

3. food that used to fill you up or make you sick won't do that as much after awhile

4. Smoking cigarettes causes ulcers post-op

My mom always says no matter how much I'm warned - I've always had to learn every lesson the hard way. Gastric bypass was that way too.

My story is just a warning for all you newbies out there - all the stuff they warn you about is real.

Hey, I'm Kaylee and I had my surgery when I was 20 years old on June 11, 2012. I was 280lbs. In less than 8 months I got down to 150 lbs, 130lbs lost.

For the first 9 months I was insanely strict. If it wasn't a lean Protein or a non-starchy vegetable I wouldn't eat it. Couldn't pay me to eat a carb. While this is good health wise and I'm sure made my surgical team sing - it was the start of my inevitable failure. I was so strict that after awhile all the foods I had denied myself even a nibble of became so enticing I felt ravenous.

My first screw up was picking up smoking again almost a year after I quit. Pure stupidity, I was just bored and thought I could do it socially, wrong. Got ulcers and have had them for over a year and a half. Without acid reducer pills I'm in a lot of pain.

Breaking that golden rule led me to break other rules because hey, I already screwed up right? I started having those forbidden foods I had not allowed myself to even look at for such a long time. Bites turned into mouth fulls turned into plate fulls.

Then came introducing wine back into my life. I suffer from depression and when you don't have to put effort into getting drunk anymore it is so appealing. I fought depression with wine and started drinking every single night - going through a box of wine every 3 days or so.

I then moved from sunny south Florida, away from all my friends, to cold Missouri in the middle of January 2014. I fell into a deep depression and my drinking got worse, and since I was waiting for all my stuff to arrive in the moving truck I lived off hot pockets, Bagels, pretty much anything I could toss in a microwave or toaster. I ate crap, drank daily and smoked like a chimney for pretty much the entire year of 2014, all the while pretending my scale didn't exist and convincing myself my clothes were shrinking and I wasn't getting bigger. I was too ashamed and terrified to look at the scale.< /p>

I finally got up the courage to face what I had done to myself the start of January 2015 and got on the scale. 204lbs. In the span of one year I had gained 54lbs. I felt disgusted with myself and cried for days and days and beat myself up emotionally. I failed everyone, especially myself.

But nothing good comes from beating yourself up over what you cannot take back. I can't take back living on bagels and wine for an entire year. What I can do is fight to get back to 150lbs though.

So on January 12 I quit smoking, quit drinking every day and have reduced it to just Saturday's with my boyfriend at home versus my downtown-bad-habit-factory, and have gotten close to back to basics but allow myself some freedom - for example for lunch on days I work out I let myself have my chicken and veggies inside a wrap [carbs are my crack] instead of depriving myself of anything I want.

I want very badly to get back down to 150lbs... I'm terrified I never will and have somehow ruined this "one and only chance" I've made up in my head. Like I had this wonderful gift of being thin and now that I messed it up I'll never get it back, but I know that type of thinking won't help me. So I'm going to keep going and hopefully someday get back to it.

If you've actually made it this far, thank you, I really needed to get this horrible guilt off my chest. I feel like an absolute failure but getting it out helps.

So advice to all you n00bs:

1. Yes you can gain it back, I'm an example.

2. Becoming an alcoholic is a real risk you need to watch out for post op.

3. You will be surprised how much food you can get into your body if you really try

4. If you quit smoking never pick it up again, I didn't even have a desire to smoke and managed to become a pack a day smoker again within a month. Not even one after you quit.

And most of all - NEVER EVER stop using your scale. I ignored what I was doing for so long and that's how I ended up gaining the amount I did. If I had just looked a couple months before and saw 175lbs I would've done what I'm doing now back then. I would have never let it get this bad if I had just swallowed my pride and looked. I'm lucky that I caught myself when I did because I was headed towards being morbidly obese again.

Good luck to you all - try not to make all the mistakes I did. If my story can prevent one person from making one of my many mistakes I'd be happy.

Edited January 29, 2015 by Lebim

[donnag53 72]

Thanks for sharing you story. I wish you all the best. You got this

[Hagengirl3 65]

Thank you so much for sharing that story. I have not had surgery yet (hoping for some time late in Feb), but have dieted, lost and regained multiple times. I absolutely understand how you feel. Sometimes it is embarrassing just to leave the house because I don't want others to see me. I have thought alot about how easy it is to regain and appreciate being reminded.

Good luck!

[meyouus 415]

You are a blessed woman. To open up and be as honest as you are is remarkable. You owned up to your bad decisions and how you paid for it. Deeply introspective. And you reached out to all of us to warn us of the perils of non-compliancy, very brave! I'm proud of you. I look up to your heart full of wisdom. Blessed Be.

[LaLa Lady 98]

Thank you for sharing this part of your journey. It's a fear we all have and you reminding us that we are all human is kind. I think we are all recovering obese people for life, you caught yourself so don't look back. Thanks and I know you will be back to goal weight again.

[SkinnyDown 409]

Thank you for sharing your story. Some of the things you talked about I am being warned about with every dietary visit, and I see how it actually can happen. I think to myself, I don't even drink now, but it's true some people pick up another habit to replace the food. I quit smoking a year ago, and that's going to have to be something I am very careful about. Thanks again. Wishing you the best.

[Thankfulmomof3 41]

Thanks for sharing your story and journey with us, that takes a lot of courage!! Good luck to you!

[CoSpringsGirl 0]

Thank you for telling us about your struggles. I am struggling with smoking, and I have probably made worse food choices since scheduling my surgery.

I also watched my good friend finally lose the weight that he always hated, and seem so happy for many years. Then I watched him become an alcoholic. Then he died when he crashed his motorcycle in a one vehicle accident because he was so drunk.

And it does not matter who you are or how much you think you are against these actions. We have badges. I never thought it would be one of us driving drunk. I am so grateful that nobody else was around him to get hurt or killed. I miss him so much still. I know it is wrong, but I just try to forget that he ever existed so his memory cannot hurt me.