The NEW "I'm Fat"

[Paulax 8]

Interesting the head games we play. When I was almost 280 pounds, I swear I don't know what I looked like, never looked at myself in the mirror below the neckline and NEVER allowed myself to be photographed.

I am almost 80 pounds lighter now and I look at myself in the mirror and see me fat. I don't see me 280 pounds, but I am looking and not appreciating where I am. I am focused on what I have left to lose.

I think this is sad. Intellectually, I know it is all in my head, I feel fabulous and feel attractive again. I guess it will take a while to adjust and be kind to my image. But I am calling it "the new I'm fat".

I guess I need to work on positive affirmations.

Because man, does it feel good!:clap2:

And that probably didn't make any sense at all did it?

[METALBAND 0]

I can relate! I have just been banded so I am not there yet but even when I was thin, I thought I was fat. I see pictures of me now at 110 lbs and I remember hating them because my legs looked huge or whatever else I could say to make myself feel bad. Now I would give anything to look that bad!

You have to really encourage yourself with positive thoughts, i know its tough because we have been beating on ourselves for so long. It scares me because my daughter is 12, 5'3" and 115 lbs and thinks she is fat! She is a ball of muscle and very athletic. I worry that like me, it will be a self fulfilling prophecy!

So think thin thoughts....only, no bad ones!

You must feel and look great, just focus on the positive. 80 lbs is huge!!!!

Keep up the good work!!!!

[OH Juli 15]

That's a tough one.

I too do what you do, I only see where I need to go, not where I have been. It's hard. We are hardwired to look for negatives not positives about ourselves. But the good thing is we can override that programing.

So, when looking in the mirror, for every negative thing you see compliment yourself on something you like looking at.

Lots of positive self talk will help you through this. At least that's what I'm doing.

Good Lucky.

OH Juli

[musicalmomma 1]

WOW 77 pounds in 10 months!! That's fantatic!!! I think in time your head will catch up to your body. Personally, I have never been thin, so I am SURE it will take time to adjust when I reach goal, but it's an adjustment I'm willing to make hehe!

You are an inspiration!!! My family is going to Disney 9 months, to the day, after I'm banded. I started at 284, am now 258. My goal is to break 200 by then. Looking at your stats, I get very hopeful!!! Thank you for sharing and take it easy on yourself...you're doing GREAT!

[late 0]

Before my surgery the psych examiner i went to told me to start really looking at myself in the mirror and take mental notes of everything. He also told me to keep one outfit that fit me good at the size i was at. He said that alot of people go through what you are experiencing and its a good reminder to be able to go back and look at those clothes or put them on to see how far you have come. I also took pictures and measurements of myself before surgery to help me remember. So far i have lost 30 lbs and ther's not a huge difference but i remeasured myself yesterday and it was very encouraging to see that i am getting smaller.

[Marimaru 7]

It take my head a long while to catch up with my body after any significant weight loss. But it eventually does.

[waterlily1072 5]

I asked a friend of mine who has lost 200lbs in the last 2 years when she first was able to look in the mirror and actually see a change. Our discussion that followed help me to see that I never saw myself as I was at my biggest. I would look at ladies that were a size 22-24 and think that I looked like them when I was a 34! I stopped seeing myself as I was at that point. Mentally I guess I couldn't handle it so I blocked it out. Now I see ladies that are size 34 and I think wow, that was me! It is at those times that I am truly greatful for my band and my weightloss. I am hoping that this next year will yeild great joy when I look in the mirror and see the changes that are to come.

[cyndilou29 0]

I think Molly nailed it. When I weighed 125 (high school) and when I weighed 225 (or 250!) I never felt like I looked any different. Okay, that's a stretch but at 250 I felt like I looked at 190. At 190 I felt like I looked at 125. Does that make sense? I too took some pictures this time because I know when I get down to my goal weight I will not feel as thin as I will look. I need to learn to not have such a warped body image. I was a cheerleader, I'm 5'5", I weighed 125 and I thought I was a cow. I was self conscious and always covering my "rolls" (which were only created because I wore jeans that I had to be poured into and the rolls were tiny - ridiculous). I really feel my weight gain was to put me physically to the weight I was psychologically. I want to change that so I don't get back up here again. Once I hit Onederland, I never want to see 200 ever again.

[OH Juli 15]

pcjumshoe-

I thought that was very well put. Especially, "I say, embrace it and live through it... and "through" doesn't mean until it is over, it means pick it up and carry it around with you until you don't care that it is there and suddenly, it isn't because it means nothing to you."

That's a lot of how I see things. Good, good, good.

[eljmom 1]

Sarah,

I love your quote about " being related to toxic people', I may have to steal that one for my own mental real being.

[SPOILED ROTTEN 0]

I find when I look in the mirror I still see the girl that weighed 314. Though on the other hand the other day I walked by a mirror and said WOW I HAVE LOST SOME WEIGHT!!!!! I think it does depend on your mood for the day (at least it does for me). I am working on reshaping my body w/ exercise, which I can see it somedays. My husband finally said something (they see you every day and dont notice as much) the other day on how much smaller I am. I felt beautiful. I also am starting to want to show my body a little more. Right now I have a shirt on I normally wouldn't have attempted 59lbs ago. I am starting to wear shirts and pants that fit properly. I have a old pair of jeans that fit at my highest. Those pants are in the closet to remind how far I have come already. Good luck and WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT!!:clap2:

[Northernsun 4]

You know one of the best things about this forum is on matter how you feel about somethng, there is always someone and usuallu many someones, that feel the same way and understand what we are feeling. I alsoi never looked in mirrors if I could help it. I hated trying on clothes at store because of the evil 3 way mirrors! Tended to shop a lot on line or just buy and return if it didn't fit. No matter how many time my DH and DD tell me how good I am doing and how much better I look, I still see in the mirror, fat. There seems to be a short in my brain somewhere that can see the changes and process the sizes I have grown out of but still see me as fat. I am well aware that I have a long way to go yet but I have a hard time seeing where I have been and congratulating myself. I have noticed that I am slowly reaching acceptance for the way I look now and smiling with the NSV that happen along the way. My latest smile- standing in the grocery line and I had to move my cart to the end of the line and I was able to pull it right past me without having to step into the next door cashiers space to do it! Did make me smile!

[OH Juli 15]

Northernsun

That's a fantastic NSV.

The body dysmorphia that allowed us to get obese does a number on our heads during the slide down to normal too. What more can a person do, other than trust the image in the mirror and the words of people we love?

Poeple are shocked when I tell them I only looked at my face in the mirror. Good to know there's a group of us out there.

[revolution 0]

I feel the same way. I've lost about 50lbs since my surgery and people are like "oh wow you've lost so much weight" but i don't see it. And god, I wish I did. I thought 50 pounds would make a huge difference and maybe it has....but i just don't see it. I hope when I reach at least 200, something will change cause psychologically, it's just much weirder than I thought.

[SPOILED ROTTEN 0]

I finally at work wore the correct size lab jacket. I was wearing a 3xl and today I put on a XL. I finally could look in the mirror and say way to go to myself. I am starting to embrace what I know I can become. It is very hard I think to change in your mind what you look like because we are so use to just looking at our face or quick glancing just to make sure the out looked right. I had a fello co-worker show me a picture of my husband and me at a party. I said oh my god I finally see the difference. It was very rewarding. Take out an old picture and say look where I'm not going back to and look into the future. remember this: WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT!!!!:clap2: